Min'na!:
	Well...I'm back from summer vacation and I'm finally back in a
writing mood (in a non-fanfic medium, I may be getting PUBLISHED!
Hu-freakin'-zah!). Anyhow, I'm back and I'm ready to write (I got the
perfect inspiration for writing more of this series...;) and to ruthlessly
MST your fics too. Kyahahaa!
	>Lina Inverse

<----->

[*]  The O-Files: The Messiah is Out(er) There  [*]
a Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon Fanfiction by Todd Harper 
(lina@maison-otaku.net)
Inspired by conversations with Carmen Spray (haruka@maison-otaku.net)

        Author's Note: I owe the majority of this story's concept and
ideals to Ami@ElseMUCK and Haruka@ElseMUCK and a great deal of
conversations that extended farther into the night (the night! The
beautiful night!) than they really ought to. Much thanks to them for
the help and inspiration they provided. =)
        The O-Files will probably become a series, if I remember to
write episodes ;). The theme is much less anime-style as it is a
parody of British and American spy shows and forms, primary among them
being The Avengers and the Bond films, although even shows like Get
Smart make an appearance in here somewhere.
        Without further ado, on with the show!

        By the way, all characters portrayed here belong to other people.
I'm a college student and suing me will only be an effort in frustration. 
Also, all of this work is copyright 1998 by Todd Harper (yours truly). If
I find you stealing my stuff like I did to the people who created the
characters in this story, I'll probably be less forgiving than they.

=====[Episode 2:All The Glitters Is Not Vidal Sasoon]======================

Opening sting plays, then the congos:
[Shot of the Outers in shadow in a dark room in blue lighting]
Voice-Over> Extraordinary crimes against the solar system must be
avenged by senshi extraordinary...
[Shot of Haruka standing next to a race car with the wind blowing]
Two such senshi are Ten'ou Haruka, dashing top professional racer...
[Shot of Michiru looking out to sea reflectively]
..and her partner Kaiou Michiru, multitalented beauty.
[Shot like before, all four Outers but in full light and in civilian
clothes; Haruka wears a bowler.]
Together with mysterious Meiou Setsuna and her daughter Tomoe Hotaru,
they are...the Outers.

[Sting plays again. Shot switches to Haruka as Sailor Uranus in the
foreground translucent, with Haruka running on a track behind that,
then switching to her punching out some cannon fodder spy. Caption
reads "Starring Ten'ou Haruka as Sailor Uranus."]
[Violins start. Shot switches to Michiru as Sailor Neptune in the
[Violins start. Shot switches to Michiru as Sailor Neptune in the
foreground translucent, with Michiru playing her violin, then
switching to her in a Emma Peel catsuit with a smoking pistol in her
hand. Caption: "Also starring Kaiou Michiru as Sailor Neptune."]
[Second violins start. Picture of Setsuna holding Hotaru in the
classic "anime mother" pose (Setsuna over Hotaru's shoulders with her
arms around her neck). Caption reads "With Meiou Setsuna and Sailor
Pluto and Tomoe Hotaru as Sailor Saturn."]
[Final fanfare plays, the picture is of each Senshi back-to-back with
their civilian forms: Haruka is wearing a bowler, Michiru is in the
catsuit. They stand on a large chessboard, without pieces. Logo
flashes for the show in front of them.]

[Scene 1:Mugen Gakuen Cafeteria]

