The Replacement Killers

(No. There's no Chow Yun-Fat or Mira Sorvino in this one)


As always, C+C is begged for.
My email is: sommer@3rdm.net
It's an Evangelion/? Fusion. (There are a lot of little cameos, but the
main one I'm saving for the end)

Standard disclaimer: I don't own these guys

Here's a fusion that probably should never have happened. It was put
together in a little over an hour, so it is rough in more than one spot
(Hey! It's a spamfic)

By: D.B. Sommer

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"The fourteenth Angel is approaching, sir!"

Gendo Ikari gazed at the screen from his station at NERV headquarters.
There were no problems tracking the movements of the newest Angel, and
there was no doubt about it. It was the real thing. It could not have come
at a worse time, not with everything falling apart as it had in the last
few months.

"Do you think we should send them out now?"

Gendo turned his gaze at the sleepy-eyed man next to him. His new
second-in-command never gave the slightest hint that he was uneasy around
Gendo, no matter how hard he tried to put the newcomer on edge. Ikari most
certainly did not trust the man that Seele had forced upon him. Still,
someone had to replace the missing Fuyutsuki. Gendo never allowed anyone to
know the total shock he felt when his longtime companion, and the only
person he remotely came close to trusting, ran off with Maya Ibuki. The
only thing he had left behind was a note saying that Gendo was 'a real
piece of shit' and that he was sorry he had ever become involved with NERV.


"What should we do, sir?"

That had come from Misato. Gendo looked down at the lower level where
everyone was staring at him expectantly. Ritsuko and Misato were still
there, as were Aoba and Hyuuga, but the new Japanese-American woman and
young Japanese man next to her, both with matching headsets on, were new.
It had been part of the deal that those two would serve as 'forwards' for
the two new pilots that Seele had ordered Gendo to take on. The council had
been insistent on it, and refusing the newcomers had not been worth a
showdown with Gendo's 'masters.' So Gendo Ikari accepted them with a false
smile on his face while making plans to deal with the new problems. He had
originally never intended to allow unit's five and six to ever see combat,
but fate had worked against Gendo from the beginning.

"Can the third child pilot unit one yet?" Gendo asked.

"No, sir," Ritsuko answered. "Shinji's still in a coma from the food
poisoning. They think he'll be conscious in a few days."

Gendo gave an inward sigh. At least they had removed the C-Ko girl, the one
that had poisoned Shinji with her lunch, from his class and were in the
process of interrogating her. The procedure had not gone well. The girl's
wailing drove even the most hardened interrogators out of the room in under
ten minutes. Even muzzling the girl did not work; she could whine right
through it. All that served to do was convince Gendo that she was some sort
of saboteur sent by Seele to see what they could do to upset Gendo's plans.

There was another choice. "What about the second child?"

"SIR!!!" Misato protested. "She's over eight months pregnant! She can't
possibly pilot an Eva! She could have that child at any time!"

Of course Gendo had known, but he was looking for any other options. It
appeared allowing Shinji and Asuka to co-habitate under what was jokingly
referred to as 'Misato's supervision' had been a mistake. What was it Asuka
had said after discovering she was pregnant? Something like, 'That's the
last time I try screwing to kill time!' Now, with her mood sings affecting
her, she would frequently blame Shinji for her condition and strike him
with the nearest object capable of inflicting blunt trauma. Then, seconds
afterward, she would begin crying and apologize, telling Shinji she loved
him and would never hurt the father of her child again. 

Now Gendo was about to become a grandfather, and worse, Shinji was
apparently going to take responsibility for the child, (assuming Asuka
didn't kill him first), which meant that she was going to be Gendo's...

A shudder shook through him as he contemplated having Asuka Soryuu Langley
as his daughter-in-law. Maybe allowing the angels to destroy humanity
wasn't such a bad idea.

One last chance. "How's Rei?"

"Her condition is still the same, sir," Ritsuko informed him.

