Hmm. Let's try it WITHOUT the attachments... sorry if you get it twice...
and you can get the MIDIs from www.rpgamer.com or just e-mail me and I'll
send them to you.

| Fsck,fsck,fsck. Up _way_ to late and posting yeah, yeah.
| THis is of course Part B. With the right headers this time.
| Apologies, all.
| C&C Please.

Well why not. Taking a break again from typing lab reports... I've got four
backlogged, currently, but you don't really care, do you? Share and enjoy.

| Disclaimer: The playground is by Rumiko Takahashi, I'm only swinging on
| the monkey bars.  Remember to leave the grounds cleaner than you found
| them and please don't feed the Troll.
|
| Jei-san, on the other hand (look that's his name, okay?) is the
| exclusive property of Stan Sakai, who is welcome to him. I am merely
| borrowing his likeness, and will return it as soon as I am done with it.
| And not before time too, I don't want it sticking around in my head.
|
| (Oh, what the Hell. It's 3 chapters and some in, you know what the
| signs are by now, right?)

I should certainly hope so...

What? No songs? Hmm... let's see what I can do for an optional backbeat...
ah! Here we are. Lufia II, an unheralded SNES RPG with some of the best
music I've ever heard. Four MIDIs are included... choose one to loop as soon
as the battle begins... I recomend luf2myst.mid, but the others are suitable
too. Magus's theme from Chrono Trigger would be my second choice. And
they're less than 128K altogether, so don't go complaining about me and my
huge attachments.

| ----------------------------------------------------------------------
| Ranma & Akane: A Love Story.
| Chapter 3: The Third Day
| Part B: Storming the Wall: A Game of Wolf and Dragon
|
|    Koriko Nagao was having what he could unqualifiedly describe as the
| worst day of his life. He had been humiliated, dishonored, disgraced,
| he thought grayly.

I know the effect you're going for, but I'm not sure if "grayly" is a word.
"Darkly" I know to be one.

| It had been bad enough before, when that horrible
| barbarian had terrified all the males of Furinkan on the first day. It
| had been unendurable when he had been seduced by his own rage into
| joining the attempted attack that had ended so humiliatingly on the
| second.

Well, humiliation was her point that day, hmm?

|   Or he had thought it had been unendurable anyway. Now he knew better
| what 'unendurable' meant. Then they had only laughed at him to his face.
| Only snickered at him behind his back. Only looked with disgust at a
| stalwart of the Kendo Club. Only tittered at the distress of a champion
| of the school. Only sniggered at the nakedness and humiliation of a
| descendant of samurai. Only that, then.

Hmm. I think this should be all one sentence. It reads like one, anyway. And
perhaps include something about him laughing cynically about how he can
think of this humiliation as being "only" anything.

| And so he had called together
| the other stalwarts. The only remaining bastions of Furinkan tradition.
| Even their leader had deserted them, the noble Kuno Tatewaki injured in
| spirit and plunged into depression by the beating administered by That
| Horrible Girl. They were alone now but they would uphold tradition and
| honor as they saw it.

Hmm. The first two sentences can be joined, I think. And the last needs a
comma after "alone now". I think.

|    And so they had analyzed. Dissected available data. Consulted the
| authorities. And realized, to their horror and shame, that they, _they_
| _themselves_ had largely been to blame. Error had crept in to the
| ways of Furinkan. They had turned from the path of honor, and they had
| rightly suffered for it. Engaging in mass attacks on a single warrior
| in a matter of honor. Attempting an ambush. Hiding like cowards.
| Following a mongrel dog to avenge themselves on one who had merely
| acted in defense of another. Finally they had turned to look at them-
| selves and seen what they had become. Worse, they realized, they had
| led others into error, as well. All of they male students of Furinkan

Hmm. Either throw some commas and other words in or change "they" to "the".
I think the latter works best.

| had eventually joined in the Fight For Akane's Heart. All were now
| tarred with the same brush, with the same stain, as they.
|
|    They must atone, they realized. They must immediately place their
| straying feet back on the path of honor. But how to do so? There was
| only one choice, he had argued. They had begun as warriors, as samurai
| in a sense, albeit, he now realized, badly misguided ones. They must
| mend their honor the same way. Yet simple seppuku would not do. The old
| ways were no longer honored as once they had been. They would not be
| seen, many said, as cleansing themselves from stain. But rather as over-
| emotional children, even as misguided fools.

Hmm. If you're going for effect, then those last four sentences should stay
as four sentences, but they read better as only two.

| And what else were they,
| some wag had remarked, bitterly. Some, another said, would even believe
| that they were running, unwilling to face up to their shame. No, he had
| argued persuasively, they must seek a confrontation instead. They must
| challenge Ranma-san directly, one by one. In the broad light of day,
| and not hiding behind walls.
|
|    And only after they recovered from the destruction she would surely
| and deservedly work upon them would their honor be capable of being
| restored. 'And,' he thought, 'in such a combat, with weapon in hand, it
| would surely not be difficult to require Ranma-san to use lethal force
| in her own defense.' Thus ending the life he now felt too dishonored to
| endure, without drawing down censure on anyone.

