Be afraid... be very very afraid.
My Second SI
(Or, what would really happen if one of us showed up in an anime)
Before you read this, I advise the following:
"Don't knock it 'til you've tried it."
This is meant to be funny... well, sort of.... Anyway, on with the fic.
Disclamation: Ranma 1/2 belongs to a bunch of high-paid, incredibly
powerful people.
*-*-*-*
A lone figure appeared in the streets of Nerima. He immedeatly ducked
and rolled to the side, narrowly avoiding the falling boulder. Brian
glared up at the sky in contempt. "Unlike some people, I learn from my
mistakes."
Brian glanced around, noting that he was standing outside the
Nekohanten. "Well, I suppose this is as good a place to start as any."
He entered and was greeted by a bubbly waitress with purple hair.
"Nihao." He said.
Shampoo beamed. "<Oh, thank goodness, it's so nice to meet somebody
who speaks mandarin. You have no idea how annoying it is to be stuck
talking in that annoying Japanese all the time."
Brian smiled quirkily. "I have NO idea what you just said."
Shampoo looked crestfallen. "Welcome to Nekohanten. What
funny-looking boy want?"
Brian grimaced at the nickname, but decided to let it slide. (She'd
probably just kick his ass from here to Mars if he made a scene anyway)
"Can I speak with the owner please?"
"Oh, stupid boy want speak with great-grandmother. Allright." Shampoo
glided towards the back room. A few seconds later, Cologne appeared,
looking even more shriveled than she did in the anime. "How may I help
you, young man?"
Brian invoked his author powers, removing a large wad of yen from his
back pocket. "I was wondering if you know of any rooms to rent nearby."
Cologne's eyes studied him carefully, assessing whether he might be a
problem. She came to the obvious conclusion that he wouldn't be. "I
have an extra room, you may stay there. Just keep OUT of the kitchen
and the other rooms."
Brian began flipping back bills, but discovered he didn't need to when
the wad disappeared from his hand. "Hey!"
Cologne bounced it in her palm. "This should cover the first week."
*-*-*-*
Brian tried to calm himself down, the encounter with Shampoo had left
him all flustered. "Rule number one of anime," he reminded himself.
"almost all women are babes." That wasn't actually rule number one, but
that was the only one that he could think of coherently right now.
Sneaking downstairs, Brian overheard Cologne and Shampoo speaking to
each other. A bubbling cauldron (literally) of ramen in front of them.
"You sure this lust potion make Ranma want Shampoo, great-grandmother?"
"Oh yes, Shampoo. This is the most powerful love potion that the
Amazons posess, and there is no stopping it once it takes effect.
Son-in-law better be the one who eats this Shampoo."
Brian watched the bottle carefully, noting it's exact position in the
cabinet. <Maybe Shampoo and I can have a little 'fun' with that potion
later.>
The ramen finished cooking, and Shampoo and Cologne leapt out the back
door with it. Inevitably headed toward the dojo.
"Knowing those two," Brian mumbled to himself. "Ranma'll eat that stuff
and then wind up staring at Cologne." Brian shuddered. "Poor guy."
Brian pulled open the cabinet and removed the lust spice that Cologne
and Shampoo had used. "Everybody have fun tonight..." he mumbled.
"Everybody wang-chung tonight..."
*-*-*-*
Brian set the freshly prepared bowl of ramen opposite his own on the
table, adding a generous helping of the lust potion to it. Allright, so
he dumped in the whole bottle. A few seconds later, Shampoo and Cologne
came wandering inside. "You are aware, Shampoo, that that did not go as
planned."
"It not my fault. How I know Ranma and too-too-nice girl BOTH like eat
ramen?"
In response to her statement, a loud moan shook the sky around Nerima.
Brian's eyes widened. <Kasumi... How incredibly unexpected.>
"Um, Shampoo, I made you something. Sort of a peace offering since we
got off on the wrong foot." Brian indicated the bowl of ramen. Shampoo
slid into the booth looking dejected. "Okay, stupid boy, Shampoo eat
ramen. Maybe make Shampoo feel better."
Just as she was about to take her first bite, the telephone rang.
Shampoo stood and answered it. "That wierd Hiroshi boy. He want
another delivery, that fifth one today. I make, you can eat ramen
great-grandmother."
Cologne nodded tiredly as she attacked the ramen. Brian's eyes widened
in horror as the implication sunk in. Cologne looked up at him and her
eyes looked onto him. Brian screamed and fled the resturaunt, persued
by a mummy on a stick.
*-*-*-*
I don't think we need to go into details of the sorry end of Brian's
life in the Ranmaverse, so I'll just say:
fini
?_?
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Shrine/6648
Brian, singing off...