David Johnston wrote:

Is the backstory of this series in some previous series by you?  If so,
please give us a pointer to the previous story in a foreword.  If not,
write it, it sounds much more interesting than the one you are writing
now.

Apart from that, you are using funky quotes that don't translate into
e-mail.  It is the path of wisdom to put the title of the story into the
subject line, particularly when you have multiple chapters.
That way those who wish to follow the story can easily identify it,
and people are more likely to notice it in the first place.

And AUYKAWA is incorrect. its A-YU-KA-WA.
 

Apart from that, using past tense with script format is just about the
most bizarre choice possible.

Also, you have Ranma warn Kyosuke about his "psychic defenses" which
mysteriously failed to fry K-Man when he actually made contact with
Ranma's mind earlier.

Which is equally puzzling, since Kyosuke has no Telepathic psionics,
only Pre-cog, time flux, telekinisis, and psycho-electric.

And, it's good to know that Ranma has turned into an even bigger sleaze
as he got older.  He should be perfect for Hikaru.

Kyosuke and Madoka don't seem to have much to do except listen to
Ranma's monologue.  Why are they there?

if you're story is going to have more to do with Hikaru than those two,
don't be afraid to write them out.

-TJ
-CSY head
-FFIRC head