Ah, good, we have a traditionalist.

|    So he had thought, but he had been wrong. They had challenged, or
| attempted to challenge, at least, but she had not responded with blows
| but rather with words. With a story. 'A morality tale,' he winced
| mentally. And with that story she had not merely defeated them; she had
| destroyed them. He had returned to his classroom dreading the looks of
| anger and disgust he knew he would see on the inhabitants thereof. But
| instead he had seen something worse. Much worse. He had looked sideways
| at their dutiful faces as the Sensei called the roll, and there he had
| surprised an emotion more terrible than anything he had ever seen, even
| in his darkest nightmare: the emotion of pity. Pity and condescension,
| as though his humiliation was only to be expected. Worse even than this,
| _un_concern, as though his shame was not even worthy of consideration.
| As though _he_ was not worthy of consideration. As though he were
| nothing.

Hmm. I'm having "Senior Year" flashbacks, only the people here actually have
something that could pass for a brain...

|    He had answered the roll without conscious thought. Hearing without
| observing the information that one of his female classmembers was
| unexpectedly absent. He had not even dared to look at Ranma, where she
| sat midway back in the class, he did not wish to see what expression
| she wore.

I THINK that last comma should be a semicolon.

| He had excused himself immediately, pleading a call of nature,
| they would surely snicker, but he could not bring himself to care.

And the second comma, there, should be a semicolon as well.

| He
| had almost fled the building, and now huddled in dread by the outer
| wall, just by the gates.
|
|    Huddled there in dread, for he knew he could not evade classes, and
| those dreadful, pitying, unconcerned faces forever. And observed the
| approach to the schools gate of what seemed,

"School's", ne?

| to his inlooking eyes, to
| be one of Furinkan's schoolgirls. Perhaps it was Asano-san he mused,
| dully. He must pull himself together in front of his classmate. She
| had not heard of his humiliation yet: he must put off that hearing, for
| a moment at least.

People are using entire colons in sentences when a semicolon would do just
fine...

|    Almost restoring his features to normalcy he turned to face her and
| welcome her to school. And heard her ask him a question, a question
| which he did not register. That voice! That pain-wracked, twisted,
| voice never belonged to Asano-san! What? And he observed a fog clear
| from his sight. And he saw the towering, black-robed, demonic figure
| which replaced his classmate as if by magic,

Skip the "as if" part, boy-o...

| still clutching her brief-
| case in one twisted claw, but bearing a great, cruel bladed Yari in the
| other. And he saw the bestial wolf-like figure snarl at him. And
| raise its spear as he seemed to freeze, mired in some clinging substance
| that weighed down his limbs. And then the twilight fell, and Koriko
| Nagao saw through dimming vision the spear-shaft extending from his
| chest retract, its broad heads' bright sheen dimmed by scarlet
| lifeblood.

'S a double-headed spear? A fork of some kind? Or a cross-bladed sort of
affair like some demonic version of a Phillips screwdriver? Or am I simply
misinterpreting a grammar harf and you meant "its broad head's"?

| And realized that he had been granted the escape from shame
| that he had sought, before the night claimed him utterly.

But other than the teeny tiny nits, I like it. Very... how you say... DARK.
Mwahaha.

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|    Ranma and Akane had been slightly concerned for Sayuri when it was
| discovered that she was not in school that day. Yuka, however, had
| volunteered the information that she had gotten home from her date
| somewhat late last night, and furthermore that she had found a puppy.
| So it was decided that she must simply have overslept, or possibly
| caught some type of bug, and would be teased about it when she finally
| drug in.

Teasing someone because they're sick seems a bit low, at least in my
opinion. But then, what do I know?

|    Then the studious peace of Furinkan was broken by a scream. A pierc-
| ing, terrible scream.

Someone had contrived a remote control and shifted the morning news to the
All-Horror Movies Channel.

| It came from one of the classrooms on the first
| floor front side,

First floor, front side. Right? Comma in there? Or perhaps segregate "front
side" with dashes like the incidental detail it is?

| and was followed by a muffled shout that brought
| Ranma out of her startlement

Her startled state, yes? I admire the refusal to let the language stand in
the way of the story, but I'm not sure that's a word...

| with a shocked oath that split plaster
| at 30 feet, and out the door in a dead run.

I don't think that comma needs to be there.

| Akane followed after her,
| dreading whatever had disturbed her sensei, and reached the bottom of
| the stairs in time to see Ranma wave her hand in a complex pattern --
| outer fingers veed and inners curling --

She had slammed her head against the roof of the stairwell in haste and was
wobbling about dazedly.

...hmm? Well, the warding pose is traditional when a character gets knocked
unconscious. It's also part of a lot of magical girl intros, but I don't
think that...

| at the wall of one classroom,
| which promptly exploded into dust.

...could... possibly... be...

