Hi minna-san! l was listening to the radio today when l heard a song l 
haven't heard in a long time. l heard it and said "Geez! That would make 
a totally terrific songfic!" So... here it is. Enjoy! 

Ranma � belongs to Rumiko Takahashi. Centerfold is by J. Geils Band 
(l think). No infringement or stepping on toes is intended.

Centerfold
Song by J.Geils Band 
Scenes by Anita "Nodoka" Williams

[Scene opens with a wet onna-Ranma running towards Kuno. As she 
comes closer, Kuno opens his arms to embrace his love only to have 
her foot planted in his face. As he lies on the ground with his arms 
folded across his chest, he begins to think with images of his osage 
no onna whirling about him.]

Does she walk? Does she talk?
Does she come complete?
My homeroom homeroom angel
Always pulled me from my seat.

[Nabiki comes outside and sees Kuno lying comtemplatively on the 
ground. She grabs him by the collar of his kendo uniform and drags 
him inside. As he's being dragged to his homeroom class, fuzzy 
images of onna-Ranma float in front of him.]

She was pure like snowflakes
No one could ever stain.
The memory of my angel
Could never cause me pain.

[Nabiki unceremoniously dumps Kuno in his seat as she seductively 
sits on his desk in front of him. She reaches in her bag and pulls out 
a Victoria's Secret type catalog and opens it to a page in which 
onna-Ranma is posing in a revealing lace nightie which Nabiki probably 
had to pull alot of strings to get him to pose in.]

Years go by, I'm lookin' through a girly magazine
And there's my homeroom angel on the pages in-between!

[Kuno's face seems to drain of all blood (l don't wanna know where that 
blood is going) and his eyes become humorously large. A small trickle 
of blood slowly drips out of his nose as he gazes at the ad.]

My blood runs cold
My memory has just been sold
My angel is the centerfold
Angel is the centerfold
My blood runs cold
My memory has just been sold
Angel is the centerfold

[Nabiki turns to see the teacher come in and she quickly shuts the 
catalog. She goes back to her seat as Kuno continues to sit there 
in a drooling, comatose fashion. She puts the catalog in her bag and 
pulls out a piece of paper on which she writes simply "50,000�" and 
slips it to Kuno as the teacher starts taking attendance.]

Slipped me notes under the desk
While I was thinkin' about her dress.
I was shy I turned away
Before she caught my eye.

[Nabiki turns to see if Kuno got her note, but he turns away before she 
can see if he did. His eyes glaze over as he starts remembering when 
he first met his osage no onna and the times thereafter.]

I was shakin' in my shoes
Whenever she flashed those baby-blues.
Something had a hold on me
When angel passed close by.
Those soft and fuzzy sweaters
Too magical to touch.
To see her in that negligee
Is really just too much!

[Kuno, thinking waaaay too much about that ad, decides he should 
go to his pigtailed goddess and recites to the teacher japanese love 
verses and says something about going to his love's side. As he begins 
to get up, he realizes that.... he shouldn't have thought about that ad 
so much. <wink, wink!> His face flushes again as he mutters an apology 
for interupting the teacher's lecture and returns to a sitting position 
tortured by thoughts of the ad.]

My blood runs cold
My memory has just been sold
My angel is the centerfold
Angel is the centerfold
My blood runs cold
My memory has just been sold
Angel is the centerfold

Nah nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah (x3)

[The teacher drones on and the clock whirls ahead at incredible speeds 
until it shows the noon hour. Kuno walks slowly to lunch as his thoughts 
continue to linger on that ad. He looks around hoping to see a flash of 
crimson hair somewhere in the crowd around him.]

Now listen:
It's okay, I understand;
This ain't no never-never land.
I hope that when this issue's gone
I'll see you when your clothes are on.

[Kuno eyes glaze over as he's walking, his imagination working 
overtime. He fantasizes about taking the pig tailed girl in a date and 
perhaps having a few drinks. A scribbly imagined onna-Ranma blushes 
as she walks, tipsy from too much drinking, to Kuno's car.]

Take your car, yes we will.
We'll take your car and drive it.
We'll take it to a motel room
And take 'em off in private.

[Kuno lets off a giggle that Ataru Moroboshi would be proud of before 
he walks face first into a wall.]

A part of me has just been ripped.
The pages from my mind are stripped.

[Nabiki pulls him off the wall and waves the catalog in front of him with 
a cat-like grin. Kuno gracefully takes out his wallet and hands it to 
Nabiki who hands him the catalog. Nabiki hands back a near empty 
wallet and winks at him.]

Oh no, I can't deny it
Oh yea, I guess I gotta buy it!

[Nabiki pulls out another catalog and walks up to another boy. His eyes 
enlarge as she opens it to the page with onna-Ranma. He immediately 
pulls out some yen and Nabiki puts it in her already bulging bag. The 
boy with the catalog walks past a nosebleeding Kuno with his eyes 
glued to the magazine.]

My blood runs cold
My memory has just been sold
My angel is the centerfold
Angel is the centerfold
My blood runs cold
My memory has just been sold
Angel is the centerfold
Angel is the centerfold

[Scene pans out to show nearly half the male population of Furinken 
with the exact same catalog that she sold Kuno; all of them drooling 
and comatose, and a very happy Nabiki off in the corner.]

Nah nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah (x3)