"Sean Gaffney" <gaffney@iconn.net> wrote:

    That was perhaps why they were excessively surprised to see the 
demon towering above them.

"Excessively" has just gotta be the wrong word here.

    The second demon showed no sign of moving.  "Indeed you did, it was 
very heartbreaking.  I might even have paid you, except for one thing."

    "Hmm?"

    The second demon grinned.  "You did the exact same thing to that 
couple that were screwing on your stone *last* week, remember?"

Then he should've paid up then!

    In the note, his mother had apologized for not being able to take 
care of him.  She explained the Hibiki curse for misdirection that 
plagued their family, and how it doomed the members of that family to 
walk the entire length and breadth of Japan, never being able to find 
each other.  She had met his father, and foolishly let herself be talked 
into a one-night stand.  When the night was over, he was gone and she 
was pregnant.

Any reason we can't see the actual text of the note, instead of this
summary?

    He quickly looked around, and discovered they were close to a small 
restaurant.  As it was only ten feet away, he should be able to make it.  
He turned to her and grinned.  "Well, I'll tell you what?  Why don't I 
buy you a drink to make up for running into you, and you can buy me a 
drink for hitting me?"

Nice pick-up line, for someone who's spent most of his life wandering
the countryside.... :-)

    Aside from her somewhat short temper, she was wonderful.  Somewhat 
shy but once she opened up you realized she had a nice, open look on 

"You" should be Takuya, no?

    Smiling, the demon looked around quickly to make sure he was alone, 
and then shed his skin, revealing a glowing white body with large 
feathered wings.  He leapt up into the sky, returning to his own master 
to give a report.

I'm not crazy about this ending either. Seems like you bent over
backwards to make sure that Mr. Demon got his just deserts, when simply
having his curse foiled would've done.

Overall, I liked it. A good explanation of how the Hibikis could've met
and had a child both with their directional impairments. I especially
liked Mika; she's got a lot of personality. :-) Some of the scenes in
the middle seemed a bot cursory, and might have been better written out
in more detail.


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics