A message from Andrew:
	First of all I know it's been a long time, but with moving to a new
school and all, I haven't had the chance to finish up my lastest chapter. But,
finally here it is. 
	So far, the Tendos have discovered that they have a brother. Andrew
looks exactly like Akane, and a few tests confirm that Soun is the father.
Nabiki goes ballistic along with the twins (Andrew & Akane). It doesn't take
long for the entire school to realize that Akane has a brother, but that is
overshadowed by Andrew's pet dragon who sees his long lost girlfriend Cologne,
and they go out to elope. Oh, yes, Dr. Tofu and Kasumi discover that there are
some mysterious things in Kasumi's mother's medical record.
	In the last episode, Andrew destroys the kitchen. The Tendos, Ranma, and
Shampoo discover that Soun is dating Shampoo's mother, Shower. She turns out to
be the woman that actually bears the Tendo children; which means that Shampoo is
related to Akane and Andrew. And it gets worse from here as we will see...
	Close to the end of the fic, I decide to explain a "secret" of Akane and
Andrew's that is rather serious. The only thing I'll say at this point is that I
think it might explain a bit why Akane hates boys and why I've tried to make
Andrew seem wary of girls. I really would like to know how well I've done on
this and whether you think this is a valid reason for Akane's hatred of boys.
But, please, I'd like to keep this off the mailing list as much as possible. Any
other criticisms or comments are welcomed. The other three parts will eventually
be on the newsgroup, if you really want to read it. Thanks!
******
Episode 4: "Oh, yeah..."
(The scene opens up at the Tendo's Kitchen. Ranma staggers his way in, looking
like something the cat dragged in. Next comes in Kasumi, clutching her purse.
Then comes Nabiki, who's frantically trying to figure out something. Andrew and
Akane both look really, really angry. Finally, there's Shampoo, who just looks
rather sad. The kitchen is dark, except where you can see the full moon's light
coming through the window. There's a flick of the switch. Zoom on Kasumi's
face.)
Kasumi: Father! (There's Soun and Shower, naked, and in an embrace. Shower
blushes.)
Shampoo: Mother!
Shower: Uh...Shampoo...
Soun:My daughters...um...we can explain it...
Nabiki: Really? We heard everything at the restaurant. We were there.
Ranma: Yeah, where's Pops?
Soun: Genma...oh...him...um...
Nabiki: Did you really have to sell the panda to the zoo?
Soun: Well...yes...
Ranma: Well, bring him back! He can't survive at a zoo like that?!
(Quick cut to see Genma-panda on a throne as zoo officials are bowing down
before him in fear.)
Genma-panda (via a sign): [Give them to the lions!]
Zoo-keeper 1: NO! Birdy don't want to go bye-bye to the lions!
Zoo-keeper 2: Please, oh, great panda, please don't make us suffer like this! We
are human beings!!!
Genma-panda (sign): [You should have thought] (flip) [about that when you]
(flip) [gave them vegetarian meat last week!]
Panda 2 (via sign): [Come, dear brother,] (flip) [and let us prepare for
tonight.]
Genma-panda (sign): [Er, what are we going to do tonight?]
Panda 2 (sign): [What else? Try to takeover the world!]
(We return back to the Dojo. A few moments has passed. Everyone is quiet. Andrew
looks at his watch. By the magic of television, Soun & Shower are dressed.)
Andrew: Excuse me, Mom, Dad, but I've got to go to bed. This can wait until
tomorrow. (Shower grabs Andrew by the shoulders.)
Shower:No...it can't...wait...son...(She touches his cheek. He stops.) I'm...I'm
sorry. But it had to be.
Nabiki: Why? Why all of this deception?
Kasumi: Dr. Tofu and I discovered various reports that were conflicting.
Shampoo: Why you move Jusekyou to South Pacific Island? Without
Great-grandmother's approval? 
Andrew: Why was I put up for adoption? And why was I told about it many years
later?
Akane (she looks like she's going to cry): Why did you fake your death,
"Mother"? And what's this about a lawsuit?!
(Shower lowers her head down in shame. She sighs.)
Shower: We'd...I better explain. Can we sit down?
(The scene shifts to Tendo living room. Soun and Shower sits on one side of the
table, and the children sit on the other side.)
Shower: It's hard to explain, but the Tendo family has been under a curse, for a
long time.
Andrew: Curse? What curse?
Shower: You see, the Tendo clan originally came from China, but the women of the
clan had been highly ridiculed and considered unworthy by the men of the tribe.
That was not unusual back in those days. (Ranma raises his hands.) Ranma?
Ranma: How far are we talking about here?
