[Opening sequence as the guitar solo plays: Ran sitting in a couch
with cookies and tea]
[A short (2' tall) creature with somewhat large, somewhat hamster-like
face blocking the space to the left of Ran's couch. We see this is
a blocker Lemming from the famous old computer game.]
[A basher lemming tries to knock down one of the bulkheads on Ran's
saucer.]
[We then see the title of the show........]
Ran's Fanfic Theatre
Now Showing: "Tales of the Daisei'cha: Reunions, Rememberings,
and Returnings" by William Geiger.
**********************************************************************
Ran, and all other characters of Urusei Yatsura are the
creation of Rumiko Takahashi. Rights held by Shogakukan (Japan),
and Viz (in the U.S).
Lemmings concept from the game "Lemmings" and "Oh No: More
Lemmings" from Psygnosis, Ltd. Hopefully nobody sues me, they won't
get much anyway!
Comments, flames, grunts and loud noises to:
cornetts@gemair.com
**********************************************************************
The first shot we see is a computer screen title, as would
appear at the opening of a stage of a computer game. On it the
following is displayed:
Level: ????
Flying Saucer Abduction
Difficulty: Don't have a clue. Stear clear of the
owner!
Code:XZYOYDIDIWXVRITOJTLJETOHILJLJYS
**********************************************************************
Cut to an external shot of a burgandy colored saucer, looking
like the Jupiter 2 with hexigonal ridges. This is Ran's spaceship
and home, and we cut to her living room where we see Ran on a couch
with a coffee table in front. On the table are cookies, placed around
a pot of tea and some cups.
RAN: Yum! Konichi-wa minna-san. I'm Ran and this is my fanfic theatre,
where I'll be reviewing the selection of fine fanfiction made
about my life and that of my friends, Urusei Yatsura. Many
of the stories reviewed will be recently posted tales that
can be found on Sakurambo's UY Fanfiction Archieve, and some
are older pieces done before the emergence of the World Wide
Web on this planet. [gains a pained expression]And while I
have *horrible* memories of the events in them [shakes a bit,
then struggles to gain her composure] I will *try* to give
a fair review of stories in the series UY:The Senior Year,
originated by that ya--- er, fanfiction writer Fred
Herriot.
[mumbles some curse, but we can't hear them]
Anyway, I hope you find my comments persceptive and my advice
useful. [Bows]
RAN: Our first fiction to review is "Reunions, Rememberings, and
Returnings", a UY:The Senior Year sidestory by William Geiger.
This is a story of a man, a woman, and the love they share.
[brightens, and brings her hands together. It looks cute, but
this is *Ran* we are talking about] Kind of like Rei and I.
It is also the story of alternate lifestyles as they play on
Sagussa, as well as the transmigration of souls!
Meaty stuff this, so let's begin.
Urusei Yatsura - Tales of the Daishi'cha: "Reunions, Remembrances
and Returnings" Part 1
by Robert Geiger
PHPN65A@prodigy.com
While the credits roll, we note a swrilling vortex forming
in the room behind the sofa. The vortex clears, leaving a double
wooden barn door that wasn't there before.
We hear a voice with a British accent say, "Right then. Let's
go!" just before the doors open downward.
**** **** ****
Edited by Fred Herriot and E.B Kushnir
gorgo@kwangju.net and kush1@iaw.or.ca
RAN: Fred Herriot's e-mail has changed since to fherriot@hotmail.com,
so any comments to him should be sent there.
{From behind her} All Right then! Let's go!
[She turns around. She sees the room but doesn't look up. From her
angle, everything looks normal, so she turns back to the audience.]
**** **** ****
Based on the series "Urusei Yatsura - The Senior Year," in turn
based on "Urusei Yatsura," created by Rumiko Takahashi
RAN: And to clear up a recent misconception by Geiger-san, Oyuki
was Takahasi's idea, not Fred's.
[Thump!]
[silence is heard, and then another thump. Then another. Soon as you
can say imperative necessity there are ten short humaniod creatures
with long snouts like a hamster running about Ran's living room.
they walk to the sofa, and to the door to the bridge.
RAN: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS. STOP RIGHT THERE!!!!!
[On cue, one of the lemmings suddenly stops, raises both his arms,
and stands to Ran's left, blocking the other lemmings from ran's
bridge.]
RAN [To block lemming]: Who the HELL are you, and what are you doing
in my house.
BLOCKER LEMMING: I'm a lemming, ma'am. An' we'all are trying to get
to the next level. If you know the way, just point it out so
the rest can get going, right.
RAN [Standing]: The exit is OVER THERE.
BLOCKER: Right. I'm sure the others will be pleased to know that.
RAN: Well, since you're here, just help me out with this fanfic and
make sure the others behave. I don't want them bothering me.
BLOCKER: I understan' perfectly, ma'am. I'll be sure to do my job!
[To other lemmings]All right, you'se buggers. Hold your noise
back there.
[there's a general mumbling, then silence]
BLOCKER: If I may be so bold, what is the fanfic we are being treated
to?
RAN: "Reunions, Remembrances and Returnings" by William Geiger. And
I wouldn't call it a treat so far. We're half a page down and
I'm still in the writer's notes!
**** **** ****
WRITER'S NOTES...
"Uh...there are no writer's notes."
BLOCKER: Hate to contradict you ma'am, but the fine lad says there are
no writer's notes.
RAN: Nani? This is TSY, so there're always long intro notes. Usually
about Sagussan phrases and sayings, especially about intimate
relations and such.
"There's gotta be writer's notes!" Fred insists. "I always
put them in mine."
"I can't think of anything," Robert rubs the back of his head.
"Give it a try."
"Err...OK. I really hope you like this story. Comments and
praise can be sent to PHPN65A@prodigy.com."
"W-wonderful!" Fred mutters.
"Flames go to gorgo@kwangju.net," Robert adds.
"WHAT?!?!" flames erupt around Fred.
RAN: Neat special effect. Can I try?
"Just trying to inject some humour!"
"Humour this!" Fred clobbers Robert with a Saturn Five, but he
snaps his fingers and the mallet splits in half!!!!
