On Mon, 19 Oct 1998, Gary Kleppe wrote:

		     HEARTS AND MINDS PRELUDE EIGHT
			GOSUNKUGI HIKARU: COURAGE

I had this silly idea that you've brought to the forefront of my mind.
Gosunkugi Fighters II.  I couldn't think of anyone for him to fight,
though.

	He carried the dinner over to the computer and began forcing it
down. 

How about just saying he ate it?  I had this image of him opening the
case, and cramming the food inside.

	He'd recently heard that Shan Pu was on her way back from China.

How?  I doubt that he keeps in touch with the Kunos, and my impression
was that Ranma and Akane were asked more on a spur-of-the-moment type
thing, so it's unlikely that they'd mention it to him.

Unless he 's kept up that spy work?

She and Kuno were asking Akane, Ranma, and the others to go to her
village to protect them from some threat. Hikaru hadn't been able to
find out what they were worried about, only that it was something
dangerous enough that they might not all survive.

Ryouga:	My god!  It...
Azusa:	Pierre!  Kawaii!  Kawaii!
Ranma:	RETREAT, EVERYBOD...*choke choke*  *urk!*

Oh, wait.  She's with Mousse, so she can't be the threat.  Darn.

was in High School. *Be careful around these sorts of people. After all,
you only have one life.*

This is a nice line, since it can be taken in two different ways.

	No, that didn't seem like it was going to happen. Hikaru had
been at Ikasama University for over a month now, and still hadn't met
anyone there.

Question:  Is he still wearing the candles on his head?

Sayuka?"

Heh.

	She took the steaming cup in hand and walked to the bathroom. A
short relaxing soak in the tub would be the next step in her nightly
routine. It was always something she looked forward to during the day.
Still, she would have happily put it off to talk to Hikaru for a little
while. She wondered why he had run off so suddenly.

Foreshadowing to a relationship?  Interesting...

	She opened her underwear drawer. It was empty.

This line seems rather abrupt.  I don't know if you'd consider that good
or bad here.

	"Who are you? What do you want?"

Now, hold on.  He's lived in Nerima.  Doesn't he know?

	"I was once a lad of your age myself. You may not believe this,
but as a youth I was short, scrawny, with no money or social status--
the kind of guy who pretty ladies would never give a second look to."

"And look at me now!  In my old age, I'm short, scrawny, with
no money or and respectible social status--the kind of guy who pretty
ladies either run away from, or try to pulverize!"

	"Oh Ranma!  It's so *big*...will it fit?"

	"Hey, no sweat, Akane. Just move your end down a little." Ranma
pulled the refrigerator in through the doorway towards the kitchen, as
Akane followed behind holding up the other side.

heh.

	"Yup!" Now if only Akane would learn to cook, Ranma thought. She
had improved a lot since the old days, but her food was still only at
the level of tolerable. Not that his was much better.

Y'know, I haven't seen much Ranma, and I've read fanfics that state that
he's a marvelous cook, and those that say that he's horrid.  Which is it?

	"Not let you go?" A wicked gleam formed in Akane's eye. "Of
*course* I'll let you go, Ranma! After all, to catch Happosai we're
going to need some really attractive bait!"

Wait a moment.  Why does he have to be on stage?  He could always be in
the audience, and look for Happosai like that.

	"Yes!" Hikaru threw down a cloth sack. It fell open enough for a
few bras and panties to peek out. "I almost got caught when I lost my
concentration. Fortunately I got away before she got a good look at
me... I think."

Now, hold on.  I've lost the timing here.  Either he learned how to use a
technique in a couple of hours, or several weeks have passed by without
notice.

"You want to learn something flashy? I'll teach you a little thing
called the Happodaikarin. It's one of my favorite ki attacks. Ranma will
never be able to learn it, but I think you can."

Wait a moment.  Since when is the Happodaikarin a chi attack?  It's just a
big firecracker.

energy. Ranma uses a ki attack based on his self-confidence. That's a
relatively common one.

I thought Ranma *invented* his attack, and that the Shi Shi Hokoudan was
the common one.

	"NO WAY! Don't be stupid. I told ya, it just makes me feel good.

It's a comfort thing, goddamnit!

	Akane mouthed off some random Chinese syllables. "Zheige hua
meiyou shenme yisi. Fanyi zhi hui langfei shijian."

Does this mean anything?  I know Chinese, but I can't read pi-ying.

	But he knew that wasn't going to happen. Girls like her didn't
notice him even when he wasn't using his technique to remain unseen. He
was going to end up like Happosai, only able to get women's attention by
stealing their underwear.

	Hikaru looked at his Happodaikarin. It had grown to the size of
a beach ball.

Wait.  He's been thinking depressing thoughts here, so he ought to be
doing a Shi Shi Hokoudan.  How 'bout cutting out the self pity paragraph,
or sticking it somewhere earlier?

as a rain of debris came down.

	Then it was over. He pushed away the rubble around him and found
that he could stand up.

Rather abrupt scene change here, though I think that it works better than
melodramatic description of screaming and terror. 

to hear two voices, one of them unmistakably Ranma. There were no words,
just impassioned grunts and gasping.

This contradicts the ending.

<snip Akane's taunt recollection>

Just my own opinion, but I thought that this was wordy, and just didn't
give me the feeling of pity.  You know that rule, Show, don't Tell?  It
seemed to be more Tell than Show.

	But he didn't. He chose Akane.

				^^^^^
If you're following her thoughts, then this word  ought to be "her"

The kiss of a Goddess.

It's Tatewaki Syndrom.  No cure, I'm afraid.  Even hitting someone just
makes it worse.

	"Hikaru? You want to... Are you sure? It'll be dangerous, and
you aren't combat trained like the rest of us," Akane said.

So, is this why you have Happosai train Hikaru?  Interesting...

Gary, this fic was okay, but compared to the first couple of preludes, I
think that it's overshadowed.  It didn't grab me the way the others
did.  Just my personal opinion here.


-Natsume Ranma Ranma
-------
The sardines weren't worth the trouble.  A few more shots, then 
Ryoga-san would overheat and explode.  Ducking around a corner, 
I managed to lose him as I entered the ramshackle residence of 
my Anime supplier.

One look at his face and I knew that I was betrayed.  "Tell me."
I insisted.  He refused, so I slammed him against the wall.
"Last chance.  Where can Ranma-Ranma find good fanfics?"
"Try Jason Liao." he whispered, before he slumped to the floor.
I heard the sounds of a door splintering as I left through the 
window, one step ahead of Tendo Heavy Industries...