	For once, it felt nice to get out of the practice room and enjoy
some of the good weather, Michiru mused. Considering the problems she'd
been having lately, it was probably a good idea to get out and take some
time off, anyway. Just *thinking* about last episode made her teeth
clench. She'd already sawed three sets of violin strings in half and was
rapidly working on her fourth when to not only her relief but also that of
the prop department, Elza came and invited her to lunch.
	The Gakuen's cafeteria was a large, spacious affair, not unlike a
greenhouse. The food was gourmet and could easily beggar practically
any other school on the planet as far as cuisine goes. There was a
noticeable absence of donuts lately, however, in the morning. Rumors
persisted of a general fear of capital letters among the breakfast
cafeteria monitors.
	At any rate, the majority of the student population was confused
as to the significant absence of Michiru's usual hip attachment today; as
a matter of fact, no one had seen Ten'ou Haruka for a considerable amount
of time lately, and as such many began to wonder if the aqua-haired
violinist had taken up with any of a number of blond-haired androgyne
racers, who seemed to make up a surprising majority of the students of the
school as of late. 
	"So where's Haruka?" Elza tactfully said, munching into her lunch
with an abandon even Miaka would find tasteless. "She's usually hanging
off you like a spandex bra."
	Michiru stopped her forkful of shrimp halfway to her delicate
mouth, and arched an eyebrow. "I'm not going to go there. Besides, aren't
you supposed to be making me feel better?"
	Elza shrugged and shoveled more food into her mouth, saying with a
very businesslike, Nanami Jinnai tone, "As track coordinator, it is my
duty to make sure my star athlete is getting some at home so she won't be
cranky in the morning."
	There was a reverberating *WHAP* as Michiru's fist knocked Elza
halfway across the room. In the background, students watched as peaceful
piano strains were heard from a nearby...well, piano...played by a short
blue haired boy and his violet-haired female partner. 
	The heroine (one of them, anyway) of our story dusted off her
hands with an annoyed sigh. If Haruka didn't come back soon, she was going
to turn into...into...
	She shivered at the thought. A Marmalade Boy character!
	As Michiru stood, dusting off her shirt and watching the
paramedics cart Elza away to the ECU, a tall, gangly pink-haired girl
quietly tapped her on the shoulder. "Ano, are you the girl they call Kaiou
Michiru?"
	Michiru turned around. "Hai...what is it?" She peered at the girl
standing before her, obviously dressed in a male school uniform, just
like... She paused, then asked, "Do I know you from somewhere?"
	Utena shrugged. "I dunno...I was supposed to give you this." She
handed Michiru a small, blue jewel box, gilded in gold. "Gotta run, I have
a fencing class to get to. Jya." And with that, she glided over, collected
Miki and Anshi, and finished her gratuitous cameo, muttering about having
to sit down with Ikuhara-sama and work out the nuances of her contract.
	Students began to settle down as stage hands desperately tried to
get in the shot as they carted off the piano, until the director chased
them offstage with a large mallet, motioning to the violinist to get back
in character.
	Michiru sweatbeaded, then opened the box. Inside was a small white
card, reading:
	"Ms. Kaiou...we're needed."
	She didn't even feel herself hit the floor.

[Scene 2:Juuban District High School]