Shower: The Tendos are considered to be one of the first clans of China. And it
was the first wife who made the curse, some 6,000 years ago. (The screen gets
wavy. Kasumi gasps.)
Kasumi: Oh, my!
Nabiki: Don't worry, sis, it's just a flashback sequence.
(Flashback: We see Ancient China, with a mustache and bearded man standing there
watching other men building dams while several other people are holding his
shirt. Otherwise he looks like Ranma. It's raining.)
Man: {Keeping it dry, keep it dry! Water's hell on silk!} (A woman comes
outside.)
Woman (she looks like Akane with red hair): {What are you doing?}
Man: {Woman, you messed up the laundry! This silk shirt shrank!}
Woman: {I did the best that I could!}
Man: {Bah, you are such a worthless wife. You can't even cook a decent meal
without killing the troops!}
Woman: {At least I cooked it!}
Man: {Yes, you did, and it killed 50% of my men!} (Behind them, we see an
unidenified food objects chasing several legions of troops, with a sword.)
Woman: {So, I'll do better next time!}
Man: {Woman, there won't be a next time, you uncute tomboy, you! You aren't even
cute enough to me by wife! By gods, if I was a woman, I'd at least know how to
cook!} (The woman glares at the Man.)
Woman: {Oh, really?} (Big head mode on.) {Well, then, I shall curse you and all
generations of Tendos to come! The men will all act like women in one way or
another, and the women will always rule over the men!}
Man: {Ha!} (His mustache and beard comes off.) {What the?!}
Woman: {See? Until the day comes when a man will fully understand what we women
have to go through, then the Tendos shall be cursed, and any potential wifes of
Tendo boys will rule over the boys!} (The man starts to cry. His hair starts to
grow really long.)
Woman (smiling much like Nabiki would): {What's the matter, girly man?}
Man (full Soun sob): {I've lost my manly mustache and my beard!} (Voice gets
higher in pitch.) {And I have this urge to not watch Mondy Night Football!} (The
Woman looks at the Man strangely.)
Woman: {Nevermind. Get me some paper, and a quill. I have a prophecy to write.}
(He nods.)
(End of Flashback.)
(Akane glares at Ranma. Ranma blushes. Andrew glances at Nabiki. Nabiki looks
back at Andrew in return. Kasumi looks concerned in general. Shampoo looks at
her mother with that "are you crazy?" look. Soun is bawling.)
Shower: So, you see, this Tendo prophecy has been past down from generation to
generation of female Tendos. The prophecy in its final form is rather
interesting. All Tendo males will act like a girl in one of three ways. He will
act like a girl, look like a girl, or think like a girl. Sometime he'll have two
or three of the Tendo curses. And it may be in certain areas. And it never
weakens in strength, in fact, it may increase.
Andrew: That explains why people always think that I'm a girl. I haven't ever
grown a beard or mustache.
Nabiki: And father, here, has always bawled like a sissy girl. But he still acts
pretty manly.
Shower: Soun-chan acts and thinks like a girl more often then you three realize.
All Tendo males are cursed because they are boys, but they have female
tendencies. It really messes up their minds.
Akane: Like Cousin Tiko?
Nabiki (putting her thumb on her tongue): Cousin Tiko, wasn't he the one who
played with dolls when he was little?
Kasumi: Oh, yes. He always liked to play dress-up. He's our best seamtress.
Nabiki: I think he still wears dresses to this day. At least he doesn't go out
in public in a dress, unlike Tsubasa. (Ranma and Shampoo's jaws drop.)
Ranma: I don't believe what I'm hearing.
Shampoo: Neither do Shampoo.
Shower: But, there's an interesting catch, it also affects the woman as well.
All Tendo girls will show an extremely strong feminine tendancy, so that they
can dominate their husbands. Akane, your mother had always told me how much
stronger you were to Amazonian boys your age. It's a gift.
Akane: So, I'm a bit emotional.
Shower: And you, Nabiki, have that well...how do I call it...
Nabiki: Bitch?
Shower: Yes..."Bitch" motive in you, as well as the business-like motives that
only women have. That killer instinct. The tenacity. You definately have my
genes.
Nabiki (glaring at Soun): I had wondered about that.
Kasumi (gasps): Oh, my!
Shower: And Kasumi, here, has the motherly skills that you two younger children
lack.
Kasumi: Oh, true. How very true. (Ranma checks out Andrew.)
Ranma: <Man, and I thought my curse was bad.>
Andrew: Okay, so how do I stop this curse?