"That's not cool dude!" Robert is now dressed in outrageous
70s style clothing.
BLOCKER: I remember that! We used to wear things like that several
hundered levels ago.
RAN: You did? Nobody wears bell bottoms and disco shirts nowadays.
They have class now!
BLOCKER: That's what we thought after we got through the "Disco
Inferno" maze. We also figured the person who invented that
was a true sadist.
A large metal foot suddenly lands on Robert. "Crush all
enemies, Giant Robo!" Fred says on his impressive perch. "Now
then, ON WITH THE...URK!!!!"
Fred and Robo go down as EVA-01 runs up and smacks them with
the Mallet of Longinus! Noriko leans her head in. "Both Robert and
Fred are occupied at the moment, so I'll just fill in for the
moment. Ahem, the list of children appearing: Mine: Jung-Freud
(F), Jarec (M); Kazumi: Kocgh (M), Ajira (M); Mari: Marian (F);
Kasua: Irad (M). This is a sequel to 'It Takes A Spark' and also
ties in with 'Penpals.' The story starts about..." Noriko counts
on her fingers, "...one year after ITAS and ends way after UY20YL!"
RAN: See, what did I tell you. A page full of notes.
BLOCKER: Well, given the fact that this is a long and fairly detailed
series, it is inevitable that the notes should be long.
especially when a new alien race and language is being
inserted.
It also helps to have it at the beginning since then the
audience won't encounter a phrase and go to the end
wondering if they missed something.
RAN: Instead they'll read the phrase, forget it, then encounter it
halfway through the story and wonder what they read.
The Topeka native stopped off in a restroom and studied
himself in the mirror while cleaning up. Tired blue eyes gazed out
>from a face burned by both Sol and Sen'a. His sun-bleached brush-
cut blond hair was bleached towards an almost white-gold hue.
Toren straightened his uniform and set out to enjoy his first free
night since coming to Tere'na City.
Toren probably would have remained on Earth if he hadn't been
born with an incredible wanderlust. His down-to-earth parents
encouraged him in his goal to become a teacher. Imagine their
surprise when he decided instead to become a clerical assistant to
the ambassadors going to sign treaties with the governments of Uru,
Triton and Sagussa! Toren has raged through many a heated argument
with his parents who thought he was throwing his future away. He
had passionately spoken of his heartfelt desire to travel. He
pointed out that he could be one of the first teachers on Earth to
teach about the history of other worlds. In the end, his parents
had reluctantly given their approval, and so Toren found himself
given the most menial chores of the bureaucracy.
BLOCKER: Quite a bit of the passive voice in this paragraph, and
some of it doesn't quite fit.
RAN: Much of the arguments mentioned occured before the time of
the story, which is in third person past tense. So the use
of past perfect for such events is suitable.
However, he uses present perfect for the this sentence:
Toren *has raged* through many a heated argument with
his parents who thought he was throwing his future away.
BLOCKER: Shouldn't there also be a comma there, ma'am?
RAN: Of course. The sentence would actually read better with
the verb *had raged* or *raged* in place of "has raged".
The proper sentence would look like this:
Toren had raged through many a heated argument with
his parents, who thought he was throwing his future away.
BLOCKER: And if he still desires to travel, perhaps the last sentence
could be in past tense as well.
RAN: You mean, have it read "He passionately spoke to them of
his heartfelt desire to travel....In the end, his parents
reluctantly gave their approval, and so Toren found himself
given the most menial chores of the bureaucracy."
That phrasing would add vitality to the end of the paragraph,
which in fanfiction is all important. Quite persceptive for
a Lemming.
BLOCKER: Why thank you ma'am. It's not often we lemmings get praised
for our smarts, what with our having no sense of up or down
and what not.
RAN: Uh, Yeah.....
Errand boy.
He regretted his decision almost instantly. He was usually
stuck in one building steadily working and hardly ever getting out
while everyone shuttled around from planet-to-planet and city-to-
city. Thank goodness that Sagussa was the last stop for a while.
His superiors had relaxed the workload a little and he was able to
look around some. Although, again, not as much as he had liked.
RAN: Here again, the passive voice is used a little too often. The
last sentence would be better as "Although, again, not as much
as he liked", or "not as much as he would like."
Toren rather liked Sagussa. It reminded him a bit of Kansas
with its dusty plains and bright sun. A world that was populated
by the *daishi'cha,* women who were brought back to life by the
Gatherer to start a new society and who avoided the mistakes which
destroyed the Fourth Republic. One thing bothered him though. Not
long after he had arrived, he had this feeling that he was being
watched. This persisted even though he had travelled with his
group to other cities. He kept looking about for someone who was
staring directly at him. Nothing. The feeling persisted. He
couldn't see any reason why though. He was basically a Dilbert,
one of the faceless cubicle workers that populated nearly every
company. Finally, he passed it off as a overworked mind imagining
things. Besides, on a world where temperatures could easily reach
the triple-digit range on the Fahrenheit scale, mirages and
illusions were probably common.
BLOCKER: Bligh me, It almost seemed as if two paragraphs were jammed
together there.
RAN: You mean the one remarking on Sagussa and the one about his
being watched? You may be right. Those would work better
as separate paragraphs.
* * *
"Are you sure you two don't mind?"
"Of course not, Oshoi'cha," a calm voice assures her. "I can
find lodging elsewhere for awhile. Follow your heart."
"Do the others know?" a high-pitched voice muses.
"Well...no," the first admits.
"I think this is how you two got into trouble the first time."
BLOCKER: And that trouble was?
RAN: I think the high-pitched one means Noriko and Kasumi's misad-
ventures in "It Takes a Spark", the first side story Geiger-san
wrote for UY:TSY.
BLOCKER: Kind of assumes you read that story, doesn't it.
RAN: Yes it does, so the author might want to indicate that in the
notes as well.
This is actually a pattern with TSY sidestories, that one will
sidestory will require a knowledge of events in another. This
is the case with another one of Geiger-san's stories, "Final
Hymn", which is continued in Fred Herriot's "Lufy's Quest".
"You better watch yourself, Keisuke," a rather chunky co-
worker named Steven warned. "A society that was started by women
no doubt has ways of dealing with people like you. One hundred
thousand to one...not good odds."