	There was something about Juuban District High School that was
just...enduring. Maybe it was the well-worked stone and concrete, the
dedicated staff, or the fact that it had survived youma attacks with
amazing consistency for the past God-knows-how-many years. It was a
structure that thumbed its nose at Godzilla, mocked Mothra, giggled at
Gamorah...in short, it was a *survivor*.
	Kaiou Michiru approached the building with annoyance. Lately she'd
been very diligent about things...she shook all her books out before
opening them, checked for things sewn in the lining of her clothes,
checked all her food before she ate it. She even ransacked her copies of
Fushigi Yuugi manga. But *SOMEHOW*, Haruka kept getting her those damn
*CARDS*. It was getting frustrating. Your instructors will only buy "May I
be excused to prevent a supervillain from taking over the world?" so many
times before they start to wonder.
	Regardless, she mumbled to herself and resolved to simply buy
herself a pager or something as she approched the side of the building.
Nestled beside the building, glowing with a faint buzzing noise, were a
row of vending machines with various foodstuffs and beverages inside them,
which the aqua-haired violinist read to herself quietly as she traced a
finger across them.
	"Coca-Cola...some sandwiches...Pepsi...Daimon Cola...Heart Crystal
Candy..." She paused when she reached an empty vending machine. "Doesn't
this usually have donuts in it?" Shrugging, she moved on until she found
what she was looking for. "Aha! The Rabbit Dumpling machine..."
	There was some rustling as Michiru fished in her pockets for
something, withdrawing the Official TSUKI Handbook and flipping it open to
an earmarked page. "Okay...insert coin, order #4A...wait ten seconds, then
say..." She paused, then growled. "I am going to *GET* her for this...why
can't we have Bat-poles or something..."
	Michiru sighed as she put the book back in her pocket, fishing
around for a quarter as a clown ran past behind her, chased by a man in a
dark suit. Finding some change, she inserted it into the machine and
ordered number #4A, then looked at her watch to count. After 10 seconds
had elapsed, she cleared her throat and said, with a disinterested and
annoyed tone:
	"Jugemu, jugemu, ohkonosurikure! TSUKI Headquarters, Broiler
Chicken." << This is the stupidest piece of machinery we've ever come up
with! What morons built this nonsense? >>
	While meanwhile, in the headquarters below, Chibi-Chibi was
assisted in R&D by Agent Mokona.
	As the ridiculous chant ended, the machine beeped once, then said
in a maddeningly calm voice, "Agent Kaiou, Main Character, confirmed.
Initiating Special-Effects entry sequence."
	The ground below Michiru opened with a creak of metal, and before
she could react to get out of the way, she dropped, screaming, into the
pit, which closed after her. An odango popped out of the machine, landing
on the ground where Agent Kaiou once stood. It said, in that pleasant,
Kasumi-esque tone, "Thank you for buying Rabbit Dumplings. Have a nice
day."
	There was a *thud* as Michiru landed, then started to slide 
through the access corridors of TSUKI HQ's entrance tubes, which, when
looked at from a purely architecture standpoint, looked less like superspy
equipment and more like a giant hamster maze. The initial shock had worn
off to a blase frown on the descending agent's face, while visions of
stabbed Harukas danced in her head.
	However, her arrival was not quite what she expected...instead of
the elevator hall of the HQ, she found herself floating in a black void,
surrounded by white streamers of light and small yellowish balls of
energy. She blinked as she landed on her feet, carried by unseen wind, and
looked around. What she saw was rather disturbing: one blue-clad,
spiky-haired blond was about to slash a staggering, white-haired bishounen
wide open. In mid-slash, the blond turned to face the new arrival...
	Cloud facefaulted. "God *DAMNIT*! Don't you people have any
respect for zoning?" Sephiroth growled and walked away, throwing up his
hands in disgust. 
	Michiru just *blinked*. "Must have taken a wrong turn somewhere."
She muttered and looked around. "Exactly how do I get out of here?" <<
Haruka, if we have to spend half the episode getting me to the HQ, I swear
I'm going to kill you... >>
	The blond swordsman sighed. "There *is* no way out. This place
doesn't really *exist*. It's the Lifestream?" He waved a hand, looking at
Michiru encouragingly. She shrugged.
	Cloud sweatbeaded. "The ineffable and really cool-looking green
stuff that powers all existence?" Still Michiru shrugged. "Oy..."
	Sephiroth turned to Cloud irritably. "Can you just stab her and
get on with it?"
	Cloud turned back to the Jenova half-breed with a snarl. "Shut
*UP*!" Sephiroth snarled back, and made some kind of motion, which caused
Cloud to put his hands to his head and a sound not unlike an Emergency
Broadcast System sound to start. When that passed, of course, Cloud leapt
upon his enemy, snarling. Ears everywhere breathed collective sighs of
relief. The bishounen battle, in the meanwhile, resumed.
	Michiru sighed as the two bishounen began to cat-fight over
whether or not they should kill her, and nonchalantly withdrew her 
cel-phone from her pocket and dialed.
	*Ring*. *Ring*. *Click*. "Imperial Theatre, can I help you?"
	Michiru blinked. "Who the hell is this?"
	The voice on the phone paused, then gasped. "Michiru? Hold on a
minute, lemme call you back." There was a click as the woman on the other
line, who sounded vaguely like Haruka, hung up. The aqua-haired agent just
stared at the phone, which assuredly enough began to ring. With a dazed
look on her face, she unclicked it and held it to her ear, saying with
trepidation, "Moshi...moshi?"
	The voice on the phone was the now-familiar, masculine richness of
Ten'ou Haruka. "Hello, Michiru," she said with a tone that could only be
described as dashing. Michiru could almost see the gleam on Haruka's
teeth, and shivered. "What did you need?"
	It looked like the brawl between Cloud and Sephiroth was nearing
an end; Cloud had resorted to using his hair as a melee weapon, something
the smooth-haired Seph could not. She frowned and turned to the phone
again. "I won't even ask who that was on the line before. Listen, unless
you want this episode to drag on forever, you'd best come and get me.
Someone's been screwing with the transport tubes again."
	Somewhere, Hotaru stopped munching on a creme-filled. "Why are my
ears burning?" She shrugged and turned back to her game of solitaire.
	There was a heroic little laugh from Haruka's side of the line.
"I'll be right there, my love."
	And true to her word, a scant 15 second wait brought about the
entrance of a *HUGE* metal and vaguely man-shaped mecha, with steam pipes
coming from the back. *Where* it came from could only be ascribed to laws
of physics that would make Einstein take up crossword puzzles, and it
neatly flattened both Cloud and Sephiroth as it made a blustery entrance.
A blast of steam emitted from the torso of the thing, which opened to
reveal...
	Michiru blinked. "Haruka?"
	Indeed, it was Haruka...sort of. Dressed in clothing that could
only be adequately described as "Horatio Nelson's stolen laundry", this
was not the Haruka that Agent Kaiou remembered. "Where's the car? Where's
your fuku?" The violinist was hysterical as she grabbed Haruka? by the
collar and shook her. "WHERE'S HARUKA?"
	The Haruka-like figure stammered, "It *is* me!
You...caught...me...while...I...was...part...timing!" 
	Michiru blinked and stopped shaking her, then sighed. 	
	"Let's *go* before this fic gets any *slower*."

