Mystery Wrestling Kaiju Theater 3000:
"The Coming of Munihousen", Part two
Original story by the Great Red Serpent
MiSTed by: The Flashman
Co-MiSTed by: Lynxara
Co-MiSTed by: Dinobot
THE BOWELS (EWWWWWW!) OF THE SATELLITE OF NITRO
"Ow! What IS that?!"
"It's my tail. Sorry."
"Well, it's poking the hell out of my back!"
"Sorry. There's not a lot of room for me to maneuver, down here."
Bret Hart grimaced as the tips on Space Godzilla's tail poked him
in the small of his back for, what felt like, the five hundredth time.
Although, he had to give one of the Satellite's latest (and oddest)
residents credit. The dark halls of the lower levels of the Satellite,
almost too dark to see in without the flashlight Bret held out in front of
them, hadn't been designed with eight and a half foot tall, almost
half-ton, movie monsters in mind. Space Godzilla had to shuffle through
the lower levels side ways, to accommodate his tremendous body mass, and
his neck was beginning to cramp from having to keep it ducked down for such
an extended period of time.
The two of them were down there, because they had been elected by
the rest of the crew on the Satellite to find something they could alter
and use for the upcoming gimmick exchange. So far, they had been having no
luck. Then, the flashlight's beam caught an object in its light and Bret
exclaimed, "I think I found something!"
Rushing over to his find, and then waiting for Space Godzilla to
side-shuffle his way over, Bret picked up the object and tried to read the
faded letters on the front.
"Car... Cart... Cartu..." he attempted to read it, but eventually
gave up. "Forget it. The label's been worn away. There's no way to tell
what it does."
"Maybe," the kaiju said, "but its design gives me an idea..."
SATALITE OF NITRO: REC ROOM
"No way!" Gigan shouted. "I'm sorry, Nash but I can't accept that
Tokeio Private Police is better than Venus 5."
"And I'm telling you," Nash argued back, "Private Police is much
better! I mean, it's got sex, comedy and kick-ass mecha. What more could
you ask for?"
"Simple. Sex, comedy, magical girls in *much* more skimpy outfits
than normal and, in part two, TENTACLES!"
"I'll give you those last two points..."
Bisch thought about throwing in a nasty comment about the fic they
had just been forced to read, but decided against it, as he was too
interested in what the other three members of their group were doing.
He did, however, decide to add the growing friendship between the
two resident perverts to his mental REALLY-Worry-About-This-Later list.
Of course, to see what Mark and Dinobot were doing, he had to make
his way next to King Ghidora, as the kaiju was thirteen feet tall with his
golden wings fully spread and almost impossible to see over or around from
behind.
"Come to think of it," Bisch thought, "Gigan is the same height as
Nash and he's the smallest of the three. I'm gonna have to rethink my
concept of large, after this is over."
Finally stepping around, Bisch went wide-eyed when he saw the Lord
of Darkness and the seemingly unflapable Maximal were crying their eyes out
and leaning against each other for support. He looked up at Ghidora and
was surprised to see tears in the eyes on all three of the monster's
heads. The TV screen that was in front of them held only blackness, as the
tape they had been watching had reached its end. Picking the tape box off
the top of the VCR, Bisch read the title aloud. "Neon Genesis Evangelion:
Final Impact."
Then, he shook his fist at the sky and shouted at the ceiling,
"DAMN YOU TO HELL GAINAX!"
That was when the incoming message lights began to flash and,
quickly recovering, Dinobot said, "Speaking of things that belong in
Hell..."
TITAN 13
Vince smiled evilly at his captives as he said, "Greetings, Truth
Commission. Are you ready for this week's gimmick exchange?"
The Rock grinned in his oh-so-cheesy way as he added, "Yeah. We've
been working on this all week, and it's the best damn gimmick there ever
was."
On the view screen, the two could see the members of the SoN
whisper to each other and look off screen. Bisch turned back to the camera
and said, "Uh... we need a little time to... uh... set it up. Yeah, that's
it! We need a little time to set it up, that's all."
Vince smirked in amusement, all too familiar with that excuse by
now. However, he decided to indulge them and said, "Very well. We'll go
first. Rock?"
"On it, Boss Man."
As Rocky went to collect the gimmick, Vince began his explination.
"I'm certain you're all familiar with the STOMP action figure
series, correct?"
"Yeah..." Bisch replied. He had the feeling that he wouldn't like
where this was going.
"Well, this gimmick exchange is the latest additions to that line...
Sailor Moon STOMP!"
"Sailor Moon STOMP?" the SoN crew asked in disbelief.
The Rock wheeled in a cart with several small, plastic action
figures on it. Vince and Maivia alternated as they called off the names
and held them up to the camera.
"Sable as Sailor Moon..."
"Sunny as Sailor Venus..."
"Jacqueline as Sailor Mars..."
Nash smirked as he looked at the figures and said, "So far, they
don't seem so bad."
Gigan's head bobbed in agreement as he said. "I never knew meatballs
could look that good! In fact..."
"Luna Vachon as Sailor Mercury..."
That shut the two perverts up and made everyone turn interesting
shades of green.
"And Chyna as Sailor Jupiter!"
The SoN crew promptly backfaulted.
Vince's grin became maniacal as he said, "But you haven't seen the
best yet. BEHOLD... talking TUXEDO AUSTIN!"
Picking the figure off the cart, Vince displayed a twelve inch Stone
Cold Steve Austin figure, dressed in Tuxedo Kamen's outfit, complete with
mask, top hat and cape. In its right hand was a beer can with a rose
design on the side. Vince pressed the button on the figures side and the
toy said, "Kamen 3:16 says I just Moondusted your ass!"
Vince pressed the button again and the figure said, "Sailor Moon...
all I'll say is, the sex better be good and THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE!"
Vince pressed the button one final time and the figure belted out,
"I don't need no nancy boy rose... GIMME A DAMN BEER!"
"Your turn, Rockers," Rocky taunted.
SoN
Bisch was about to try and think of a way to stall for more time
(and recover from what they had just seen), when Bret and Space Godzilla,
both covered in a light coating of oil and grease, rushed in and placed a
device on the table. It was a funnel, attached to what looked like a
mini-cement mixer with a handle on the side, so that it could be stirred.
"Took you long enough," Nash and Gigan grumbled as one.
"Sorry," Bret said, "the big guy here got one of his shoulder
crystals stuck in a doorway on our way back."
As Bret went to look for certain pieces of paper, Space Godzilla
began the explanation of their gimmick. "I can sum up this up in one word:
Gamera."
On the screen, Vince and Rocky looked at each other, then back at
the occupants of the Satellite as Vince replied, "We're not following you."
Space Godzilla continued, "I'm certain everyone remembers the old
Gamera. Bad scripts, worse special effects, wimpy villains, annoying kids,
the whole ball of wax.
"However, given a modern day makeover in 1995, Gamera went from an
object of ridicule to one of the most popular kaiju of the 90's, even
earning respect from American critics. Our invention, named the
Gamera Device in honor of he who inspired it, does something similar...
except it does it with bad fanfiction."
"What we have here," Bret said as he held up a computer printout,
"is a copy of the original draft of Artemis' Lover. Normally hazardous
material, we simply put it in the Gamera Device and..."
Bret placed the paper into the funnel and let it slide down into
the mini-cement mixer. He spun the handle a few times and then pulled the
changed paper out the second hole in the side. He then placed it into the
Umbiliport and sent it down.
TITAN 13
Looking at the new papers, and unsure of the gimmick's reliability,
Vince quickly shoved the fic into the hands of Rocky. He also added a
warning glare for good measure and The Rock obediently began to read.
"Hey..." Rocky commented as he slowly leafed through the pages,
"this is pretty damn good. Oscar's no where near as annoying, the spelling
and grammer is fixed, and there's actually angst by Artemis, as he worries
that he will be ostracized from the Senshi because of his feelings for
Oscar! And Oscar himself worries about the insanity that leads him to be
attracted to Artemis in the first place! The Rock must say..."
Then, Maivia stopped. His face turned green and the re-vamped
Artemis' Lover fell to the ground. He commented, "But the Lemon scene
still makes The Rock want to puke The Rock's socks up."
"Oh well," Vince added, "Nothing's perfect. Although, if this
device could be altered to update wrestling scripts," an evil grin spread
over his face, "then we could make matches that would be fresh and new for
years to come. Good job."
Eric Bischoff turned a fascinating shade of purple as he fell to his
knees and let out a howl of strangled rage.
Bret winced, let his employer finish, and then asked, "Eric... what's
wrong?"
"A *good* idea!! You gave him a GOOD idea! What the hell are we
gonna do if he starts coming up with new stories?! We can't compete with
that!" Eric ranted in horror.
"Geez, excuse me for living," Space Godzilla grumbled.
Vince grinned at them through the Viewscreen, thoroughly enjoying the
competition's discomfort. "In fact, that idea's so good it almost makes me
feel bad about sending you part two of Coming of Munihousen... but I'll get
over it. Rocky?"
"On the way, Boss Man."
SoN
The entire crew groaned in agony. Nash suddenly said, "We're
probably gonna end up regretting this, but Gigan and I have agreed that
we'll do the really bad stuff when it comes up."
Ghidora looked hopeful as he asked, "Do you mean it? We don't want
to lose our head again."
Gigan nodded and said, "Yeah. So all you guys have to worry about
is the other 80% of the fic."
Alarms and sirens went off as Dinobot said, "And here it comes!
WE'VE GOT MUNIHOUSEN SIGN!"
%%%%%
[All enter the theater and take their seats from l-to-r: Space Godzilla,
Bret, Nash, Gigan, Mark, Dinobot, Bisch and Ghidora.]
THE COMING OF MUNIHAUSEN --- PART TWO
All: Electric Boogaloo!
(A Sailor Moon/Urotsukidouji crossover)
Bret: Geez, that's like crossing over 'Rainbow Brite' and 'Meet the
Feebles'.
Bisch: *Never* mention that again.
Dinobot: Or Echowarrior's Star Trek/ Beast Wars story... I'm going to kill
that worthless hack.
By the Great Red Serpent
<jard@cole.sinclair.edu>
Dinobot: His e-mail address... prepare the Cyber-roses.
"Don't be too sure about that." Buju informed the
other makemonos as he approached.
Mark <Buju>: Neither the existence or nonexistence of the Yeti has yet been
proven!
"They're all mine, and I
intend to fuck them all!"
Gigan <Announcer>: Previously, on Munihousen.
Without hesitation, the dick was removed from Usagi's
mouth
Nash: Grayson? Tracy? Gephardt?
and the tounge from her pussy. The snakelike appen-
dages sucking on her nipples ceased and Usagi was thrown
into the wall, hard,
Bisch: Instead of one of those nice easy tosses that tentacle demons
usually use to move their victims around.
Ghidora <makemono>: Ready? One, two, three... KICK the bunny!
but her flight was blocked by the re-
mains of the Sailor V game. Her back hit the corner of the
game's case with a loud crack, and it was a miracle her spine
didn't snap.
Bret: No, it was a miracle that there was a cracking noise produced when
absolutely nothing happened. In fact, the sheer impossibility of that
noise's existence haunted Buju for the rest of his miserable life,
eventually driving him stark raving mad!!
Nevertheless, it hurt like hell, and she
screamed like a banshee from the pain.
[Everyone winces.]
Space Godzilla: That's like listening to Minya whining.
Mark: Or Kurgan singing.
Nash: Or Luna Vachon talking.
Gigan: Or Bisch here laughing.
Bisch: HEY!
The four makemonos circled Buju, and one snarled,
Gigan <makemono>: This girl's little and she's got little breasts... and
she CERTAINLY woke MY dragon from it's rest.
Ghidora: We'd hit you, but that was a rather coy Slayers reference. So
we'll let it slide... this time.
"You're not gettin' this one from us, asshole!"
Mark <makemono>: At least, not without filling out the proper papers and
obtaining a permit!
Buju didn't take well to people telling him no, so
Ghidora: ... he ran off and cried girlishly for hours and hours.
he went for his sword. The makemono who had just made that
first statement lunged at him, and Buju brought his sword
down in a vertical line, chopping off the makemono's left
arm.
Nash: Look, it's 'A Farewell to Arms!'
Mark: *I'll* handle the cultured references here, hentai.
"You muthafucka!" the makemono scremed in pain as he
Space Godzilla: Man, that Buju is one bad...
Others: SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
jumped at Buju this time, going for his head.
Bisch: Which one? I'm only asking because it's a lemon...
Bret: Kefka flashback! ARGH! Poor, poor Geoffrey...
Buju just
ducked and swung at him again, cutting off both his legs in
one swipe.
Nash <makemono, British>: It's only a flesh wound!
Gigan <Buju, British>: You've got no bloody legs!
Nash <makemono, British>: Alright then, I'll bite your ankles off!
When he was flat on the ground, Buju went up and
stabbed him.
Mark: Ooh, *big* man. Let's have a hand for the *mighty warrior* Buju.
Space Godzilla: Considering what kind of chance a leg-less makemono would
have of surviving, I'd say Buju has a small amount of mercy.