BLOCKER: A chunky coworker named Steven?
RAN: Probably a coincidence.
BLOCKER: And what ways does a society started by woman have to deal
with people like Keisuke?
RAN: Well, if Darling is any indication, they'll make him King!
BLOCKER: Of the sekebes?
RAN: That is a sick, uncalled for remark, and I'm flabergasted a
lemming came up with it first!
Keisuke was unperturbed. "I never resist a challenge!"
"I like a good challenge myself," a high-pitched voice said
>from behind them. "I trust you won't disappoint me."
Everyone turned around...and looked up...and up...and up!
Standing behind them was a very LARGE husky-skinned woman.
Towering over the group, she was dressed in a standard Sagussan
uniform, the red and gold of an engineer. She leaned down a bit
and they saw glittering brown eyes peering out from a thick
featured face that was framed in dark hair tied into two pigtails.
Bright white teeth flashed as she gave the group a predatory grin.
She was...formidable to say the least.
"Uhmm..." Keisuke stammers. "Who might you be?"
"My name is Mari, *daishi'cha* Fifty-eight-seventy-five."
"*Daishi'cha*...?" Keisuke stammered.
RAN: This is Sagussa, Keisuke. Lots of Daishi'cha about. Or
haven't you heard?
Mari smirked. "Thought not," her face suddenly turned
appreciative. "Say! You're not too bad looking," she prodded
Toren's chest. "Care to join us?"
The resulting dust cloud and Toren's rapidly vanishing figure
gave her a definite "NO!!!!" "Humph!" Mari grunted. "Some people
have no sense of adventure!" She turned to where the rest of the
group had been standing. "And how about...now, where did they run
off to?"
Other then the noise of chirping crickets, Mari and Keisuke
were the only ones remaining on the sidewalk! "Oh, well," Mari
shrugged, then looked down at Keisuke. "Well, at least we can give
each other our UNDIVIDED attention."
Keisuke whimpered as Mari carried him down the street.
*Mother!*
BLOCKER: Won't help *that* lad, eh?
RAN: I don't think so. I suspect he's only in slightly better shape
than he would be if he knocked out a Chinese Amazon.
* * *
Toren leaned up against a lightpost as he stopped to catch his
breath. His flight has taken him a good way across the city and
now he was experiencing the unpleasant sensation of the adrenaline
wearing off. "Had to happen!" he muttered. Keisuke had defiantly
bitten off more then he could chew. He only hoped there would be
enough left to learn something from his experience.
BLOCKER: The way this is going, he might learn quite a lot.
RAN: Certainly that portion of the Sagussan language discussed in
"A Remarkable Destiny".
BLOCKER: Which portion would that be, ma'am?
[Ran reaches over and whispers the answer in his ear. He blushes a
bit, and his nose bleeds a bit.}
BLOCKER: Oh, the part dealing with mating, then?
RAN: Uhmhmm....
"A little then," Mrs. Saku put a shotglass in front of Toren
and poured out a measure.
BLOCKER: Saku. That's the name of the bar and the owner. Isn't
that a Japanese word.
RAN: "To be torn apart, rent asunder". Which is what the bar is about
to be in a minute. Never mind Toren!
*Beg for mercy,* Toren told his liver.
As he started to bring the glass up, he heard a snickering
behind him. "Hey, you!" a new voice said. "You better think twice
about drinking that. Next thing you know, you'll be chained to
Noriko's bed and wearing a dress!"
RAN: Which is where we suspect Keisuke is at the moment.;->
BLOCKER: Kind of like that James song "Laid", ehh?
RAN, BLOCKER, & STEVE(how'd he get there?):
Tied 'em up in woman's clothes,
messed around with gender roles
Dyed his eyes and call 'em pretty--eeeeeee....
Toren sputtered. Noriko's face turned red. Mrs. Saku just
sighed and began putting the breakables away. "Mind your own
business, Plastic Nipple!" Noriko snapped without turning around.
Toren heard outraged sputtering behind him. "It's Plastic
LITTLE!!!!" the voice growled.
Toren swivelled around and saw another beautiful woman wearing
a low-cut tight-fitting bodysuit, realizing this was Tita, the
Fourth Fleet's ace of aces. She was indeed quite well endowed.
"And you're the last to comment on anyone's size, Miss Bouncing
Bustline!" Tita barbs.
BLOCKER: Urushihara meets the Gainax Bounce, ehh?
RAN:[sips her tea] Not a pretty sight, believe me.....
Noriko hurried out for the mag-lev to Kyre'sha while Mrs. Saku
pulled a large mallet out from under the bar and proceeded to bring
order to her establishment.
RAN: And they call *This* fine town the place of fools and madman.
Sounds like the pot calling the kettle something....
Noriko's room was rather simple, with a double bed, desk,
bookshelf and a few items that she had collected over the years.
BLOCKER: Such as?
RAN: If this is the Noriko I think it is, lots of Animazement,
Protoculture Addicts, Manga.....
BLOCKER: Fangirl, eh ma'am?
RAN: Somewhat lower than the Chevalier level but yes.
"I want many things," Noriko said slyly. "But I can offer you
something right now." She leaned her head down and whispered into
his ear. "I know who's been watching you."
She then licked his ear. Toren's toes curled. "Who?"
"Someone somewhat important," Noriko said as she began eagerly
nibbling on his ear.
Noriko pressed her body into Toren's and he found rational
thought becoming increasingly more difficult. Especially since his
other 'brain' was determined to take over running things. "Why are
they watching me?" Toren clenched his teeth as Noriko rubbed her
body against him, her hardened nipples scraping a burning path
across his chest.
"Because they want to know about you," Noriko started lightly
biting Toren's neck, licking where her teeth made indentations.
"Ever since you were seen here. They wanted to know everything
about you. They want you to tell them all about your life."
Toren gasped as Noriko's teeth sent electric shocks through
his body. "I just can't tell everything without knowing about who
they are."
"But of course," Noriko leaned back and lifted herself up.
She reached down and gently grasped Toren, who cried out slightly.
"We are most accommodating." And slowly sat down upon him.
