Yes, kids, it's time for...

MYSTERY SCIENCE TARDIS 2000!

With Wyrm, Time Lord for Hire...

=WYRM: [Holds up sign, "Will code for food."] Hi!

...Wyrm-chan, his better half...

=WYRM-CHAN: Literally and figuratively.

...and...

[Cut to a real heartbreaker of a woman with pink hair. Tall as SJupiter.]

=WOMAN: [smiles disarmingly] I thought it was time to lose the odangos! Like
=      my new look?

...Mamoru Usagi, alias Chibi-Usa and Small Lady!

=USAGI(WOMAN): Not so chibi anymore!

Note: To prevent confusion with her mother, we will refer to her as "Bunny."

=BUNNY(Usagi): [chagrined] HEY!!

Today, we present a SI!

=WYRM, WYRM-CHAN & BUNNY: [unenthused] Yaaay.

SuperRyoga: Read this or turn into P-Chan. <evil grin>

=WYRM-CHAN: You're cruzin' for a quick roast on the spit, pigboy!

I apologize if this ends up too big...it shoudn't be since the entire
story in my wordprocessor (15 chapters) is only 88 KB)

=WYRM: Don't worry. My own "Huntress" is only in its forth chapter and it's
       up to 145 KB.

=WYRM-CHAN: And when do you plan to finish it, perchance? And I thought
=      Shampoo was bad enough when she was _alive_.

**Author's Notes:  This is actually a sequel to another story, located
at http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Dunes/2785/yankee.html.  It's
entirely Star Trek: Voyager though, kinda dark and depressing (also
self-insertion), but if you would like a summary, it's at the end of

=WYRM: And, by extension, so is this.

[this is a log]

=BUNNY: Oak or maple? :)

[Captain's Log, Stardate 52788.22:

=WYRM: What did Tuvok find in the ship's lavitory?

=WYRM-CHAN & BUNNY: [flatly] The captain's log.

We have entered orbit around the planet Amiren. The inhabiants have

=BUNNY: "Amiren" --> "Nerima."

=WYRM: Coincidence? I don't think so.

invited us for shore leave, which we are in great need of, and
extremely grateful for. Voyager is low on supplies and we are in
desperate need of materials to make repairs.

=WYRM: Just don't run into Nuku Nuku and the Poison IV, or you'll be
=      even more desperate for repairs!

The planet itself resembles, in our humble relief conn officer's
opinion, Japan, at least in her time. She is squriming in her seat as
I speak, so I better get shore leave going before she explodes.]

=WYRM: Yeah, she'll ruin the upholstery.

=BUNNY: It's SOOO hard to get redcoat guts out of carpet!

=WYRM-CHAN: And we're runnin' low on "Shake 'n' Vac"!

"End log," Kathryn said as she closed her log.

[Wyrm opens mouth to say something.]

=WYRM-CHAN: [Pulls out a BMG (Big Mother Gun) & points it at Wyrm's head.]
=      Don't you _dare_ even THINK about saying it, Wyrm-sama!

[Wyrm bigsweats.]

CHAPTER TWO

=BUNNY: Bit short for a chapter...

The took an elevator to the fifth floor, the top floor of the hotel,
and from there to their respective rooms. Allucia was unpacking when
there was a knock at her door. "Come in, Harry."

Harry entered. "How did you know it was me?"

=WYRM-CHAN: [Allucia's voice] "Your the only guy I know who wears
=      'Oriental Spice'."

Allucia sighed.  "Only the Captain knows this so far, but I'm a full
empath now, thanks to the wormhole that brought me here. I have the
cabablities of a Betazoid. And then some."

=BUNNY: Well, so much for *that* secret.

At this, Harry flushed. "Uh...so you...um...know what I'm thinking?"
That made him really nervous, if Allucia knew why he had come.

Allucia shook her head. "No, only if I tried to read your mind, which
I wouldn't do without your permission."

=WYRM-CHAN: [sarcastically] Sure you don't, hon.

