I'm afraid I have some bad news for everyone. A lot of you have
probably figured this out already, but for everyone who dismissed
this as a prank or an attempt at humor...
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From: Calvin Masamune <chukokunomori@hotmail.com>
Note the hotmail address? The reply-to address for this fellow is set
to an address which does not exist. A reply I attempted to send to
the first e-mail bounded.
To: ffml@fanfic.com
And as long as I'm here, I might as well openly admit I'm back on the
FFML. Pity it took bullshit of this magnitude for me to begin posting
direct-to-list replies to stuff again...
Subject: [FFML] [Shocking!]More Fanfic Conspiracies
Here at the Primary Center for a Healthy Anime Normalcy, we debunk
all
those fanfic conspiracies that are sinister and notorious, and that
you
have believed for so long.
Especially those that everyone other than the so-called "PCHAN" had
never heard of before.
Well, WE here at the PCHAN know better. Which is why we bring you:
AUTHORS WHO ARE SECRETLY ALIENS.
<rolls eyes> Ever heard the phrase "over-the-top?"
Bad enough that we have authors who are pretending to be who they
are
not--now we here at PCHAN have uncovered the truth about some of
the
FFML celebrities, all of whom are secretly working on a
fanfic-based
alien conspiracy.
The--? Give me a break...
CONSPIRATOR #1: Donny Cheng
This gentleman constantly produces fics about Ranma ending up with
just
about every female in the anime universe. Well, there is a reason
for
it. He is actually Xorgon from Vexel VI, who is capable of seeing
into
all realities. He knows all tweleve people you will be marrying in
the
multiverses. He knows the truth about Bill Clinton (who is, in
truth,
Tybalt). DO NOT BE FOOLED. His plan is to confuse you with his
various
fics into believing that Ranma can end up with anyone, and while
you are
not looking, he will move the Akane from "The Bitter End" (see
conspiracy 2)and set her up as Dark Queen of the World!
Uh...right. Sure.
CONSPIRATOR #2: Zen
Donny/Xorgon's partner in crime. This pro-Ukyou fanatic is
actually the
shapeshifter Okii Nomii from Yaki III. He is capable of crossing
dimensional barriers and moving people at will. DO NOT BE FOOLED.
He
is creating an army of Ukyou love slaves for his private harem.
That one was almost funny, and almost believable...except that
knowing Zen, it'd be more likely he'd create an army of Kei and Yuri
clones...
CONSPIRATOR #3: G. L. Sandborn
We here at PCHAN believe that "Mr. Sandborn" is actually Chibi-usa,
trapped in this reality. This thought is so dark and sinister, we
will
not even continue on this path.
I'm not even touching that one.
CONSPIRACY #4: Mark Page
We believe that Mark Page is actually Quebel from Zaphyx Minor, who
intends to brainwash us all with his collection of Sailor Moon
stories.
No, he's actually Mark Page, from Australia, who intends to brainwash
us all with his collection of Sailormoon stories.
CONSPIRACY #5: Dr. Thinker
PCHAN has evidence that Dr. Thinker is the benevolent alien known
as
Wegaai, from Alpha Quonis. His purpose is to show the true
believer the
absolute meaning of peace through his works of fiction.
Unfortunately,
most humans are incapable of recieving this well-hidden message.
I always thought Dr. Fucker had to be from another planet or
something....
That's all for now. Tune into our next topic, when we debunk the
next
rumor--John Biles: fanfic legend, or interdimensional demon?
Another one I ain't touchin'.
Until then, I'm heading back to my Top Secret Militia Bunker for my
next
Cultaholics Anonymous meeting.
--Cal
Lord God Head of the Myth Debunkers
I'm having a hard time deciding, everyone, whether or not this guy is
a certifiable nutcase, a really, really BAD humorist, or a troll.
Wait a minute...
Could this "Cal" person be Gubby in yet another disguise?
Hmmm....
This is Bureaucrat model Rockman Juno, authorization--
...
d'oh.
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*This is a test of the Emergency Anal Probe System.*
--
The Eternal Lost Lurker
Holder of the Anal Moon Probe
Grandmaster of Scrotum Fu
Lighting the wine and pouring the fire...
EternalLostLurker@worldnet.att.net
http://www.geocities.com/~etlostlurker
ICQ #19863012
Neil, did you eat your Chunky Soup?
*This has been a test of the Emergency Anal
Probe System. If this had been an actual emergency,
the attention signal you just heard would have been
followed by official probes, dildos, or intrusions.
This concludes this test of the Emergency Anal
Probe System.*
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