*sigh* Never mind.

|    Akane gasped and choked on the swirling dust, straining to see into
| the opened room. Ranma, however, suffered no such difficulty, snap
| drawing Tenchuu in a classic Iado cut at the dark-robed bulk that
| suddenly lunged at her, trailing a scarlet stream of blood drops from
| its outstretched spearblade.

I think a snap-draw is hyphenated, but that's just me.

|    Ranma pivoted like a matador, sending the lunging demon-wolf past
| her with a tortured, wordless howl.

I know the wolf's howling, but the way the sentence is worded makes it seem
like Ranma could be the one who perhaps got nicked on the way past...

| Tenchuu blurred as it passed,
| striking deep more than a hundred times with a sound like a deep-tolling
| bell, and Ranma snarled a name: "Jei!". Akane gasped in shock as the
| hurtling spearblade bore down on her, and saved herself from impalement
| only by a desperate sideways twist propelled by the impetus of a side
| snap-kick. The kick slammed into the injured side, spraying blood and
| fur from the cuts Ranma's attack had left. Akane saw with a strange,
| singing clarity as she shoulder-rolled of the floor; everything seemed
| to be outlined, thrown into sharp relief so that her racing mind could
| clearly distinguish between what was important, and what was not.

This is her going zanshin, one would assume.

|    Important, for example, were the injuries to the wolf-demons side,

Wolf-demon's.

| healing as she watched, the flesh flowing and squirming back into
| proper shape. Also important was the howling ki aura building up around
| Ranma and flowing down her sword, and Akane abandoned reflection and
| achieved the state of avoidance.

Or at least the state of avoidING...

|    Ranma held on to the howling, snarling ki-force with a leash of sheer
| willpower, quickly enjoining it to build in a circling tubular onion-
| like structure, each thin inner layer of force spinning in counter-
| rotation to the next,

Sorta like a... wossname... Van Der Graff generator, or something like that.

| burning lightning and destructive wind vortices
| building rapidly to an uncontainable level from the internal dissonance
| and friction of the whole structure. The task, for her, was strenuous
| but not especially challenging; she was much stronger then the last
| time she had called the Dragon Wind in earnest, and farther advanced
| down the paths of breath and spirit as well. Now, calling on her full
| power, Ranma held what she knew was the most powerful attack she had
| ever performed until Jei had stabilized himself enough to be rooted.
| Until he had placed himself fully in the path of destruction, yet
| removed his ability to dodge it. Then she released its bonds, and called
| it to battle by name. "Ryuukaze!"

I'm getting Rockman X4 flashbacks all of a sudden.

|    A storm-wind of ultra-cyclonic force erupted from Ranma's hands where
| they clenched around Tenchuu's hilt, flamed down Tenchuu's blade and
| sped irresistibly across the twenty foot space to Jei's back.

So... a fully charged Double Cyclone shot might be an appropriate visual
analogue? Or, had I seen Magic Knight Rayearth, one of Fuu's attacks would
be similar? Either way, I've tinged it green...

| A flaming,
| crackling tide of lightning sped with it, lining it's passage with

"its passage", ne?

| St. Elmo's fire, and a vortex of wind powerful enough to shred steel
| led it, filled with the heart of the lightning, and drawing the tornado
| behind it like a dragon's head draws its neck and claws following after.

Hmm. I appreciate the simile but... it seems awkward... "filled with the
heart of the lightning, the breath and jaws of a dragon whose coils and
claws were trailing in the hurricane behind."

Or maybe not.

At any rate, it's only a tornado if its tip hits the ground; hurricanes are
a little more truncated.

| As it passed it drew up debris and shredded floor-tiles into itself,
| their component particles joining its destructive force, and on Ranma's
| chest, underneath her shirt and wrap, the dragon threw back her head --
| and roared.

Now THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is one heck of a special move.

|    And Ranma watched with fleeting satisfaction as an unstoppable tide
| of pure destruction hit Jei squarely in the back -- and accomplished
| precisely nothing. 'Oh, _shit_! He learned to shield!'

*piku* What in the world...? I suppose it's like how everybody in Street
Fighter can just BLOCK a hadouken...

| She hurled
| herself across the separating space between them, shifting her sight to
| the mode she used to analyze a structure of magic, and slipped fully
| into zanshin mind-no-mind.
|
|    Jei spun towards his attacker, keeping his attention focused on her
| ki-force, and beginning a triumphant snarl.

Don't count your foes before they're on the ground in a quivering lump.

| Ranma sliced past him in a
| rush, Tenchuu burning through his stomach and out his back, severing
| his spine. Ranma, spun around Jei, hand, feet and sword flickering,

I think you can lose the comma after Ranma's name.

| testing his defenses and ki in a whirlwind too fast for even Jei's
| boosted senses to track; but also too fast to do any lasting damage,
| the minor wounds healing even as they were made.

And that semicolon there should probably just be a straight comma.

| At last, having dis-
| covered as much as she could, Ranma flashed to a position straddling
| Jei's neck, one foot bracing against his back as the other leg curled
| around his throat. A convulsive twist of Ranma's body broke even Jei's
| inhumanly strong neck, and sent her off his shoulders to bounce off
| the wall behind him, curling her legs against her chest and storing
| power in them.

