Ahh!  He asked nicely again.  I really ought to write that essay on
Great Expectations instead, but...

How about writing it on Grate Expectations, by Edmund Wells?

Have to remember that one.  I can make my Modern Lit prof tear out what 
remains of his hair.  ^_-

You know, I've never thought about it, but the fact that I'm actually
able to write serious scenes in fanfic with characters named Mousse,
Shampoo and Cologne probably says something about my mental health.

Something, yeah, but I'm not sure what. :)

Of course, they seem less ridiculous to me than Mint, Lime and Herb, if 
only because I'm more used to seeing them used in fanfic.  ;p

Now... I'm unsure as to why you have Mousse using the pidgin speech in
his act.  He's always struck me as fairly proud (aside from when
dealing with Shampoo) and I don't know if he'd stoop to something like
that.  Is there a specific reason you had in mind for having him do
it?

Not really... just kind of a showmanship thing. Any opinions on whether
I should keep it or not?

Your fic, your choice.  I just wondered at the reasoning for it.

"Oh my.  Could you please stop eating that man's soul and go back to 
the lowest depths of Hell, Mr. Demon?"

Hey. that kind of approach might work!

Better exorcism through inane politeness.

       Shampoo was leaving. Mousse knew that she would be going back 

to

China, leaving him behind, unless he could somehow persuade her not 

to.

Maybe it was insane of him to keep trying after all this time; but to
marry Shampoo was the dream of a lifetime. If there was any chance at
all of it happening, then he had to try. After all, hadn't people
throughout history triumphed against impossible odds to realize their
dreams?

Only occasionally.  You just don't hear about the ones who get crushed
by the impossible odds, because they don't make for very inspiring
stories.

That's very true. Just like you hear stories about a few people who win
the lottery, but not about the millions of them who throw their money
away on it day after day without ever... *ahem* but I digress.

I've always liked the statement that lotteries are a voluntary tax on 
stupidity.

       The rain stopped. The last dim vestiges of evening light 

emerged

around the clouds. Soon it would be dark again.

Hmm... somewhat confusing.  By evening light, what do you mean?  The
moon, the stars?  

I mean the last rays of the sun as it's setting. Maybe I should say
that.

I'd recommend it.  Evening light isn't too precise.

The whole Azusa sequence was very effectively written.  As you say in
the endnotes, a children's book style narration.  For her, it works.

I actually came up with the idea for it for a different story that
features Azusa... now, if only I can get my collaborator back to 

working

on it. :)

Poke them with a stick and shout things at them.  

Awright.  From what little I know of autism, Azusa doesn't quite fit
the profile.  Autism creates a lack of response to outside stimuli,
whereas she's very outgoing and responsive to what goes on around her.
The obsession with cute and the childlike behaviour _could_ be
indicative of some sort of developmental disability, but autism 
doesn't seem to fit as well as it might.  
Then again, I could be completely wrong.  It's been known to happen
before.  This is always the problem with trying to apply real-world
standards to a character played for laughs in the original material.

As Thomas Schmidt has pointed out, there are a lot of different
varieties and degrees of autism. As I understand it, the common factors
tend to be impairment in social relationships and a limited range of
interest -- which both seem believable for Azusa as far as I can tell.

Yup.  That would fit Azusa to a T.  As I say, though, my personal 
experience of autism is limited to having watched 'Rain Men' several 
times.

I could be wrong about this, of course, which is why I left myself an
out in this story. It's Ryoko who calls Azusa autistic, and she has no
training in that area, so it might just be her mistake.

Ahh.  Okeydokey.

I'm not sure if Gods should be capitalized in this sentence.  If 
Mousse is thinking of a specific group of gods (e.g. the Amazon Gods,
the Olympian Gods, etc...), then yes.  If he's just thinking of the
gods in general, e.g. "Like flies to wanton boys are we to the 
gods...", then I think you should lose the capital.

You're probably right.

Checking various sources, I think I am.

Now... I'm not sure of how realistic a depiction this is of the
activities of the average Japanese tax inspector.  It seems awfully
cloak-and-daggerish, and even possibly illegal.  Than again, I know
two things about the Japanese legal system, and one of them is jack.

I'm no expert either... I'm using the movie as a basis, and who knows
how accurate it is. But with all the other cultural alterations in the
Ranmaverse, I'm not sure if it matters anyway. Maybe the tax people 

have

had to get more agressive in order to deal with super-martial artists.
:-)

I've already seen what resulted from this.  How come every time I give a 
public C&C to HaM, Freemage ends up writing a spamfic?  ;)

       Azusa stared with big eyes at the long-haired man covering
himself with a hastily-grabbed towel. "Oh, Claudette!"

Goodness, Claudette.  What's that?  Azusa doesn't have one of 
those... <slap>  Sorry.  

"Oh, that <censored> is sooooo CUTE!" <double-slap>

Okay, I'm not even going to touch this one... Uh-oh, double-entendre. 
<slap>

Another good chapter, Gary.  It didn't have the emotional impact of
the previous one, but with what you had to work with in this chapter
as compared to that one, I don't think it could have.

Actually, opinions seem to vary pretty wildly as far as which of the 

ten

preludes are the best. I've been running a poll on my website for quite
a while. The only conclusive result is that the people tend to like the
last one (Ranma's) the best.

Up to this point of the revised releases, I'm rooting for Chapter 6 as 
my favourite.  Then again, I'm horribly biased towards anything that 
shows the Old Ghoul in a good light.

I'm not precisely sure what role Azusa is supposed to play in this,
though.  Is she a substitute for Shampoo (a romantic one) or simply
someone who becomes the focus of Mousse's life with Shampoo gone?
>From the way you've written it, I'm inclined to think the latter,
which I think is much more appropriate.  

You're correct. Mu is basically serving as a subsitute father figure 

for

Azusa. While she's not really a romantic interest, she is someone who
cares about him and shows him some affection. Will this be enough for
Mu? Only time (and maybe HaM) will tell.

Whenever the main body of HaM gets written.  Coming sometime after now.  
;p

Anyway, that's my two cents about the chapter.  Hope it was in some
way helpful.

Sure was, and I very much appreciate it!

Garsh.  This public C&C thing ain't half as hard as I thought.

Ciao,
-Alan Harnum

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