This was kind of a "yeah, so?" bit of prose.  I mean, well-written and all,
but it means just about nothing without some kind of context.  It's really
impossible to judge this without knowing which direction you're going in or
what the story is going to be about.  This scene could be the prologue to
any of a thousand different kind of stories, from a darkfic (premonitions of
disaster in the near future) to a WAFFyfic (Ranma finally realizes that he
*really* *likes* Akane).  How well does this prologue work for the story
you're going to tell?  Who knows?

So come back to me when you've got more written, and then I'll be able to
give you more in the way of constructive C&C.  For now, all I can say is
"Nicely written."

-Richard