Shower: I think it's already happening. Part of the requirement is that a set of
twins needed to be born. No Tendo woman would bear twins until the time was
ripe. The twins would be a fraternal mix of a boy and girl, and they must look
almost like each other. The girl must marry a boy that understands what it feels
like to be a girl and vice versa. (Andrew falls over.)
Akane: What?!
Shower: It's is a bit strange, as if she got a bit sidetracked during the
writing.
Andrew: So, I have to marry a girl that understands what being a boy means and
Akane has to marry a boy that's been a girl? Is that what I'm suppose to do?
Nabiki: This is riduculous! I've never heard such posh in my life!
Soun: We Tendo men eventually accepted the curse, but have never fully
understood what women go through. We thought we never could. But, when you and
Andrew were born, we knew we couldn't keep both of you. We had to keep you
seperate. It was the best chance to end the curse.
Akane: You were worried over a little curse that this? It doesn't seem like a
bad curse to me.
Andrew: Maybe. But, I've had boys hit on me because they think I'm a girl. When
I modeled, I fitted into dresses better than a lot of the girls that were
modeling in the dresses. In fact, there's a lot of work I've done as "girl" than
a boy. That's actually a bit annoying.
Nabiki: Well, there's still one thing that bothers me about the curse. Akane
doesn't do any of the womanly skills that she should be able to do. She can't
cook, can't clean windows, do dishes, clean the floors...
Akane (screaming): Alright, already!
Shower: But, she's very emotional, and can out do a lot of things that men can
do.
Nabiki: Well, she beats outs boys her age very easily.
Shower: So, she's showing her dominance. Ranma, how many times has Akane beaten
you?
Ranma: Today, or in the last year? (Akane promptly mallets Ranma.)
Shampoo: Violent girl beats up Ranma with vicious mallet. A lot. (Ranma gets up
feeling woozy.)
Ranma: Okay, she beats me up a lot. But, that doesn't mean I can't take her out.
I could. I just don't fight girls. Say, Akane, since when do you have two heads.
(Akane kicks Ranma in the groin.)
Shower: But you haven't yet, huh?
Ranma (having a hard time breathing): No...I haven't.
Shower: See? That's the Tendo curse. And since you are engaged to marry Akane,
you'll end up being more of a woman than Akane.
Nabiki: Yeah, but he already is. (Andrew looks strangely at Nabiki.)
Ranma: I don't wanna be a girl! I'm going to be a man! (Akane splashes water on
Ranma. Instant girl.)
Shower: Do you still want to be a man? (Ranma-chan glares at Akane. Andrew's
eyes bug-out.)
Akane: Ranma...(Ranma stays quiet.)
Shower: Still, you have literally been a girl. And that's a very good thing,
because I think you're the ticket to end this curse.
Andrew (screaming): You mean that cute girl I met yesterday is actually Ranma?!
Ranma-chan: Grr...
Akane: Ranma, quiet. (Turns to Shower.) Okay, so we're a cursed family. Now
what?
Shower: Well, I suspect we'll have to wait for destiny to unfold itself.
Kasumi: You haven't explained why you faked your death, mother.
Shower: I didn't fake my death. You see, your mother and I are twins, identical
twin girls. However, Bath, my sister, killed our mother, Shampoo's grand-mother.
She was Queen of the Amazons, a title she won after the last Amazonian war. Bath
was stripped of her rights as an Amazon and had to go into exile.
Shampoo: How come I know not of Auntie Bath?
Shower: It happened way before you were born. By a royal decree from
Great-grandmother, through me, no one was to mention anything about her ever
again. You never knew you had an aunt. And technically, I'm breaking the law. By
the way, where is Cologne?
Shampoo: Um, lets say great-grandmother real busy.
(Cut to a very pleasant meadow. Cologne is reclining near a streaming, eating
berries. She turns and laughs.)
Cologne: Yukio, darling, you really mustn't play with your food like that.
(The camera pans to see Yukio, the dragon, playing with a tied up Herb &
Happousai on strings like a yo-yo.)
Herb: Please, you've ate my henchmen, isn't that enough?
Happousai: Dragon, if you let me go, I'll never lust after another panty again!
Cologne (laughing): Likely story, Happousai.
(We cut back to the Tendo Dojo.)
Shower: Oh. I suppose then Cologne won't know until after the honeymoon.
Kasumi: But what about the double switch?
Shower: You see, Bath went to Japan and there she met Soun. They fall in love.
Unfortunately, part of the punishment for killing the Queen is the removal of
ones sex organs. (Everyone cringes.) 
Soun: So, naturally, your mother couldn't bear any children. 
Shower: But, she wanted to have children, and since she knew that Soun couldn't
afford to adopt any children, she told him of me. We switched places. She ruled
in my name for a four-year period and I came over here. I loved it.