"You fuckin' asshole!!!!" another makemono screamed as
the remaing three charged at him from different directions.
Bisch <Makemono>: I'm using naughty words! I'm mad!
Buju swung at one, cutting him in half lengthwise, but the
other two were able to get to his back. One stabbed a knife
into his right shoulder,
Bret: Well, the backstab's the only thing that makes a thief even slightly
useful in a fight.
while the other grabbed his penis and
was in the process of tying it in a knot.
Gigan <Singing>: Can you tie it in a knot? Can you tie it in a bow?
Nash <Singing>: Can you throw it over your shoulder like a continental
soldier?
Both <Singing>: Does your...
Space Godzilla & Bisch: DON'T!
Buju pushed back with his right elbow, ramming it straight
into the stomach of the makemono with the knife, knocking him
down as well as
Mark: ... setting him up for the TOMBSTONE! The makemono will REST IN
PEACE!!
Dinobot: I do the Stunner, myself.
Ghidora: That makes for an unusual image...
causing him to pull the knife out of the shoul-
der. Buju howled in pain as the knife left;
Bisch <Buju>: Whatever I did, I'm sorry!! Please, I can't go on without
you...
the angle at which
Dinobot: Made Golgo looked good.
Space Godzilla: Somehow, I doubt the makemonos are Professionals.
its possessor was holding it caused it to tear into even more
of his flesh, his blood squirting all over the remaining make-
monos.
Bret: Aw, that kooky Buju and his Super Soakers...
As for the makemono attempting to tie his penis in a
knot, Buju spun around quickly and caused that one to lose his
grip on the dick.
Nash: Van Patten?
"You fucking pervert!" Buju yelled as he
went in for the kill.
Mark <makemono>: Look, I'm a tentacle demon. What did you expect? I mean,
it's not like you meet many of us that read the New Yorker and frequent art
galleries...
Buju lopped the head off that makemono,
Bisch <Buju>: There can be only ONE!
Space Godzilla: Heads up... up... and AWAAAAAY!
and turned to
Dinobot: ... a very annoyed maximal/predacon warrior that was going to show
them the meaning of pain.
face the remaining one. "Do you still think you can take me on?"
He asked coldly.
Bret <Buju>: Cause if you don't, soon I'll be gone.
Kaiju <Singing>: Guaran... teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed!
The last makemono ran for dear life as Buju laughed and
turned to face Usagi.
Nash <Buju>: Now if *you* wanna tie lil' Buju in a knot...
Space Godzilla: Why do I think I should be hurting you for that remark?
"Now let's see if your pussy's worth
the trouble I went through to get it!"
Ghidora <Oscar>: Nah! Artemis is a better catch than Luna. [Pause]
Oh gods, we couldn't stop ourselves!
Mark: Oh, it'll get worse before this is over.
(Ghidora whimpers.)
Dinobot: We''ll find out that sacrificing ourselves to save the future
didn't work? And that all time and space is screwed up to the point you
have no idea what happened since Optimus Prime was killed in stasis?
Usagi had long since stopped screaming and was now un-
conscious due to the shock of the extreme trauma she had been
subjected to.
Bisch: Geez, if you can't even handle a little *extreme trauma* without
going into shock...
Space Godzilla: TRAUMA... EXTREME!
Dinobot: So when is Nav going to kill her and end this nightmare?
(The sound of thunder rumbles in the distance and everyone looks up.)
Gigan: Uh oh...
Laying on the ground with the blood of the slain
Dinobot: ... anti-moonies.
makemonos splattered all over her naked body,
Bret <Usagi>: And right after I showered, too.
she was helpless
Dinobot <Usagi/Optimus Primal>: This is just PRIME!
against Buju's advance. Buju bent over the body and started
fondling her nipples with one hand while sliding his tongue
all across the length of her pussy.
Nash: 'Length'? Buju, buddy, girls don't *have* those...
Mark: But... it has breasts... Dear God, Buju's making it with Oscar!
All: NOOOOOO!!
Noticing her cherry was
Dinobot: ...transforming into an alien robot from a wandering metal
planet...
Ghidora <sarcastic>: Thank you VERY much for THAT image.
still intact,
Nash: Clearly, the makemonos weren't members of the Cherry Poppin' Daddies.
Dinobot: Cherrymasters! Like all the other *masters*.
he said to himself, "Mmmmm, so this is what a
virgin tastes like."
Bret <Buju>: You don't find too much that's innocent and pure in this
world... well, time to defile it!
Space Godzilla: You act as if we should be surprised.
He darted his tongue deep inside her
Nash & Gigan <Singing to the tune of "Fish Heads">: Virgins, virgins, ooey
gooey virgins...
Space Godzilla & Bisch: Guys...
Mark [To himself]: Eat them up... yum.
[The others stare at him in surprise.]
Mark [Shrugs]: It was the last song I heard on the radio before Vince's
machine zapped me up here.
Dinobot: I don't even want to know what station the radio was on...
love-hole a few times and from there started nibbling on her
clit.
Bisch <motherly>: Oh, that Buju's such a picky eater, that one is.
Her body was still warm and tender,
Bret: ... lightly breaded, and deep fried a golden brown.
Dinobot: With fries and a jumbo drink!
Ghidora: And a cheap plastic toy of some mutated iguana.
and so he found it
strange that she didn't respond.
Gigan <Buju>: What's with her?! It's not like I rape just any
female I find!
Dinobot <Buju>: No, wait, it is...
Her lack of response caused him to figure her for dead,
Nash <Buju>: 'Cause even unconscious women can't help themselves around the
Great Red Buju.
Dinobot: Remind me to get Sailor Mars and to beat the hell out of the Great
Red Serpent.
Space Godzilla: Then we can help you with the Great *White* Serpent.
and to him it was no fun raping a corpse; he enjoyed it too
much when the victim could scream.
Mark: You know, this is *exactly* what would happen if Kefka got hold of
Sailor Moon.
Dinobot: Or Tarantulas...
Ghidora: Nah. Kefka would make Buju *like* raping a corpse. [Shudders]
"Some gratitude for saving
your life," he thought to himself, as he got up, kicked her,
Bisch: And then the rest of the nWo ran in and spraypainted her! Oh, the
humanity!
Space Godzilla: After forcing her to listen to Bisch's laughing! That's
beyond human cruelty!
Bisch: STOP THAT!!
Mark [snorts]: What? Are *you* going to *make* him?
Gigan <Deep Voice>: N... W... O!
and then walked away.
Dinobot <Buju>: I'll let some other hormone driven monster have you.
------------------------------------------------------------
Space Godzilla: Dashing along...
On the outskirts of what was left of Tokyo, Mamoru was
faring only slightly better.
Bret: He got stuck trying to breed a gold chocobo and eventually just gave
up.
Almost as soon as he had reached
Dinobot: Cybertron.
the 2020's he was jumped by a gang of eight makemonos
Ghidora <Church Lady Voice>: How conveeeeenient.
and had
barely escaped with his life. Badly beaten and sore all over
from the fight, he limped his way to the basement of the
devastated mansion next to the site of his arrival.
Nash <Mamoru>: Let's see... I'm alone, and vulnerable, and injured... so I
need to run into a dilapidated building where I can be easily cornered!
Space Godzilla: Why not? Typical horror movie logic dictates that's what
he's gotta do.
Most of
the foundation had been crumpled and burned to the ground,
Gigan: The Foundation had learned too late that fighting DX and Stone Cold
at the same time was a BAD idea.
Bret: Look, it would've worked if it wasn't for the stupid Nation...
Dinobot: The Nugget wouldn't walk after that fight.
Bret [darkly]: *What* was that?
but Mamoru was able to find an opening to a subterranean room
that appeared to be completely undamaged.
Mark: Yes, that wondrous innovation known as the basement. You told us
before.
The room's walls seemed to have been made of the finest
marble, with a floor made out of pure jade.
Bisch: Oh, like Ted Turner's house.
The ceiling, also
of jade, was domed, thus making the room appear to be higher
than it really was.
Nash: Mamoru, however, did not appear higher than he really was.
The furnishings were extravagant, being
made of the finest gold or silver, and upholstered with the
finest hides available.
Bret: They all came from members of the Spelling family.
This could have been a king's bed-
chamber, if there were any kings left to occupy it. But in
any case, this seemed to Mamoru to be as good a place as any
to rest,
Mark <Mamoru>: Well, this looks abandoned enough... I think I'll bleed here.
and even though he wanted to go on to find his be-
loved Usako, the wounds from the severe beating he took from
the makemonos forced him to stay there for awhile.
Ghidora <Mamoru>: Just let me tuck my intestines back in...
------------------------------------------------------------
Kaiju <singing>: Dash Dash! OhRanger! Dash Dash! OhRanger!
Back in 1993, the senshi, the cats, and Chibi-Usa were
all gathered in front of Rei's temple, discussing the morning's
encounter with Munihausen.
Bisch <Chibi-Usa>: And there were *that* many tentacle demons there? Really?
Ami described him to Chibi-Usa,
Dinobot <Chibi-Usa>: Yes, he's the hentai that has no life.
Space Godzilla <Chibi-Usa>: And likes showing people Porn.
and Chibi-Usa confirmed that that sounded just like the man
in her dream.
Nash: Only in Chibi-Usa's dream, he was *naked*!
Bret: I *will* kill you if you make another riff like that.
Dinobot: Not before I knock him through a bulkhead.
"Well, we know he's not from the Black Moon," Rei said,
Mark: Well, yeah. There were about as many black people in the Silver
Millennium as there are playing hockey now.
"but now the problem is how to find him."
Dinobot: A transwarp engine could get you there... and turn you into a
transmetal.
"Rei's right," Ami said. "You all heard what he said
about his father, an Overfiend, and all that about ruling the
three worlds, whatever all that was about. He's obviously
Dinobot <Ami>: ...a hentai with no life that takes his fantasies out on us.
crazy, and there's no telling what he might do."
Bisch: In fact, he's INSANE!!
Dinobot: Inferno is insane... this guy should have his head ripped off.
Makoto cut in, "Yeah, he is crazy, thinking he can..."
Nash <Makoto>: ...replace *my* coffee with Folger's crystals!
Rei, out of the surge of a newly resurfacing memory,
Dinobot <Rei>: Where the hell is Jason? I want to fry his ass!
interrupted Makoto in mid-sentence, "Overfiend! Yeah, now I
remember!"
Bret <Rei>: I've got to get Grandpa to take those 'Overfiend' tapes back to
the video store!
Nash: Impressive!
Bret: What? [stops and thinks a moment] Er... nevermind...
"Remember what?" Minako asked.
Mark <Rei>: WENN.
"When I was younger, Grandpa used to tell me a story to
put me to bed.
Bisch <Rei>: He said that humanity was basically good and kind and would
never do anything to hurt our precious mother Earth.
Dinobot <Rei>: And then some alien robots changed all that.
Gigan: Nah, that was our job.
He said that some people once believed there
were three worlds, the Makai, where there were only demons and
evil creatures; the Jujinkai, where the people there were half
human and half beast; and the Ninjinkai, the human world.
Nash: That Eastern Orthodox, right?
Bret: No, no, that's Unitarian.
Mark: What? That's Seventh Day Adventist! Everyone knows that.
Space Godzilla: Are you sure that's not Shinto? I mean, Rei knows about it.
Bisch: Come *on* guys. Don't you know Ba'hai when you see it?
Others: Ohhhhh.
He
also said they believed that every 3,000 years, a being known
as the Chou-jin, the Overfiend, and the god above all gods
Dinobot <Rei>: ...would get his ass kicked by Primus, Lord of the Light
gods.
would come and purify all three worlds, bringing them to-
gether into a perfect world where everyone can be happy."
Ghidora <Rei>: He also said something about tentacles once...
Nash: So the Overfiend's Jesus? I had no idea religion was so perverted.
I should've been a priest or somethin'.
Dinobot: I wanted go to CyberValhalla... and instead I get stuck reading
crappy human fanfiction.
"So what does the crystal have to do with any of this,
Rei?" Makoto asked.
Bret <Rei>: Convenient plot device used to set up pointless and implausible
lemon scenes. Why do you ask?
"I don't know." Rei continued. "But the legend does
say that the person who kills the Overfiend will be the new
Overfiend, and rule over all three worlds.
Mark: Yeah, but then all the losers who *didn't* show up to buy the old
Overfiend's book will start whining about how he died, and eventually
they'll just have to bring him back again.
Maybe this guy
Dinobot <Rei>: Should fight Stone Cold Steve Austin and light himself on
fire if he doesn't win.
Ghidora: Or just the second part of that equation.
thinks the crystal can do that for him."
Bisch <Rei>: Maybe he thinks the crystal can provide central heating and
cooling for his house! How the hell should *I* know?!
------------------------------------------------------------
Space Godzilla <singing to the tune of "Jingle Bells">: Dashing through the
fic, with a barf bag close at hand...
"Hey, asshole, get up!"
Gigan [smirks at Bret]: I bet that sounds *cold*ly familiar.
