Date: Fri, 09 Oct 1998 10:50:16 -0400
To: ffml@fanfic.com
From: Hallstrom Consultants <hallcon@mindspring.com>
Subject: [FFML] [R1/2] [New] R&A:ALS Chpt. 3 Part A
So, here's the next part, only two more to go before we get some
background in this thing! Wheee! C&C is humbly begged for.
Disclaimer: The playground is by Rumiko Takahashi, I'm only swinging on
the monkey bars. Remember to leave the grounds cleaner than you found
them and please don't feed the Troll.
/The Hunter and the Bear/ was picked up from Alan Cole and Chris Bunch,
and extensively filled out by me. If it originated with them, they
own whatever copyright exists. If it didn't, they don't. It was
originally
told by Wee Alex, Laird Kilgour of Kilgour, who _may_ have Ranma beat
in
cool, but who is nowhere near as cute.
*This is a sound.*
'This is a thought.'
_This is emphasis._
{This is a sign.}
<This is Chinese.>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
But third, ahh _third_, now there was the thing. The great thing.
The unalloyedly wonderful thing. For, walking home from her date, she
had passed a park. And her attention had been drawn to an area just
inside a screen of bush, she had made A Find. A wonderful find. She,
Asano Sayuri, Furinkan High Class 2-F, had found ... a puppy!
Stop snickering. Right now.
Attention, everyone. _This_ is how you break the "fourth wall". When
you can pull it off this well, go for it. Otherwise....
And Kuno Kodachi sat quietly and watched her brother with what
passed, for her, with concern. He had been very different since yester-
day, and no previous simple beating had even enjoined such a result.
Ummm... "enjoined" doesn't quite work there, at least by any definition
I could find. Maybe "approached"?
Also, she noticed, his sword was now securely locked in its sheath,
instead of displayed on its stand, as was proper.
And across Nerima a number of phone conversations burned late into
the night. They had been beaten. They had been disgraced and
dishonored.
Moreover, some felt, they had deserved it. First, they had failed to
adequately take into account the proper considerations of a challenge,
and second, they had attempted to attack by surprise. A direct frontal
confrontation, it was agreed, would certainly lead to a restoration of
honor. In one sense or another.
Gah. Does anyone else get the feeling that Furinkan tends to score in
bottom ten-percentile on Japan's standardized-test scores?
Akane was driven back more than sixty yards along the fence before
Ranma took pity and ceased her attacks. Akane stayed in a defensive
stance for another few seconds as Nabiki came running up with her mouth
open. "Akane! That was great! I didn't think anyone could move along
the top of a fence like that!"
You aren't....
Akane looked down, wavered, and wildly waved her arms in an attempt
to keep her balance, but succeeded only in falling off the inside of
the
fence, onto the sidewalk, instead of the outside, into the stream.
You did.
Looking up from her position flat on her rump on the ground, Akane
observed Ranma covering her eyes and shaking her head, and Nabiki
shaking her whole body with barely restrained mirth. "And so gracefully
done, too", Ranma observed mildly.
"If you'd _told_ me I was on a fence _earlier_...", Akane complained.
You know, there is almost no way to properly punctuate this sentence.
The comma should go inside the quote, not outside, but it looks like
crap to have the comma after the ellipses. OTOH, the ellipses is not
considered capable of finishing the quote on its lonesome. My best
suggestion would be to imply the attribution (and we can tell it's a
complaint), and end the quote with a period after the ellipses (four
dots[....]). You can always add a sentence along the lines of, "Akane
blushed, realizing where her argument was taking her." Or somesuch.
"You'd have fallen off earlier, neh? It's often the case that the
I am _not_, by any way, shape, form or means, an expert on Romanji
spellings, but I believe the interjection is usually spelled "ne".
body unconscious of its circumstances can do things it never could by
the will of the mind alone, but you don't often see it that clearly",
Ranma replied, still calmly. "And now, for your next trick, get back on
the fence."
"But, but, but ..."
There should be a fourth period here.
"_Up_!"
Wobbling frantically, Akane attempted to keep her balance on the
fence-
top. Then she felt a pair of hands on her shoulders, steadying her
balance. Ranma turned to Nabiki, "Please excuse us Nabiki-san, and con-
Comma after "us".
tinue to school. I see that I have some training to accomplish, but
we'll be along shortly."
"Oh, fine!", Akane mumbled.
You need no comma here. The exclamation point carries the load.
"Err ... yes", the leader said uncertainly.
Comma goes inside the quote.
"Ah. Tell me", Ranma said, "have any of you gentlemen heard the
story
Again.
of the Hunter and the Bear?"
frantically now he cast about, searching for any clue as to
Capitalize.
where his trophy had gone, or who had taken it. And he strode
forward into the middle of the vale, running to where he had
seen the great carcass fall, but no carcass, nor sign of such,
nor footprint, nor mark, nor any other clue at all did he find.
And _again_ he heard the voice, the terrible voice of _Bear_!
And it said, "Now lad, ye did nae come here frae the huntin',
did ye?"
You know, even though I've heard a dozen variations on this gag, you
still got a laugh out of me with this retelling!
She had woken with the new day and prepared for school. Then she
had gone to the room where the puppy had slept, to see its progress for
herself. Now she knew, she had made a mistake, a dreadful mistake, the
previous day. Now, she knew, she must be brave, and even bravery would
do no good for her. But it still might serve another. And so she
clutched the twisted, claw like hand that held her throat with both her
I think this should have a hyphen: "claw-like hand"*
own. And so she looked up into the eyes, burning with a green internal
fire, of the 7 foot, near skeletal, black-robed figure that held her
fast. And so she saw the twisted, part wolf, part fox, part feline, all
terrible face of the being before her, and recognized in it the remnant
of the puppy she had found.
And so she heard it ask, in a horrible, pain-wracked, voice, as
No comma needed after "pain-wracked".
twisted as itself, for information about _Ranma_. And so she was brave,
and made no sound. And she heard the horrified shriek, and saw, through
a sudden twilight, her mother standing in the doorway, aghast. And then
the night came down.
And this is how to make the readers pull their sheets over their heads
at night, to ward off the encroaching shadows.
Great stuff! Looking forward to the next installment!
--Freemage
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