The Mind of Gendo Ikari

	Warning: Strong language and graphic portrayl of situations.  This IS 
Gendo after all.
	Spoiler Warning: If you haven't seen up to the tape with the explanaton 
for Yui Ikari and Rei Ayanami, don't read this.

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	Fuyutsuki watched me carefully.  When I recruited him to our project, I 
made him closer to the truth than he wanted to be.  I knew he didn't 
want to be this responsible.
	I knew he was keeping an eye on me.  He always watched me when I sat at 
my desk or at my seat in the control room, though he didn't look like he 
was.  The day was over, though, so I casually stood up and left the 
room.  I headed home.  There was no need to visit Rei, she was doing 
well with my son and Katsuragi, getting ready for the battle against the 
7th Angel.
	As I entered my official apartment, I went almost immediately to the 
refridgerator.  Asuka and Shinji's defeat was annoying.  Those damn UN 
generals, who thought they were hot shit where lording over us with the 
fact that they had been more effective against this Angel than the Evas 
had been.  This is almost as annoying as that-what was that guy's name?  
Anyway, the schmuck who thought Jet Alone was superior to Eva.  Maybe 
once machines had their own souls... shit.
	Had they been thinking of trying to reproduce the human soul like we 
had?  Or were they trying to copy us, but remove the need for a pilot?
	It didn't matter now.  Their project was dead.  Jet Alone had been 
deconstructed.
	All thanks to my genius.  Mankind was too greedy and suspicious for 
it's own good.
	What is this?  My third drink?  Kami, the memories....no, kami no... I 
don't want to remember....Even if it wasn't alcohol, it brought forth 
the memories, unbidden.


	"What's the matter, Ryokobungi?"
	He reminds me of that jerk that used to pick on me when I was little.  
I hated him too.  Yui looked at me with concern.  She obviously hadn't 
expected trouble on our first date.  Neither had I.
	"Too chicken to say anything?  Maybe we should just do your date while 
you watch-"
	*CRUNCH*  The lead jerk was no longer smiling.  In fact, he'd never do 
anything like this ever again.  If he didn't have a mild frontal 
lobotomy, he'd be afraid of my awesome speed.  Unfortunately, his 
friends weren't as amused at the sight of their now bleeding leader as I 
was.

	I sat in the drunk tank, sweating off the effects of alcohol.  They 
were right.  Alcohol makes you do things you might not do normally.  For 
my first hangover, this was really taxing me.
	Professor Fuyutsuki entered the room.  He looked at me.  I was shaking.  
Kami, I hated this feeling.  I don't want to have another alcoholic 
drink in my life.

	She understood.  She was the only one who understood what I wanted.  A 
life free of taunts, bullies, and more for our son or daughter.  That's 
why she loved me.  Me, the one they called the lonely boy.  I loved her 
for that.  That ability to be open and loving to everyone.  When the 
accident occurred.... it was like someone had reached into my heart, 
tore my heart out and left it will sewer water.  Anguish pulled me so 
greatly that I had to leave.  For two whole days I cried.  The weight of 
the world was on me, slowly crushing me to death.
	On the third day, I came to a revelation.  I could recover all I had 
lost.  I just had to make up a plan.  Thus was born the Human 
Instrumentality Project.  To recover the world I had lost, I needed a 
god.  The only way to get a god would to be to create a being that was 
above the Angels and the Evas.  I returned and began my plan.

	Kami help me if I'm wrong.  The first step was to recreate my wife 
twice.  Her personality engram was put into Unit 01 and by mixing in 
some of Lillith's genes into Yui's genes, I created a daughter.  Rei 
Ayanami.
	The first Rei was so life like, but for some reason I felt as though 
she wasn't right.  She had an aura of spite.
	Naoko seemed horrified at Rei.  I really can't blame her.  She had 
fallen in love with me only to find out that I was planning to get my 
original wife back.
	Then, Naoko killed Rei, then herself.  I never knew it would go so far.  
I thought Rei might annoy Naoko a bit, but I really didn't think Rei 
would provoke Naoko like that.  I should never have gone to check on the 
final construction on the emergency passages.

	Rei II was more reclusive.  It was like watching someone mope about 
knowing that they were going to die.  Only she lived like that.

	The activation of Unit 00.  I really hoped that Naoko's personality 
engram didn't react to Rei II as the real Naoko reacted to Rei I.  But 
unfortunately, it did.  With utter hatred.  Rei would have to learn to 
tone done the engram.

	Shinji's arrival.  As much of a sadistic bastard as I seemed to be, I 
was tearing myself up for what I was doing to my own son and Rei.  I was 
hoping that he might have grown to despise me so he'd have a backbone or 
that he might've forgiven me.  Finally, I had to resort to what I did.  
Of everyone who hated me, I believe I hated myself the most.


	I sat up and looked around.  My apartment looked like a bunch of 
rampaging boars had grabbed various things and tossed them.  I curled up 
into a ball.  Someone help me...

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	Well?  Still think he's the Man of Ice?

	I'll be continuing this series.

	A-kun, signing off.

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