Ok, here is HT 9�. And I know I have kvetched and moaned and been told
that my fic endings are ok and that people like the "slice-of-life"
feel
that they provide, but as I copied this from my notebook to my computer
I
noticed this story has a really weak conclusion, not really bad, just a
little, I don't know, incomplete. So please, any help or suggestions
and
criticisms would be very much appreciated.
Okay, you got it.
Anyway, enjoy the show,
Sweet water and light laughter
Ranma 1/2
Hidden Talents
part, the ninth
fini
Hmmm.... I guess my first and foremost complaint is that you've made
this talent a wee too useful, and powerful. If HG is even one-tenth the
hacker you say he is, he should have had no problems dealing with his
various attackers through his computer. Hell, just inserting a notice
calling for the arrest of a "Saotome, Ranma" into the police computers
would be an effective way of attacking him. The same sort of thing
could apply to the bullies.
Other parts of the series have focussed on talents that had a fairly
narrow field of application, but this one is so great that it totally
rewrites the character, rather than just giving him a new facet.
Kasumi's Zen archery and Genma's sword-forging skills, by contrast,
simply amplified the characters we already knew--that's what made those
choices such genius.
I'd strongly suggest toning down his skill level--good enough to slip in
and out of systems, but not necessarily good enough to risk monkeying
around without worrying about getting caught. That way, he's still the
voyeur; he's just taken it to a level most people don't really expect.
One other note: Most computer-sneaks call themselves "crackers", and
are often disdainful of the term "hacker", which is what the media and
law-enforcement bodies use to describe them. While Ranma (being an
outsider) would probably use the popular term, HG would most likely
correct him immediately, as a matter of reflex.
As for the ending.... You're right in that it could use some oomph, but
I'm not sure what else you could do, other than have him give a quick
demonstration of his actual skills. Maybe a printout of the Kuno bank
accounts, so that they can guess how much Tatewaki has been paying
Nabiki that month?
HT 10 is a big one. Akane Tendo - vroom vroom
Heh. Looking forward....
Then we follow it up with the elder Kuno sibling and the perverted
master
Happosai. Going back to my roots, I hope that both 11 and 12 will be
well
recieved, nice, simple, and (trying to be) beautiful stories. (you'll
never guess their talents... and after you read them, I don't think
you'll be too outraged and dissapointed in them)
Again, I await anxiously.
Hope some of this helps.
--Freemage
Sweet water and light laughter
Ray "The Texas Ryoga"
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Garden/5220
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