[Scene 3: Goldhair's Shibouya Shack O' Evil]

	Meanwhile, in a somewhat related event, the evil mastermind
Goldhair was rejoicing, for she realized that the author had discovered a
way to use her in the plot. 
	The interior of her lair hadn't *degraded* any in the time since
she bought it, Goldhair mused. In fact, the budget restructuring after an
inexplicable shift in Hotaru's salary last cast meeting hadn't affected
her too much at all, considering she never HAD a budget to begin with...
	At any rate, the golden headed one was strutting around and
generally doing the villain gloating thing. She'd even had this brilliant
idea of how to make cheaper subordinates; she'd found this guy with a
really weird costume who called himself the "Salad Shooter" or "Food
Processor" or some other ridiculous name...well, he'd has this green stuff
that changed animals into ninjas! Thinking it too good to be true, Goldie
has flashed her hair at the moron as he was posturing about his victory,
and ran off with it.
	Of course, she didn't really *want* ninjas, since she knew the
author's attitude on cannon fodder. So instead, she decided to get some
normal, everyday animals and develop a variant of the icky green stuff
that made more cute cannon fodder (which, by the laws of shoujo anime, was
therefore harder to kill). 
	Goldie sighed as she looked at the first of her "Fabricamates", as
she called them. While stunning, and in it's own way effective, she was
kind of disappointed with the overall level of mental development in...
	"Sailor Polyester Echidna, reporting for duty, SIR!" There was a
pause. "Ma'am." There was another pause. "Who are you again?"
	Goldie sighed. And sighed. The light reflection through the
sweatdrop forming on her brilliant hair burned a hole in a steel girder
as she sat and pondered her fate. "I'm your CREATOR, you idiot!" She
turned to look at Polly, as she'd begun to think of her.
	Sailor Polyester Echidna was not exactly what she had been
bargaining for. Goldie had figured, hey...spikes, bad attitude, related
to the Sonic merchandising blitz...how could she go wrong? What she got
however was the decidedly cute, ditzy, and most of all un-echidna-like
Polly. An uninmpressive, short, bouncy little girl swathed in an imitation
polyester fuku with a wide open neck and a huge collar. The heels on her
boots added somewhat to her diminuitive height, by about a foot or two.
	"Oh, right!" Polly beamed, making Parapara look like a nagging
whiner by kawaii comparison. Her eyes were so wide and so blue and her
head so EMPTY that you expected to see fish swimming back and forth behind
them at any moment.
	Goldie sighed as Polly blinked and pulled a goldfish out of her
ear. "Okay, now...the GOAL is for you to distract agents Ten'ou and Kai'ou
while I go to some ancient Aztec ruin somewhere and get the Bad Luck Eye
of Moroboshi." She blinked, then looked at her script. "Moro...boshi...
aw, MAN! Who WRITES this schlock?"

	Todd looked at his monitor and grinned, then turned to his
co-authors. "You're pretty good at this."
	The Starlights beamed with pride.  Kou Seiya in particular grinned
sadistically. "We *try*."
	Setsuna snarled as she poked her head in the shot. "TODAY,
gentlemen/ladies...I'd like to get some screen time TODAY!"
	*ME TOO.*
	The entire room sweatbeaded.

	Conveniently, Goldie had outlined today's Evil Plot (tm) to Polly
in the meantime, and the vacuous youma-of-the-day smiled cheerily,
saluting with vigor. "You can count on me!" she noted enthusiastically,
picking herself up off the floor.
	Goldie merely sighed. A long, long day ahead.

