Ranma's Father (rewrite by request)
char TM various other people.
gregg sharp, Metroanime@aol.com
http://members.aol.com/greggsharp/index.html
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	Toltiir was bored. This was generally
considered a bad thing. Watching various timelines,
he watched as Bast scowled at another timeline
where Ranma had died in the Nekoken training.

	With a wink and a nod, the two 
moved the already dissolving timeline to parallel the 
methane breather's timeline, then...

	Toltiir got mischievous. Bast got tricky.

	A small audience formed to watch.
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	"...and so Kuno told the sword to
grant the pigtailed girl a wish." Ranma stared
in frustration at the sword. "I tried wishing for 
the sword to cure my curse, and it buzzed at
me saying that there was a conflict."

	"I see," Kasumi said. "If you 
wished yourself free of the curse, you would
not be the pigtailed girl, and therefore the
sword would not have granted the pigtailed
girl a wish. Oh my."

	Everyone stared briefly at Kasumi.

	"Serves the pervert right," Akane
said, sipping her tea. "Honestly, the way you
acted around Kuno..."

	"Hey! It's not my fault! You see 
what it's like with a curse like this, and see how
well you cope. Geez, I got girls coming onto
me in boyform, guys coming onto me in my
girlform, and nobody listens to me in either
form!"

	"Humph," continued Akane. "You're
always getting yourself into these problems, Ranma,
and it's always your fault. Pervert."

	"Airen!"

	"Ranchan!"

	Ranma's head slumped. "Oh no."

	"Ranma! How could you invite them
over!?" Akane managed to give Ranma a hurt look.

	"Actually, sis, I gave them the option of
buying an info service where I call them whenever
Ranma's about to go off on an adventure or do something
that might impact their relationship with him." Nabiki
smirked. "This qualified."

	"Hey, Ranchan, if you're gonna wish,
why don't you wish to marry the fiancee that
really loves you?" Ukyou smirked, knowing that
neither Akane nor Shampoo could compete in
that arena.

	Ranma looked up, that actually didn't
sound too bad. He tried to think of what would be
so bad about that one.
	
	Nabiki huffed arrogantly. "Oh, get it
_over_ with, Saotome. There is no single thing that
can solve all the problems _you've_ managed to
accumulate. You _know_ that whatever you wish 
will just make your problems worse anyway. Why
not just give it up?"

	Ranma looked downcast at the table.
"Well, Kasumi?"

	"Ranma?"

	"Everyone _else_ seems to have something
to add, I just thought I'd give you an opportunity to 
throw in your bit as well, is all." Ranma's voice was bitter.
Here he had something that could end his curse, and he 
couldn't get any help in figuring out how to do it.

	"Why would I do that, Ranma?" Kasumi
asked as if she didn't understand.

	"BAKA, will you quit bothering my sister
and GET IT OVER WITH!" Akane yelled.

	Ukyou spoke up. "Hey, maybe Nabiki's got
something there."

	"Excuse me," Nabiki looked startled. She
hadn't given away something for free, had she?

	"Look, if you wish for a fix to your current
problems, you got too many. Maybe you should turn
your attention to what CAUSED all your problems."
Ukyou smirked. "Your father."

	Elsewhere, a panda sneezed and felt this
awful premonition of doom.

	"Oh, right, maybe if his father had been
rich or related to wealth," Nabiki snorted.

	"...more mature, more intelligent," said Kasumi,
but in a very polite manner.

	"and if he wasn't such a cowardly, freeloading,
immoral wretch," said Ukyou, thinking of her own 
treatment at the hands of Genma.

	"...and if even stronger fighter who could
teach Airen much useful techniques, so Ranma even
better and more powerful fighter," Shampoo said, 
clasping her hands together and looking at this 
wonderful vision in her mind.

	"That could have been cool," Ranma
agreed. "I wish I did have a father like that..."

	"GRANTED!" Two voices answered,
one from the sword and the other from somewhere
off to the side. The sword faded away.

	A guy of about average height with two
slashes that almost looked like a second set of eyebrows
walked in. "Hello, I've been elected to explain what's
happened." (Mainly because everyone else is laughing
so hard.)

	"Oh my, a guest." Kasumi got up to get some
tea things.

	"Well," Nabiki munched on a rice cracker and
looked this guy over. "Are you here to kill Ranma, marry 
Akane, or kill Akane and marry Ranko?"

	"Actually, Ranma Saotome, this is your life!"
Grey pointed to the wall where images began to appear.
Pointing to a picture of Genma entering a house, Grey
also pointed out the woman hiding behind a tree.

	"Who's that?"

	"Your mother, Nodoka Saotome!" Grey smiled,
revealing fangs. "Tired of Genma cheating on her, she
decides to GET EVEN!"