Harry let out a loud, relieved sigh. Allucia did however, notice how
worried and nervous he was. "Harry, what is it? Geez, sit down before
you pass out."

Harry took the invitation, and sat down on the end of Allucia's bed.
"I guess I'll just blurt it out." He sighed.

Allucia raised an eyebrow and got nervous herself, and immediately did
an emotion clamp-down. "Go ahead," she said.

Harry sighed again. "Well...the past three years you've been on
Voyager...getting to know you and all, as a good
friend...well...Lusha, I've really fallen for you. Like how I used to
like Seven."

=WYRM: Waddia think? Mary Jane?

=WYRM-CHAN: Oh, definitely!

Allucia was caught totally off-guard, but didn't show it. Harry
silently cursed her Mek-pok training.

"Please say something," Harry pleaded.

=WYRM-CHAN: [Allucia's voice] "Splunge!!"

Harry jumped slightly, startled, then turned around. Allucia giggled
and waved. "Uh, hi Tom, B'Elanna." "I'm glad we caught you. Lusha and
I won't be joining you for dinner...is that okay?"

=WYRM: 'Ey! Who says what? You know we can't distinguish people by voice
=      in fanfics!

"Uh...sure, Harry." answered Tom.

"I have to go to the ladies' room," B'Elanna suddenly said, looking at
Allucia. It was obviously time for a girl talk.

=WYRM: [Tom's voice] "Since when were _you_ a lady, you uncute tomboy!"

[Wyrm gets flattened with a BAM (Big Ass Mallet).]

=WYRM-CHAN: [stowing BAM] Don't be crass, Wyrm-sama. But you're right. A
=      "Klingon lady" is a contradiction in terms.

=BUNNY: Final note, It's not "for a girl talk", it's "for girl talk".
=      Plural.

"Uh, me too," Allucia replied, picking up on B'Elanna's request. The
women disappeared into the resturant.

Tom merely smiled at Harry. "So you finally told her?"

=WYRM: So much for "girl talk." Unless... [lets it hang.]

=BUNNY: [panics] Y-You mean Paris and Kim are really GIRLS!?!
=      EEEEEYYYYYYWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Yeah--caught her totally off-guard."

"And you didn't get decked."

=WYRM-CHAN: An A&R-type[1] relationship, eh?

[1] A&R: Akane & Ranma

Harry had to grin at that. "At least not yet."

Tom shook his head.

=WYRM: HEY! Where do you get off sayin' that I shook my... Oh, right.

CHAPTER FOUR

Allucia was taking a walk through the marketplace of the town,
shopping. She was looking for a dress to wear to dinner that night.
She had decided to take a break and walk through the park.

Allucia sat on a bench, taking in the sights. This planet is
beautiful, she thought. Then she heard a rustle in the bushes behind
her. She whirled around. "Hello?"

The bushes parted, and out came an animal. Allucia gasped. It was gray
and had long, floppy ears, and looked like some type of rabbit, that
is, until it meowed.

=WYRM-CHAN: You can hear sounds?

Allucia's eyes widened. It meowed again. It bounded up onto the bench
next to her, and started purring. "You hungry?" As if in
understanding, the creature nodded. Allucia went into her basket
filled with food for snacking, and took out something resembling a
carrot.

"MEOW!!!" went the creature as it pounced upon the carrot Allucia had
placed on the bench. It devoured it in one bite.

"Hungry, ain't ya?" Allucia giggled. She took another carrot out, and
that was quickly finished off as well. Allucia warily reached out
towards the animal, and pet it, glad that it had let her.

"RYO OHKI!!! WHERE ARE YOU!!!" came a rather loud and slightly
disharmonious voice. Allucia frowned. Then a figure came out of the
bushes.

=BUNNY: Not from the sky?

"Oh, thanks!" she said, and walked around the bench to face
Allucia. "You found my cabbit."

"Is that what she's called?" Allucia asked.

The girl, who looked to be about Allucia's age (though looks can be
deceiving with other alien races), nodded. She had long, spiky ice
blue hair. "Yes--you're one of those off-worlders here for vacation,
aren't you?" she asked. Allucia nodded. "I'm Ryoko," the girl said.

