I like Father Figure best after what i have read. =)
At 11:54 AM 10/28/98 , David Johnston wrote:
>Title. Need a title.
>
>Home Coming
>
>Thousand Mile
>
>Sleeping Soul
>
>Father Figure <I like this title the best=) >
>
>Tenchi Masaki wrote:
>>
>> Hello. Posting unrevised material.
>>
>> Standard disclaimers apply. I'd love C&C on the
material.
>>
>> -----------------
>> Ranko sat behind her mother at the moment, slightly
confused and
>> curious at the same time. Akane sat next to her, behind her
father,
>> equally curious and confused. Kasumi sat between Ranko's mother
and her
>> father trying to ease him out of the state of shock he was
apparently
>> in. Nabiki sat to the other side of her father, sipping a
soda,
>
>Too many words that don't add any meaning, and you have Akane
sitting
>behind Ranko's father, and Kasumi sitting beside Ranko's
grandfather.
>
>For example, "Ranko sat behind her mother, slightly confused and
curious,"
>conveys all the meaningful information in 2/3s the space. You may
want
>to slim down all the positional information since it doesn't really
paint
>a vivid picture. "Kasumi, at her father's side, was trying to
ease him
>out of a state of shock." You might not want to repeat the word
"sat" that
>many times.
>
>> somewhat perplexed, that much Ranko could tell from the darting
of her
>> eyes, but not much else. The only Saotome daughter turned to
peer at
>> her mother's neutral expression. It looked, to Ranko, like her
mother
>> was contemplating something very serious. At the moment, it was
the
>> fact that the panda was desperately trying to scrawl kanji onto
a piece
>> of paper with a felt tip marker. Obviously, the kana was
illegible and
>
>Odd. I'd characterise that as "ludicrous" not
"serious"
>
>> the writing no more than a scrawl.
>> "Otousan, please try to be a bit more
patient," Kasumi assured her
>> father. Soun simply nodded slowly.
>> "Mom?" Ranko asked in a whisper.
>> Nodoka turned slightly to look at her daughter with a
slightly arched
>> look.
>> "Hmm?" the matriarch responded.
>> Ranko withered slightly under her gaze. Nodoka
immediately softened.
>> "Gomen ne, Ranko-chan," Nodoka apologized.
"But this is starting to
>> wear my patience thin. I don't understand what the panda is
trying to
>> write, and I'm scarcely believing that I'm actually watching a
panda try
>> to write at all."
>> "I dunno either, Mom. I think he's trying to draw
something now,"
>> Ranko replied.
>> She sighed and stared at the girl sitting next to the
panda in seiza.
>> The girl looked just like Ranko, but with a slightly leaner
frame, as if
>> she'd been living a life of constant exercise, or at least, that
was
>> what Akane whispered to her when they came down from the
furo.
>> Ranko watched as her friend looked at the new girl with
unease. The
>> moment they'd finished practicing in the dojo and gone in for a
relaxing
>> soak in the furo, a commotion erupted downstairs. The two girls
had
>> scrambled down to see a large panda stalk into the living room
with a
>> young girl in tow. The girl bore a striking resemblance to
Ranko, and
>> it unnerved them. What made the pair most uncomfortable was the
the
>> girl seemed to be a machine, settling into seiza perfectly and
sitting
>
>"Seize her!"
>
>"Caesar?"
>
>What's a seiza?
>
>> ther unmoving, eyes transfixed to some spot on the wall behind
them all,
>> a blank expression on her face. It was as if nobody was home,
so to
>> speak.
>> "So what's with the brunette?" Ranko asked in
a whisper.
>> Akane shrugged.
>> "Looks like you," the darker haired girl
replied.
>> "The pigtail's too long. And I think I got better
curves," Ranko
>> replied with a quiet snicker.
>> "Now you say you have a decent figure. You
wouldn't think so from the
>> way you carry on about dieting in school," Akane replied
with a giggle.
>> Nodoka turned slightly.
>> "What's going on back there?" she asked with
the first hint of a grin
>> either girl had seen that day.
>> "Doesn't that girl look like Ranko?" Akane
giggled.
>> Nodoka seemed to smile, perhaps a bit nervously.
>> "Yes, she does look a bit like Ranko-" Nodoka
began.
>> "A pot of hot water!" Kasumi exclaimed.
>> Everyone turned to look at Kasumi.
>> "Kasumi, what's wrong?" Soun asked finally
breaking his silence.
>> "The panda's drawing a pot of hot water," she
replied.
>> The panda made loud grunting and growling noises.
>> "I suppose we could fetch the water for tea,"
Soun mused. "Would you
>> please bring it in, Kasumi?"
>> Kasumi nodded and left to fetch the pot. She returned a
few moments
>> later, with the steaming kettle. She set it in front of the
panda,
>> which seemed to take immeasurable interest in it. The
pandatouched it
>
>space before "touched"
>
>> lightly with a paw, testing the heat. It painstakingly nudged
the lid
>> off and made futile attempts to blow over the top to cool the
water.
>> "Is it too hot?" Soun asked slowly.
>> The panda nodded. Kasumi waved her hand over it to cool
it some.
>> "Still too hot?" she asked.
>> The panda nodded vigorously. Nabiki, in a sudden
display of life,
>> dumped her soda into the kettle. The panda peered into the pot
and
>> unceremoniously upended half the contents of the pot onto
itself.
>> Nodoka stared in shock as the steam cleared, and the panda shift
in the
>> blink of an eye, accompanied by an odd shimmering, into her
husband.
>> Before anyone could close their mouth or speak a word, Genma
upended the
>> rest of the water onto the girl. Everyone stared as the girl
grew
>> slightly in size and build and turned into a young man with
black hair.
>> The young man simply sat there, as umoving and unaffected as
before.
>> "I see I have some explaining to do," Genma
replied to a shocked
>> audience.
>
>As you know, I swore to make Ranma a tuber among men...
>
>> Nodoka frowned. Soun nodded vigorously. Everyone else
held their
>> collective breath.
>> "This is Ranma," Genma said with a wave at the
still ummoving youth
>> next to him.
>> Nodoka inhaled sharply. Soun stared wide-eyed. Nabiki
coughed
>> slightly and blinked. Kasumi quietly exclaimed, "oh
my!" Akane shifted
>> nervously in her seat. Ranko simply fainted.
>>
>> Ranko awoke later, to the feeling of a cold, moist cloth
being applied
>> to her forehead. She blinked her eyes blearily.
>> "You're awake I see," a familiar voice said
with a quiet giggle.
>> Ranko turned her head to see Kasumi kneeling by her
head, adjusting the
>> pillow she was resting on. The eldest Tendo daughter smiled
gently and
>> flipped down the covers on Ranko an inch.
>> "Are you feeling better?" Kasumi asked.
>> "Wha-happened?" Ranko muttered.
>> "You fainted," Kasumi laughed.
>> "I can see that," Ranko said weakly as she
turned to stare at the
>> ceiling.
>> "Well, everyone was rather shocked that the young
lady turned into
>> Ranma," Kasumi said plainly.
>> "I guessed that," Ranko muttered.
>> "Well, father is taking it better than I would have
expected," Kasumi
>> said quietly. "Nabiki is already looking at the young man
with that
>> look in her eyes."
>> "The look?" Ranko asked.
>
>"The Look?"
>
>> "Of course. Is there any other?" Kasumi said
with a giggle.
>> "What'd Akane do? She freak out like she always
does?"
>> Kasumi shook her head.
>> "Not really, though she's in a bit of a state of
shock," the young
>> woman replied as she pushed a stray lock of hair behind an ear.
"How
>> are you holding up?"
>> Ranko shrugged under the covers.
>> "It's weird," she replied. "I don't get
it. Mom said I had a twin
>> brother, but that he was dead. She never really talked about,
Pops; and
>> it wasn't ever glowing, if you know what I mean."
>
>That's a little on the incoherent side, but Ranko's under stress.
However, no
>comma after "about"
>
>> Kasumi nodded.
>> "I don't think we got any pictures of the old man
anywhere either. I
>> think Mom really hates his guts," Ranko continued.
"How's Mom doing?"
>> Kasumi shrugged.
>> "Your father apparently made a silly contract with
father about
>> marrying one of us to your brother, Ranma. Father's trying to
dissuade
>> your father from upholding it. I think father said he was drunk
at the
>> time," Kasumi said with a nervous laugh and a small smile
tainted by her
>> uneasiness.
>
>I don't wanna marry my daughter to a tuber!
>
>> "Where's Mom?" Ranko asked.
>> Kasumi nodded towards the guestroom.
>> "She retired there to think over what's going
on," she replied. "I
>> don't think your mother likes the situation much at
all."
>
>Has she even tried to talk to the poor kid?
>
>> "So what's Ranma like?" Ranko asked, trying to
avoid the subject she so
>> recently brought up.
>> "I don't know. He's still in seiza. It's as if
he's made of stone. I
>> don't like it at all," Kasumi said, shaking her head.
"It's so
>> unnatural. There's something very wrong about him. It makes me
very
>> uncomfortable and sad too. I don't understand it."
>> Ranko nodded and sighed.
>> "There really isn't anyone home at all. It's like
he's some zombie."
>> Kasumi nodded and stood up.
>> "I have to make dinner now. Don't exert yourself.
Your mother should
>> be in soon, I guess."
>> Ranko nodded again as Kasumi left quietly. A stale
silence fell over
>> the room and Ranko fidgeted uncomfortably. It was easy to see
something
>> was wrong, but she had no idea what to do. It was as if someone
had
>
>Go out and try to talk to Tuber. It's the right thing to do.
>
>> taken her life out of her hands and started to play with her
like a
>> marionette, but they were pulling on all the wrong strings
purposely.
>
>It's as if there's a sadistic author dedicating to making my life
complicated!
>
>> It seemed like an eternity before her mother walked into
the room
>> quietly. She slid the door closed behind her gently and walked
softly
>> towards her sleeping daughter. Ranko could hear the soft
swishing noise
>> of the tatami mat as her mother made her way over and sat in
seiza next
>
>You're proud of that word, aren't you?
>
>> to her. Ranko blinked and continued to stare at the ceiling
aimlessly.
>> "Are you feeling better, Ranko-chan?" Nodoka
asked.
>> "Sure," Ranko replied.
>> "What's the matter?"
>> "Nuthin', I guess."
>
>Apart of course from my lousy diction...
>
>> "You can tell your mother," Nodoka
admonished.
>> Ranko sighed. She turned to face her mother, and
noticed she'd been
>> crying. Her mother's eyes weren't puffy or red, but in the dim
light of
>> the room, Ranko could see that they were wet from tears.
>> "What's gonna happen to Dad?" Ranko
asked.
>> Nodoka was silent for a moment.
>> "I thought he might have changed, but I can see he
hasn't," she said
>> with a sigh.
>> "Yeah. I guess so. I don't like him very much
right now," Ranko
>> confessed.
>
>Don't worry. On later acquaintance, you'll grow to hate him.
>
>> Nodoka didn't respond.
>> "Is that really Ranma?" Ranko asked
quietly.
>> "I guess he is," Nodoka replied sadly,
"but he seems so different now.
>> I always thought he would stay the energetic young boy I
remember him
>> as." A tear trickled silently down Nodoka's cheek.
"But when I see him
>> now, it seems like he died and there's this new somebody there;
and it
>> isn't even remotely close to Ranma. I don't even think I want
to know
>> who it is, or what it is. All I know is that your brother
died
>> somewhere."
>> Ranko watched as tears fell from Nodoka's eyes again.
Ranko bit her
>> lower lip and crawled up to hug her mother.
>> "It'll be okay, Mom. I'm sure it'll be
okay."
>> "I hope so, Ranko-chan. I certainly hope
so."
>> "We probably should go down to dinner. I bet
Kasumi's making a good
>> meal tonight," Ranko said earnestly.
>> Nodoka nodded and smiled as she wiped away her
tears.
>> "You run along first. I've got to clean up,"
Nodoka said quietly.
>> Ranko nodded and headed out the door. Nodoka turned and
looked out the
>> windows at the stars as they came out into dimming the night sky
before
>> sighing and collecting herself for dinner.
>
>As they what?
>
>>
>> Ranko skipped down the stairs, trying to convince
herself everything
>> was going well when she ran into Akane.
>> "Hey, you okay?" Akane asked
immediately.
>> Ranko nodded.
>> "What about you?" she asked in turn.
>> The youngest Tendo daughter mused for a second before
shrugging.
>> "I dunno," she said. "This whole thing's
got me weirded out. I mean,
>> the panda-thing and turning into a girl?"
>> Ranko frowned.
>> "Yeah," the brunette replied. "It is
pretty weird."
>> "You don't sound so convinced," Akane said as
she reversed direction
>> and walked down the stars with her friend.
>
>That doesn't make any sense. I don't think Ranko doubts the
weirdness of it all.
>
>> "Well, it's not everyday you see your long-lost
twin brother," Ranko
>> replied bluntly.
>
>You wish. From now on that's exactly what you'll be doing.
>
>> "Yeah."
>> "So what's the deal with this marriage
thing?"
>> Akane rolled her eyes.
>> "Don't remind me. I'm so angry at Otousan. I
can't believe he did
>> something like that!"
>
>Maybe she should call him Oyaji, if she's that angry.
>
>> "But he's denying it, isn't he?"
>> "Yes, but I don't think your father's too willing
to back down."
>> "It's not like my mom's gonna make you guys stick
to it."
>> "It's your father we're worried about," Akane
said quietly. "He seems
>> so adamant about it."
>> "Just ignore him."
>> "We can't. He being very vocal about
it."
>
>Let's kill him. That way he'll shut up.
>
>> Ranko frowned.
>> "So what about Ranma?" she asked.
>> Akane shrugged.
>> "I have no clue," she replied. "Can you
believe he's still sitting
>> there?"
>> "You're kidding me."
>> "Nope. It's really spooky. I swear he's a zombie
or something."
>
>A tuber I tell you. Tuber!
>
>> The two stopped inches from the doorway. Ranko peeking
into the room
>> she'd fainted in. There was Ranma, sitting the same way, only
this
>> time, she noticed he was rocking ever so slightly.
>> "He looks so sad," Akane noted.
>> "He looks so gone," Ranko replied.
>> "He's your brother."
>> "He's a zombie."
>> Akane frowned.
>> "Don't you have any feelings for your
brother?" she asked.
>> Ranko stood up and stared at Akane square in the
eyes.
>> "What do you expect me to think? One minute he's
as good as dead and
>> now he's back! What the hell am I supposed to think?!?"
she hissed.
>
>And he's still as good as dead.
>
>> "Look-"
>> "I just don't know, okay? Mom's really shook up by
it all, and I
>> really can't say I'm all that happy with it either."
>> "You finished?"
>> "Yeah," Ranko said lamely.
>> Akane gave her friend a reassuring pat on the
back.
>> "Don't worry about it. Everything's going to be
just fine. You'll
>> see," she said to Ranko.
>
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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