Andrew: I bet. It's nice not being a someone, sometimes.
Shower: I agree.
Shampoo: Is violent girl's father my father? (Shower nods.) Then...
Shower: I thought he was your father, Shampoo. But, he couldn't have any
children. And I didn't really like him at all. He was appointed to be my
husband. But, he died recently, Shampoo. I got a lot of the Amazonian laws
changed while you were with Great-grandmother, and that's why we're moving to
the South Pacific Islands. We're hoping to become the Asian Monacco. (Everyone
else glares at Soun.)
Soun: We have royal Amazonian blood, why not become a royal family?
Andrew: But, Dad! You don't understand what that means! I've met princes and
royality members. It's not a party, I guarantee you that.
Soun: I intend on marrying Shower. That's final. There is nothing you can do to
change my mind. 
Shower: You will come back with us home. There is so much that you will need to
know as Princess of the Amazon tribe. (Shower looks at Andrew.) Oh, yes. And
Prince. You'd be very well recieved. Plus with all of the money you'll be
getting, you won't have to worry about struggling to survive ever again. I
realize these last few days has been a shock to the system, but I really would
like to know you as your mother. I...I would really appreciate it if you would
cooperate. (She looks at Soun. They hold hands.) For us.
Akane: We don't really have a choice, right?
Soun: No, you don't.
Nabiki: But, we've got friends here.
Akane: You have friends, Nabiki? (Nabiki glares at Akane.)
Shower: I realize that you aren't going to be able to see your friends again,
that's why I'm letting each of you pick a fiancee. It's your father's idea.
(Andrew falls over, again.)
Akane, Nabiki, & Kasumi: WHAT?!
Ranma: You're kidding?!
Soun: No, I'm not, Ranma. You and Akane are still engaged, and Queen Shower
would be willing to grant you the title of Prince and perhaps King of the
Amazon.
Ranma: I'd rather be...(He looks at Akane. She looks back at Ranma.) um, let me
think about that...
Kasumi: Mother...if I may call you that...(Shower smiles.) I...We...we'd like to
have a little time to think about this. W-wwhen were you planning to leave?
(Nabiki looks sick.)
Nabiki: <Why do I have a feeling that this isn't going to be a good idea?>
Shower: In a three days. But, really, if you don't come with us, you could put
us in great danger. This is for your protection. (She smiles. Andrew and Akane
look nervously at each other.)
Shampoo: What about Great-grandmother? Great-grandmother will be very angry for
moving village.
Shower: Oh, she can become a dragon for all I care.
Shampoo: Mother!
Shower: Shampoo, I will not let that woman stand between me and you ever again.
As we speak, there are Amazonian assassins that are out there finding her and
killing her. Besides, the more she spends with that dragon, the more she'll
become one. She won't be a human anymore.
*****
(The next day. We pick up the action at school during lunch.)
Yuri: You and Shampoo are sisters?! Eww!
Akane: Yeah. Isn't that revolting?! It's bad enough she runs after that baka.
Now I'm stuck with her for the rest of my life.
Sayuri: "Rest of your life?" That's an awfully long time.
Akane: It is when you're a Princess. (The girls gasp. Akane winces. The girls
start asking questions.) D'oh!
(Switch over to another bench where Nabiki is talking to her henchwomen.)
Nabiki: ...so that's the deal. I'm commanded to leave with my "Mother." I'm
suppose to learn how to be a "Princess", which means I'll have to leave this
operation. It's been very profitable, but I'm heading up in the world. Perhaps I
can...(Nabiki leans over.)...I don't know. (She looks longly at her henchwomen.)
I'm gonna miss this place.
Henchwoman 1: Well, Nabiki, you'll be missed for all of the profits and betting.
Henchwoman 2: You always knew how to liven up a crowd. We'll miss you, alot.
Nabiki: Good. Now, I need you to help me with one final problem. (The henchwomen
lean over.) I need you to help me find a fiancee. (The henchwomen face-fault.
Nabiki raises an eyebrow.) Gee, good help is so hard to find.
(We pan over to see Ranma picking at his bento.)
Ranma: <Hmm...Akane is going away forever. The Tendo house and Dojo will
probably be sold.> (He looks up and sees Akane shaking her head as her friends
yap away to her.) <I see can see that she's not to happy about this.> (He looks
over to see Nabiki groan. She nervously glances at him. He smiles briefly.)
<Well, for once, Nabiki looks like she's gonna puke.> (He turns around towards a
tree to see Andrew crying.) <Damn.>
(We close in on Andrew. Ukyou notices Andrew and turns to Ranma. Ranma nods,
mouthing the words, "Go to him." She nods in response and walks over. She sits
next to him.)