And the first comma in that last sentence doesn't need to be there either.

| Then she exploded away from the wall, into his back;
| her sword flashed around to sever his head entirely as she built a
| tornado-strength shield of wind behind and around her body and uncurled
| into Jei's back. The force of her ki-charged shove shattered every
| bone in his spine and propelled him violently across forty yards of
| open air, through and out of the classroom he had been destroying
| originally, and into Furinkan yard.

You know, that seems just a little bit like overkill.

|    A lash of green energy erupted from his severed neck as he passed,
| joining neck-stump to head, and drawing the latter after it with a
| shriek of rage and pain that would have shattered all the windows on
| Furinkan's front side, had there been any undestroyed to that point.
| Which there weren't.

That last sentence seems to come straight from the Department of Redundant
Redundancies Department.

| Impacting the ground violently and being propelled
| into a tumbling roll, Jei progressed down the yard with a series of
| cracking and ripping noises, landing on his feet and healing all his
| wounds with a sustained wet crackle that ended as his head slammed home
| atop his neck and knit together again with a squelch that would probably
| have been exceedingly disgusting had anyone been paying attention to it.

It's amazing how, even in the middle of a desperate fight, a writer can find
something to make humorous.

Oh, and what I said about overkill? @@@@@@@h, just forget it.

|    Ranma leaped through the destroyed classroom, absently noting the
| carnage within, and landed just outside what had been Furinkan's outer
| wall. "Jei-san. I see you have gained in prowess since the last time
| I killed you."

Now this is the ultimate in hate-hate relationships.

|    The storm-loud cackle of mad laughter that erupted from Jei seemed
| to provide any answer that might be necessary, but he continued anyway.
| "Fool, I cannot be killed!

Well what if I turned a particle beam on your body and destroyed the mesons
by altering the strangeness of their component quarks, sending subatomic
particles to all corners of the universe at near the speed of light?

*blink*

Note to self: Writing reviews as a way to relax after a physics test is not
recommended.

| I am the champion of the Gods, and they have
| given me new power for the holy task of destroying you and all your
| works, utterly!"

Man. Those must be some righteously pissed off gods.

| A green ball of fire suddenly filled his hand. "Now,
| prepare to die!" he screamed as he threw it at Ranma.

So this is the super-powered Ryoga analogue to match this super-powered
Ranma, who doesn't get lost between his fights but instead has to
reconstruct his form from primordial ooze or some such?

Just a guess.

| She batted it
| aside without expression, unmoving as it spattered twenty feet of Furin-
| kan's front wall with a clinging emerald flame that corroded stone,
| glass and wood alike.

Dark fire...

|    Ranma again drew in her power and answered Jei's challenge with a
| bolt of lightning. "Gekirin no Ryuu!"

(something) attack of the dragon?

Might want to include a handy-dandy translation guide at the end of the
chapter...

| The thunderclap that followed
| the lightning's ineffectual explosion off Jei's shield fixed his attent-
| ion firmly on Ranma herself, and allowed Akane to shoo several panicking
| students up the stairs to (presumed) safety, while she herself ran to
| the destroyed classroom, to see what help she might give.

Hmm. Don't need that last comma. But other than that, nice confrontation.

|    Upon jumping the low sill left by the destroyed wall, she landed in
| a warm, sticky pool and went to one knee, looking around in disbelieving
| horror to find that the answer was: none. At least a dozen bodies
| littered the floor and desks of the violated room. Most were in pieces
| no larger than half a torso, but all were clearly dead, and the still,
| brooding air hung heavy with the iron tang of fresh blood, and the
| sewer stench of released bowels, overlain by the visceral, sour-sweet
| smell of human death.

I just ATE here! Gah. Pardon me while I think happy thoughts in an attempt
to calm my stomach.

| The combination went straight to her hindbrain
| and forced her, gagging, to her hands and knees.

Well, duh. I mean I'm getting nauseated reading it...

| Her eyes widened in
| shock, and she scrambled to her feet, frantically wiping her hands on
| her pants as she realized what she had landed _in_.

Speeeeeeeeew...

| She gasped and then
| determinedly looked away from the carnage around her, out across the
| field to, and then past, the looming figure of the seven-foot tall wolf
| demon, to where several panicked students, nearly mindless with fear,
| huddled against the outside wall of the schoolyard.

Ugh. Truly chilling mental picture. You, sir, are evil.

|    Akane lunged out of the destroyed wall section, snatching at the
| central pillar of an overturned desk in passing, and ran across the
| field, yelling desperately for the students to run behind her, and away
| from the demonic spearwolf.

So about a 2-foot length of pipe, then? Maybe enough to serve as a
nightstick...

| As she passed directly in line with Jei,
| she hurled the desk across the separating distance, smashing him dead
| on and hurling him into the wall.