Toren's eyes screwed shut and he arched his back as he felt
himself sink into her. His entire lower body was engulfed in a
burning wave of pleasure that started sweeping up his body. It was
almost painful to move, and he lay there gripping her legs as she
rose up and down, sending the wave surging further up his body.
<<Can you see?>>
BLOCKER: By the Dawn's early light......
Toren opened his eyes as the voice and wave reached his head.
His vision seemed to swim as he saw everything but Noriko being
blocked out by a corona of flame racing around her body. The fire
originated from where they where joined and crept up his body with
a lover's caress.
<<Can you see how much I'm willing to show you?>>
Noriko opened her eyes and Toren found himself looking into
twin stars.
<<How much I'm willing to let you past my defenses?>>
Flame danced around her lips which were still even though he
heard her words.
"Yes!" Toren felt as if he was going to explode. "You have
nothing to hide from me. Nothing at all."
Noriko leaned down until her face was a hair's breath away
>from his. "No secrets?" she asked, speaking this time, with flame
licking at his lips.
"No secrets," he answered.
Then Noriko kissed him and his mind erupted in novafire...
BLOCKER: This is where those special Sagussan words come into play.
RAN: Only if Geiger-san wanted this to be a lemon. As it stands it
doesn't quite get to lime.
BLOCKER: Right....
* * *
Toren's feet made a brisk clicking on the sidewalk as he
walked up the street to the apartment he shared with Noriko and
Kasumi. His face was etched with a wide grin that spoke of the
happiness in his heart and his hands were protectively wrapped
around a bundle of flowers and a small box. Toren's friends were
still amazed at the grin that was almost always on his face in one
form or another. He seemed more alive as well, practically
bursting with energy.
BLOCKER: Where is that alternate lifestyle you were talkin 'bout,
ma'am?
RAN: What do you think the little package is about? Wait for it!
Toren's parents had been distraught that he had elected to
stay on Sagussa. He had assured them that he had signed up to take
teaching courses with the Kyre'sha Province Education Department
right after he quit his job and had been given their blessing to
stay. His father, ever the observant one, had made a comment on
hoping he would at last be settling down now that he had found what
he wanted in life.
BLOCKER: Sounds like that sentence could be tightened up a little.
RAN: The first sentence could be "Toren's parents *were* distraught
that he elected to stay on Sagussa." In fact the whole
paragraph strays into the passive voice, and most of it doesn't
need to be that way.
Jung was born naturally rather then via the gestation
chambers. Noriko named Jung in the tradition of taking Earth names
of famous characters for themselves and their children. Although
Toren had found Jung-Freud to be a bit odd, he found 'Jung' to be
more then acceptable.
BLOCKER: That does seem an odd name for a young girl, doesn't it?
RAN: That's the other theme of this story coming into play. The
gun's placed in the first act, to be shoot in the second!
BLOCKER: Bligh' me, there's going to gunplay?
RAN: In any other TSY fic you got an even chance, but not this one.
Toren brought the flowers up and Noriko inhaled their sweet
scent. "Fire blossoms! My favourite!!" a sly grin appeared. "Is
there some special event going on?"
"Defiantly. There's been something I've been wanting to ask
you," Toren brought out the small box.
"What?" Noriko asked as she leaned up.
Toren opened the box. Inside was a ring with a fire opal
surrounded by small diamonds on it. The gems caught a sliver of
light coming through the shades and sparkled. "Noriko-chan, will
you marry me?"
Noriko's breath caught in her throat as she looked at the
ring. She looked up at Toren and her reply was a whisper.
"Marry...?"
BLOCKER: What's so special about that?
RAN: On a planet run by bisexual woman, that considers marriage
taboo.
BLOCKER: You mean that's.....
RAN: Considered kinky over there. Yes it is
Alternative lifestyles, Sagussan style!!!
"I..."
* * *
"...do!" Noriko said to the priest.
"And so by the power invested in me by God," the priest
finishes, "I now declare you husband and wife. You may kiss the
bride."
Toren lifted Noriko's veil and placed a passionate kiss on her
lips which Noriko responded to eagerly. Loud whoops and claps came
>from among the audience as Noriko's squadron-mates cheered them on.
More subdued clapping came from where Toren's friends and relatives
were sitting as the first Terran wedding on Sagussa was completed.
Noriko's squadron-mates were stunned when she announced that
she and Toren were getting married. They knew that Toren was her
child-mate, but to MARRY him was something they'd never considered
doing with theirs. They thought that telling each other that you
loved them...and PROVING it...was enough. Actually going through
a complicated ritual was seen as almost regressive considering that
many marriages fell short of "'till death do us part."
She had heard of some of the reactions...
* * *
"What's this?" Tita asked as Mrs. Saku put some fancy
envelopes in front of her and her friends.
"Just a little surprise from one of your friends" Mrs. Saku
grinned as she went over to another table.
Tita opened the envelope curiously and saw a decorative card
with the words, 'You are cordially invited to..." Tita opened the
card...
"***THE WEDDING OF NORIKO AND TOREN SMITH?!?!***"
The entire building shook as everyone fainted in shock!
RAN: On this planet, that would be the reaction!
BLOCKER: Is slapstick humor usual for this type of story?
RAN: Yes it is. It's well executed here and later on in the story,
since in this and the next case it fits the general atmosphere
of the event taking place.
BLOCKER: Do they usually do as well?
RAN: Not really. Geiger does a good job here putting the slapstick
in where it's appropriate, but some authors tend to overdo it
to the point of being inappropriate. Fred Herriot is especially
guilty of this; in fact the closing scene of the TSY series
was ruined by his attempt to create humor through slapstick. He
might have thought the scene funny, but it totally erased
the development of the Takahashi characters that occured by
that point!
Noa sighed, watching Noriko stand before her getting her
wedding dress made. Noriko's android double worked industriously
with needle and thread. Noriko had insisted on a home-made dress
instead of having one made at some factory. "Really, Noriko," Noa
said. "I have to wonder where your mind is these days."
"My mind is right inside my head," Noriko grinned, extending
her arm. "Care to check?"
RAN: No thanks! We'll take your word for it!
