From: KLEPPE@execpc.com (Gary Kleppe)
To: ffml@fanfic.com
Subject: Re: [FFML] [Ranma][Fanfic][Revised] Hearts and Minds Prelude 7 

- Mu Si: Reflections

Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1998 04:33:19 GMT

"Alan Harnum" <harnums@hotmail.com> wrote:

Now... I'm unsure as to why you have Mousse using the pidgin speech in
his act.  He's always struck me as fairly proud (aside from when
dealing with Shampoo) and I don't know if he'd stoop to something like
that.  Is there a specific reason you had in mind for having him do
it?

Not really... just kind of a showmanship thing. Any opinions on whether
I should keep it or not?

My vote is, keep it.  You mention specifically that he uses it to ape 
Shampoo--While we can speculate whether this is to mock her, or just to 
play to Japanese xenophobia (kind of like blacks 'Tomming' whites in 
America), not knowing the reason for _every_ little detail is actually a 
good thing in a delayed continuation fic like this.

"Oh my.  Could you please stop eating that man's soul and go back to 
the lowest depths of Hell, Mr. Demon?"

Hey. that kind of approach might work!

Gah.  I suppose it would be better than anything Gos' would try....

Only occasionally.  You just don't hear about the ones who get crushed
by the impossible odds, because they don't make for very inspiring
stories.

That's very true. Just like you hear stories about a few people who win
the lottery, but not about the millions of them who throw their money
away on it day after day without ever... *ahem* but I digress.

Must... resist... anti-Lotto... rant... urge.

Hasn't everyone had one of those conversations where both of you
aren't talking about the same thing?

Only all the time.

Heh.  It's worse when the two of you are not talking about different 
things.

       The rain stopped. The last dim vestiges of evening light 

emerged

around the clouds. Soon it would be dark again.

Hmm... somewhat confusing.  By evening light, what do you mean?  The
moon, the stars?  

I mean the last rays of the sun as it's setting. Maybe I should say
that.

[nods head vigorously]

The whole Azusa sequence was very effectively written.  As you say in
the endnotes, a children's book style narration.  For her, it works.

I actually came up with the idea for it for a different story that
features Azusa... now, if only I can get my collaborator back to 

working

on it. :)

Snicker.  Looking forward to it when it comes out.

Now... I'm not sure of how realistic a depiction this is of the
activities of the average Japanese tax inspector.  It seems awfully
cloak-and-daggerish, and even possibly illegal.  Than again, I know
two things about the Japanese legal system, and one of them is jack.

I'm no expert either... I'm using the movie as a basis, and who knows
how accurate it is. But with all the other cultural alterations in the
Ranmaverse, I'm not sure if it matters anyway. Maybe the tax people 

have

had to get more agressive in order to deal with super-martial artists.
:-)

Spamfic will be appearing shortly.  (That's twice, now, Gary....)

       He drifted off to sleep. The pain in his arm prodded him 

awake.

He rolled over as much as he could, hoping a change in position would
help.

Pain in his wing, perhaps?

I'll think about changing this.

I'll support the change.

       Azusa stared with big eyes at the long-haired man covering
himself with a hastily-grabbed towel. "Oh, Claudette!"

Goodness, Claudette.  What's that?  Azusa doesn't have one of 
those... <slap>  Sorry.  

"Oh, that <censored> is sooooo CUTE!" <double-slap>

"Let me put it my cabinet!"  *Rip, screams* <Bounce face between palm in 
flury of slaps>

Another good chapter, Gary.  It didn't have the emotional impact of
the previous one, but with what you had to work with in this chapter
as compared to that one, I don't think it could have.

Actually, opinions seem to vary pretty wildly as far as which of the 

ten

preludes are the best. I've been running a poll on my website for quite
a while. The only conclusive result is that the people tend to like the
last one (Ranma's) the best.

I'd say this is number two or three.

--Freemage

Anyway, that's my two cents about the chapter.  Hope it was in some
way helpful.

Sure was, and I very much appreciate it!


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics

______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com