Bret <threatening>: If I didn't know you could kill me instantly...
Gigan <Innocent>: Me? Kill you? Nah. Permanently cripple, maybe...
Mamoru lay sleeping on the bed, not even hearing the
command.
Nash <Mamoru>: Oh, Yohko... you're *my* magical girl...
Gigan <Mamoru>: Cucumbers... sure I like 'em... why do you ask?
Ghidora: If you say something like that again, we WILL *hurt* you.
"Hey, I said get the fuck up, asshole!"
Space Godzilla: Ulotec is BACK!
This time Mamoru woke up, even more sore than he was
before falling asleep.
Mark: Little did Mamoru know that the sheets had been soaked in acid!
BWAHAHAHA!
On a reflex reaction, he grabbed at
the blue-haired man who had been yelling at him.
Bisch: Hey! Leave Henry McCoy alone!
Space Godzilla <Mamoru, wimpy voice>: Stop iiit!
Mamoru grabbed at his throat, but the stranger was too
fast for him.
Gigan <man, Dude Love>: Oh, you're too slow!
"That did it, you piece of shit human!" the stranger
yelled as his eyes turned blue and beams shot out at Mamoru,
Bret: ... gentle sunbeams that helped warm Mamoru right up.
striking him in the chest and burning off his shirt and the
topmost layer of flesh over his torso.
Ghidora: Or not.
"Now get off the bed and make room for a lady!"
Nash <Mamoru>: Compromise. What if I stay and make room for a lady?
Mamoru looked and noticed that the stranger was carrying
a naked, bruised, and bleeding blond in his arms.
Mark: Someone hit a cocker spaniel out on I-81. Sad, really.
Gigan: Looks more like Austin when he was *Stunning*, instead of using a
*Stunner*.
"Usako!"
he gasped, his voice evidencing the pain he himself was ex-
periencing.
Bisch: As opposed to the pain that Simon Bartholomew of Circle Pines,
Illinois, experiencing.
"You know her?" the stranger asked.
Bret <Mamoru>: No, I just like saying that. Usako! Usako!
Kaiju <Singing>: To know, know, know her... is to love, love, love her...
Still gasping, and trying to recover his senses from the
pain of having his skin burned of and the joy of seeing his
beloved Usagi again,
Nash: His girlfriend's naked and bleeding... sure, how could he not feel
joy?
Gigan <Speaking quickly>: Because, my fine wrestling friend, it was really
the evil Dark Kingdom General Zoicite, who had been resurrected from the
dead by a plot device and was disguised as Usagi again, in a failed attempt
at infiltrating the Senshi and getting revenge for defeating him and
causing the deaths of Kunzite and the rest of the Dark Kingdom and the real
Usagi isn't even in this crock of a story and Mamoru is feeling joy that
she's escaped the horrid, evil, perverted and supremely tentacled fate that
she might have suffered. (Takes rapid, deep breaths)
Bret [sighs]: If only that were true...
Dinobot: I rather go postal and kill everyone in this story.
Mamoru was barely able to articulate an
explanation. "I was her boyfriend. But that son of a bitch...
Mark: Stone Cold? Look, Austin wouldn't have been dumb enough to let all
of this happen, and Steve's not exactly a *rocket scientist* himself.
Ghidora: Thank you VERY much for reminding us of the Tuxedo Austin figure.
Dinobot: I found that extremely funny. [Stone Cold] AND THAT'S THE BOTTOM
LINE!
he used me to get the ginzuishou from her, and... sent us
through... this gate... when he got it."
Bisch: Damned rogue sliders!
"Ginzuishou? What son of a bitch? Who?"
[The Kaiju hum a guitar riff.]
Mark: Oh, you didn't know?
[The Kaiju do another guitar riff.]
Nash: Then your ass better CALL SOMEBOOOOODYYYYYY!!
"I forgot his... name, but I think it was... Muni,
Muni..."
Mark <singing to the tone of 'Louie, Louie'>: Mu-ni, Mu-ni, wooo wooo...
I'm gonna puke, I know... yi yi yi yiiii....
"Munihausen?" the stranger interjected.
Bisch: Ew! Geez, doesn't anyone in this story have any self-control?
"Yeah."
"That fucking piece of shit's still alive? I thought
I killed him twenty years ago. But he got the Silver Crystal
from her? That means she's... she's... No, she couldn't be..."
Space Godzilla: That's what I thought. [Clutches his stomach] I learned the
hard way, let me tell you.
The stranger mumbled.
"How do you know... about the Silver Crystal?" Mamoru
gasped. "Or Usako?"
Bret <man>: Hitoshi Doi's page. You should really go there sometime.
Dinobot: And hope some sick hacker doesn't do to that page what was done to
Ben Yee's page..
"I know a lot of things you don't.
Ghidora <man>: So there.
Nash <man>: That's why *I'm* the manager and *you're* the fry cook!
Mark: But really, a potted plant probably knows more than this version of
Mamoru.
Dinobot: Or Waspinator. <Waspinator> Waspinator not fooled by Porn.
But Sailor Moon was killed fighting the Chou-jin's cousin back
in 1999. This girl couldn't be her."
Bisch <man>: Unless this is one of those damned implausible time-travel
stories...
"What do you mean 'back in 1999?'" Mamoru asked. "It's
1993!"
Bret <Mamoru>: That would be back... in the future!!
Nash: Man, my riffs don't hurt *that* bad.
The time reference struck Mamoru's brain really strange,
Dinobot: And then Galvatron, Scrouge and Cylonus flew out of a time rift.
but even harder hitting was the reference to the word he had
only heard for the first time from that strange woman: Chou-jin.
Mark <Mamoru>: I dunno. This Chou-jin stuff is okay, but it looks kinda
cheap to me.
The stranger laughed, "What did you do, get hit on the
head or something? It's 2020 now, and the world's been des-
troyed by Nagumo."
Bisch: Gee, the world seems pretty solid to be destroyed and all.
Bret: It must've been destroyed in the 'Floating Island' sense.
Dinobot: Or the sense Mars was blown up by Galvatron.
"What? We're in the future? That would explain a lot
of things."
Nash <Mamoru>: I mean, I was curious about the tentacle demons from hell
running loose in the streets, but I figured that was because of a bank
holiday or something.
"Yeah, whatever you say. But anyway, your girl's still
alive, but she's real fucked up.
[Nash and Gigan chuckle as everyone else groans at the pun.]
I wouldn't try moving her
if I were you."
Mark <man>: Of course, I don't care, so it didn't stop me.
With that the Jujin flew through the walls and left.
Bisch: Oh, man, Jujin are the *best* movie candy! Pulled a filling out
with one once, though.
------------------------------------------------------------
Space Godzilla: I'd say a "crossing the line" joke, but we already crossed
it a LONG time ago.
In 1993, the senshi had been discussing at length over
tactics to get back Usagi, Mamoru, and the crystal, but after
half an hour the discussion started going around in circles,
Bret: Well, considering how stupid the average Sailor Moon villain is, I
can't really blame them for running out of ideas.
while for the whole time not one person or cat, not even Chibi-
Usa, noticed that the crystal on the key she wore around her
neck had been glowing ever since the time of the encounter
that day
Ghidora: So they're all blind as well as powerless and brain dead? That's
par for the course, as far as The Great Red Serpent is concerned.
Dinobot: Or Nav.
(There is another rumble of thunder. This time, it sounds a little
closer.)
Gigan: *He's* getting angry...
Dinobot: Or The Power Rangers are fighting outside.
(no, Chibi-Usa wasn't there, but the key sensed the
gateway of time opening, and responded anyway).
Space Godzilla: We KNOW she wasn't there. We read the previous chapter...
Unfortunately.
Finally, after all this time, the unnoticed phenomenon
Gigan: ...said "fuck it" and exploded, collapsing the Time Stream and
warping reality out of existence. The end.
Nash: So what's on Raw?
caught Luna's attention. "Chibi-Usa chan," she said, "your
key."
"Yeah, what about it?"
Nash <Chibi-Usa>: What's it to ya, mouk?
"The crystal on your key, it's glowing!"
Dinobot <Luna>: And why the hell is the "The Touch" playing in the
background?
Artemis, Chibi-Usa, and the girls all chorused a "Huh?"
Mark: Glowing. Present tense form of glow, meaning "to shine as if with
intense heat."
"Yes, it is." Ami commented. "But what could it mean?"
Bisch: Microwave's done. You can have popcorn now!
"This key was given to me by Pu so I could go back to
the future after I find my mom and the crystal. But it's not
supposed to glow like that at all."
Bret <Chibi-Usa>: And I just gave this thing an oil change...
Ami pulled out her computer and did a reading on the key.
Nash <Ami>: Oh, man! Inverse Satan! You're *screwed*.
"Interesting," was her analysis. "The key seems to be reacting
to some kind of disturbance in the space-time continuum. It's
Dinobot <Ami>: ... showing some metal robot blowing the head off a bigger
robot.
way beyond our technology, but if I'm reading it right, we
should be able to use it to travel through time."
Mark <Ami>: My magical exposition computer told me that!
"Didn't I just say that?" Chibi-Usa asked everybody.
All <deadpan>: Ha. Ha.
------------------------------------------------------------
Space Godzilla: The Nanite firing squad is ready at all hours to execute
traitors to the cause.
Three days had past since Mamoru found the strange room,
and since his encounter with the blue-haired Jujin. Usagi
had regained her consciousness,
Bisch: So after getting molested by demons from hell and horrifically
injured, she got better! How nice.
All <sweetly sarcastic> : Awwwwww.
but for now was asleep.
Ghidora <Usagi>: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ... Die Serpent... ZZZZZZZZZZZ...
During the times she was awake, he did not tell her of his
encounters with the strange creatures or with the Jujin; tel-
ling her would only upset her mental state worse than it al-
ready was.
Bret <Mamoru>: I'll make sure she's confused! That'll make her feel better!
He was still sore and in pain from the beatings and his
encounter with the aforesaid creature,
Nash: ... who, as the party of the second part, could be held liable for
damages to the party of the first part.
Mark: The Great Red Serpent as a law major? Strangely enough, that fits...
but by this time he
Dinobot: Wanted to get out of this story.
was feeling well enough to move around.
Bisch: So he and Usagi just *laid there* for three days in the middle of a
hellish post-apocalyptic warzone filled with rapacious demons... and
nothing happened, and now everything's okay. That's so stupid on so many
levels...
Bret: You act like you're telling us something we *don't* know.
In the room in which he was staying, in the middle of
the floor was a six-foot-wide steel dome, its top coming a
full two feet off the floor, fastened to the floor by means
of a single hinge on one side, and bearing a handle on the
other side.
Nash: Yeah, that's where the Turtles live now.
This structure, obviously a door of some kind,
Mark: Merely an illusion to delude the foolish. It's actually a window.
intrigued him, and as the room's already meager food supply
had been worn down to almost nothing,
Bisch: There's a good question. What the hell have they been eating for
the past three days?
Bret: I'm thinking Hamdingers.
Nash: And Pop-Tarts.
Dinobot: I would say Hot Pockets and candy.
Ghidora: And those little bottles of Sunny Delight that come in six packs.
Mark: Good lord, it's a miracle they survived!
and he'd most likely
Dinobot: ... get raped.
Space Godzilla: The frightening thing is... that's a possibility with THIS
story.
be killed if he went upstairs to search for food, the only
answer to the problem seemed to be on the other side of that
dome.
Bisch: But only the answers to the odd-numbered problems.
Before attempting to open the dome, he first transformed
Dinobot: [Makes transformer's transforming noise]
into Tuxedo Kamen. It didn't take away all his soreness,
Bret: Then what the hell kind of good did it do?
Nash: What the hell kind of good is Tux-boy, *period*?
Bret <growls>: You *don't* want to get me started...
but
Dinobot: ... a robot that could transform into a raptor killed him so he
didn't have to go through this trash.
the transformation did replace the skin that had been burned
off his chest and healed up most of his wounds, and it also
increased his physical strength by what he estimated to be
10%, along with increasing his agility by a factor of 15%.
Space Godzilla: When did this become an RPG?
Mark: Sadly, the audience cared 0%.
Bisch: I feel bad saying this, Bret, but... *geez*, Tuxedo Kamen's a wuss!
I mean, Batroc the Leaper could probably take him!
Bret: Look, dammit, he's not *supposed* to be a bad-ass...
Dinobot: Tigertron and Airrazor are tougher than any of these characters.
After transforming, he attempted to open the door. At
first it wouldn't budge, and after a few tries he decided that
maybe he could pry it open with his cane.
Nash: Yes, behold Tuxedo Kamen! Romantic! Dashing! Needs someone to lift
heavy objects for him!
Gigan [turning to the other Kaiju]: SEE?! There's absolutely no WAY that
this weenie could "be even" with me! He can't even open a door!
Bret [begins making strangled noises of rage]
Dinobot: You *like* Tuxedo Mask? He's as big a heel as your brother, lord
of the nuggets.
[At this point, Bret begins making *very loud* strangled noises of rage]
Dinobot:(Makes even louder noises of rage) I make that much noise
transforming.
He succeeded this
time, but ended up breaking the cane in the process. The dome
opened to reveal a moss-covered stone ladder descending into
a dimly-lit tunnel.
Mark: Oh, they're in one of the Disneyworld maintenance sheds, and they
just found the entrance to the parks' underground nerve center.
The smell of sewer gas ascended from
Dinobot: There must be a fast food restaurant down there.
below. "Not much chance of finding food down there," Mamoru
thought to himself,
Nash: That depends on how picky you are.
Bisch: Ew! Kevin, no!
"but maybe the tunnel'll resurface some-
where that it's safe to come up." With this in mind he went
down the ladder and jumped into the tunnel.
Bret <Mamoru>: Usagi, honey? If any of the unholy horrors come for you,
just thwap 'em over the head with something, all right?
About an hour after Mamoru had gone down into the tunnel,
Usagi awoke from her slumber. She was in pain, but the fact
that she had just woken up from a wet dream left her thighs
feeling incredibly hot.
Mark: Well, sex is the first thing I think about when I'm in pain.
Nash <grins>: Yeah, I know how that goes...
Gigan <Also grinning>: Tell me about it...
[Space Godzilla smacks his forehead.]
Mark <darkly>: Sarcasm is wasted on the stupid.
Dinobot <Waspinator>: Idiot is comatose. Idiot is not responding.
But the smell emanating from the now
Dinobot: ... open Taco Bell.
open hole in the floor was ruining the mood.
Bisch: Yeah, because if the room wasn't stinky then everything would be
flippin' fine!
Even though in
a weakened state, she managed to crawl over to the dome and
shut it, and then over to the bed to pleasure herself.
Space Godzilla: Of course, EVERYBODY needs to masturbate after
being brutally tentacle-raped by demons. It's a natural response.
Bret & Bisch: Naturally!
Nash: But... Usagi's so weak she can't stand, and *she* had an easier time
moving the door than Tux-boy... [breaks down in laughter]
Mark [chuckling]: It's official now: Tuxedo Kamen is forever more a wuss.
Bret: He is not! Dammit, this is all just the Serpent's fault!!
Space Godzilla: Bret, I'm the moonie of my group and even I gotta admit it.
He's been kidnaped and turned against the Senshi by the enemy thrice...
Ghidora: Trapped in a giant ice cube...
Gigan: Seriously injured in two of the three movies...
Dinobot: Now all we need is Jason Sensation to mock him... be safer than
doing Owen Hart.
Bret: LOOK, THAT'S ALL VINCE'S FAULT!!
Dinobot(Jason Sensation as Owen Hart): I look like a damn road sign! What
do you think I am? A school crossing?
The bedposts were tubular, eight inches tall and one-and-a-half
inch wide with a rounded top, and this gave Usagi an idea.
Gigan: She ripped the post off and went in search of the author to bash his
head in with it? Please?
Bisch: You have *got* to be kidding me... there's OOC, and then there's
'Who the hell is this person?'
Ghidora [Shudders]: We don't like the look of this.
Space Godzilla: Okay. Nash, Gigan, we're trusting you.
[Everyone else except for the two perverts, close their eyes.]
Nash: Maybe we better get her a doctor.
Gigan: Yeah. She's looking a little...
Both: ... IMPALED!
Gigan: It's clear.
Not too long afterward it it her.
Ghidora: Oh dear... the author's developed a nasty stuttering problem.
She had the best
damn orgasm she had ever had in her life,
Space Godzilla: When did The Rock start writing this?
Voice of Rocky: HEY!
Space Godzilla [snickers]: Just kidding, Rock.
Dinobot: Since they're listening... if I ever get down and find you I'm
going to eat both of you.
Voice of Vince: Oddly enough, this isn't the first time I've heard that.
entire sex life had consisted solely of masturbation.
Mark: Not surprising, considering who she's dating. Tux-boy probably has
the stamina of a fruit fly.
Nash: That would explain why she always pops up doin' the nasty with
everyone and their mom in lemon fics.
Bret: SHUT UP, DAMN YOU!
[Space Godzilla sighs and whaps Bret lightly with his tail.]
Space Godzilla: Calm down, buddy.
Bret: I know, I know...
Her back arched, her tits swelled and her vagina glowed a bright
red,
Bisch: She's reaching critical mass! Everybody duck!
Nash <smirks>: That's one way of putting it...
Dinobot: [Charges up his optics]
and she screamed as her heart beat at breakneck speed and
the muscles in her pussy and in her thighs pulsed and spasmed
[Nash and Gigan sigh blissfully. The others glare daggers at them.]
Mark: I've been meaning to ask you this, Gigan... Kevin I can understand,
but why you? I mean, you're not even human.
Gigan: Well, it would be a lot sicker if the makemonos turned me on, right?
Mark: Good point. Carry on.
at a breathtaking, awe-inspiring rate.
Bret: INTENSE MUSCLE-SPASM ACTION!!
No, it wasn't Usagi's
usual morning. It was much better. (No offense to Mr. Wong
intended.)
Bisch: None taken, because that's the most laughable statement I've read
since "A truckload of chairs just fell from the ceiling!"
Ghidora: Mr. Wong is not amused.
Bret: Let me have Oneshot at The Great Red Serpent. That's all I ask.
Dinobot: Give me and Sailor Mars 30 minutes with him...
------------------------------------------------------------
Space Godzilla: I know what this is! It's an birds eye-view of what the
line to the bathroom looks like after people try to read this fic!
Mamoru, or, rather, Tuxedo Kamen, had been exploring the
tunnel for an hour and a half by the time Usagi climaxed,
Nash <Tux>: Yeah, I have to say... this is *definitely* a tunnel.
and so far there was neither incident with hostile creatures nor
sign of an opening in the ceiling. After traveling for another
ten minutes, having traversed a distance of about two miles
from the entrance that led him here, he came to a point at
which the tunnel divided into three branches.
Mark: So which train arrives at Baltimore first?
Bisch: Ah... 'none of the above'?
On an impulse,
Bret: Leave Bart Allen out of this!
he decided to take the tunnel that branched off to his left.
Nash: Poor guy. The one on his right lead to the demon-free safe zone.
After walking for two minutes, he could hear the sound
of music and revelry far in the distance.
[Ghidora hums the Ballad of the Wind Fish.]
Space Godzilla <partygoer>: I FINALLY BEAT LINK'S AWAKENING!
He began to follow
the sound, but the work of travelling for one-and-three-quarter
hours, along with his only partially healed bruises, took its
toll on him, and he had to rest.
Mark, Nash & Kaiju: WUSS-BOY... WUSS-BOY...
Bret: ERIC! Make them stop! The real Tuxedo Kamen is nothing like this!
Bisch: Sorry, I'm afraid they have a point here. Tuxedo Kamen is, in fact,
a wuss. I mean, *walking* tires him out? What the hell kind of superhero
is he?
Bret: INFIDEL!
Dinobot: Bret, Waspinator is tougher than Tuxedo Mask... and so is Nav.
[Now, the rumble of thunder sounds almost over head.]
Space Godzilla: Please stop making the Usaginite angry.
Dinobot: Blizzard!
He sat down on a nearby
rock and started thinking to himself about the situation he
Gigan: ... could have avoided if Porn hadn't been such a powerful persuader
and he'd used a fraction of logic.
was in, how to get the crystal back from Munihausen, and
whether it would ever be possible for him and his beloved
Usagi to ever return home.
Mark: And exactly in that order, too. Multitasking was not one of
Tux-boy's strong points.
He sat there, resting, for about twenty minutes, and
then decided to go on his way again.
Nash: Exactly why is the Serpent telling us all this? Was that important
at *all*?
Gigan: It's just there to display just how much a weenie Serpent thinks
Tux-Boy is.
He followed the music,
All:<Singing, distant> Fly me to the moon...
and it took him straight down that tunnel for what seemed to
be hours, and over a distance that seemed to have been more
than a hundred miles,
Bisch: But was actually about fifteen minutes and thirty yards. Remember,
Tux-boy *is* a wuss...
Bret: Eric, don't make me turn this into a Starrcade repeat...
until he realized that the smell of the
other tunnel was gone, and replaced with the aroma of meat
being cooked.
Mark: Kids come a-runnin' for the sweet taste of human flesh!
Nash: Good one! Hey, you're not being so bad this time.
Mark: Just because I'm bored. Trust me, I still feel nothing but
thinly disguised contempt for you.
Dinobot: And I thought the Maximals were nuts.
Walking a little while longer, he was able to
see a campfire in the distance, with a lot of people hanging
around it.
[All make monkey noises]
The people dressed no differently than people did
back in 1993,
Bisch <author>: And *why*, you ask? Because I don't feel like describing
their clothes. Now let's move on, shall we?
and seemed to be of all ages. He decided to
sneak up closer to get a better look at the scene before him,
and pulled out a rose just in case of trouble.
Bret: ANYONE who says ANYTHING *will* suffer.
[Bret's threats are met with barely subdued laughter]
Dinobot: What the hell would a rose do to anyone? [laughs so hard he falls
out of his seat]
Halfway between the point where "village" stood and the
point where Mamoru first laid eyes upon it, the the brick walls
Dinobot: ... turned out to be Rock lords and kicked his ass.
of the tunnel stopped and he found himself in an open cavern,
with hills to the left of the village. He went over to the
hills and decided to approach the village from that direction,
hoping it would provide him more stealth. Yeah, as if.
Space Godzilla <author>: I want Mamoru to be beaten up even more!
Mamoru had come past the opening of a small cave going
into the rocky hill and thought nothing of it,
Nash: Well, it really isn't a big deal in a fic like this.
but as soon as
he crossed the opening he heard a loud "bang," and felt a hot
piece of metal bury itself in his right shoulder.
Mark <bullet>: I'm sorry, guys... I can't go on. Leave me here, while you
escape...
Hurt and
bleeding, but still able to use his right arm, he threw a rose
into the dark cave.
The only reply he got was, "Ya think ya gonna hurt me
wit dis flowa, ya liddel faggit!
Bisch <Tux>: Well, yeah, that was kind of the idea...
Why don't cha come in 'ere
an take me like a man?"
Bret: No, no, we're doing quite fine without the Yaoi, thanks.
Mamoru used to walk away from such challenges when he
was little, but after being ostracised by the other children
to many times because of it,
Nash: Actually, they ostracized him because he was a femmy little geek.
The 'walking away from fights' thing was only the symptom of a much larger
problem that Tux-boy has yet to solve.
he became the type to stupidly
take on an entire army by himself if one of them so much as
looked at him funny. Thus, the only response to come out
of Mamoru was, "Alright asshole, let's get it on!"
Gigan: The role of Mamoru Chiba will now be played by Marty McFly.
Dinobot: Or Mills Lane.
He walked into the cave to find that it was much bigger
than its opening had made it appear. It consisted of a five-
foot-wide tunnel which ran for a length of ten feet from the
entrance, and led to one large, round, well-lit chamber.
Mark: In English, a short tunnel that lead into a large room.
Mamoru went into the chamber to find out that no one was in it.
"What da fuck ya doin on my mountin, ya fuckin faggit?"
a voice boomed out of nowhere.
Bisch: Oh man! It's Dusty Rhodes, and he's pissed!
"That's for me to know," Mamoru replied calmly, not let-
ting on to how much the bullet wound had hurt him, "now show
yourself, you little bastard!"
Bret: 'Little'? Mamo, buddy, have you ever *seen* Dusty?
"I'm through da tunnel on da odda side. Why don't cha
come an get me, muddafuckah?"
Space Godzilla: I think this fic is trying to set the record for the use of
the word "muddafuckah".
Nash <Dusty>: Ah weel stomp a mud-hole in ya, if you weeell.
Mark <Tux>: Why yes! I shall charge into battle against the unseen foe!
Dinobot: Works for me... then again I'm a robot with optic blasts, a sword,
and spinning sheild. And I can transform into a raptor, plus I have my
honor and a 'tude that would scare sewer punks.
Mamoru saw a boulder on the far side of the chamber
move, exposing a tunnel similar to the one that led him into
the cave. He traversed the room to get to it, but as soon as
he made it to the center of the room, a trap sprang and Mamoru
suddenly found himself caught in a net suspended from the high
ceiling.
All [Imitating muted trumpets]: Waa Waa Waaaaaaaaah.
Once he was caught in the net, at least 200 people came
out from that tunnel and from various holes located all over
the walls of the chamber,
Bisch: They're those new travel-friendly collapsible people.
and the first one to approach him
was a human about seven feet tall and 800 pounds of pure
muscle. "Hey, diss faggit's all dressed up in a liddel soot
and tye!" He yelled to the spectators.
Bret: Jeez, Dusty's been hitting the 'roids again. This is *not* going to
be pretty.
"I didn't come here for trouble!" Mamoru asserted.
Nash <Tux>: Sure, I picked a fight with the first guy I saw! But I DIDN'T
come here for trouble!
"Maybee troubel come 'ere for yoo!" the giant countered
as he grabbed Mamoru's leg.