Ukyou: Hey, sugar...what's the problem?
(Andrew looks at Ukyou.)
Andrew: Oh. Hello.
Ukyou: Hello? Is that all you can say? (Andrew frowns.)
Andrew: Is that suppose to be funny?
Ukyou: No...listen, sugar. What's the matter?
Andrew: Well, we met our mother last night.
Ukyou: Oh?
Andrew: I-it turned out to be Shampoo's mother. (Ukyou has a wide-eye look.)
Ukyou: Wow. And I thought Ranma's parents were...bad.
Andrew: Anyway, it turns out that she and the Tendo's original mother were
twins, but she couldn't concieve and Shampoo's mother stepped in. They're twins.
Ukyou: Well...I bet there was a lot of "Oh, my!" around the place. (Andrew grins
a little.)
Andrew: Yeah. A-a-and she and Soun are going to get married.
Ukyou: Married? (Her expression brightens.) That's great.
Andrew: No, you don't get it. You see, Shampoo's mother actually had us. And
Shampoo. (Ukyou gasps.)
Ukyou: Which makes Shampoo you and Akane's sister!
Andrew: Which means we're a triplet set.
Ukyou: Oh, my! (Andrew sheds a tear.)
Andrew: Ah, but Ukyou, this...this is the kicker. You see, Shower is the Queen
of the Amazons, which makes Shampoo a Princess.
Ukyou: Shower being...?
Andrew: My mother, I suppose. So, she commanded the four of us to accompany her
as Prince and Princess of the Amazon tribe somewhere in the South Pacific. And
she'll let each of us bring a fiancee. (Ukyou gasps.)
Ukyou: <Oh, no...I'll lose Ran-chan!>
Andrew: And you'll lose your Ran-chan.
Ukyou: How do you know?!
Andrew: Akane told me about Ranma's problems last night. And the nicknames.
Ukyou: Akane? W-w-wwhat does she know?
Andrew: Well, I think it couldn't be much. (He looks around.) Would you come
with me? We need to talk. (He takes Ukyou by the hand and lead her out of the
lunch room. Akane has noticed this.)
Akane: <Oh...I hope he isn't going to tell too much.> (Turns around and sees
Ranma.) Ranma?
Ranma: Akane?
Akane: I need your help.
Ranma: Er...with what?
Akane: I'll explain on the way. (Yanks Ranma away from the school. Runs over
Miss Hinako.)
Hinako: Oof!
****
(It's later on in the day, at the Kuno residence. Kodachi is watering her
carnivorious plants, each of them bigger than the plant in the "Little Shop of
Horrors" flick. She turns around and there is Nabiki. Kodachi screams.)
Nabiki: Ah, Kodachi. I'm glad to see you.
Kodachi (nervously looks around): Um, w-w-wh-what do you want?
Nabiki: I was told that Kuno-baby wasn't in at the moment.
Kodachi: My brother is at a Kendo competition at the moment. What is it that you
want from me?
Nabiki: I wish to tell you that the Tendo family will be leaving Nerima in two
days.
Kodachi: Going on a trip? <To your death, I hope...>
Nabiki: No, we're moving. For good. <Far, far, far away from you, you hussy!>
Kodachi: Oh. Will Ranma still be here? <Please let the news be even better...>
Nabiki: That I don't know, but the prospects are not good. <In fact, I wouldn't
even bet against them.>
Kodachi: <Darn.> Oh. Then I suppose I'll have to meet with Akane before she
leaves. (She coldly smiles at Nabiki. Nabiki smiles.) <Note to myself: I must
kill that little wench!>
Nabiki: I'm afraid that her mother would not allow it. In fact, I'm not suppose
to be here anyway. <Technically, that is...>
Kodachi: Why?
Nabiki: Princess aren't suppose to do those kind of things, even if she's an
Amazon. (Kodachi does a double take.)
Kodachi: Amazon? Like that purple Chinese girl? <So it is true. This could be
interesting.>
Nabiki: You mean Shampoo? Yes. She's my younger sister now, and as sick as it
might sound, it just gets worse from here. Apparently, Shampoo's mother and my
father have been having an affair for a very long time. <My distrust in people
is now complete.>
Kodachi: An affair? How dreadful. <But, not as interesting as my love with my
brother.>
Nabiki: Ah, but it gets worse.
Kodachi: Worse?
Nabiki: Have you heard reports about there being two Akanes running around?