Oh, the pillar was still attached.

| Unfortunately for him, however, one
| of the students, who had heard her call, and started to run across to
| her, was on the wrong side. Thus, when Jei smashed into the wall, said
| student was less than 3 feet from the impact and, startled and unable
| to stop, ran directly into the towering figure as he clawed his way
| from the rubble of the wall. Jei's hand lashed out and closed on the
| hapless student's neck even as Ranma and Akane both lunged towards the
| tableaux, and the terrible, bloodied spear flashed back for a death-
| stroke. Akane, however, was close enough to arrive in time and simply
| shoulder-smashed into Jei, breaking his hold on the student, and driving
| them both apart, and into the wall.

Again with the excess last comma...

|    Jei rebounded with a snarl, driving his spear at Akane's unprotected
| back as she turned and sent the boy she had protected to her off side.

You know, I REALLY hope you're not going to kill Akane...

| Then Ranma flashed into range, sending Tenchuu smashing into the shaft
| of the spear.

Ah, good.

| But the shaft rebounded the swordstrike, to her distant
| shock, and Jei's instant counter flung Ranma back a dozen yards, rotat-
| ing in midair and looking for a landing place.

Oh, bad.

| Akane sent her charge
| toward safety with a massive shove and began to turn at bay. Too late:
| the spearhead would pierce her before she could evade, she saw dis-
| tantly.

Oh, very bad.

| Which was why the black, metallic ribbon that flashed out of
| nowhere and tugged the spearshaft far enough aside to miss and plow
| into the wall, instead of Akane, came as a complete shock to everyone.

Normally, truancy would be a Bad Thing in my eyes. This case, however,
merits an exception.

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|    Kuno Kodachi had hidden in the shadows beside the wall of Furinkan
| and observed the events of the morning. She was especially concerned
| with finding out who had so injured her brother, but since he had told
| her none of the details, she kept a look-out for anything unusual. The
| shortish redhead with the aura of power almost visible to the naked eye
| was certainly unusual, she felt.

Well, yeah. I mean, you don't see too many people projecting that aura of
power thing...

| Furthermore, her brother had not
| mentioned her even in passing, as he surely would have under normal
| circumstances, and she was in the company of another girl, whom Kodachi
| recognized as the "Beauteous Tiger" of her brother's fevered rantings,
| Tendo Akane, albeit much altered from the frumpy girl she had remembered
| from the last time she had seen her.

You know, that's one big sentence. Then again, Kodachi doesn't exactly think
in discrete fragments like the plebians, does she?

|    This was, she thought, suggestive, and she had been engaged in
| attempting to locate the girl within the building when the screams and
| explosions had informed her that matters were becoming very odd and
| dangerous indeed. She had left the building by a convenient window and
| jumped into the trees, through which she had moved to a position just
| over the confrontation by the wall, observing the battle in awe. Seeing
| Akane's peril, she saw also an opportunity to intervene, and prove her
| own battle-worth in a theater of the utmost truth, and had intercepted
| the demon's spear with her ribbon.

Perhaps set that bit about proving her worth in battle off with dashes
instead of commas.

|    Jei's counter pull of the shaft had ripped her from the tree and
| several yards further into the schoolyard, but she had anticipated this,
| and landed with all the grace of her gymnastic art, then turned and
| began to unleash a peroration that would surely stop the monster in its
| tracks and lead directly to its defeat. "Hold, monster! For now ..."

And today, Kodachi Kuno learns that life is not like magical girl shows.

|    Ranma rebounded in mid-air and turned to the attack as Jei took the
| opportunity to dispose of at least one opponent and struck directly
| for Akane's heart.
|
|    "... you face the wrath ..."
|
|    Akane declined to be spitted and counterattacked before Jei could
| drive home his spear, catching the spear-shaft just behind the head
| with the odd speed she suddenly seemed to have acquired, and putting
| a circle kick from the hip into Jei's midsection.

Impressive.

|    "... of the Black Rose ..."
|
|    Jei was driven back by the kick, and Ranma altered her trajectory to
| track him as he stumbled into range of Kodachi, and felt that one
| foe was as good as another.

That last clause there seems a bit awkward. I can't think of how to rephrase
it right now, but it seems awkward nonetheless.

|    " ...Ugghkk." Kodachi gasped, as her speech was rudely interrupted
| by the but of Jei's spear driving past her defense to slam into her
| midriff, tearing her leotard and breaking several ribs. The but was
| followed by the spearhead, rotating like a fan blade as Jei drove it in
| an arc that would have torn through her heart, while gathering balefire
| to his off hand.

I think it's the butt of the spear. Two t's. I might be wrong, though.
You're the military history lover and I'm just the otaku.

And... balefire? Did we just step into the Wheel of Time without warning?
Call it glowing blue flame, eldritch fire, or something, but balefire is a
means of utterly erasing someone from existence, removing their past as well
as their present.

| Would have, except for Ranma's fall from the heavens,
| to cut through Jei's arm, severing it briefly and reducing the wound
| to a 3 inch deep cut across and through several ribs and deeply into
| the muscle of her left arm. The fireball that followed as Jei fell away
| from Ranma's strike spattered across Kodachi regardless of Ranma's
| swatting, ki-charged hand, and she fell backwards, crippled, bleeding
| and aflame.

When you get whupped, you get whupped BAD.

|    Some distance away, a young man who had been engaged in the occupa-
| tion of shepherding students away from the fight looked up, and ran
| to her side with a shriek of rage and pain, "Sister, no!"

I wonder if this Kuno has the Katana, +10 against Demons, that has been so
prevalent among several other incarnations of him. Of course, he probably
wouldn't carry it with him, would he?

|    Jei regained his feet with a snarl, but Ranma had seen enough. She
| had the measure of his defense now, and it only remained to accomplish
| the attack that would destroy him. She kept him on the defensive with
| a barrage of mini-lightning bolts as she closed, followed by a blister-
| ing exchange of fists, feet, spearstrokes and swordblows that maneuvered
| Jei into the position she wanted.
|
|    Tatewaki reached his sister's side just as Ranma put Jei in the posi-
| tion she wanted him in. "_NOW_ Akane," she roared. And Akane, seeing
| her chance, snatched up the central pillar, now detached, of the desk
| she had previously used, and charged into Jei's back, using the pillar
| as an improvised club. An attack that was fully successful in all ways
| except one: she got the angle to hit him at slightly wrong.

"Jei-san no BAKA!"

Then again, this is real and the whole smacking into the stratosphere thing
is for comedic effect anyway.

|     Jei did not fly in the direction Ranma had wanted, nor did he go as
| far; and Ranma altered direction again, on the ground this time, as
| Tatewaki reacted to the presence of the beast that had wounded his
| sister with the beginnings of the best attack he could muster: his
| bokken blurring in the air. "Strikestrikestrikestrike...".

Hmm. The semicolon can be changed to a comma, and if you're going to use a
colon, call that rapid-striking technique by its proper name, which I THINK
is 'The Hundred Blows'.

|    Jei, of course, ignored the attack, bringing the shaft of his spear
| over his head and down onto Tatewaki, sending the bokken from his hand
| and dropping him, stunned, across his sister's body. And Akane followed
| up her original attack before he could reverse and use the blade,
| shoving him forcefully a couple of feet away, and following up to grab
| the fallen bokken as she sprawled across the pile of Kunos. She turned
| over desperately, bringing the bokken around to block the descending
| spearpoint away so that it thudded into the dirt beside her, and then
| continuing with the only attack she could muster from her position flat
| on her back on the ground. An attack that she knew was inadequate,
| possessing as she did only the mediocre skill gained by her desultory
| studies previously and one day of Ranma's instruction. An attack that
| was, nonetheless, the only thing she had. A kick straight up, with all
| the force that was in her, past Jei's defense and into his groin.

Brilliant strategy. Force your teacher to unconsciously wince in sympathy
and throw off her concentration.

Then again, Ranma, being of variable gender, probably doesn't mind it as
much.

| It
| lifted him up 6 inches, to a roar of shock and hate, forced his hands
| up, locked around the spearshaft for the downward, unstoppable strike
| that would skewer her, Tatewaki and Kodachi all three, and gave Ranma
| one single, unobserved, unoccupied second.
|
| -----------------------------------------------------------------------

The Level 4 Limit Break, ladies and gentlemen.

|    It was enough. A roaring wind blew Jei away from the sprawled pile,
| as Ranma smashed into him. A hail of swordblows from all angles taxed
| his regenerative capabilities and eroded the defense of his ki-shield.
| A simultaneous flurry of ki-charged one-finger strikes pelted him,
| whirling him around and around and setting his ki to boiling heat. And
| Ranma followed him in the circle, countering his spin and dropping her
| ki to freezing before she called the wind again. "Hiryuu Shouten Haaa!"

Whoa. So this one DID train with the Amazons. Before or after the dunking
and, if before, why doesn't Shampoo entertain thoughts of Ranma as a
possible husband? Or is Ranma part of the tribe now?

|    The Rising Dragon Ascension Strike flamed inward from a circle
| ten yards across and lifted Jei in a roaring cyclone into the sky.
| Ranma followed after, riding the wind that was Jei's enemy, returning
| Tenchuu to her jacket with a snap and drawing a phurba of meteoric iron.
| This she threw straight upward, through Jei's abdomen, and sent the
| lightning of the storm after it, upward from the ground to the dagger's
| place at the apex of the cyclone, damaging Jei past the momentary
| limits of his regeneration and removing half of his remaining shield.

Whoo! Dual Tech Spire in action!

...sorry, Chrono Trigger flashback.

|    Ranma herself rode the lightning upward, catching the dagger at apex

at ITS apex, probably.

| above Jei's form, momentarily held in equilibrium between wind and
| gravity. And then Ranma called the wind up into a vortex just above
| the previous apex of the storm and let Jei fall.