Bisch: Paul Wight's in this now? Must've been a lot of wrestlers desperate
for cash...
Mark <The Giant>: Trouble and... THE CHOOOOKESLAM!
Ghidora: Why is it, with the exception of Nash, that all you wrestlers over
6'5" HAVE to use the Chokeslam?
Nash: 'Cause they're all slow, malformed freaks, unlike my big sexy self.
Mark: Oh, *really*?
The creature grabbed a machete and then said, "Yoo
shouldn't be sneekin aroun like dat. Yoo mite just beecum
somebody brekfist!" He then prepared to lop off Mamoru's leg.
Bret <Dusty>: Ah've got dibs on the drum-steecks, if you weeell.
Space Godzilla <Killer Tomato>: And you want a leg? And you want an arm?
Mamoru was still somewhat able to move around inside the
net, and was able to stab the giant in the forehead with the
broken-off part of his cane. The cane went deep into the
giant's head, killing him instantly while blood spat out of
the hole created when Mamoru pulled the cane out.
Gigan: It met with surprisingly little resistance in both directions.
Nash: Whoa! Maybe Tux-boy isn't such a wuss after all!
Bret: THE HELL?! Tuxedo Kamen would never kill *anyone*, let alone by
stabbing them in the head with a piece of jagged wood!
Dinobot: I would.
Space Godzilla: But then, you're a psycho with a warrior's code of honor,
and Tuxey's *not*.
Dinobot: I'm not a psycho... [Inferno flies in] he is. [Inferno flies out]
Space Godzilla: <Blinks> Okay... pointless MST cameo #1.
"He killed my brother!" a voice yelled from the crowd.
"Let's tear him down and kill him!"
Dinobot: Oh my god! Tuxedo Mask just killed Owen!
Others [Except Bret]: YOU BASTARD!
[Bret mutters something evil sounding under his breath.]
Bisch <voice>: Let's form an angry mob and deliver some ill-advised
frontier justice!
Others: YEAH!
A split second later, Mamoru felt a knife cut the rope
hanging him from the ceiling, and he hit the stone floor of
the cave with a loud crash. A swarm of people were hovering
over him,
Mark: You mess with the Legion of Super-Heroes, you get fucked up good.
Dinobot: You mess with the X-Men, you get killed.
kicking him, punching him, hitting him with bats,
belts, even pieces of broken glass.
Nash: ...and the dread INTERNATIONAL OBJECT!!
Other wrestlers: NOOOOO!!
They beat him repeatedly,
while calling him every name in the book, and the last thing
he could remember was a steel pipe hitting him over the head
Kaiju: *TOGG!*
before he went unconscious.
------------------------------------------------------------
Space Godzilla: All those who wish to make the Great Red Serpent feel great
bodily harm, step to the end of this line.
In 1993, Ami attempted to do another reading on Chibi-
Usa's key, to no avail. Then Rei attempted a fire-reading,
Bret: Translation: She sought to contact Mars, god of plot contrivances!
from which she was able to divine that the key would function
for time travel for all of them in conjunction with the Sailor
Teleport. Rei also attempted to find out where Faust had gone
with the crystal, but was unable to get any answers.
Ghidora <Rei>: Damn it! The Fire's plot device limit is all used up!
Bisch: Answer cloudy. Please try again.
Dinobot: Ask all the gods...
"The fire's not telling me anything about Munihausen,"
Dinobot <Rei>: ... and someone's pouring cheap beer in it.
Rei related her information to the others, "but it did tell
me that Chibi-Usa's key will take us all into the future if
we put her in the middle of the circle while we use the Sai-
lor Teleport,
Mark: I suddenly have the strangest feeling of deja vu...
while we think of Usagi. That should take us
to wherever she is, but it will take us to the same time.
But I keep thinking, I've heard the name Munihausen before,
but I just can't remember where."
Nash <Rei>: Something about machinery...
"I think I heard about him in honors history last
week," Ami tried to help Rei's memory. "If I remember it
correctly, a man named Munihausen helped the Nazis with
their occult research during World War II, but Hitler had
him shot when he didn't produce the results that were ex-
pected."
Gigan <Ami>: He's got a nice Porn show though, so it was a real surprise
that Hitler shot him.
"Could that have been this guy's father?" Makoto asked.
Bret <Makoto>: Is this enough exposition, or should we lay it on a bit
thicker?
"He could be," Ami answered. "But even if he isn't,
he's still got the crystal and he's very dangerous, so we'll
have to be ready for the next time we run into him."
Bisch: Yet another brilliant suggestion from Ami. I shudder to think what
would happen to the Scouts without her.
Dinobot: Like what happens in a Nav fic.
[The thunder rumble now sounds to be directly overhead.]
Bret: What *is* that?
Ghidora: You don't want to know.
"Ami's right," Artemis spoke up. "He almost fried you
guys last time, and if you aren't prepared to run into him
again, he could kill you."
Mark <Artemis>: Unlike all those other pushover menaces you usually deal
with.
"He just caught us by surprise last time," Makoto soun-
ded as if Artemis had insulted the senshi's abilities. "We
can take care of him, no problem!"
Nash <Makoto>: We shall easily dispatch that varlet! Huzzah!
Bret [grumbling]: Ah, foreshadowing, like a big heavy brick in the face...
"Right!" the other girls chorused.
Bisch <girlish>: Why, I'm sure we'll be all right, and not be sexually
molested in any way!
Gigan <Random Senshi>: We SPIT at tentacles.
Dinobot: Or DDP will beat the hell out of them for making a crappy rip-off
of the Tonight Show.
Bisch: Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time...
Dinobot: Having you and Hollwood Hogan vs. Vince and Stone Cold would be a
good idea.
Luna sighed, "All right, if you insist, we can't stop
you. But can't you go without taking Chibi-Usa with you?"
Mark <Luna>: I mean, the little load *will* get tiresome after awhile.
"No," Rei answered. "According to the fire, we have to
take her."
Ghidora: Oh Gods... Please don't let that lead where we DREAD it will lead.
Gigan & Nash <singing>: Happy Birthday, Chibi-Usa... Happy Birthday to you!
Space Godzilla [Under his breath]: More like Kagato's Revenge...
Ami pulled out her computer. "She's telling the truth,
Luna. The key is in sync with Chibi-Usa's energy, and it will
only respons to her mental commands."
Bret <Ami>: I'm sorry, but I'm afraid the plot contrivance just won't work
without the load.
Dinobot: Then get her fully loaded. Like Sable. And I don't think she was
even wearing body paint...
Nash: Dude! That's disgusting!
Dinobot: You loved it.
"I see," Luna bowed her head. "Just make sure nothing
happens to her."
Dinobot <Luna>: Hook her up with Wheelie. I'm sure he'll annoy them away.
"No problem, Luna. You know you can count on us!" Minako
assured her.
Bisch: I'd like to call for a moment of silence for Chibi-Usa. Whatever
happens to her, I'm sure it won't be pretty.
[All bow their heads]
------------------------------------------------------------
Ghidora: Flies everywhere line up for the delicious taste of Cocomarsh.
Mamoru was just now coming to. When he did regain con-
sciousness, he found himself naked in a cold 6'x 8'x 6' cell,
carved into the rock of the cave itself and locked with a
wooden door.
Mark: Naked? I call homosexual rape scene!
Dinobot: I already called it.
Nash: Jeez, a bunch of stacked chicks running around and the Serpent wants
to write about some ugly-ass guy...
Gigan: Kinda tells you where the Serpent's tastes lie.
He could hear a conversation going on outside
the door.
Space Godzilla <guard>: Takin' a good piss is almost better than gettin'
laid sometimes.
Ghidora <Standing to his full height>: NO, "AMANDA AND THE ALIEN"
FLASHBACKS!
"Caught him sneaking around the hills about an hour
ago. He was dressed up like a fag and throwing flowers at
people to boot."
Gigan <guard>: Why? Were they Nerf flowers?
"Probably working for that asshole Caesar,
Bret: ...Romero?
Dinobot: The head of the Marian Hegemony?
no doubt.
If it weren't for the makemonos, he'd be working us as slaves."
"He does. He uses the makemonos to work in the plant
up top, and he lets the humans take the brunt of the makemonos'
frustrations. Lets them rape our women and everything else,
too.
Bisch <guard>: That's *our* job!
[Dinobot promptly thwaps Bisch in the back of the head, sending him sailing
out of his seat]
Bisch [crawling back]: Ow! It was a joke, dammit, a joke!
Dinobot <Omega Supreme>: Sarcasm not liked.
That's why we're down here underground, isn't it?"
"You're right. But as for this asshole, what're we sup-
posed to do with him?"
Mark <guard>: Don't you *know*? Who let you be a Deliverance-style
homosexual, anyway?
"We're supposed to wait till he wakes up, and then we
can do anything we want with him. Boss's orders."
Space Godzilla: That boss wouldn't happen to be named Zed, would he?
Ghidora: But in that case, he would be dead.
[The wrestlers hum the theme to Pulp Fiction.]
"Thought so. I was kinda anxious for something like
that, anyway. Let's go see how he's doing."
Mamoru was now way too hurt to move, with bruises and
lacerations covering every square inch of his body,
Nash: Maybe that's what 'completely injured' means.
and so
he could do nothing when the door opened and the two guards
walked in.
Bret: Of course! Can't let anything interfere with the Serpent's rape
scene!
"Rise and shine, asshole!" one of them yelled as
he poured a large bucket of cold water over him.
Dinboot: Thank Primus that wasn't Ranma in that cell.
Gigan: Why? If it was Ranma, then at least we'd get a heterosexual scene
in the physical sense, instead of... this.
Bret: And that would be better *how*?!
Gigan: Look, I'm just trying to help.
The other guard bent over him and heard Mamoru let out
a light moan of pain. "Look, Zeke, he is awake. Can I try
something new on him?"
Bisch <guard>: Squeal like a pig, Mamo-chan! SQUEAL LIKE A PIG!
Mark: Silence, little man.
"May as well, Billy. Boss said we can do anything we
want to spies."
"Hee-haw! Then let's get this fuckin' show on the
road!"
[Everyone but Nash and Gigan covers up their eyes again.]
Nash & Gigan: .....
Gigan [In wide eyed horror]: Man, talk about sticking it to him. [Turns his
head sideways] I never knew a tazer gun and metal pole could be USED like
that.
Nash [Clutching his stomach in agony]: My loins... stir again... never will.
All... clear.
(Pretty sick, huh? I warned you that this story had an extreme
"gross out" factor!)
Gigan [Foaming at the mouth]: That's not a "gross out factor"! THAT'S AN
ATTEMPT TO TOTALLY DESTROY THE MINDS OF INNOCENT KAIJU AND
WRESTLERS EVERYWHERE!!!
Bret: If it wasn't, then Vince wouldn't have sent it to us.
Dinobot: You forget alien warriors!
Gigan: I DON'T *CARE* IF I FORGOT! THAT WAS SO DAMN WRONG AND... [Breaks
down and cries on Nash's shoulder. The two cry their eyes out and, after
a minute, recover and go back to the fic.]
Bret: I... Kevin, we owe you one, if it was that bad. Thanks.
Nash [sniffling]: Damn skippy you do. Have any nude pictures of your
girlfriend?
Bret [darkly]: It wasn't *that* bad.
Gigan: That's what YOU think...
Bill and Zeke's pleasure was to be cut short, however,
by an intensely bright, rainbow-colored light materializing
on the other side of the wide-open door to the cell.
Bisch: It's Vision, Lord of Pez! He's going to smite them with the Pez
Storm!
Dinobot: No... it's Nav and he's going to kick ass!
[A giant bolt of lighting comes down and zaps Dinobot.]
Mark: Who did that?
Space Godzilla: Sorry. Our Overlord is a bit touchy about Na... [thunder
rumble] that anti-moonie.
Dinobot: What about Blizzard?
The
two looked up at the light and could make out the forms of
Ghidora: Choriki Sentai OhRanger! Ready to kick ass!
four fuku-clad teenage girls holding their hands in a circle,
and indside that circle was the form of a little girl, no more
that ten years old. "Well I'll be! More fun for our liddel
partee!"
Mark: Wasn't Chibi-Usa's other party *enough*?!
Nash: Dusty Rhodes and Chibi... [promptly turns green and nearly falls out
of chair]... oh, man, that's too much for *me*...
Gigan <Equally ill>: You mean what we just saw wasn't enough?
"Don't get too excited, Billy-boy, day mite jest be
sent by dat jakass Caesar."
Bret: ...Chavez?
With that in mind, they pulled out of Mamoru's orifices
[All the wrestlers shudder and Ghidora faints.]
just as the light was dissipating and the forms of the girls
became solid. When the light was gone, all that was left was
the girls.
Bisch: Why, thank you for telling us that, Serpent! If not for you, I
would've thought there were camels and donkey and unicorns there!
Dinobot: Unicron? Where?
Of course, the over-hyper, perverted-as-hell Billy was
the first to speak up. With his zipper still down and his
little stump of a dick
Mark: Clark?
hanging out, he called over to the
girls, "Hay, y'all wanna join our get-together, li'l phil-
lies?"
