While I agree 100% with the message here, the way in which it's
presented is a bit too blatant and preachy for my tastes. It seems to me
that it would make a more effective story if we just got to see what had
happened and decide for ourselves how terrible it is, rather than have
wifey (who wasn't even there for most of it) bash us over the head with
how bad it is.

For a real challenge, you might rewrite this from the POV of one of the
attackers. Show us what it is that drives a man to do such a despicable
act -- maybe some of the things that we can see to lesser degrees in
ourselves. Now *that* would be frightening.

I apologize but I must disagree with you.  The story, being written from
Akane's point of view and therefore simply shows what she was going
through.

I don't think it "simply" shows.  I think Gary's right; it "preachily" shows
what the unnamed wife is going through.

If I were in that position I have a feeling something similar would
running through my mind as well.

Perhaps.  But, from a story-telling perspective, I think Gary's right: the
point would be *more* effective if it wasn't bludgeoned into our skulls.
Subtelty in a story is much more effective than being blatant.  Just compare
"Psycho" to "Friday the Thirteenth" to see the difference.

Prince of Dragons

-Richard