On Sun, 20 Sep 1998, RIG NET- Grayson Towler wrote:
Hiroshi's world spun and he was facing her. Her face was
Whoops! I think you mean Tanaka there.
Doh! My bad. The obligitory editor-type error.
"Probably." Hiroshi typed furiously at the keyboard of his
orkstation.
Missed the "w" and had an extra line break.
My bad again. I think that was a bad transfer error -- it looks fine on
my version.
"Wha? No, of course not."
Small quibble. If you use "wha" as a "what" that didn't quite make it all
the way out of the speaker's mouth, it should probably be "wha..."
Noted.
I think the story has picked up a very nice momentum. It feels
like you've gotten into the groove of writing it, that the characters
are starting to flow naturally for you. That's an excellent thing.
Thank you. The characters are pretty much writing themselves now, which
is a blessing and a curse... ^_^ I was afraid that this episode would
flop, but it seems to have done pretty well.
I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next, and discovering
Hitomi's identity. I'm also interested in seeing how you handle
Mari and Tanaka's reactions to discovering that Marie is an android.
It could go all sorts of ways. Mari will assuredly have to chew on
the implications of Hiroshi making an android that looks like her.
And Tanaka? Well, I guess we'll see.
Yeah... I have a number of ideas to explore, and the situation is rather
complex now, so it may take a bit of time to get out (both in writing time
and episode number/length).
The Boko no Marie cast of characters is pretty small. Do you
intend to throw a certain Hibiki into the mix? (For all of you who
aren't familiar with the series, I'm not talking about Ryouga.)
Ah, good old Hibiki Kennou. Her story may be explored, but it'd probably
be its own entity. We're pretty far into this story, and as much as I'd
like to bring in a fifth major character (or would it be sixth? I guess
it all depends... ^_^), it's a little too late for it to seem natural.
Though, her reaction to her discovery of Marie's true nature will be taken
into account from a meta- standpoint.
Thanks for the C&C -- an ego boost just when I needed it (grin!)
If any of you guys out there would like chapters 1 and 2, give me an
e-mail and I'll send them off to you!
--Matt
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"It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both
incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by
twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper." -- Rod Serling
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