Nash: And I'm sure Billy knows *plenty* about horses...
Bret: Serpent, if I have to watch Dusty Rhodes boink one of the Senshi...
Nash & Gigan: Hey, we had to watch Dusty boink Tux-boy!
Bret [suddenly becomes very quiet and begins hyperventilating]
"Not if y'all was the last vibratahz on earth!" Minako
yelled back, trying to imitate their accent. (Hey, why not?
If they can put Brooklynites and Southerners in Japan, why
not a couple of rednecks?)
Space Godzilla: Because, Mr. Serpent, then you're being a DIC.
Others: Too late.
Zeke replied, "C'mon, y'all, just tryin' to be naybor-
like. Got a fresh juicee one rite here fer ya too!"
Bisch <Zeke>: Well, actually, he's from concentrate, but you can't taste
the difference at all!
He motioned his head toward Mamoru's unconscious body.
"You sick perverts!" Rei yelled. "You won't be allowed
to abuse the bodies of unwilling young men! I am Sailor Mars,
and on behalf of the planet Mars..."
Mark <Rei>: ... and warm fuzzy mittens!
Each senshi inserted their planet into the speech...
"And on behalf of the planet Mercury..."
"Also on behalf of Venus..."
"And for Jupiter!"
Bret: And for Billy and Timmy and Little Joe, and all the guys back in the
regiment!
Space Godzilla <Venus>: Everybody Hai!
Others <Senshi>: HAI!
Dinobot: I'm sure Sailor Cybertron's "too bright picture" assault would
blind them.
Finally, the girls shouted together, "We'll punish you!"
[General shouts of joy go up from the wrestlers]
Ghidora: We don't think they meant *you*.
[The shouts of joy turn into groans of disappointment]
Zeke and Billy just hit the deck laughing. "Y'all think
that's gonna scare us? Why don't y'all just go back and tell
Caesar dat we ain't goin fer it!"
"Supreme Thunder!"
Nash: BOOST KNUCKLE!
Dinobot: It's BURN KNUCKLE! And a hurricane kick too...
Space Godzilla: And a Final Atomic Buster to seal the deal!
Gigan: Wait... ahhhh, just pictured that.
In an instant, the room inside the cell glowed with a
light more intense than that of looking directly at the sun
in full daylight.
Bisch: It was the glorious aura of Patrick Stewart's bald head!
The skeletons of the two were clearly
visible under their flesh as the voltage flushed through
Ghidora <Jupiter>: I learned THAT from Blanka-sensei.
Dinobot <Jupiter>: Or was it Living Lightning?
their bodies. Jupiter's attack also burned off their hair
and clothes, and was now burning their skin away from their
muscle tissue, and was slowly burning the muscle tissue away
from the bone. Their eyes popped right out of their sockets,
Mark: ... and rolled into the corner pocket, so they got another turn!
and the little peas they had in their crania were starting to
ooze out their noses. All they were able to do was scream
when the lightning first hit them, but now they were unable
to do even that. In a matter of seconds, the two guards were
dead.
Bret <flatly>: Gee, you think?
Bisch: Bret, why doesn't Jupiter's Supreme Thunder ever do that in the show?
Bret: Because our friend the Serpent enjoys turning the Senshi into cold-
blooded killers.
Dinobot: And brain-dead sluts.
Gigan: And weenies when facing demons so they're easy targets for tentacle
rapings.
When the carnage had ended, a small voice came up from
behind the senshi. "I didn't have to see that, you know. I'm
just a kid!"
Space Godzilla <Chibi-Usa>: A 900 year old kid, but a kid just the
same.
The senshi's minds thought a singular thing, "Oh, shit!"
All <Senshi>: We're still in this fic!
Hindsight
Nash: ...yeah?
Mark: That doesn't mean what you're thinking, hentai.
Nash: No, but I can think it anyway! Mmmm, *hind*-*sight*...
Gigan <Butt-Head>: Huh... hu huh... you said *hind*.
revealed that one of them could easily have covered
Chibi-Usa's eyes and ears, but it was too late now.
Rei went over to Mamoru and bent over him. "Are you
all right, Mamoru?"
Bisch <Mamoru>: I am *now*!
Gigan <Mamoru>: I just had a metal pole stuck in my ass. WHAT DO
*YOU* THINK?!
Ghidora [Looking sick]: AWLK!
He didn't reply.
Ami looked at him with her VR visors.
Bret: Troopers, three!
Others <singing>: Virtual reality!
"He's uncon-
scious," she related the information to the group,
Mark <senshi>: Why thank you, Ami. We never could've figured *that* out
alone!
"and there's some type of liquid substance under his abdomen.
Ghidora [Shaking]: UGH!
Nash: You *had* to remind me of *that*...
Bisch: Oh, come on! Even if Mamoru *was* gay, I refuse to believe he'd
enjoy having a... [briefly stops and shudders, unable to continue]
..having *that* done to him. No one would!
Bret: Eric, this is a warning from personal experience: *Quit* thinking
about the story.
Bisch: Well, I'm trying, but it just keeps going *on* and *on*...
Maybe we should turn him around and try to resuscitate him."
Mark <senshi>: Nah, I say we just leave 'em here and let him kick off.
It's not like he was ever worth a crap in a fight, anyway.
"Good idea," Makoto said, as she grabbed his lower
half and helped Rei turn him on his back.
It was then that they saw exactly what the liquid on
his abdomen was.
Nash: It was milk... *just* milk...
This made Minako think back to the speech Rei gave when
they first encountered Mamoru's assailants. "Hey, Rei, maybe
he wasn't so unwilling, after all."
All: ....
Space Godzilla: Well, there goes all of my newly earned faith in the human
race.
Bisch: Trust me, we're only like this when the Serpent's writing us! Real
humans are nowhere near this sick or depraved... well, at least not most of
us, anyway.
Dinobot: What about werewoman Oscar?
Bisch: Well, he's one of the exceptions.
"What do you mean, Minako san?" Chibi-Usa asked, having
no idea what Minako meant by that?
Bret: And she'd better not *find out* during this story, Serpent, or death
will rain upon you from the heavens!
Mark: Hey, we *do* have that orbital bombardment cannon...
Dinobot: We do... why didn't anyone tell me? I got some authors to kill.
The girls just started cracking up.
Nash <girlish>: Oh, innocence is so amusing! We'll have to be sure to
throw her a *birthday party* later!
Perplexed, Chibi-
Usa just gave up trying to understand with an "I don't get it."
"He's also badly hurt." Ami continued relaying infor-
mation to the group. "It appears he has multiple contusions,
heavy internal bleeding, and burnt tissue inside the rectum
and intestinal tracts.
Bisch <Ami>: When will he learn that lighting those just isn't safe?
I think the best thing we can do is
clean him up and get him someplace safe."
Bret: Mizuno Ami... MISTRESS OF THE OBVIOUS!
"But how are we gonna clean him up, Ami chan?" Makoto
asked. "I don't see any water fountains here or anything."
Dinobot <Ami>: You'd rather not know what water I was thinking of.
"According to my computer, there seems to be a washroom
around the corner from the hall we materialized in..."
Mark <senshi>: Oh, good! I can touch up my make-up!
Ami's reply was interrupted in mid-sentence by the sound
of footsteps. Before long, a group of about 20 armed men was
visible outside the cell. As they were about to walk right
past, one of the men at the back end of the group noticed the
senshi beyond the open door.
"Hey, yo! Look at this!"
Wrestlers: SCOTT HALL?! NOOOOOOO!!
Nash: Scottie, what the hell are you doing? Get out of the story, man!
Bisch: I knew Scott was having personal problems, but to take a job in this
*thing*... I've gotta start giving out some pay raises when I get home.
Dinobot: Well, if you shoot Hollywood...
Bisch: But he's our biggest star!
Nash & Bret <*very* flat>: Suuuuuure he is...
The entire group stopped and accosted the senshi.
Bret [sighs]: Is anyone here surprised? Anyone?
"What the hell're you.... Hey, wait a minute!" One of
them noticed the bodies. "That's Zeke and Bill!
Mark <person>: I'd recognize their charred ashes anywhere!
Why, I
oughta..."
Nash: I'm *not* gonna watch the Senshi do it with Curly! Dammit, even I
have my limits!
"You oughta what?" Jupiter's tone was as if she was
trying to intimidate them.
Gigan: ...which she was.
"Shake your fuckin' hand for getting rid of those two
assholes! They were causing more trouble for us than helping
us by raiding Caesar's army's supplies every two days, and then
almost leading them here. By the way, what're you all doing
dressed up as the Sailor Senshi?"
Bisch <Makoto>: Waiting for the tentacle demons to find us. And you?
"Because we are!" Makoto blurted out.
"Yeah, right. And I'm Tuxedo fuckin' Kamen!" the
stranger retorted.
Dinobot <Ami>: He's the guy nude and out cold on the floor.
Nash: No, no, that was Zeke and Bill...
Bret: Shut up, Nash.
Makoto, now insulted by the stranger's snide comment,
used Sparkling Wide Pressure on the wall of the cell.
Mark: Ah, random property damage! Mr. Serpent has truly captured the inner
essence of the Sailor Senshi.
Dinobot: If he writes Transformers fanfic in the name of the cybertroanin
race I'm going to get Sailor Mars and the two of us are going to inflict so
much torture and pain on him...
A hole
was punched in the wall to reveal a bedchamber with a brown-
headed man involved in a wild orgy with about 15 women.
Nash: Cool! Lord Thinker's gettin' some!
Bisch: ARGH! Somebody, HIT HIM!
Space Godzilla: My pleasure! [Green energy bolts fire off of his shoulder
crystals, wrap around Nash and toss him into the air. Nash lands back in
his seat with a loud crash.]
They
continued about their business, oblivious to the fact that a
four-foot hole had been blasted in the wall.
"Whoa, you really are Sailor Jupiter," another man from
the wolf-pack said in awe,
[Everyone looks at Nash.]
Nash <groggily>: Not THAT Wolf Pack.
Dinobot: They better not be Wolf's Dragoons...
"or you're one of Caesar's fucking
demons!"
"Now just wait a minute." Ami butted in. "Just who is
Caesar? And why do you hate him so much?"
Bret: Well, the people of Rome feared that Caesar was going to declare
himself king and abolish the Senate.
Dinobot: Or that he was going to take over the periphery. Magistray of
Canopus and the Taurian Concordat were going to kick his ass.
"They're loyalists!" Another voice shouted. "Kill
them!"
Mark: Kill the bloody Tories!
"But wait!" a fourth voice spoke up. "What if they
really are the Senshi? They could really help us in our
fight for Caesar!"
Bisch: Look, are you *for* or *against* Caesar? I don't really care which
one you pick, but MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
The man who accused the Senshi of being loyalists went
up to the man who made that last comment, and punched him
hard, bringing his fist right through the other guy's skull
Nash: Man, steroids must be really good in the future.
and out the back of his head, sending his blood and brain
tissue everywhere. As the corpse fell to the ground, the man
let out, "I hate traitors!"
Ghidora <man>: And I hate the laws of physics too. That's why I
ignore them.
Chibi-Usa, still traumatized from her nightmare and from
seeing the violence of the past thirty minutes, fell into a
state of shock and fainted.
Bret <Chibi-Usa>: That's completely implausible... this story is
terrible... AAAIIIEEE!!
"Chibi-Usa chan!" Mercury cried out. "I won't allow you
to get away with killing a fellow human being and traumatizing
a little girl. I am Sailor Mercury, champion of justice,
and even if God forgives you, I won't!"
Mark <Ami>: And I'm sure God will approve of me smiting you, even though He
wouldn't!
She was about to use
Shining Aqua Illusion on the murderer,
Bisch <Ami>: Your clothes will be drenched and ruined, foul spiller of
blood!
Dinobot: Which goes to show who's the next biggest wuss in the Sailor
Senshi.
Space Godzilla: Now be fair... Seiya isn't even IN this story.
Dinobot: Inner Senshi then!
when suddenly she heard
a nerdy voice from behind call her name.
"Ami san? Mizuno Ami. is that you?"
Nash: See? It really is Lord Thinker! Where's the Delete Key?
Bret: ARGH! [grabs Nash in a headlock] Dammit, Kevin, you're scarring me
more than the story! Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!!
Dinobot: Bret, calm down... OR I'LL RIP OFF YOUR HEAD AND MOUNT IT ON A
WALL!
Bret: Ah... yessir. [releases Nash]
Everybody turned around to see the brown-headed man that
was involved in the orgy. His appearance was anything but
nerdy, with big muscles, a handsome face, and a dick that was
invisible because it was currently being sucked on by three
different women.
Mark: Okay, I'm trying to picture how that would work, and I'm not having
any luck. Perverts?
Gigan: Ah... I'm sorry, that just doesn't work.
Nash: Nope, nope, I think Serpent's just showing how little familiarity he
has with the source material again.
Gigan <Thoughtful>: Unless our friend here has done something like in the
first Overfiend movie.
Nash: Oh yeah! <Demon voice> Chop it off and replace it with this.
