From: Alan Harnum <harnums@hotmail.com>

Waters Under Earth

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Homepage at:  http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Bay/9758

There at least once a week.

Chapter 27 : Trials

    Akane closed her eyes and sank down into the water of the
crowded tub, trying not to bump legs with Shampoo or Rouge as
she rested her head back on the edge.  Shampoo's house in the
village had been a shock; rich and luxurious, it was at least as
big as the Tendo home, beautifully decorated with ancient
antiques and carefully-carved wooden furniture.  There was
running water, and electricity.  The village of the Joketsuzoku
was turning out, in some ways, to be very different from what she
had expected.

WHAT?!  How DARE you mess with our stereotypical view of the tribe (and
many poor Chinese villages to boot) by giving them electricity and water
and other small privledges!  Seriously though, this little bit came as a
pleasurable shock because seemingly everything else that I can remember
reading has delt with the Joketsuzoku as a technologically-backwards
group.  Of course, this brings to light questions as to where the water
filtration buildings are...  what?  Oh, right, this is just a fanfic.
Ne'er mind...

    Rouge was staring out the window in the bathroom, high up on
the wall above the tub.  "The sun's rim dips, the stars rush out,
at one strides come the dark.  I remember reading it in a poem
once when I lived in Shanghai..."

As one?  At once?  I missed it...  as where is this quote from?

    She trailed off, her eyes sad and shadowed, and went back to
washing herself.  Chin balanced on her palm and elbow balanced on
the lip of the tub, Shampoo glanced over to the other two girls
and smiled slightly.  "We go to Council soon.  Akane, if I need
you to speak for me, you do it?"

This part didn't make complete sense until later on for me.  If Shampoo
chickens out (very unlikely possibility), Akane is supposed to tell the
story for her?  Or if need be, Akane'll confirm her story?  Ah..  we
shall see...

    "Ukyou," he whispered joyfully.  "You're finally awake."

Okay, feel free to hit me for this one, BUT, shouldn't that last
sentence end with a "!"?

    Ukyou slipped her legs painfully out from under the loose
white sheets and placed her feet on the floor, then reached out
and gathered him to her in silence, realizing as she did that she
wore only a thin red nightgown, but not caring.  His head fell

WOO-HOO!!   Oh, wait...

against her shoulder with a soft sigh as he wrapped his arms
around her, and she stroked his back through the scarlet cloth of
his kunoichi outfit.

Almost a mother and son scene.  Or of two people who need each other
very much...  If I admitted that I had a softer side, I'd say this was
one of my favorite scenes in this particular chapter.

    Sighing with annoyance, she got up off the bed and paced the
room, the carpet scuffing under her bare feet.  Finally, shaking
her head resignedly, she grabbed a long-sleeved sweatshirt from
her drawer and pulled it on over her tank-top before heading out
into the hallway.

You're supposed to put sweatshirts in a drawer?  Whoops.....

    She took the stairs quickly, and was in the process of
pulling on her shoes at the door when her father poked his head
around the corner.  "Nabiki, are you going out?"

"Me?  No, of course not daddy.  I'm putting on my shoes because my feet
were lonely and wanted company."  (I can't recount the number of times
I've wanted to say that for when my parents asked if I was going out.)

    Nabiki nodded dismissively, and stood up to leave.  Her
father stood in the open door, watching her as she paced down the
front walk to the street, and she had to resist the temptation to
turn back and snap at him.

Give into the Dark Side!  This is all in keeping with Soun worrying
about his remaining daughters, right?  Good job, I could really
empathize with him.  (unlike Nabiki though, I can't resist the urge to
snap at him...)

    She walked a winding route throughout the narrow streets,
passing canal and house and store under icy glow of the
streetlights.  Underneath the wide awning of a bookstore, she
paused and watched as a huge white moth battered itself against
the plastic covering of one the streetlights, a futile seeking of
unattainable light.  She entered the restaurant district, and

Looking back at this, this bit really fits in with the entire story.
Ranma & Co. are the moths in this case.  With them though, they should
be able to reach the light.  The good side always wins.  Right?
Right??

    "There's not much I can tell you about people several
thousand miles away," Nabiki protested.  "That's all I was able
to put together before they left.  I'm hoping Akane can find a
phone and call me through, and then I can..."

...and call me though?  Or call her through what?