There had been nothing but problems coming from the Rei clones ever since
the unfortunate death of Rei II at the hands of the fifth angel. Each one
they had 'awakened' since had some kind of detrimental flaw. Rei III was
the first to demonstrate a problem. 

As soon as she started speaking, Gendo knew something was wrong. It's first
words were, "Rei is a robot. But if Rei makes thirty thousand friends, Rei
will become a real girl."

Outside of that she seemed perfectly fine and functioned even better with
her Eva than her predecessor. That was until she decided that the best way
to make thirty thousand friends was to become in idol singer. 

While in her Eva. 

While in the middle of a fight with an angel.

It was as the first 'singing' tones came forth that Gendo decided all of
the Eva's would be stripped of their auditory capabilities. Man was not
supposed to hear the musical tones of 'This is My Time to be a Star' sung
by an Eva. On the plus side, within three seconds of hearing the singing,
the Angel committed suicide by self-destructing. On the down side, everyone
that had heard the song had to be given immediate psychiatric treatment.
Needless to say, Rei III was 'sanitized,' quite happily by Gendo himself,
at the first available opportunity.

Rei IV started out well enough, even better than Rei III. But after a month
she let her hair grow out, tied it back into two ponytails, and started
claiming there were 'too many idiots,' and refused to pilot anymore.
Currently she was being held in a deep sub-level of NERV, just in case they
had absolutely no choice but to try and use her.

Rei V was the most unstable of the lot. Upon emerging from the nutrient
bath, she gave Gendo a big smile and said, "Hi there! My name's Rei
Ayanami! Hey, you're pretty cute for a middle-aged guy!"

Aside from having a personality, she seemed all right. But upon learning
Asuka was already in her third month of pregnancy, and learning that it was
with Shinji that she had been doing the 'horizontal mambo', she went crazy
and attacked Asuka. Rei V had to be 'sanitized' as well. Since then they
had abandoned utilizing any more Reis until they could figure out what was
going wrong with them.

"Sir?" the second-in-command spoke once again. "We need to do something."

Allow the pilots to go out or let the angel destroy the city. Not much of a
difference really. "Release units five and six. And try to keep them
destroying more than half the city this time."


Toji and Kensuke heard the approach of the Evas from the hillside they were
on. At any moment the giant machine would come into view. Once again
Kensuke had insisted they risk their lives to get a close look at an Eva in
action, and like a fool, Toji went along with it.

"I though Shinji was still in a coma," Toji mentioned. 

"Yeah," Kensuke agreed. "Maybe Rei's calmed down now."

It was at that moment the two Evas crested the hill and came into view.
Both of the boys' jaws dropped low enough to hit the ground. 

"I...it can't be!" Toji managed to get out.

"It is!" Kensuke cried out in disbelief. 

Both boys grabbed on to one another and began to crying about how they were
doomed.


"I want the positron rifle!" Ohta Isao shouted in near madness.

"No, Ohta! You'll do more damage than if we let the angel run amok!" Kanuka
Clancy shouted into her headset from her position as 'forward' for the gun
nut that piloted Eva five.

"I don't want Alphonse to get hurt!" Noa Izumi whined from Eva six as she
saw the angel approaching.

"Just focus, Noa! You can take him out quickly!" Asuma Shinohara assured
her from his position in the command chamber.

Kiichi 'Razor' Goto, second-in-command of NERV, lit a cigarette as units
five and six engaged the angel in battle. "I'm sure it will go better this
time," he assured Gendo. "The odds of them destroying so much of the city
and the geofront are just below fifty percent."

Gendo Ikari went from steepling his fingers in front of his face and buried
his head in his hands. How could he have agreed to allow the newly reformed
SVD section 2 , originally of the Patlabor division of the Tokyo, then
Tokyo-2 police, to join NERV? No matter the outcome of the fight, everyone
was doomed.



D.B. Sommer