On Mon, 5 Oct 1998, Gary Kleppe wrote:

All feedback welcomed, public
response preferred.

Okay!

	"No, ma'am." Shan Pu knew that Tatewaki was attracted to her,
but still couldn't count him as a boyfriend. Whether she wanted to
pursue a future with him, she could not say. Perhaps she needed to know
him better. Perhaps she could no longer trust her own heart, after the
pain that loving Ranma had brought. "I'm travelling for... business
reasons."

Perhaps you addressed this in Prelude 1, and I've just forgotten.  Why
didn't she go with Tatewaki?

	"Shampoo!" Mousse's voice called from just behind. Shampoo had
forgotten that he was running along with her until he spoke. "I know
what you must be going through. Tell me how you feel! Let it out, you'll
feel better!"

This part seems like an odd thing to say while they're running.  It would
seem more realistic if said when they arrived.  After all, does Mousse
expect Shampoo to spill her guts while in motion?  I think that he's
stupid, but not quite *that* stupid.

	"Of...." Akane gasped for breath. "Of course I am." They were
married now. Ranma, who Amazon law and wisdom said rightfully belonged
with Shampoo, would now never be hers. He didn't love her. If there was
ever any doubt of that, the wedding less than an hour ago had erased it.
She had told him how important it was that he come with her. He refused
to believe her. When the others accused her of being there just to
disrupt the wedding, he stood with them.

I first thought that this was Akane's thoughts, until I got to the "He
didn't love her." part.  Perhaps it would flow a little better if you
separated Akane's speech from Shampoo's thoughts.

Cologne wanted to hitch him up with Shampoo, and she had done some
pretty nasty things to try to force him -- like giving him the full-body
cat's tongue, and teaching Ryoga the Breaking Point.

And how was Ryouga's training supposed to get Ranma married to Shampoo?

	"This my father," Shampoo said. "Shan Peine."

*sigh*  At least it isn't a bathroom product.

	"My passing threatens to change things. Sometime in the future,
our village will be in great danger. I do not know when, or because of
whom.

But she knows that the village will be attacked, because...?

	Now Ranma and Akane were married; Gosunkugi shuddered at the
thought of them... together. Then Ranma came to the Nekohanten, but not
to cheat on his new wife; rather, to help the Amazons.

You use a heck of a lot of semicolons.  Maybe it's only a stylistic thing,
but I have the impression that using them is supposed to emphasize the
continuation of the thought of the sentances, and that too many dilutes
the effect.

	"I am well past the point where rest will do me any good."
Cologne smiled sardonically. "Please listen. This is important. There is
a special cask of water in the bottom shelf of the basement cabinet. It
is something that can be of no benefit to any other than myself, but it
could cause great harm in the wrong hands. You must make sure that this
is not allowed to happen. Pour it into the ocean."

And of course, she sucessfully accomplished this mission, and we never
hear about this mysterious cask of water again.

	"Ranma and his friends are skilled, but even they might not be
enough to tip the scales in our favor. There is a secret weapon,
concealed by me in the village. The responsibility is now yours. You
must use it when and if you judge it necessary. Listen closely...."

It's name is...Bazooka-chan.

would be a good idea. That was when I was just learning the art. I was

Might want to capitalize the word art.

	The sadness in the Amazon's voice turned to desperation.
"Hurry... you must not fail...." Then she breathed an audible sigh of
relief. One way or another, it was over.

Hmm...saying that it's a sigh of relief kind of reassures me that whatever
happens, it will all turn out okay in the end, so it lessens the tension. 
How about just saying that it was an audible sigh?  (Unless you're trying
to give that impression, of course)

	As usual, I'd like to hear anything anyone has to say on this
chapter, or this series in general.

Good stuff, write more, welcome back.  ^_^

-Natsume Ranma Ranma
-------
The sardines weren't worth the trouble.  A few more shots, then 
Ryoga-san would overheat and explode.  Ducking around a corner, 
I managed to lose him as I entered the ramshackle residence of 
my Anime supplier.

One look at his face and I knew that I was betrayed.  "Tell me."
I insisted.  He refused, so I slammed him against the wall.
"Last chance.  Where can Ranma-Ranma find good fanfics?"
"Try Jason Liao." he whispered, before he slumped to the floor.
I heard the sounds of a door splintering as I left through the 
window, one step ahead of Tendo Heavy Industries...