[Scene 4: TSUKI HQ]

	Setsuna smiled smugly. After all this time, she had done it.
Months upon months of pestering The Odango by email, months upon months of
making Haruka and Michiru's field reports look bad, months upon months of
babysitting the little Silent Messiah doombringer donutbrat...it all paid
off! She had FINALLY wrangled a field mission!
	It was to Haruka and Michiru's obvious surprise, then, that they
found Setsuna dressed for combat in the way only truly long-legged, sexy
fictional characters could be as they waltzed into HQ with that
sickeningly arrogant way they had. << Top agents...hah! I LAUGH AT YOU!

the Senshi of Time mused to herself with an inward grin, adjusting the

belt on her Sailor Croft Action Battlesuit (tm).
	One thing had never quite made it past her brain, though...even
though she'd spent laborous hours in the TSUKI mainframe screwing with
their records, agents Kaiou and Ten'ou were STILL considered TSUKI's top
field agents. Only now did this occur to Sets, but she shrugged it off.
Hey, if she'd snagged a combat mission despite Ruka and Michi's track
record, she MUST have been doing SOMETHING right.
	"Oi, Setsuna...what's with the painted-on clothes?" asked Haruka
with the kind of practiced and detached arrogance that made Setsuna's
teeth ache. Michiru hung off her like a Christmas ornament in a bad
Peanuts special, all smiling and princesslike and so perfect it made Pluto
want to break things.
	Through all this, Hotaru typed away on her desk computer, glancing
at it with a distracted and curious air. "That's strange...I don't
remember Haruka-papa submitting a $56,000 damage claim for..." She bent
close to the screen to make sure she was reading it right. "...'grievous
and utter property destruction upon the innocent Shinonome High School'?"
Hotaru blinked. Her friend Ifurita went to Shinonome (they'd met at last
year's Plot Device of Destruction Conference), and she'd never heard
of...ah well, might as well just fix the error. She shrugged and typed
away busily, occasionally stopping to take a bite out of her creuller.
	Michiru gave Setsuna the once over, then said, flatly,
"It's...unique." Setsuna grimaced. <<Thank you, Miss Fashion Plate.>>
	The senshi of Time sighed. "Whatever. Since there's no new
developments in R&D lately, I've been instructed to just give you your
mission orders."	
	Haruka and Michiru paused. Setsuna busied herself with tightening
her bodice a little more, which took considerable effort considering coal
placed in her cleavage could produce diamonds at this point. Instead,
Agents Ten'ou and Kaiou swiveled their gazes toward little Hotaru, who sat
quietly doing data entry and munching on her 9th box of donuts.
	For her own sake, Hotaru blinked and turned around. "What? Are
there crumbs in my hair?"

[Scene 5: TSUKI Telepod Station]

	"What the HELL is all *THIS*?"
	Haruka regarded the scene before her with a great deal of
specualtive cynicism. She knew how the budgeting went around here. Yeah,
maybe Hotaru had to make up for the losses in donuts so she wouldn't blow
up the known universe, and of course Michiru had demanded 9 or 10 new
outfits, and then there was the copyright suit with SquareSoft, but
STILL...
	Michiru sighed disgustedly, pushing a steel girder out of her way
with a look of aristocratic disdain on her face. "My, how...quaint. When
was the last time this place got used, anyway?"
	The telepod room was in various stages of disarray. Girders and
walls were broken and hanging, and the lights were dim and flickering. A
low thrumming reverberated around and shook the furniture. 
	The reply was long in coming, for it took a moment before Haruka
and Michiru realized they were talking to thin air. The blonde shrugged at
her companion, then turned her heroically blue-eyed gaze toward the door,
where an unfortunate and ranting Setsuna had managed to catch her
body-glove of a combat uniform onto a swinging hook wire. She frantically
was trying to yank herself off it without revealing any MORE flesh, while
the somber-toned figure of Hotaru drifted aimlessly through the carnage,
donut box in hand.
	Michiru sighed, sweatbeading. Haruka just threw up her hands in
disgust, shouting to the apparent universe in general, "THIS is what you
give us to work with?!"

BUMPER: The Bond theme begins, complete with camera-iris-eye
effect; however, the effect reveals Haruka standing back to
back with Sailor Uranus as the bumper music for Sailor Moon S
plays in the background.