Kodachi: My brother was mentioning how the "cur Saotome" had casted a spell so
that Akane would turn into a boy. I wonder if that red-haired girl my dim-witted
brother lust after would behind this. (Kodachi glares at Nabiki.) That would be
rather tragedic, wouldn't it? (Nabiki smiles back.) <I'll kill her if I have to
do it myself!>
Nabiki: Kodachi, the Akane-boy is my brother Andrew. Or rather Gyou. We're
thinking of calling him "Gyou" since our last name means "heavens." Either that
or "Seki". <Kami-sama, why on earth did you have to make such stupid people as
the Kunos!>
Kodachi: "fair-weather" <Hmm...pitting the boy against the sister. This could be
interesting.>
Nabiki: Or cumulus. It be a great contrast against Father, who's name means
stratus, or sad. It could be worse. <Much worse.>
Kodachi: I suppose being named after a sword is not so good. <Maybe I should
change my name.>
Nabiki: Nor being named after a car. <Poor Fuu...>
Kodachi: Well, this is all and good, but you are here for something, right? <I
really need to get back and eat my Pops!>
Nabiki: Yes. I would like to speak with Takewaki when he comes back.
Kodachi: Ah, yes. I'm not sure when is he suppose to come back.
Nabiki: Sasuke told me the same thing. You're getting better at coordinating
information.
Kuno's voice: Wachoo!
Nabiki (turning to the venus fly-trap): Unfortunately, you're still lousy at
hiding spots. (Kuno wades out from the swamp. Don't ask me how Kodachi gets a
swamp in a greenhouse.)
Kuno: Cursed scoundrel...you art more of a Warrior Princess than a Royal one,
Mistress Nabiki. (Nabiki bows.)
Nabiki (flatly): I'd prefered to be called Princess Nabiki, thank you. It's
actually a better title than mistress.
Kodachi: So, brother, perhaps I should leave you two alone. <Even though I'd
rather watch this fight.>
Kuno: Nay, rather let me and this demon leave you in peace.
Kodachi: I'll make sure Sasuke sends a servant to clean up afterward. <And a
body bag, a shovel, Mr. Turtle, my lawyers...> (Kuno and Nabiki leave.) 
****
(We switch over to the Nekohaten. Shampoo is talking to two people. Mousse is
sleeping on a hammock.)
Shampoo: {I hope you aren't bothered by this sudden change of plans.}
Woman: {Well, we know how adamant your great-grandmother is.}
Shampoo: {Great-grandmother is on vacation, and I am leaving here to go to
Tahiti. With Mousse.} (Mousse opens his eyes, and looks at Shampoo. Shampoo
glances, but make it look like she doesn't notice him.)
Man: {Oh? Eloping, perhaps. Well, Mousse is a worthy man, if it wasn't for his
blindness.}
Shampoo: {I'm getting him an eye-operation for his birthday. It's suppose to be
a surprise. So, how much are you asking for this restaurant?}
Man: {150,000 yen.}
Woman: {Honey...you know Cologne doesn't---}
Shampoo: {Deal.} (The couple look at Shampoo in surprise. The Man and Shampoo
bow and shake hands. She then goes and brings out 150,000 yen in cash.)
Man: {Well...this is a surprise.}
Shampoo: {Great-grandmother keeps half a million yen in case of emergency. I
consider this to be an emergency.}
Man: {Oh. Well, we'll move in tomorrow and start operation next week. Okay?}
Shampoo: {Great. Thank you!} (The couple leaves.)
Mousse: Uh, Shampoo...are you sure this was a good idea?
Shampoo: It's mother's suggestion. (Mousse jumps out of the hammock.)
Mousse: Your mother is here?!
Shampoo: She's been here for days now, silly ducky.
Mousse: Oh. Does that mean I have to call you Princess Shampoo now?
Shampoo: Shampoo suppose so.
Mousse: Oh. Is there something going on that I don't know about?
Shampoo: {A lot of things, Mousse. A lot of things. But let's just say that you
don't have to worry about Ranma stealing me away from you anymore.} (S Mousse's
eyes spiral around giving that "jackpot" one-armed bandit look.)
Mousse: {Why?}
Shampoo: {Mother annulled my engagement with Ranma.}
Mousse: {Really? So, what else has been going on around here?}
Shampoo: {Mousse, that is a very long story. Very long.}
****
(We switch back to Nabiki and Kuno, who are in the posh living room of the Kuno
estate, Esquire.)
Kuno: Ah, Tendo Nabiki..."Princess." What doth asketh from me?
Nabiki: As you know, we've found our mother, at long last. She's a Queen of the
same tribe that Shampoo came from.