[Bonk]
BLOCKER: Well, you found the exit yet?
LEMMING 2: No, we 'aven't. Been searching all over the yard for it
to. Then two of us went into blocker mode and we ended up
back here.
BLOCKER: Keep looking. The exit's somewhere. I can feel it nearby!
RAN: [annoyed] You mean they're coming back HERE?
BLOCKER: Why yes. They're starting to think the exit is outside or
below this here room!
RAN: So you mean.....WHAT THE HELL IS THAT CRIITER DOING WITH THAT
PICK IN **MY** LIVING ROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BLOCKER: Digging. What does it look like?
RAN: [cursing]Damn Oyuki. This sounds just like the kind of trick
she'd pull. You'd think once with the lemmings eating my
picnic was enough for her, but no.....HEY, STOP THAT DIGGING.
REAL PEOPLE USE *STAIRS*!!!!!
BLOCKER: But were not people, ma'am. Were...
RAN: [screaming]LEMMINGS!!!!!!!! [Reaches into the picnic basket and
gets a set of Ran dolls that somehow *just happened* to be there!]
RAN: I'll fix you stupid Lemmings.....
[RAN sends the dolls on the march to the pickax weilding lemmings
(the number increased to three). The dolls giggle and home in
toward the target! ]
[And once under them, vanish into instant holes! the floor under the
living room phases, causing the lemmings to fall into the holes.
The other lemmings notice and start to follow!]
"You're upset?" Noriko asked.
"Perhaps," Noa rubbed her arms.
"I guess it's only natural that you are worried," Noriko said.
"I heard that many mothers feel that they are losing their
daughters when they get married."
Noa was stunned. "Noriko!"
Noriko turned to face Noa. "'Elder Mother' isn't just a title
despite what others might think. Many of us gained our names from
you and Ataru that day. And if that doesn't make us your
children...I don't know what will."
Noa's heart seemed to swell. "I...don't know what to say."
Noriko smiled. "All I'm asking is for your blessing on my
wedding day. And to give me away."
Noa grasped Noriko's hand. "I will. You have my blessing.
And may Lyna smile upon you both..."
RAN: [wiping a tear or two] Awww. Weddings are such happy occasions.
BLOCKER: I must admit, I get a little weepy at weddings too.
Not that as a lemming you see very many.
Tita was at the front door with Unapuma and Anapuma. Noriko
had since buried the hatchet between them and made sure they were
the first to receive their invitations. "Gee, Noriko!" Tita
grinned. "I don't know about this wedding stuff. Next thing we
know, you'll start wearing underwear!"
"Underwear?" Noriko grasped the hem of her gown. "You mean
something like this?" Noriko lifted her skirt up to show the white
lace panties and garters that matched her gown perfectly.
The entire hanger shook as people fainted from shock...and
some from the large amount of blood shooting out their nose! "What
a woman!" Tita gasped at the bottom of a pile of bodies.
BLOCKER: Excuse me ma'am, but are undergarments considered kinky
on Sagussa as well?
RAN: [blushes] Well, uhm, the short answer is yes. The long
answer; well, check out "Remarkable Destiny" to get the
details.
"Toren," Noriko said. "Would you do the honours?"
Toren grinned and slipped the garter off Noriko's leg and then
handed it to her. Noriko held it over her head. "Heads up!" she
yelled, and then tossed it into the air.
Time seemed to slow down as eyes tracked the garter arcing
through the air. "What was that for?" Tita asked.
"I think we're supposed to try to catch it for good luck,"
Unapuma answered.
BLOCKER: Isn't that supposed to be rice you're throwing?
RAN: That's part of Geiger-san's joke. And it works well here too.
"Okay," Noriko kissed the back of his neck. "Toren, you know
my penpal Kasua Tongapp?"
"From Kagamasei right? How is she doing?"
"Very well. She and a number of her friends are planning to
arrange to leave Kagamasei and seek asylum here. Kazumi has also
been told of this by her penpal Kumie."
"And they're asking for our help?" Toren asked.
"Yes."
"I'll be glad to help in any way I can," Toren said. "I
suppose we need to be briefed on our mission."
He chuckled. "There is something else," Noriko tightened her
arms around Toren.
RAN: Shouldn't that be "She chuckled."?
Toren suddenly blinked as mists filled his vision and he found
himself in the *te'a* with the glowing form of Lyna before him.
"How could it not be foolishness?" Toren asked.
"You see the woman you love making love to another. That is
a natural reaction. If you were a fool, you would have never made
it this far."
"Your right, I can't let that eat me up," Toren said. He gave
a small smile. "You know exactly what to say."
"If it makes it any better, I've felt jealousy as well," Lyna
said.
"You?!!" Toren was amazed at the mere notion that Lyna could
ever have a negative thought.
Lyna blushed slightly. "When it started becoming tradition
for couples to make love here, I felt jealousy that I could not
make love like they did. But I came to realize that physical love
is only a mere fraction of true love and I have all the love in the
galaxy to sustain me."
Toren smiled. "Leave it to you to solve all problems."
Lyna gave a sly grin and whispered conspiratorially into
Toren's ear. "When you're stuck in a chunk of glass, you learn to
change the way you think very quickly."
BLOCKER: The revered figure of their history stuck in a glass?
RAN: I wouldn't know about that. Must be a part of the main
story.
The te'a is of course the departed souls of all Sagussan's,
in the plane called "The realms beyond mortal understanding".
BLOCKER: Beyond mortal understanding.
RAN: But not beyond mortal use!
Coming up is the part I mentioned about the transfiguration of
souls. Wait for it!
"C'mon, Marian!" Jung called as she ran down the hill.
"Ah! Wait for me!" Marian yelled as she sprinted after her.
Jung watched as her friend thundered down the slope. Even
though Marian was about the same age as Jung, she towered over her
friend. She inherited her height form her mother. This didn't
seem to help her much in keeping up with Jung who ran circles
around her and everyone else.
BLOCKER: Marian would be the tall daisei'cha's child, right ma'am.
RAN: Yes, now the exercise for the reader is; who's the father?
BOTH:[singing]Keee-eyes-kehhhhhh, Keee-eyes-kehhhhhhhaaaaaaaaeh!