[Commercial for stuff. Use your own imagination.]

BUMPER: Once more the Bond theme begins, but this time the
iris eye reveals Michiru (in Peel catsuit) standing back to
back with Sailor Neptune as the SMS bumper music plays.

[Scene 6: Venice]

	Michiru's eyes lit up like the headlights of a Buick as the
special effects faded and she realized where she and Haruka stood.
"VENICE!" The violinist looked around like she'd just walked off the plane
at Fantasy Island to find that poor Tatoo had been crushed by falling
luggage and Ricardo Montalban had suddenly been stricken with laryngitis.
She was, in essence, in the heaven between 6th and 8th.
	Haruka was less enthusiastic...whether this was due to her
disinterest in all things Italian or due to the fact that Michiru's
gleeful deathgrip on her right arm had cut off all circulation below the
elbow was unclear.  All she knew was that she was no longer in control of
the situation, and that just drove her CRAZY. She was the MAN in the
relationship for crying out loud! She was supposed to be dashing, brave, a
leader!
	Leaders were not dragged, kicking and screaming, into opera houses
by surprisingly strong and enthusiastic lesbian violinists who just
happened to be very single-mined about what it is they wanted out of life.
	Michiru just grinned to herself, hauling Haruka behind her. It was
so much FUN being the wife.

[Scene 7: Somewhere in the Jungle (tm) ]

	"Oh, for the love of God..."
	Setsuna sighed and tugged her arm free of the grasping tree
branch, which claimed another square of cloth from the precious few
keeping her modesty intact, stamping off into the jungle, grumbling the
entire way. It was INFURIATING! How is it that Haruka and Michiru could
walk through gunfire in evening dress and walk out with those perfect
smiles still PLASTERED on their faces?! 
	Setsuna growled lowly, the swinging of her annoyance-fueled
machete taking out foliage faster than Republican legislature as she
hacked her way through a seemingly endless jungle toward a goal she knew
nothing about. As she hacked her way forward a stray vine claimed an
earring, and her snarling became an audible string of swear words that
made Pluto live up to her Sailor title.
	Trailing in the destructive and swearing wake of Setsuna was
Hotaru, still dressed in an unassuming black shirt and matching skirt,
Silence Glaive strapped to her back and idly nibbling on a donut. She  was
so absorbed in the eating of said pastry however that she almost didn't
notice when she walked right into Setsuna's back, ooofing and taking a
step backward. "Ano, Setsuna-mama...are you alright?" She smiles
ingratiatingly until Setsuna turned around...and even Hotaru cowered
before the look of absolute rage reflected in Pluto's eyes.
	"NO!" the research director shrieked, causing some of the backdrop
to fall over, stage hands swarming over them to get them back up. "I'm NOT
alright! We're NEVER gonna get through here..." she screamed
exasperatedly, waving a tan and barely-clothed arm at the mass of thick
jungle lying before her. Hotaru cringed, the Glaive swinging into
Setsuna's view.
	Pluto smiled.
	"Nee, Hotaru-chan...there's donuts over in that direction, you
know..." she cooed, pointing in the direction of her swath of arboreal
destruction. 
	The young pale girl looked up with dark eyes. 
	*REALLY?*
	Setsuna nodded. "Oh yeah. Probably those strawberry frosted ones
you like so much."
	Hotaru smiled ferally. The Glaive glowed. Setsuna hid.
	And then...Silence.
	Well, it was actually more of a loud, booming explosion. But
Silence just SEEMED so much more dramatic...

[Scene 7: Venice]