Kuno: Yes, the Amazon tribe. Which maketh thou a...Princess. Lo, my stomache has
turned with the thought of thou in power. (Nabiki slaps Kuno a couple of times.)
Nabiki: Would you please try to speak in 20th century Japanese, please? I've
heard better Japanese spoken by an American.
Kuno (in a Captain Kirk tone of voice):
What...are...you...trying...to...do...to...me?!
Nabiki: Getting you ready.
Kuno: Ready?!
Nabiki: Yes. You see, the Queen has allowed each Prince and Princess to bring
one person along with him or her, as a fiancee. A lover. A poster boy. A chance
to meet Prince William of England without looking like a drunken actor, like
Charlie Sheen. (Kuno shrinks back and gasps.)
Kuno: No...then it means, that Akane will take that spellbinder Saotome over the
worthy and fair Blue Thunder! (There's the sounds of thunder.)
Nabiki: Even worse than that, I'd like for you to be my husband, Kuno. We could
use the funds.
Kuno (screaming): Nnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooo!!!! I'd rather eat my sister's food
for a year before I marry such fowl stench as you, oh, Mistress of the Yen!
(Kodachi leans in from the next room.)
Kodachi: That could be arraigned, dear brother. Or, would you rather listen to
my Backstreet Boys CD collection instead? (Kuno looks back and forth between
Kodachi & Nabiki.)
Kuno: Backstreet Boys...marrying Nabiki...committing suicide...(shouting)
Sasuke, where's my kitana?!
Sasuke's voice: I don't know, sire. Let me finish alphabetizing my Tom Jones CD
collection first, master! (Nabiki smiles. Kuno wails and runs into the
fireplace. He falls over. Nabiki leans over to the kendoist and smiles.)
Nabiki: Truly, you all belong in an institution. Along with a straight jacket.
(Kuno screams and faints.)
****
(We back-kick over to Andrew and Ukyou. They are at Ukyou's apartment.)
Ukyou: So, Andrew...what is it?
Andrew: Excuse me. (Andrew pulls out C-chan and P-chan from his blue bag and
points to a potted plant.) Okay, P and C-chan. Kill that disguised plant.
(Tsubasa squeals. The pigs are onto him with a moment and beat the living
daylights out of him, pulling him into the next room.) There.
Ukyou: Good thinking. Perhaps we can use them as watchpigs.
Andrew (blushing): Er, yeah. Thanks. Now, what I'm about to say, don't take it
outside of this room. Okay?
Ukyou: Okay.
Andrew: You see...it all began a couple of years ago. I was eight, and my
"cousin" at the time was babysitting me. She did something that I will never
forget. Sometimes I keep having nightmares in my sleep over this. (Ukyou leans
over and touches Andrew's shoulder.)
Ukyou: What? What did she do that was so terrible? 
Andrew (looking visibly shaken): She...she raped me. (Ukyou's face turns pale.) 
Ukyou: She didn't. 
Andrew: I remember the bleeding.
Ukyou (weakly): T-t-the bleeding?
Andrew (as he begins to cry): She didn't like me and...(He breaks down and cry.)
Ukyou: I'm sorry.
Andrew (saying very quickly): And I've been scared of girls ever since. I
haven't really trusted girls. I haven't. I can't. And now, I'm suppose to get
married. My real mother hasn't...hasn't been told of my experiences.
Ukyou: What happened to the girl?
Andrew: She died in Arizona, of a drug overdose. It was a good thing, 'cause if
the drugs didn't kill her, the VD would. (Andrew looks bitterly at Ukyou. Ukyou
is crying.)
Ukyou: Oh, Andrew. I'm so sorry. I really am. Does anyone know about this?
Andrew: I told Akane last night. I was surprised when I learned she had a
similar experience. Three boys ganged up on her when she was seven or eight.
Then her "mother" died the next day. (Ukyou gasped.)
****
(We cut to see Ranma looking really, really, really mad. Over to the side, we
see a sobbing and withering Akane.)
Ranma: Akane...I am so mad at those fools, if I ever met up with them, I'll kill
them with every millimeter of their life!
Akane (sniff, sniff): Millimeter? Don't you mean inch?
Ranma: We are living in a metric society.
Akane: (sniff, sniff): Oh.
Ranma: Still, Akane, why didn't you tell anyone? This is a serious thing, and
holding back all these years isn't good for you.
Akane: Ranma, I don't think anyone would believe me, and besides, it would have
been like if I was trying to take attention away from my mother. Who'd guess she
isn't my real mother, after all.
Ranma: Are they still alive?
Akane: Well, I'm not sure. But, I can say this, I've never really understood
guys infatuation with schoolgirls.
Ranma: Neither have I, but most men wouldn't go this far.