BLOCKER: I'm having to much fun with this.
"So," Toren mused. "Why are we all here? Wasn't it a simple
case of fainting?"
"No, it wasn't," Misato said. "You were not here when it
happened. But the symptoms that Marian suffered were exactly like
those Unapuma had a number of years ago. Marian's case seemed a
bit unusual so her case was checked with the hospital's computer
files. The symptoms were confirmed as extreme exhaustion. But it
was also noted that this particular situation had happened when
Unapuma was in prolonged contact with Kazumi and Noriko. And noted
the research I had conducted on them when they were training for
their new Warsuits. That is why I have been called in."
"So it seems that Jung has the same ability as Kazumi and I?"
Noriko asked.
RAN: The Inferno warsuit was a key part of the prequel to this
story, "It takes a spark". Once again, some knowledge of
a previous story is needed to fully enjoy reading this
story.
BLOCKER: What about the "Penpals" story?
RAN: It does have some connection through Noriko's marei'cha, but
that's about that.
The machines hummed to life and the scanners moved up and down
over Noriko and Kazumi's bodies. Data scrolled past on the
monitors which was quickly stored by the computers.
<<This isn't going to work,>> Noriko psi-linked to Kazumi.
<<No it won't,>> Kazumi replied. <<We'll have to find it on
our own.>>
"Please don't psi-link," Misato said. "It's interfering with
the readings."
Both Noriko and Kazumi gave silent nods to each other and
grasped hands. Instantly they slumped back on the tables.
"What?!!" Misato gaped as the readings went wild. "You two! Why
can't you listen for once?!"
She went over and grabbed Noriko's arm to shake her out of it.
As soon as she touched their minds, she froze as she was drawn
into the swirling image of flame and of their shadowy forms going
deeper and deeper...
* * *
"When I grow up, I want to be the captain of a starship, just
like my papa!"
The first thought was of a young girl, gazing up at the stars
where her father flew. Only able to come back once a year for her
birthday. But she never despaired. And hoped one day she could
fly by his side.
And so she worked towards her dream. Through joy, pain and
humiliation. She gained a sister who gave her strength. And flew
out to the stars together like a small spark of light against the
blackness...
Death. A wall of death that approached without malice or
mercy. All light was snuffed as the wave of flesh rolled across
space, and only the bright points of light stood to hold it back.
Love. The first love, of shy glances and second hand kisses
which brought hope to the isolation of space.
Death of love. Because of inexperience the love was snuffed
out and replaced by shame and sadness, which became determination
and fed the spark to a bright flame against the darkness.
Peace. Of a brief time where they could rest under the sun
and live in the same time as everyone.
But once again the wall of darkness advanced. And the sisters
escorted what would lose oblivion against the wall, for there was
no other choice.
Of despair, of another love that was flickering weakly home,
one that might not survive from the sisters' prolonged absenteeism.
Of love that brought hope. And the fire turned into a blazing
sun that became the heart of a titan that scattered the darkness
before it.
Of peace. One sister left to live with love for a short
while. Her place was taken by a friend whose head was wreathed in
flame. Who helped watch for when the darkness returned.
And it did return. In such a magnitude that a machine was
built that would tear a hole in space and suck the darkness into
one even deeper. And piloting it was the other sister, who came to
stand at the end with the other. Against the darkness that
swallowed the bright points of hope that stood against it. But
always, the sun blazed brightly against it.
But the last hope was damaged. And so the sisters had to
descend to its heart to trigger it and in doing so doomed
themselves to never see the ones they held dear again. For time
would pass them by while they raced away from the widening jaws of
oblivion...
* * *
"Everything is going as planned," Noriko said as she watched
the Gunbuster thrust away from the growing black hole.
"Hmm..." Kazumi replied absently. She was silently gazing at
the origami hanging her students had given her.
Suddenly, an alarm blared. "Space-warp detected!" Kazumi
said, instantly snapping to attention.
"Next to us?" Noriko gasped. "How?"
Suddenly, space warped next to them. And a huge being
resembling a giant caterpillar lunged out, with its flesh burning
of its body. It opened its jaws as it hurled itself at them,
energy bulging from its internal cannons.
"It's going to kamikaze!" Kazumi shouted. "Defense!"
Noriko reached behind her and the Gunbuster mimicked her
motions. She drew her arm in front of her and the Gunbuster drew
out...tattered cloth!
The monster slammed into the Gunbuster and fired a point-blank
blast that blew the mammoth machine in half. Noriko heard Kazumi
scream which was echoed by her own as the side of her cockpit caved
in and she felt a jagged piece of metal slam into her side.
"NO!!!!" Noriko screamed as blood burst out of her mouth. She
thrust her left arm forwards and drove the Gunbuster's arm into the
m>onster's head. Armour plates blew off and rods slammed into it.
A >blast of energy shot into the monster's head which blew it apart
an>d destroyed the last arm!>
Noriko felt no joy, for she was struggling against the pain
that was spreading up her body. Her hand groped at the metal spike
that pinned her to the wall.
"Onee-sama?!" she groaned. "Onee-sama?!">>
No reply, the screen showed nothing.
"Status?" she addressed the computer.
"*Systems failing,*" the computer's voice said, unconcerned of
its own demise. "*Collapsar engine nonfunctional, all systems from
Buster Machine One nonfunctional. Life signs of Kazumi Amano
terminated.*"
Noriko wailed at this. "*Life support systems failing,*" the
computer continued.
*I have a choice of my deaths,* Noriko thought bitterly to
herself. *Blood loss, suffocation or freezing.* "Outside view."
A flickering image of a starfield appeared before her. The
stars were visible and still. They were no longer in warp.
."Location?" Noriko whispered. A chart flickered into view, showing
them to be far from the galactic centre.
"Communications possible?"
"*Attempting,*" the computer beeped. "*Unable to establish
communications.*" A short whir. "*All functions will fail in two
hours. Due to extreme blood loss, Noriko Takaya's life signs are
failing.*"
"Enough!" Noriko snapped.
The computer fell silent. Noriko looked out at the stars.