Bret: Urgh... *Don't* bring that up...
But his voice sounded strangely familar.
Space Godzilla <Ami>: OH MY GOD! It's SHINGO! [Shudders] I can't BELIEVE I
just said that.
The men all backed off once they heard the man recog-
nize Ami, and she herself turned around to be disgusted by
the sight of the ongoing orgy.
Bisch <Ami>: Why didn't anyone invite *me*?
Ami honestly could not recog-
nize the man, who appeared to be in his late forties, but
after one whole minute of staring she made out a few things
in his facial features and by the marks on his nose that could
only have come from wearing glasses, she chanced a guess.
"Umino?"
Bret: That's... actually *worse* than Lord Thinker.
Mark: Melvin? Just great. Now any minute Antoine's going to show up,
they'll have a big Yaoi sex party, and then my head will explode.
Ghidora <swaying back and forth>: Not if ours go first...
(Remember the "Sailor Says" for U.S. episode
#20, "...anybody can change...maybe even Melvin!" Also re-
member Volume 1, Act 4 of the manga, where the senshi wondered
what Umino might look like with his glasses off.)
Gigan <Slyly>: Why, no. Why don't you keep going and delay us from getting
back to the fic a little longer...
Ghidora: Didn't work.
Gigan: D'OH!
Nash: Serpent, buddy, I think you missed the point. And it's not fair to
blame your own unnatural desire to write a Melvin sex scene on others.
"You mean, you're Sailor Mercury? I thought you died
21 years ago. But you don't look like you've aged a day
since back when we were 15. Where've you been?"
Bisch <Ami>: Disneyworld. You would not *believe* the lines there!
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
Bret: Cliche time-travel response number 632.
But what do
you mean, I died 21 years ago?"
Dinobot <Melvin>: The decepticons launched a raid on Japan... and Krok
stepped on all of you.
"You mean you don't know about it? It was all over the
news.
Mark <Umino>: You see, there was this guy named Nav...
[The lightning comes down again, but it strikes Bret.]
Bret [Smoldering]: HEY! Why me?
Mysterious Dismbodied Voice: Because I like the Undertaker... backstabber.
Dinobot: AHHHH Alien Frank!!!!!!!!!!
The Sailor senshi were all mysteriously killed back in
1999, and their bodies were found hooked up to this strange
machine that looked like it raped them and took their blood
at the same time."
Space Godzilla <Sailor Pluto>: Thank you SO much for telling them
about their deaths. Now they're going to avoid it and CAUSE A &^%&$
DISRUPTION TO THE TIME STREAM! DO YOU *KNOW* HOW HARD THAT IS TO
FIX?!
Bisch: Poor, poor Sailor Pluto...
Nash: It was Windows '98 gone horribly wrong.
All the girls let out a gasp. Minako spoke up, "You
mean, we were killed 21 years ago in 1999? That means,
were in 2020!"
Bret <Minako>: Where's John Stossel?
"Right you are!" Umino answered. "How come you act
like you didn't already know that?"
Dinobot <Ami> Time Travel... Who's that purple guy floating around in the
time stream?
"It's like Ami said," Makoto opened her mouth, "You
wouldn't believe us if we told you."
"Try me." Umino's facial expression changed as it
became apparent he was about to come.
Mark: Somebody get a tarp!
"Okay," Rei was the first with the courage to tell him
their story. "Back in 1993, this guy calling himself Muni-
hausen showed up and he used Mamoru to get the Silver Crystal
away from Sailor Moon. Then, he threw Mamoru and Usagi through
this green thing that looked like a gateway of some kind.
We came here to get the crystal back and to find them."
Bisch: *Exposition* during *sex*? I can't believe *anyone* thought of
that...
Bret: Would you believe *two* guys have come up with that?
Minako continued Rei's explanation. "Yeah, when we
teleported to the future, we ended up here and two goons were
torturing Mamoru. Jupiter zapped them and then we ran into
these guys," she pointed toward the thugs standing outside the
cell.
Nash <Makoto>: Oh, and there were lots of badly done sex scenes and
tentacle monsters in there, too.
"Is that how this hole got into my wall?"
Makoto blushed.
Mark: Massive sex scene going on before her eyes, okay. Property damage...
now that's scandalous.
"Sorry, but these guys didn't be-
lieve we were the Senshi, so I showed them. And when I did,
one of them started calling us demons sent by Caesar, who-
ever that is."
Bisch <Umino>: Well, he was the emperor of Rome...
Dinobot <Umino> : Or head of the Marian Hegemony.
Umino told his guards to back off. "Hey guys, calm
down. I knew these girls back before anybody even heard of
Nagumo or Caesar." He took a long, hard look at Jupiter.
"Makoto Kino, right?"
Nash: Y'know, this sex couldn't possibly be any good. I mean, if you're
doing it right there's no *way* you could be holding a conversation in the
middle of it!
"Hey wait!" Ami reacted in surprise. "How do you know
our real names?"
"Well, you look just like Ami and Makoto. You're just
wearing different clothes than usual. That's all. Besides,
you can say I'm not the same Umino you knew back in school.
Space Godzilla: He's got some kind of mystic ability that lets him see
through magical auras?
Bret: No, the Serpent just felt like being 'realistic'. [grumbles] And it
comes off about as realistic as his version of sex...
Not long after we graduated, I learned that you can't trust
anybody in this world if you want to survive. I got mani-
pulated, beat up, and fucked over just too many times.
Mark: That's a *bad* image. A *very* bad image.
So I took up weight lifting and martial arts.
Bisch <Umino>: And then I became a green beret and I fought in UFC and it
was really cool!
When Chou-jin
destroyed the world and Caesar took it over, however, its
like things went from bad to much worse, and so we all decided
to go underground past the sewer tunnels.
Nash <Umino>: Looking back, that may not have been such a great decision.
But the sewers were all the rage back then...
We occasionally
raid his army's barracks for food whenever we really need it,
and occasionally one of his spies or his patrols'll find
this place and we have to kill them before they can tell any-
body else about us.
Bret <Umino>: You would not *believe* the corpse collection we have down
here! I mean, you practically can't swing a cat without hitting a few dead
bodies!
That's why the boys are so jumpy." He
looked at Mamoru. "You're friend looks like he's really hurt.
Mark <Mamoru>: I'm getting better!
You want me to have someone look at that for you?" By now he
was coming into the girls' mouths, full throttle.
[Nash imitates the truck horn that began his intro music as Diesel]
"That would be great, but I'd like to stay there and
watch." Ami replied to Umino's offer.
Bisch [stunned]: Someone *wants* to watch Melvin do it?
Bret <Ami>: Fascinating. I didn't know you could *do* that with a pair of
glasses!
Mark: Maybe she thinks that it's interpretive dance.
She knew Umino to be
a good person, but the sight of him coming into the mouths of
three women made her suspiscious as to how else he could've
changed.
Nash <Ami>: Yes, he's having an orgasm... he *must* be evil!
Rei thought for a minute, then blurted out her train
of thought.
Bisch <Rei>: I know it doesn't make any sense, but I just don't think
Babylon 5 is as good as Voyager!
Dinobot <Ami>: Rei, Babylon 5 kicks Voyager's ass across the universe.
"So the legend of the Overfiend really is true!
Dinobot <Rei>: Now where is that guy with the helicopter blade weapon?
It's not just something my grandpa told me just to put me to
sleep!"
Space Godzilla <Rei>: And give me nightmares that ended with me
having to spend five years of my childhood in intensive therapy!
Bret: Knowing that makes me question why Grandpa was trying to put her to
sleep in the first place...
"Nope." Umino answered as his orgasm was beginning to
subside.
Mark: I refuse to believe that the Serpent even knows what an orgasm is!
"The Chou-jin turned out to be a human in Osaka
named Nagumo, even nerdier than I ever was and a complete
hentai otaku to boot. Who'd have known he'd turn out to be
the Overfiend?"
Ghidora: Sailor Mac and Mark Berger?
Others: Huh?
Ghidora: Re-read the first two words of the second to last line.
"But you keep talking about a Caesar taking over the
world. Who's he?" Minako asked, voicing all the senshi's
curiosity.
Nash <Umino>: He seemed a hero, at first. He made the most wonderful
salads...
"Right after Chou-jin destroyed the world, this guy
named Caesar took advantage of the ensuing chaos to take
over, staging public orgies and other types of parties
Bisch: Another one of those sex-loving fiends! Dammit, when will people
learn that sex is unclean and shameful?
Dinobot: When people don't like hot sexy vixens.
to
keep the people distracted in their own pleasure while he
was out conquering entire nations.
Bret: Okay, so Caesar organized some kind of synchronized sex party, and
then ran in and took over when everybody was taking a nap after.
Now he rules the world
Gigan <Pinky>: How come we never thought of trying that, Brain?
Nash <The Brain>: Because I have something called Good Taste,
Pinky.
with terror, and they say he has an advisor called Faust
Mark: Felix Faust?
who has the power to boss demons around."
Bisch <Faust>: Hey, hellspawn! Hand over the lunch money, NOW!
------------------------------------------------------------
Space Godzilla: ANOTHER line? What haven't we crossed yet?
Mark: The line that dictates that Luna and/or Artemis will be in a
tentacle rape scene.
[Everyone, even Gigan and Nash, shudders at the possibility.]
Bret: Do they even make tentacles that small?
Dinobot: They could hire Oscar.
Up top, Faust had found another sacrifice and had of-
fered it to Ulotec. Once again, the thousand-penised form
rose up out of the lake to rape its intended victim,
Nash: Yup, same ol', same ol'. Man, nothing interesting *ever* happens
around here!
this
time taking the form of a humanoid with a jaguar's head, the
All <singing>: Jet Jaguar... Jet Jaguar!
hands of a gorilla with eagle talons for nails, and a 20-foot-
thick body of a flourescent red color. Instead of outright
raping his victim like he did before, he decided to go for
foreplay,
Bisch: So Ulotec put on a Barry White CD, got some champagne...
licking her butt-cheeks and messaging her tits with
twenty of his penes.
Mark <Ulotec>: Trust me, hon', you'll feel the tension drain right out of
you.
Bret: Candygram for an anonymous rape victim's tits!
He fondled her clit with his right hand
while holding her up in his left, and inserted his whole hand
into her pussy,
Nash: That's not a nice thing to do to a kitty.
causing her to scream as she ejaculated more
blood than Sailor Pluto at her death.
Bisch: I would think so, being ripped in half and all...
Mark: Serpent doesn't even know which gender ejaculates! Dammit, there has
to be some clause somewhere that says I don't have to read this...
The loss of blood sent
her into a state of shock as he continued finger-fucking her,
Space Godzilla: And WE'RE in a state of shock too!
Bret: Look, to call *this* 'fingering' is an insult to the fine art of
fingering that I take deep personal offense to!
[Again, all but Nash and Gigan close their eyes.]
Nash: This guy's into some SERIOUS mind games.
Gigan: I guess a mind really IS a terrible thing to waste. All clear.
The monster stared at Faust. "What is it this time,
Munihausen?"
Bisch <Ulotec>: And I already told you, I can't get you those Lakers
tickets!
Faust held up the ginzuishou in his left hand, in the
same manner as when he showed it the the senshi back in 1993.
Ghidora <author>: Because I'm too lazy to describe it again.
He both informed and command Ulotec, "I have the ginzuishou.
Now you will show me how to use it to reactivate the world
after the Overfiend and Evil King meet."
Mark <Ulotec>: Look, dammit, they explain this stuff in the manual. Save
the help line for *real* problems!
Ulotec responded, "I sense that you have sent both
Usagi Tsukino and Mamoru Chiba into the present. This is a
wise choice, for you will need them both. But beware, the
Sailor Senshi have followed them here."
Bret: When have the other Sailors done anything in a big fight except get
killed so Sailor Moon gets pissed off? I'm not saying that's bad, but
Ulotec's really not being too useful as an advisor, here.
"They are of no consequence. If they interfere, they
shall be destroyed."
Ghidora: The role of Faust shall now be played by M.Bison... in America.
Nash <German>: Animals vill be bred und SCHLAUGHTERED!!
"Whatever. But you must kill Mamoru Chiba and wash the
ginzuishou in his blood,
Bisch <Ulotec>: You see, Mamoru's blood has an amazing power called
'scrubbing bubbles' that will shine that crystal right up!
then throw his corpse to the make-
monos.
Mark: A Yaoi tentacle rape scene. Lovely. My head *is* going to explode
before this is over.
Ghidora <weakly>: That's... our... job.
As for Usagi Tsukino, she must be forced to give up
her possession of the ginzuishou and to pronounce you as
Space Godzilla <Ulotec>: ... a cybernetic, mop headed weenie who couldn't
get a girl if his life depended on it and can only get off watching tentacle
demons do it to girls!
its heir. Then, and only then, shall you be its master, and
after that, you need only wait for the Overfiend and Evil
King to meet,
Bret <Ulotec>: At which time, they shall have a cheese danish and a large
cafe latte, and reminisce about high school.
and the ginzuishou will discharge its duties
at your volition."