	Haruka leaned over the side of the gondola with a slightly green
face, putting a hand to her forehead. This was...horribly wrong. She
should be dodging gunfire, exchanging witty barbs with Michiru about the
tackyness of the current villain, laughing dashingly the entire time.
Instead, here she was in Italy, stripped of her best power as an agent:
	She was in a situation where being dramtically elegant wouldn't
save her ass.
	Michiru just smiled, eyes glazed over. She'd been like that ever
since the violin museum, the violin concert, the outdoor restaurant with
violin players, eating that cake shaped like a violin, buying a few
violins, and getting her picture taken with a violin. Haruka had once
suggested going to see a famous racetrack instead; she wondered if the
wound had stopped bleeding yet. 
	The blond agent gritted her teeth and swung back into the gondola,
fervently drawing on all her inborn gentility to avoid pushing the
romantic violin player overboard. 
	Her companion smiled, beaming up at the sights of the city and
smoothing her "I (heart) Violins" t-shirt. "Oh, Haruka...isn't this
romantic?" she cooed, leaning on Agent Ten'ou and closing her eyes,
completely content. Haruka twitched. This was excessive, even for
MICHIRU...she wondered if perhaps the opening of the story hadn't driven
her a little crazy, and resolved to smack the author senseless for it
later. But she had to DO something...
	"Michiru, you KNOW we're just here as bait, right? I mean, the
villain is sure to come by and tip the gondola over or something, you know
this, right?" Haruka paused once she realized Michiru was still in
Disnified mode, and prompted her again. "Nee, Michiru...MI-CHI-RU...?"
	Agent Kaiou had might as well have been stone. Her smile was so
wide Haruka expected her head to split in half from the muscle tension any
second now. She raised an eyebrow. "Michiru? What city are we in?"
	"Violin," her companion said dreamily.
	Haruka furrowed her eyebrows. "And what country?"
	"Violin."
	"What agency do we work for?"
	"Violin."
	"What's 6 plus 4?"
	"Violin."
	Haruka paused. "What's a stringed instrument, smaller than a
viola, and often the principal instrument of a great deal of orchestra
players?"
	Michiru blinked, then shrugged. "Pass."
	"AAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

[Scene 8: Back lot of Maison Otaku Productions]

	Loki sighed. It was a tired sigh. It was the sigh of someone who
had worked hard all day, had had ENOUGH problems recompiling some
nonsensical computer glitch in the fabric of the known universe...he just
wanted something to eat and a nap.
	The fact that Hotaru had just blown a roughly house-sized hole in
the Maison-Otaku Productions film set area wasn't helping.
	Loki shook his head as he walked. It wasn't that Todd was a bad
guy...well, he had his moments, but still. And it wasn't like he wasn't
FOND of the Sailor Moon cast, especially the Outers. But places didn't
grow on TREES. The rebuilding costs after Bailesu's end-of-universe sketch
in "Lemon Sherbert" were STILL backlogged in his paperwork. And now
THIS...sigh. What a life.
	The Maison-Otaku owner's head instinctively turned toward where
the most noise was coming from: Studio 6. All the screaming was beginning
to hurt his head...he sighed and began to walk back to his office to
examine the budget and see what he could do.
	And for some reason, this annoying craving for donuts.

[Scene 10: Studio 6, Maison-Otaku Productions]

	It was...a temple. At least, at first glance. Thankfully the
lighting was dramatically dim and the director was going for a "natural
feel" to the camera work. Otherwise, bad things might happen.
	For example, Goldie could have just blinded a cameraman. Or
Setsuna could have just kicked over another piece of scenery, ranting
incoherently "I SWEAR I'LL KILL HIM!" over and over again, Hotaru
following in the wake of destruction like the Dunkin Donuts poster girl.
The Silence Glaive was mysteriously absent; someone carrying a huge pencil
and claiming to be the head of the prop department came and snagged it,
then walked off in a huff.
	The footsteps resounded in the cardboard halls, dark and
mysterious and soon to be disassembled and recycled. Mysterious
hieroglyphs and small black arrows reading "TAB A <-" decorated the dim
hallways. The scurrying of rats and Hollywood production assistants made
the air seem gloomy and mysterious.
	This, however, was not to last. Setsuna trudged along the
hallways, having put her labcoat back on in the scene switch in
exasperation. This was CRAZY. She didn't know HOW they'd done it, but they
HAD. Somehow, Setsuna thought to herself, SOMEHOW those bastards had
siphoned off all the funding for the episode into their trip to Venice.
THEY were in Italy, probably sipping elegant little paper-umbrella drinks
and laughing that arrogant little laugh of the truly stuck up. 
	There was a loud CRACK as Setsuna punched through one of the walls
in anger. Hotaru munched on obliviously, following Setsuna and attempting
to be inconspicuous...she knew without the Glaive she had better keep a
low profile, lest someone catch on to the Mistress 9 act.
	The Senshi of Time and the Sidekick of Silence rounded the corner
through the roughly Executive Restroom Key-shaped (if somewhat larger)
hole in the wall, and stopped short.
	Goldhair smiled. "So! We meet at last, Sailor Pluto!" She paused,
then looked at Hotaru. "And that other girl," she added tentatively.
	There was an awkward silence as the three woman glanced at each
other flatly. Setsuna looked dispassionate, and Hotaru just
looked...annoyed. But the world was still in one piece, so Goldhair
breathed an inner sigh of relief and continued. "But you're too late! I
will be the one to possess the Bad Luck Eye of Moroboshi!
OhohohoHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"
	There was another long pause. Setsuna leaned on her ERK, and
Hotaru idly munched on a scone. Goldie looked from one senshi to the other
for a few seconds. "Ohohohohohoho?"
	There was another pause. This, however, was broken by the
dispassionate voice of Setsuna, dripping with sarcasm. "Are you done?"
	Goldie couldn't believe it. This was it...her FIRST big
villain/hero confrontation...she felt cheated! Where were the witty one
liners, the cliffhangers, the weaponry, the combat...it was all too easy!
She looked at Setsuna and Hotaru out of the corner of her eye...they were
just SITTING there! Enraged, she rummaged into her costume and produced a
flashlight, pointing it at her hair and ranting incoherently, "I've got a
Rayovac and I'm not afraid to use it! Now...step away from the hole in the
wall and put your hands where I can see 'em."
	Setsuna sighed. "Just take the damn thing. We're not going to try
and stop you. RULE the world, for all I care!" she ranted, snarling. "Not
like there's any FARINESS to it! IT'S ALL YOURS! AAAAAAAAAGH! DIE HARUKA
AND MICHIRU! DIIIIIIIIIE!"
	Pluto began to foam at the mouth. Deciding not to take any
chances, Goldie snagged a small golden statue from the inside of the
mock-up and ran out before anything worse than the sight of Sailor Pluto
foaming at the mouth could happen, trail of dust forming in her wake.
	After a long pause, Hotaru looked at Setsuna. "Why did you let her
go?"
	Setsuna shrugged. "Well, I look at it this way. Either the Bad
Luck Eye is going to follow the REST of this episode's schtick and be
horribly, horribly WRONG...or she'll end up ruling the world and the
series will be over."
	Hotaru blinked. The simplicity of it astounded her, as she
followed Setsuna out of the set, which was being disassembled and shipped
over to Sounds and the Furry for "Raiders of the Lost Eva" (tm). 
	The Messiah of SIlence (minus Glaive) could only blink. "Good
plan," she muttered. Then she went home, and they had donuts. The end.

[Scene 11: Venice]

	Haruka wanted to cry. It just wasn't fair!
	"Michiru, the show's OVER! Let's go home!"
	Michiru just stared out the window of the airport, planting
herself in place and saying, wistfully, "Violin..."
	"Michiru, we have violins at HOME! Your favorite ones!"
	"Violin?"
	 Agent Ten'ou sighed exasperatedly. "Yes, you can have a little
tea party with them. But only if you get on the plane."
	Her aqua-haired partner looked up at her with a child's eyes.
"Violin? Violin. Violin." She shuffled onto the plane with a dazed look in
her eyes.

[Scene 12: Goldhair's Shibouya Shack of Evil (tm) ]

	Goldie smiled...sort of. Victory was hers...but it was totally
wrong somehow. She looked over the rather plain and somewhat ugly-ooking
Bad Luck Eye of Moroboshi carefully. Just a plain, gold-painted stick with
a chiseled pair of cat ears on the top. It was warm to the touch. In
short, it was kinda frightening. She switched it on, trembling, putting
faith in the fact that the script said this would give her the power to
rule the world...
	Goldie paused. Oh, no. Not from the script. What had she DONE?!
	She closed her eyes, shortly before she was trampled by a teeming
horde of pre-pubescent, drooling, horny fanboys. She didn't even have time
to cry.

				[Fin]


[*]===-----------------------------------------------------------------===[*]
"Wherever monsters rampage, I'll be there to take them down...wherever
treasure glitters, I'm there to claim it...whenever an opponent rises to
face me, victory shall be mine!" -Lina Inverse, Slayers TV Op.
[*]===-----------------------------------------------------------------===[*]
Todd Harper: lina@wwa.com, lina@maison-otaku.net
University of Wisconsin@Madtown and overall violent yet friendly guy =)
http://www.maison-otaku.net/~lina
The O-Files!: http://www.maison-otaku.net/~lina/ofiles
[*]===-----------------------------------------------------------------===[*]