"I'm Allucia--but everyone calls me Lusha."

"Welcome to Nahog."

=WYRM: "Nahog" --> "Gohan". Joke's old now.

"Ryoga!" the girl was shrieking, "Leave me alone! I am betrothed to
Ranma!" It was plain that Ryoga, the boy, wasn't listening. "You will
never beat me!"

"I love you Ak--" he began, as the girl's foot connected with his chin
and he went sailing backwards. He quickly got up again. "Akane-san!!!"
he cried, leaping for her again. This time Akane's fist connected with
his nose, and he went flying again.

=WYRM-CHAN: [shocked] OH MY GAWD!!! Ryouga's strength with Kunou's
=      stupidity and stubborness! I CAN'T TAKE IT!!

Allucia wasn't looking at Ryoga. She hefted herself off the ground and
brushed herself off, her eyes on Akane. "It's okay." Then she got an
evil idea. "Hey Akane!" she called.

"Yes, who are you?" Akane replied.

"My name is Allucia--I am an off-worlder. Whaddya say you stop picking
on Ryoga here, and someone your own size?"

[Wyrm stretches out a tape measure and starts comparing sizes.]

Just as the fight was ending, Harry walked up, and saw Allucia and
Akane going at it. He shook his head.  Not even on the planet an hour
and she was probably getting herself hurt. But he could tell she was
making Tuvok proud, even though Tuvok wouldn't admit to it. Then Akane
got in a good uppercut and Allucia went flying.

Right into Harry's arms.

=WYRM: How conveeeenient!

Or, more accurately she landed just in front of Harry, and fell into
his arms, her ankle twisting beneath her. Akane gasped and rushed
over. "Allucia, I am sorry!"

=BUNNY: [snorts] Sure you are!

Once out of earshot, Ranma must have said something to upset Akane,
threw his head back and laughed, and the pair saw --was that a
mallet?!-- come out of nowhere to smash Ranma on the head, while she
screamed "RANMA NO BAKA!!"  The universal translater didn't translate
it.

=WYRM: Aww, you know what it means!

Allucia blushed. "Ummmm...okay."

Harry gently lifted Allucia up. She was heavier than he thought she
would be.

=WYRM: [bounces a shizo (sp?) off Harry's head.] Harry! You know better
=      than to think those thoughts when you KNOW your babe's an empath!!!

He staggered a little under the sudden weight but balanced
himself. He shifted Allucia in his arms more comfortably. Then Allucia
blushed at the sudden closeness, as did he.

=WYRM: SCHWING!!!

=WYRM-CHAN: [Mallets him.] Manners!

By now it was nearly sunset, and Allucia still wanted a dress to wear.
The marketplace closed ay dusk, so they had a little bit of time left.

"Um, Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"I have to pick up my dress for tonight."

=WYRM: [Harry's voice.] "Can I help you?"

=WYRM-CHAN: [Allucia's voice.] "If I let you, there wouldn't be much
=      point in picking it up, now would there?"

"Um...okay." Allucia directed Harry to a boutique she saw earlier.
Harry carried her in, quickly explained she hurt her ankle, and they
quickly picked up a nice dress. They then went back to the hotel.

=WYRM: That's the straight facts, officer!

=BUNNY: Ah Filtertelevision; where nothing lasts more than five minutes!

                           ---------------------
##   ## ##   ## #######  ##   ##  AKA Tom Jefferys, Time Lord for Hire
##   ##  #   #   ##   ## ### ###      "Have TARDIS; Will Travel."
## # ##   ###    #####   ## # ##  Wielder of ANVIL and SPAM!
### ###    #     ##  ##  ##   ##     [ Will code for food! ]
##   ##   ###   ###   ## ##   ##_of_UT haunts <wyrm@mail.utexas.edu>
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"What kind of stupid alien escapes in a car?!"
                                     -- Kizuki Mitsuha, Silbuster ch.1