At 12:38 AM 9/28/98 GMT, Gary Kleppe wrote:

Matthew Lewis <maybeso@ican.net> wrote:

<snipping the typo/spelling errors, which, while useful to me, and
to the fic, are not useful for this msg>

	I dunno, the dialogue feels a little disjointed or something to
me, like Happi jumps around from point to point a little to
quickly. It is possible that he might do that, I suppose, since
he's not really given to explaining himself, and would be somewhat
unused to doing that....

I think the problem is that it's too talky... too much raw exposition.
Having more of Ranma's internal running commentary in the narration as
Happi makes his spiel would help, I think.

That's a good point I think...
It's something that is there in the first one, but is pretty much missing
from this one.
(I did say there are some things I didn't quite feel were right in this)
	Ranma's commentary might help the reader formulate his/her own
reactions to Happi's position... although I did add in a bit more
speaking on Ranma's part; a question or comment here or there to break
Happi up a bit. Still, it is even more pure dialogue than SoI: Point.

So, I've got probably 4 different stories for Soul of Ice, one for
Cologne's path (Thesis), one for Happi's (Antithesis), and two
others (Synthesis-- Broken, and Hypothesis).... At least, that's
how I see it.... 

What would be interesting would be to see what Ranma ends up doing...
maybe he'll sample both of their training, and they'll both try to win
him over.

That would be in Synthesis-- Broken... as you can probably tell from the
title, I'm not envisioning a very happy result....

The hot/cold distinction between Happi and Cologne is an interesting
one. I look forward to seeing where this leads.

The thing of it is, I've got four possible ways it might end; four
paths or choices for Ranma to make (gee, and at first there were three--
who knows what's going to happen later?), and I don't really have one I
see as much more likely than the others, one that seems much more 
believable to me, so I decide that each path gets its story told 
instead....

	Think of these dialogues as preludes or prologues to what will
eventually become the Soul of Ice series...
(although the title originally came from Cologne's path, which is why
it will be the Thesis)
	I still find "soul of ice" to be a wonderfully evocative phrase,
don't you? ^_^

Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics

Matthew "Maybeso" Lewis is:
That guy with "Maybe" and/or "Definitely" in his name on IRC
See him on FFIRC! [bachman.newberry.edu fanfic]
Sojiro_Seta on Kawaiimuck
	maybeso@ican.net
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"The world, however, is not for Fun," Khattam-Shud replied. "The
world is for Controlling."
	"Which world?" Haroun made himself ask.
	"Your world, my world, all worlds," came the reply. "They
are meant to be Ruled. And inside every single story, inside 
every Stream of the Ocean, there lies a world, a storyworld, that
I cannot Rule at all. And that is the reason why."
		--from Haroun and the Sea of Stories by Salman
		  Rushdie (p.161)
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