That's... Hiryu Gyoten Ha or something like that.

| She followed his
| descent with another throw of the phurba, again striking through Jei's
| body, to thud into the ground far below, again followed by the fury
| of the storm, shredding the rest of Jei's shield and wounding him
| deeply.
|
|    Jei snarled hatred and snapped his spear around to guard. Ranma could
| not now put another missile past his guard, and to injure him again she
| must go down, and into his range. And then Ranma played her trump card,
| pulling from Jacket-space a weapon that Jei could only vaguely place.
| Some kind of one-hand arquebus, he thought, but surely too small to ....
|
|    The Desert Eagle roared, and attempted to buck in Ranma's solid grip.

AAH! Nav flashback!

| Eight times it spoke and eight bullets flew. Each jacketed, solid core
| hollow point missile carrying, locked to the iron spike at the core of
| its leaden mass, as much of Ranma's ki as she could shove into it while
| pulling the trigger. A packet of ki dedicated to only one goal -- to
| expand explosively just before it entered Jei's body and then to hold
| the lead and iron in a specific shape during its passage, irregardless
| of the impedance of flesh or bone. A goal each packet achieved exactly,
| punching eight holes in the spearwolf's body, each in the shape of an
| ideograph in a scholar's shorthand of ancient China. Eight ideographs
| relating a saying about men, and butterflies, and the difficulty of
| telling the difference.

"Am I a man dreaming I'm a butterfly... or a bowling ball dreaming I'm a
plate of sashimi?"

Bonus otaku points for identifying the source game, character, and location.

| Eight ideographs arranged on Jei's torso in a
| pattern tracing out another ideograph in that same ancient hand. The
| ideograph called 'Final Emptiness'.

I'm getting the sort of rush I get when I see Tifa's limit break chain
building to Final Heaven.

|    Ranma allowed Jei to fall almost to the ground before using the iron
| dagger half-buried in the ground below him to anchor the remaining
| energy of her storm in one titanic bolt of fury, earthing itself
| through Jei's fatally wounded body and knocking the spear sprawling
| from his hand at last. She landed, herself, about ten feet away from,
| and behind, Jei -- now standing in a wide crater and frantically reaching
| for enough power to regenerate his broken body -- and snapped Tenchuu
| from its resting place again, sending power through it and waking it to
| furious, burning life.
|
|    Then Ranma jumped backwards, past Jei again, Tenchuu flashing. She
| carved another ideogram through his entire body with her sword: two
| inward curving lines, each continuing from its bottom up into a
| crossing loop, forming a symbol not unlike a "W" with a loop extending
| above the middle point. Then continuing in a single motion over the
| top of the outer points, closing the curve and leaving only the central
| loop above it.

Zorro, eat your heart out.

|    Ranma landed in front of Jei at a distance of no more than three
| feet, and Jei could only watch Ranma's cool emotionless face, incapable
| of movement and with all his defenses down, as she drew back her sword.
| And then struck straight through the center of the ideogram she had cut
| into his flesh. And also straight through his heart.
|
|    Jei exploded into a towering pillar of flame, and Ranma withdrew
| her sword and resheathed it, waiting. The flame burned itself out in
| moments, revealing the various limbs and pieces of his torso falling to
| earth, smeared with an odd, green, burnt looking ichor; and a wide-
| winged butterfly of an evil green hue, hanging where the ideogram had
| been, sending up a high pitched, wailing keen, and burning. Ranma
| swatted it from the air with a ki-sheathed hand, and ground it
| underfoot.

Bushiko wins...

FATALITY.

|    Then Ranma returned from zanshin, and called a slow, pulsing fire
| to her hand. "Come back from _that_, you pustule on the backside of
| divinity",

That conjured up a monstrously unpleasant image. As if there weren't enough
of those in the rest of the story.

| she snarled bitterly, using pulses of the flame to burn
| the corpse of the butterfly to ash, and set the remaining pieces of
| Jei's corpse afire.

Oh, GOD. How long was that fight scene? That's gotta be some kind of record.
And you kept me engaged all the way through it, too...

| -----------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|    Akane was just struggling to her feet again as Ranma turned from
| the evilly smoking fires. She was aching, burnt, scratched in several
| places, and bore more bruises, scrapes and minor cuts than she wanted
| to think about, and the only thing she wanted was for Ranma to tell her
| that it was over. Ranma pulled her into a brief, hard hug and whispered
| "You did great, Akane-chan!"

I think you can change "and bore" to just "with".

|    Ranma thumped her briefly on the shoulder and let her go, grinning
| at her widely for a moment. Then Ranma turned to the gate of Furinkan,
| striding over to check on the body there, and Akane bent down again
| to help Kodachi and Tatewaki.
|
|    Ranma strode over to Nagao's body, and knelt down.

You said she strode in the last paragraph. Vary the verb, hmm?

| She could easily
| see that he was dead, but she used ki-sight anyway, to make sure. Then
| she gently closed his staring eyes, and stood up looking over at the
| gate to see what she had noticed from the corner of her eye. It was a
| briefcase, which she picked up, examined, and then quickly brought over
| to Akane, standing next to the Kunos and talking to Nabiki, who had
| summoned medical and police units to the school.