    "Not my responsibility," Nabiki said softly, under her
breath as she began to walk.  "I just sell information.  Nothing
else."

Just my opinion, of course, but shouldn't she be shivering from both the
cold and this last encounter with the yakuza?  Or a bit of a contrast
between her sweaty hands and the wind suddenly biting back at them?

    After a few blocks, she paused near the canal that cut
through the district, leaning back against the fence and opening
up the envelope.

As my english prof. loved to remind me, watch your tenses here.

    OH YES, LITTLE ONES, the darkness said in a booming voice
like thunder, echoing from all around them.  SOMETHING WENT VERY,
VERY WRONG INDEED.

For some odd reason, this opening scene seems familiar..  I can't quite
place why though......

    I AM A PART OF THE PART THAT AT FIRST WAS ALL the darkness
said.  I AM THE GATE I AM THE KEY I AM I AM I AM and it laughed
and laughed and laughed.  At last, the laughter died away, and
Ranma was left only with his own breathing.

Like a little child, gleefully playing with his new toys....

    "I think we're in trouble," Wiyeed said quietly.

    "Dear sister, whatever gave you that idea?" Herb answered
sarcastically from within the lightless dark.

Wiyeed!  You've just won the understatement of the year award!  What
will you do now?

    She paused.  "If this work out okay, I give you temporary
adoption into family, mean that outsider laws not allowed to
apply to you while you remain in village."

Temporary adoption?  Umm...  okay....

    Shampoo shrugged.  "Is only story.  Child learn how to hate
and fear and cause pain from father hurting child, so that why we
have hate and fear and pain.  From wives, we learn how to heal
and love and defend ourselves.  So we have evil and good in us."

Only a story.  Ri-ight, Shampoo.  Still, another enjoyable scene.

    Akane thought only for a second before answering.  "Oh,
sure.  She hardly ever let up."

Akane seems to be a little too flippant in her attitude towards the
Elders.

    "We'd never make it," Konatsu said.  "You don't understand
what Kenzan is, Ukyou.  She is ancient.  Wherever I go, Hako can
find me.  She can find you too.  I was able to stop her from
hurting you once, but I don't have any more tricks to pull."

Kenzan...  is he referring to clan Kenzan or Kenzan Hako?

    Kuno's hand released her arm, and she turned to look at him,
rubbing the spot he'd gripped.  "You surprised me.  Why are you
sneaking up on a girl in a park, anyway?  You looking to get
arrested."

Okay...  either the arrested sentence should end with a "?" or the "you"
should be changed to "You're".   In my mind anyway....

    There was a strange look in Kuno's eyes, she noted vaguely.
He said nothing, only bent down and picked up the envelope she'd
dropped.  Scattered bills were spread out on the ground between
them, fallen when the unsealed envelope had opened upon hitting
the ground.

She really can't keep ahold of that money, can she?

    Nabiki turned and ran.  She expected him to follow, his long
legs to outpace her, expected more revelations of the deepest
secrets of her life to rise from him like from some damned oracle
staring into her soul, but he only stood, watching her go.

Ooohhh...  this reminds me of some other book I read once and I just
can't remember it!  Another of my favorite parts from this chapter.

    And there was laughter now, cutting like a blade and cruel
as time.  So much hate here.  So much darkness.  So little light.

But like the moths, they seek the light, ne?

    Hako turned and glared at her.  "Stay out of this, Fuhaiko."

Did I ever mention that I'm loving the names you've chosen?

    She moved with surprising quickness, hands reaching out and
grabbing the sides of Ukyou's head.  Nenreiko's thumbs pressed
against her open eyes before Ukyou could instinctively close her
eyelids, very lightly, but still painfully.

This bit...  spooked me.  I'm still unsure of the exact WHY behind this
one.  Maybe to gather information?

    "Look," she said finally.  "If you're not ready, that's
okay.  I won't try to set up anything more with Tofu if you don't
want me to.  But any time you feel the urge, just tell me.  I'll
see what I can do, okay?"

    Kasumi nodded.  "Okay."

I believe the phrase is "It'll be a cold day in hell before..." she'll
ask for that.

-End of Chapter 27

Yay!  Another enjoyable chapter.  And much, much better than 26.  If I
might say so, it seemed like someone else wrote chapter 26.  It just
seemed... off in my opinion.  Or maybe a bit rushed?  Anyhoo.  I liked
this one.  Congrats!

-Tom