She would stay like this, looking out at the bright points of light
that were so far away even though they seemed so close together.
She felt so alone.
"Jung, Kimiko, Takami...I'm so sorry..."
And the light was extinguished...
* * *
...then soon reborn.
"*Fascinating,*" a British-like accent mused...
* * *
BLOCKER: So this story is in effect a crossover?
RAN: Between TSY and the Gainax series "Gunbuster". The author might
want to consider putting that piece of information in the initial
notes.
[smiles a mischeivious smile] Then he might have some author's
notes.
"Onee-sama!!"
"Noriko!!"
Both women leapt into each others arms and slumped to the
floor sobbing. Misato was helped to a chair. "Lyna's Soul!" she
whispered. "Who are they?!"
RAN: Only the stars of the Gunbuster series.
BLOCKER: Kind of unusual for people to write "Gunbuster" fanfics. I
though most wrote Eva fanfics.
RAN: Well, many do, but Geiger-san wrote a lemon fic based on
Gunbuster called "Catharsis", featuring a Noriko Jung-Freund
pairing.
Shortly, the group parted with Noriko and Kazumi wiping away
their tears. Noriko looked at Toren. "How could I ever forget
you?" she stroked his face. "Can you ever forgive me?"
Toren smiled and held her hand. "I never forgot you, and I
followed you here. It cost me my memories for a while but it was
worth it. And there is nothing to forgive, it wasn't your fault."
"May I ask what is happening?" Misato said.
Kazumi turned to her. "As you have seen, Noriko and I were
the pilots of a Warsuit-type vehicle called the Gunbuster. When we
were attacked after triggering the Black Hole Bomb, I was killed
and Noriko critically wounded. Somehow, we ended up in another
place. Perhaps due to the effect of the Bomb and the failure of
the collapsing engine that was supposed to take us home." She then
sighs. "Another reality, no doubt since there has never been a
record of Earth being involved in a war of such magnitude. And
after that, we died. Somewhere along the way, the parts of the
Gunbuster housing us were separated. Henry picked me up first,
then Noriko fifty years later and we became *daishi'cha.* Why we
never remembered until now I don't know. And Henry is no longer
here to tell us why."
"Toren here..." Noriko added, "...was my first love. I guess
he just followed me here waiting for the chance when we could meet
again. Just like you, right Jung?"
"Of course, Momma!" Jung grinned. She suddenly had a much
more mature look about her, especially in the eyes. Her smile
faded to a more sombre mein. "I grew old waiting for you. All of
us grew old looking up at the skies for the ones who gave our
future back. I died so lonely," she sighed.
BLOCKER: So that what you meant.
RAN: Yes, all the souls of the characters in Gunbuster, including
Toren Smith, are reunited in the UY:TSY reality. Smith is
particularly interesting since he died in the third episode
of the OVA series.
"With all these reunions," Kumie said with a small grin. "I'm
surprised that Coach isn't here."
"My husband," Kazumi said in answer to Misato's questioning
look. "We had only a short time together that we could show our
love. But our hearts are content and he is at rest."
BLOCKER: Wouldn't he have transmigrated regardless of the happiness
of the last life.
RAN: He might have unless his spirit achieved all it needed to achieve.
Then it would achieve Nirvana, or escape from the cycle of rebirth.
That's at least how reincarnatino works in Hindu religion, and that
may be the viewpoint Geiger-san took here.
Epilogue...
Somewhere in space. Year 30 of the first age of Ataru'cha.
Numerous ships hovered in the darkness while stars shone
around them. Many were Sagussan, with the sleek form of the
"Ossa'cha" in front. On the bridge, Ataru Moroboshi sat in the
shipmistress' chair. His gaze moved down to the group that stood
looking at the viewscreen in front of them. Kasua Tongapp, Kumie
Allak, Toren Smith and their children Jung Freud, Jarec, Irad,
Kocgh and Ajira, now fully grown and beginning to start families.
They all stood together and watched the shape on the viewscreen.
It stood like a giant sculpted out of obsidian. A dark titan
with the symbol of the phoenix emblazoned on its upper chest which
matched the starburst design that formed its head. And inside, at
its heart, two people sat together with their thoughts...
RAN: Gunbuster........
Kazumi sat silently as Ataru read the folders that sat on the
table between them. After closing one file, Ataru sat back and let
out a breath. "Amazing. I had no idea that something like this
could ever exist. How did you come by these?"
BLOCKER: This is a.....
RAN: Flashback. This is not made particularly clear to the reader,
though. It is necessary to explain how the Gunbuster production
unit came into being though.
"After Noriko and I regained our memories," Kazumi began, "I
began to wonder why they had been suppressed and so accessed the
files Henry had stored. I purposely asked for specific information
on myself and Noriko, along with the Gunbuster. The first thing I
saw was an apology."
"Henry had a specific reason?" Ataru asked.
Kazumi nodded. "He said he was frightened when he examined
.the remains of the Gunbuster, because it reminded him so much of
the machines of destruction employed during the Clone Rights War.
He wanted to destroy all traces of it. But he changed his mind
when he talked to Noriko and I before erasing our memories."
"And why is that?"
Kazumi sighed. "The Gunbuster was created because there was
no other choice. The Earth of my reality was facing a force that
would not talk, would not stop, it existed only to reproduce and
would've swept Earth clean of all life just so they could feed. We
were forced to make weapons that kept getting faster, bigger,
deadlier. And it wasn't enough. We not only had to rip planets
apart, but to tear apart the heart of our galaxy."
Kazumi wiped away a tear. "Henry suppressed our memories and
destroyed the Gunbuster because there was no foe here. No foe to
keep the Gunbuster as a last resort. To give something like the
Gunbuster to the *daishi'cha* when they already had so much would
be courting disaster. Because the *daishi'cha* are such a young
race, we aren't able to look back and learn from our mistakes like
we can with the Fourth Republic.
"But Henry realised something good was gained. The technology
amazed him and he knew that if used correctly it could do great
good. He had plans for the Collapsar engine to be modified so that
it could be available for all. It could cut travel time to a
fraction of normal transwarp speeds. And he had designed the
Inferno and Inferno-X as scaled down versions of the Gunbuster to
be a potent addition of the Warsuit Brigade. And he knew that if
the Gunbuster brought us here, it could take us back. Thus he left
a key in us so that even though our minds would forget, our souls
wouldn't. And kept files on his modifications to our technology,
most notably the Supernova."
