For a real challenge, you might rewrite this from the POV of one of 

the

attackers. Show us what it is that drives a man to do such a 

despicable

act -- maybe some of the things that we can see to lesser degrees in
ourselves. Now *that* would be frightening.

I apologize but I must disagree with you.  The story, being written 

from

Akane's point of view and therefore simply shows what she was going
through.

I don't think it "simply" shows.  I think Gary's right; it "preachily" 

shows

what the unnamed wife is going through.

I'll throw in my agreement with Richard and Gary here.  I understand and 
agree fully with the author's intentions, but the tone of the story 
turns me off completely.  Messages in a work are fine, but you have to 
be careful that they don't interfere with the effectiveness of the 
story; at that point, you're not writing fiction, you're writing a 
tract.

If I were in that position I have a feeling something similar would
running through my mind as well.

Perhaps.  But, from a story-telling perspective, I think Gary's right: 

the

point would be *more* effective if it wasn't bludgeoned into our 

skulls.

Subtelty in a story is much more effective than being blatant.  Just 

compare

"Psycho" to "Friday the Thirteenth" to see the difference.

<nod>  In this case, entirely true.  Sometimes you can use a 
sledgehammer; other times, you need a scalpel.

I think the major problem here is that the desire to impart the message 
of the story got in the way of the telling of the story itself... first 
of all, the idea of a dozen or so people, no matter how big, managing to 
lay a finger on Ranma is fairly implausible.  Akane dealt with far more 
than that at the beginning of the series, and post-V38, she's nothing 
compared to Ranma.  The preachy tone is also a problem; I don't enjoy 
being preached to.

In a way, the story might have worked better with a character other than 
Ranma; while I can understand him being the most obvious choice, the 
themes the author wanted to deal with might have been better applied to 
someone like Tsubasa, perhaps even Konatsu.

Ciao,
-Alan Harnum

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