"to Akane, who was" would make things a little clearer at this point, I
think.

|    "What's wrong, Ranma?" Akane noted her friend's grim expression.
| Ranma held up the case, so Akane could see what was written there:
| Asano, S., and her address. Akane's eyes went wide in horror.

And AN address, certainly. Unless it was Akane's address, or Sayuri had
somehow transferred her lifeforce into the characters which made up her
name. Neither of which I think is likely.

|    "Do you know where this is, Akane-chan?" And at her nod, "Then I
| think, Nabiki, that you should call aid to that address, too. And I
| think that Akane and I should go there now, as well. And I think that
| we should run."
|
|    Akane nodded jerkily and ran toward the gate, waving her hand toward
| Sayuri's distant house. "She's over that way, Ranma. But the fastest
| way there is...."
|
|    She was interrupted by the feeling of arms around her waist, and
| jerked into the sky.

As the martial artist flies.

| Landing on the roof in the appropriate direction
| Ranma flowed into a smooth run, leaping gaps in the roof line with
| focused unconcern. Akane followed, gulping in trepidation at the gaps
| she would have to jump, but making no protest.
|
|    Across Nerima they traveled in leaps and bounds, Akane following
| roof lines as straightly as they could, and bypassing the traffic.

There you are with "straightly" again. I still say that's not a word!

| Shortly, they heard the rising wail of sirens, and Ranma suddenly
| snarled an oath. "I can feel it now unblocked, Akane-chan, I've gotta
| hurry," she snapped out before blurring into a red and black streak.
|
|    Akane followed as quickly as she could and reached the roof line over
| Sayuri's house to find Ranma picking herself up from the ground, smoking
| slightly, and a dozen paramedics charging the door. "Wait," Ranma roared
| uselessly, "the bloody thing's ...." The paramedics hit the door and
| were thrown back with casualties, and a burst of green fire. "...
| warded. Damn!"

Hmm. I think "were thrown back, with casualties, by a burst of green fire"
works a bit better. But that's just me.

|    Ranma snapped back to her feet as Akane jumped down and stalked
| forward.

Is Akane stalking or is Ranma?

| "Get _back_ you fools, there's magic here." She jogged up to
| the door and raised her hand, ki coalescing around it in an in-drawing
| vortex. She thrust her hand forward in the same gesture she had used
| earlier, outer fingers veed and inners curling, and burned a circle
| of green fire into the air before the doorway. The door collapsed into
| dust as the circle of fire exploded around the house, blowing everyone
| in a block's radius except those behind Ranma flat to the ground.

Righteous Anger keeping her charged and upright, hmm?

|    The door vanished, and Ranma strode forward, hand at her side, ki
| still gathered. Akane followed after, and those paramedics and police
| still on their feet.

"after, as did those paramedics..."

As it is, it makes no sence.

| The darkness within shifted like a living thing,
| snarling and drawing down, choking. Ranma pulsed ki to her hand, drawing
| the dark close about it, and then shifted polarity, and expressed the
| ki of the vortex she had generated as sunlight.
|
|    A brilliant flash of light destroyed the darkness, burning down its
| resistance and banishing it with a fading wail. Ranma glided into the
| house, glancing at the older woman lying in the doorway with a broad
| spear mark through her outer chest she left the body to others and
| strode to the small body lieing nearly hidden in another room.

Your mission, Jim, should you choose to accept it, is to find the place
within this snatch of text where one sentence should end and another should
begin. Alter the punctuation as you see fit, and should any of your IM force
be caught or killed, the secretary will disavow any knowledge of your
actions.

| Kneeling
| down, she checked Sayuri's ki with a sinking heart, but snapped her
| head upward to Akane with burning but worried eyes.

"but THEN snapped her head upward". As it is, you sound like she knows the
ki is there without having to check it.

| "She's still alive!
| But she's not breathing, and she's fading fast! Get help, and I'll try
| to call her back."
|
|    Akane spun and went rapidly back to the other part of the house, to
| fetch a medic, and Ranma gathered all the ki she could at short notice,
| then struck one hand downward toward Sayuri's chest, flaming into new
| life as it went, ki curling about it ready to call the body beneath her
| back to life ....
|
| -----------------------------------------------------------------------
|
| Nyahhahahahahaha!!!! Another cliffhanger! Evil, I'm so evil!

Yes you are.

| Some people commented that last episode seemed a little slow, and
| didn't have much action. That's because I was saving the action for
| this one. Was, ahh, that more what you had in mind? <innocent look>

I think you've set a record for longest fight scene. Any other takers?

| Next: Well, did she live or didn't she? The aftermath at Furinkan.
| Counting up the cost. Ranma and Akane take a bath! More training!
| And at dinner, Ranma tells a story. Who? What? When? Where? Why?

Woh?

"Woh?"

"It's 'how' spelled backwards."

"We wanted SIX W's."

| Questions answered, and background explicated, next time on:
| Ranma and Akane: A Love Story
| Chapter 3: The Third Day
| Part C: Exploiting the Breach: Telling Stories

The review for which, God willing, will be out in a few days.

--G. Falconar