	The image changed to the same woman at a 
party. It appeared to be a VERY posh social event.

	"So she goes to this party held in honor of
the Prime Minister. Your mother can't hold her drink 
very well, and got more than a little bit..."

	"Smashed," supplied Akane.

	"Tipsy," provided Nabiki.

	"Drunk?" Ranma squeaked.

	"Enter this fellow," Grey made a motion
and the picture changed again.

	"That's that gaijin maniac villain, the Joker!"
Nabiki exclaimed. "She was at _that_ party?"

	"Indeed," Grey flicked the picture again.
It showed a man and a woman, stripped, and being
thrown into a broom closet. The door to said closet
being sealed with Joker Glue immediately thereafter.

	"Oh my," Kasumi covered her mouth with
one hand. "How long were they stuck there?"

	"A little over six hours. During that time,
Ranma was conceived."

	"Well, Ranchan," Ukyou nudged the 
apparently paralyzed Ranma, "I always knew you
couldn't be related to that damn panda."

	"So who is his daddy?" Nabiki took
a deep drink of her own tea.

	"This man." Grey again changed the
image, revealing a very well-dressed young man 
standing in front of a corporate logo.

	<SPTHHHHHTHHHHHH> Nabiki
drenched one wall with tea and immediately started
a coughing fit.

	"Wayne Enterprises?" Ukyou thought
about it. "Oh, yeah, I've heard of them. One of the
top 100 international megacorps, aren't they?"

	Nabiki was continuing to cough, her
eyes tearing up.

	"Ah, Shampoo hear about them. They
own mining company near village."

	"Yes, and Bruce Wayne has just 
discovered evidence that his son is alive and well 
and living in Nerima Japan."

	Nabiki managed to stop coughing but
was now looking at Ranma as if he had grown horns.

	"There's more, but you'll find that out after
you go to live with your father." The image changed
again.

	"Such a big house," Kasumi exclaimed. It
must take a lot of time to clean. 

	"That place bigger than entire village!"
Shampoo blinked. "Airen could invite entire village
over for wedding."

	Akane was still alternating between staring
at the pictures, the guest, and Ranma.

	"Damn, sugar. You think Wayne Enterprises
would be interested in a merger with a little okonomiyaki
shop, maybe? I got some ideas for advertising..."

	Nabiki looked at the house, the helicopter
landing field, the car in front of it, the various other
buildings in the background. A quick estimate of the
total value caused her eyes to roll up in the back of
her head. Followed immediately thereafter by a crunch
as her head impacted the little tray of rice cakes in front
of her.

	"Sorry, I couldn't stay longer, but the Rival
Relief Office keeps on short notice and I don't exist in
this particular timeline anyway." Grey smiled, handed
a business card to Ukyou, and quite abruptly vanished.

	"Grey. Demon, fourth class, not affiliated with
Hell. Rival Relief Office, Asgard." Ukyou blinked. "It lists
a pager number for emergencies?"

	"Ranma...you..." Akane began to get angry,
especially with Ukyou now hanging onto him and discussing
all her plans for expanding her business. "You're not even
pure Japanese!!! YOU BAKA!"

	Nabiki's eyes snapped open. That's right. Akane
was too traditional to consider marrying an "ai no ko" and
the same thing held true for Kasumi! Images of bags of 
money flying away from her seemed to fill the air.
------------------------------------
	Grey reappeared and walked up to the small
crowd of beings looking at the timeline. "So what happens?"

	"Ah," Toltiir smirked. "Look at what happens
when Ranma discovers Bruce Wayne's 'hobby' and decides
to indulge himself as well..."

	"Ah," Bast purred. "Look at what happens when
Ranma meets Catwoman for the first time!"

	"Heh," laughed Loki. "Look at poor Ranma trying
to explain how Spatgirl and Chinagirl ended up at the mansion."

	"Akane must care on some level," pointed out
Susano. "Look at her trying to get to Stately Wayne Manor."

	"Nabiki's already there and is explaining to Bruce
about how Ranma has to marry a Tendo." Isis shook her head.

	"Look at Genma trying to sneak in and getting run
off again." 

	"What's Ryouga doing in Gotham City? Oh, lost and
looking for Akane again."

	"Oh my."

	Everyone's heads snapped up and they turned to
see Kasumi standing behind them. She held up a familiar 
looking business card. "I just wanted to get ahold of my
sisters, and I thought this was an emergency..."

	"Call forwarding," groaned Toltiir.

	Kasumi let a little sad look pass over her face.
"You know, I wish that I could help..."

	Toltiir laughed. Perfect. "GRANTED!"
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just a little rewrite suggested by someone. don't even
bother voting, i AM writing Featherbrite's Tale.

ja ne
gregg


	

	


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