Akane: Far...far?! Are you crazy?! They shouldn't be attracted to schoolgirls,
period! T-tto have an unnatural fantasy of raping a child is...is unthinkable!
Ranma: I...I see. (Ranma grabs a hold of Akane by the waist. Whispers:)
Akane...do you remember when I shouted my love for you after we defeated the
Phoenix Dragon? Where did that go? You've been fighting with me ever since. Do
you trust me to protect you?
Akane: I, I don't know if I can trust any boy. Then...last night.
Ranma: What about last night?
Akane: I found out that boys can be raped as well. I mean it sounds so
"duh"-like, but my brother was raped as a child early on too. I never knew. He's
had trouble dealing with girls ever since. (Ranma's anger is gone.)
Ranma: Really? Does Ukyou know about this?
Akane: Oh, no. He's been struggling with her. I mean, he's never seen a girl
that looked so much like a boy before.
Ranma: Is he, um, gay? And are you a lesbian?
Akane: Oh, heavens no. We're not gay.
Ranma: Oh. I see. Listen, I think you need to get over this. You really
shouldn't let this drive your life.
Akane: It's not driving my life.
Ranma: Yes it is. You'll get to be like Ryouga. If he defeated me even once,
he'd never know what to do after that.
Akane: Well, perhaps you should let him.
Ranma: Well, what about you? Perhaps you should let yourself go. (Akane thinks
for a minute. She then checks Ranma's forehead.)
Akane: Ranma, are you okay? It's not like you to be giving good advice.
Ranma: Well...I mean, you know...(They both blush.)
(Akane wraps her arms around Ranma.)
Akane: You know, I get this funny feeling when I'm around you.
Ranma: And?
Akane: That's usually when I have to pull out my mallet. (Ranma laughs.)
Ranma: Come on, Princess. (They both leave.)
****
(We flip back over to Andrew and Ukyou. Ukyou takes out her spatula and looks at
it.)
Ukyou: You know I used to hate girls. And boys.
Andrew: Well, from what my sis told me, I can understand.
Ukyou: Well, then I found Ranma. And while it hasn't been all roses and
champaigne, I can say I've probably had a better life in trusting a few people
than a whole lot of 'em. And you're gonna have to learn about trust.
Andrew (snickers): Yeah. I guess. But it's hard sometimes.
Ukyou: Andrew, I've seen some of your work. You're a very beautiful boy. And
almost a girl. You're every transvesties's dream. (Andrew giggles.)
Andrew: Well, maybe then you'll join me as my little princess. (Ukyou starts to
laugh.)
Ukyou: Little? Ha, I'm taller than you...wait, you don't mean...
Andrew: Well, I...I sorta like girls that are taller than me. I'm not sure
why...
Ukyou: You like girls in power. You have to, with what you've been through and
all.
Andrew: Still, I mean, you'll be close to Ranma and you'll have something no one
else can have...a guy that can actually cook. (Ukyou smiles. Andrew nudges Ukyou
in the ribs.)
Ukyou: Yeah...I...I like the idea. (Andrew leans over to Ukyou. Then he
blushes.)
Andrew: Um, I don't know how to kiss...I mean really kiss...(Ukyou pulls Andrew
up a bit and he leans over and they kiss.)
Tsubasa: NO!!!! (Tsubasa appears and dives between Ukyou and Andrew. They duck.
He crashes into the trash can.) No!!! You are not going after my Ukyou, you
girl! I don't care that you're bi! (Andrew breaks off the kiss and turns to
Tsubasa.)
Andrew: Say, how'd you get away from C-chan and P-chan?
Tsubasa: Hot water.
Andrew: What?
Ukyou: Oh, my...you didn't.
Tsubasa: Yeah. I found a hot pitcher of water and splashed in on the pigs. They
turned into a boy and girl, blushed, and they streaked outside. I'm not sure
why, but they did.
Ukyou: Tsubasa, honey, that's...
Andrew: No. What did they look like?
Ukyou: Well, the boy is Ryouga Hibiki. The girl, I'm not sure, but she sure
looked a lot like him.
Andrew: Looked?
Ukyou: Yeah. They're cursed.
Andrew: Cursed? Like Ranma?
Ukyou: Yeah. They turn into cute little pigs.
Andrew: Oh, my...our pets are really humans...
******
Next time...Akane finds Ryouga and has a craving for pork stir-fry...Kasumi
thinks about life without cooking...Genma takes over the world...and Cologne
comes back and is NOT very happy. Oh, and Shower meets Happousai and talks about
panties. Next time on Ranma 1/2: "Oh, Brother!"