"A more reasonable version of that monstrosity I had in my
hand once," Ataru grinned, remembering the *haijo-ju.* "But still,
why have you brought this to me? If you want any assurances or
authorization, Noa would be more than happy to give it."
"Because you have had personal experience with a weapon of
last resort...and what drives one to make one."
"The Cyborg?"
Kazumi nodded. "I could practically see the drool off the
technicians' mouths when they saw the plans for the Collapsar
engine, although they almost had fits when they saw the Supernova.
I came to you to ask that you do whatever you can to make sure the
Supernova is used only as a true last resort when it is made. That
it only is used when all will be cast into oblivion otherwise. For
you are *daite'cha,* and your word will be heeded."
Ataru nodded. "I will do all I can to make sure of it."
Kazumi smiled. "Thank you."
RAN: Did those lemmings find the exit yet.
BLOCKER: I'll ask. EH LADS, YOU FIND THE EXIT DOWN THERE????
LEMMING VOICE: [from below] Just did.......We'll be out in a
minute.[thump]
RAN: Thank goodness. At least they didn't do to much damage!
[thump!]
Her face beamed as she clasped Toren's and Kasua's hands and
were joined by Kumie and the others. All aboard suddenly felt a
wave of love wash over them. For a moment, they were all connected
by the *te'a* and saw the form of the phoenix appear around the
Supernova. And they received a promise in their hearts, that their
loved ones would return to them. And they would not have to keep
looking up at the stars waiting for them.
They would be able to keep them in their own future.
[thump, thump, thum-thum-thump, thump]
Space suddenly seemed to fold and the Supernova moved it aside
as if parting a curtain. Passing beyond it from this reality to
another. Suddenly, all screens went blank, showing nothing but
empty space and a residual energy that was quickly fading. "No
sign of the Supernova!" came the report. "Computer's coming up
blank with what happened."
[thump!]
"They just went home for a while," Toren said. "Just for a
little while to say hello to those who have waited for them to come
home."
"Home," Ataru hummed, then nodded. "Let's all go home, to the
ones who wait for us."
[thump!]
The ships turned and leapt through the vastness of space to
home, leaving the stars shining brightly against the darkness...
[thump!]
RAN: Again, He might have noted that Noriko and Kasumi were in fact
the ones from "Gunbuster" at the beginning of the notes.
BLOCKER: I think that might have spoiled the surprise on that.
RAN: What surprise. It was obivious these characters were lifted
from that series in the first story Gieger did with them,
"It Takes a Spark". No biggie there though. Just place
and inclusion note attributing some concepts to Gainax
at the begining of the story!
BLOCKER: So where did Noriko and Kasumi go?
RAN: Probably to the Earth 10K years from the end of gunbuster,
shown at the end of the OVA. There is only one fanfic
written dealing with what occurs at that point, but I
don't know who wrote it or if it was completed.
Perhaps Geiger-san may one day wish to tell that tale.
BLOCKER: Well, I thought that was a perfectly readable story.
Nothing to really make UY fans froth at the mouth, right?
RAN: [with darkening expression] No more than the very concept.
[Reverts to cute mode]But once you get past that, this
seems to be a very readable story.
The other lemmings seem to have finally gone to the exit.
[surveys the damage to her ship. The punches gouged out
her bulkheads. The hole dug in the front.] The
insurance company is never going to believe this.
BLOCKER: Well, at least they got home, ma'am.
RAN: So when are you going?
BLOCKER: I stay here until they change the order for me, ma'am.
I just gaurd this spot 'till I'm no longer needed.
RAN: Still bet it was Oyuki who sent you. This smells like
something the coldhearted broad would do. Just like the
one time I was on a date with Rei.
[Stands up] When this is over, I'll go to the ice queen
and give....Say, what is that number over your head?
Ten.....
Nine......
Eight....
RAN: [Seven...] Lemming-san.[Six....]Mr. Lemming....
[FIVE......Waves her hand over the Blocker
Lemming's eyes. No response.]
Four.....
RAN: This doesn't look good. [Three]
Two.....
One.....
Blocker [Who suddenly puts his hands to his head, which
shakes, and says...] OH NO!!!!!!
BBBB OOOOO OOOOO M M !!
B B O O O O M M M M !!
BBBB O O O O M M M M !!
B B O O O O M M M
BBBB OOOOO OOOOO M M OO
When the smoke clears, we see a charred living room and
a blackend sooty Ran. She shakes herself, then stands FUMING.
A growls a low noise, and a red angry aura (would you expect
any other from Ran) can be seen.
RAN: [Teeth gritted]Just end this. [brightens some, but not
much] That's Ran's Fanfic Theatre for today. Please come
back when we'll review another interesting fanfiction.
Hopefully someware else.
Ja Ne.
With that, Ran marches to the door in front of the ruined
sofa. The camera turns, revealing it to be the door to the weapons
closet. The redheaded terror picks up a truely menacing bazoka and
cackles a scarry laugh.
RAN: Just you wait, Oyuki-san. This will be the LAST time you send
Lemmings in *MY* path. JUST YOU WAIT......
***FIN****
NOTES: This is intended to be my format for reviewing fanfics of all
sorts, but UY related ones in particular. This is my first MST
review of a fanfiction. I hope you enjoyed it.
You're probably wondering where the idea for an invasion of
creature from the Lemmings computer game came from. Well, that was
inspired by a thread on the Urusei Yatsura Mailing List about how
Ran gets around on dates with Rei, which often take place on other
planets. We all decided it had to do with wormholes, since Ran
doesn't move her ship around much.
One of the examples noted in the conversation was a story
where Ran is on a date with Rei and a group of lemmings falls from
a wormhole. Ran determines it was Oyuki who did this, goes through
a wormhole to Neptune, and has it out with her about it. The MST
backstory was inspired by that.
Comments, flames, grunts and loud noise to
cornetts@gemair.com