Bisch: How come Vince didn't have to do that?
Bret: How do we *know* he didn't?
Bisch [shudders]: Ooh. Good point.
"Excellent. Now you will tell me where I may find both
Usagi Tsukino and Mamoru Chiba."
Nash <Munihausen>: And then you will dance for me!
So Faust was told exactly where he would find the two,
and was informed of Mamoru's condition, and the location of
the other senshi as well.
------------------------------------------------------------
Space Godzilla: Sheesh! There's more lines in this fic than a department
store at Christmas time.
A day had past since Mamoru had found the village and
the other senshi had arrived, and Usagi was still in the
mansion's basement.
Mark <Usagi>: Counting the cracks in the ceiling is fun and all, but even
*that* gets old after a while.
Her wounds had pretty much healed by
now (inhabitants of the Silver Millenium seem to heal at
five to six times the rate of terrestrial humans),
Bret: Bet she has an unbreakable adamantium skeleton, too.
Dinobot: So she is dense.
[Space Godzilla *THWAP!*'s Dinobot with his tail.]
Dinobot: Hey! Now if only Usagi had as much body hair is Wolverine...
[shutters]
but all
food had now been depleted, so she was both hungry for food
and worried about her missing Mamo chan.
Bisch <Usagi>: Gee, it's been nearly a day since a saw him... I wonder if
anything's wrong?
Masturbating may
have helped her get her mind off these things the day before,
Nash: Her mind wasn't the only thing getting off!
Space Godzilla: Don't make me Gravity Tornado you again...
but she had had enough of that and was now no longer horny.
Mark: A sudden warp in the fabric of reality caused her to be in character.
She had become tired of being cooped up in the same
room all this time, but her first encounter with the make-
monos had made her too afraid to climb the stairs that would
Space Godzilla: Yet she was able to bring herself to touch herself in a
sexual way? Hentai Man, all is forgiven.
take her above ground. She remembered the open doorway in
the middle of the floor, and that she had closed it because
of the awful smell coming from the open hole. "Could Mamo
chan have gone down there?" she thought to herself. "I
hope I didn't lock that thing on him."
Bret <Usagi>: Because that would make it hard for his critically injured
body to stagger back!
But she didn't have too long to sit and ponder on
things like that. Her train of thought was broken by the
sound of footsteps right above the opening, and a dim light,
kind of like sunlight on a cloudy day, shone in as the pas-
sageway in was opened. "Mamo chan?" she called out in
relief,
Bisch: ...because she was stupid.
Bret: Hey!
Bisch: Well, it's true in *this* story.
glad that her lover had returned.
But it was not to be. As soon as she was able to see
the feet of the person coming down the stairs, it was obvious
that he wasn't Mamoru.
Nash: It was Krusty the Clown gone *horribly* wrong!
It was a gold, mechanical foot on one
leg, mostly all covered by a long black robe.
[Gigan hums stripper music.]
"So we meet again Usagi Tsukino." Munihausen informed
her. "I was wise to throw you into my time, as now I have
you alone and you may yet be of some use to me."
Mark: Oh, now *there's* a set-up line...
"Never! I'll never help you!" Usagi said.
Bret <Usagi>: And I'll never say foolishly heroic phrases that I can't live
up to, either!
"Your dear Mamoru is here too, and he is dying. There
may be nothing that can be done to save him. But your love,
perhaps..."
Bisch: Not *this* again! Come on, even *Usagi* should be able to see
through this!
Dinobot: She's going to trust him after what he did to her? Porn isn't
*that* powerful!
Usagi remembered the last time somebody tried playing
that trick on her, when the Dark Kingdom had captured Mamoru
and Kunzite told her he wasn't doing too well in order to get
her to cross over into their realm. "You're lying!"
Nash <Usagi>: The Serpent will make me into your pawn anyway, but I *do*
know that you're lying!
"You may choose to believe that all you wish, but know
that I am telling you the truth. I will show you."
Mark <Munihausen>: Behold the power of PORN!
Faust held up the ball and gave Usagi a little picture
show.
Space Godzilla: Of the Rocky Horror kind?
Gigan: Does the all-powerful effect of Porn work on females?
Bret: In Serpent's world? I have no doubt.
Mamoru stuck in a bed in a broken-down hut, with Ami watching
him and several attendants taking care of his wounds. This
was exactly what was going on at the moment, with no alter-
ations. They were cleaning him, putting ice on his bruises,
stitching and bandaging his wounds, and other medical stuff.
Bisch <dumb voice>: Y'know, *stuff*.
Usagi looked on and said loudly, "Mamo chan!" She
looked at Faust and asked, "Will he survive?"
Ghidora: She expects him to tell her the truth?! [Rolls all six of his
eyes] Usagi is not THAT foolish.
Space Godzilla [Eyes glowing]: Anyone want to dispute that?!
Bret <grinning>: C'mon! Please?
Dinobot: Only when she kills herself over a video game... now that had to
be a stupid thing for the wisest Autobot to do...
Faust calmly replied, "Behold, I will show you his
future." This was when he changed the scene into what he
believed to be Usagi's worst fear.
Space Godzilla: A world without sugar.
Nash <Usagi>: Oh God... we get bought out by Go Nagai? NOOOO!!
Gigan <Usagi>: Oh wait... it's a parody fanfic by The Eternal Lost Lurker.
We're safe.
The scene before Usagi now was that of Mamoru in bed,
with the other senshi around him. "He's not going to make
it past tonight," she overheard Ami saying to the other
senshi.
Mark <Ami>: I'm sorry, the plot contrivance computer told me, and it's
never wrong.
"Should we really give him his last dying wish?" Makoto
asked the other senshi.
Ghidora: How much does everyone want to bet that it involves a massive
orgy?
Bisch: After all we've been through, I think this story owes us a little
lesbian sex.
Bret: Eric, it's the *Sailor Senshi*! I understand the appeal of lesbians,
but that's just wrong!
Nash: Don't ruin the good sex scene for the rest of us, pink-boy.
Mark: I'm afraid we'll have to smite you if you do.
Gigan: Hear Hear!
[The other Kaiju look at Gigan like he's lost it.]
Dinobot: *shakes his head* Weirdos.
"Why not!" Rei exclaimed. "He is cute, oops! I mean,
Space Godzilla <Rei>: Sorry, I'm still trying to shake off the Serpent's
influence over me.
Bisch: Oh, like that's likely to happen
it really is the man's dying wish. I just wish Usagi were
here to see this. We'd make her way jealous."
Bret <Rei>: Betrayal is fun!
"She had no right hogging this hunk all to herself when
there's plenty to go around, anyway." Minako voiced her
opinion. "Can you believe the nerve of some people?"
Nash <Minako>: Gawd! Her and her stupid *monogamy*!
"I never really liked her, anyway." Makoto said. "I
was just pretending to be her friend because she's the leader."
Mark <Makoto>: Isn't it weird how we're all suddenly spouting our best
friend's worst fears? Like something out of a bad fanfic, isn't it?
"You're right." Ami replied to Makoto. "All she does
is whine and moan about her own petty little problems.
Bisch <Ami>: Like *she's* ever had to suffer!
'Why
doesn't Mamoru love me? Why? Why?' If she'd stop being
such a ditzy airhead, maybe she'd still have Mamoru instead
of having to wonder why he left her for the four of us."
Nash: Looks like Tux-boy finally did something smart!
Bret [glares in Nash's general direction]
Dinobot: Then why is Chibi-Usa dating Nav?
[Everyone ducks as a lighting bolt with the force of a Tac Nuke strikes
Dinobot.]
Space Godzilla: Dinobot! Don't encourage the Usaginite.
Dinobot: The lighting is recharging me.
Makoto laughed. "Yeah, but she doesn't know he's been
boinkin' us on the side, right?"
All [REALLY, painfully sarcastic]: Riiiiiiiiiiiight.
Minako replied, "No, I don't think so. She's too ob-
sessed to figure it out. But there's one thing I wanna know.
What was his dying wish?"
Mark <Rei>: Mallo Cups. Lots and lots of Mallo Cups.
Dinobot <Ami>: To be turned into a transformer.
"He's fucked us one at a time," Rei filled her in, "but
we've never had just one big anything-goes-fun-filled-orgias-
tic-as-hell fuckfest.
Bisch: Rei sounds like a carnival barker.
Nash: Hey! Maybe they'll do it... CLOWN STYLE!
Gigan: Clown style? Never heard of it. [Bows to Nash] TEACH ME, OH
MASTER!
Nash: I'll show ya the tapes later, buddy.
He said wanted to do that with all four
of us before he died."
Bret: Awww. How OOC!
A tear rolled down Usagi's cheek. I was one thing for
Ghidora <Author>: ... being such a stupid author and creating such
unrealistic situations so that I could write disgusting as hell Lemon
scenes.
the other senshi to talk about her, especially Rei, but the
thought of Mamoru leaving her to sleep with her best friends
Space Godzilla <Author>: ... was as unrealistic as Bret being on the same
side as Hogan.
Bret: *Tell* me about it...
was just too much to bear. "Turn it off! I've seen enough
you ugly creep!" she yelled at Faust.
Mark <Usagi>: And the Serpent's made me completely incapable of shutting my
eyes or looking away!
"No, Usagi Tsukino, you have not. There is more to
their deceit than that which you have already seen."
Bisch <Munihausen>: Much of which involves nudity and whipped cream...
It has always been said that the more intellectual peo-
ple in the worlds are also the most perverted,
Nash: It has? How did I miss that one?
Gigan: Why do you think Washu-chan likes to "experiment" on Tenchi all the
time?
Nash: Ooh. Good point.
and Ami was
the last person to prove this saying wrong. She was the fas-
test to take off her clothes and strddle Mamoru's chest,
Dinobot <Mamoru>: AHHHHHHHH!!!
bubbing her pussy against the badly bruised and wounded flesh
of his upper torso, getting herself off more so than him.
Bret: They're *raping* him? Bockwinkle preserve us...
Mark: And how dare she *bub* him! Why, bubbing is a sacred act that should
be saved for true lovemaking!
Bisch: How come no one ever bubs *me*?
Nash: Well, it takes some as big and sexy as myself to get chicks to
*bub*...
Gigan [Sad]: If any girl tried to bub me, they'd end up killing themselves.
[Wipes away a single tear.]
Dinobot: I'm a warrior not a ladies bot, so I don't want any women.
Rei preferred the more direct approach. She went over
to his limp dick, put in in her hand, and started jacking it
off in order to get it hard. After stroking for half a
minute, his microscopic soldier finally stood at attention.
Bret: Insert your own 'Small Soldiers' joke here, folks.
Dinobot <Maroru> : Hey, where are the Outer Senshi?
(***For those who want to know why I pick on Mamoru's
dick size, go to any X-rated Sailor Moon image pages and
you'll find one of Tuxedo coming in Venus' mouth. I mean,
look at how tiny that thing is!)
Gigan [to Nash]: After this chapter, we go STRAIGHT to the computer.
Nash [To Gigan]: You want to see...
Gigan [To Nash]: No! But I hear that the "view" of Venus...
Nash [Grins]: When you put it THAT way...
Mark: I weep for the forces of good taste in this universe...
Dinobot [gets up and slugs Gigan]: Nash you want me to give you the
Stunner?
Gigan: OW! Hey! He's not supposed to hit me!
[Space Godzilla and Ghidora stop Gigan with a withering glare.]
To continue. Once Rei got his dick hard, she moved
her hand to his balls
Bisch: Basket? Baseball? Croquet?
Ghidora: With Mamoru, you can be certain they're not bowling balls. [Blinks]
GAH! We couldn't help it... AGAIN!
and took all of his dick into her
mouth (DOWNLOAD THE FUCKIN' PICTURE!!!!), gently carressing
All but Gigan and Nash: NEVER!!!
Gigan & Nash [To themselves]: Later...
his head with her tongue and very, very, very slightly
Bret: You need to convince me some more, Serpent. I'm just not buyin' that
it was slight.
rubbing
the length of his shaft with her teeth. He was barely con-
scious, but this caused him to wake up and let out a large
moan of both suprise and pleasure.
Nash <Mamoru>: For me? Why, you *shouldn't* have! But if you insist...
This gave Ami the idea
of slowly rubbing her crotch up his chest until it found its
way sitting directly over his mouth.
Mark <Mamoru>: I have the sudden craving for Snow-balls...
Ghidora: She's trying to suffocate him?
Gigan <Smirks>: I could think of worse ways to go...
Dinobot: Like me gutting you like a fish?
Gigan [Belly Blades vibrating]: Just TRY it, buddy.
In spite of his dick
size, Mamoru's tongue was more than long enough to make up
for it, and he responded to the hot piece of meat over his
mouth
Bisch: Gives the phrase 'Prime cut' a whole new meaning, doesn't it?
Bret: 'Hot piece of meat'? He actually called the center of a woman's
sexuality a 'HOT PIECE OF MEAT'?! Could you at least *pretend* to view
females as anything other than sex objects, Serpent?
Nash: Shut up and deal with it, pink-boy. We're in a N.O.W. nightmare.
Bret [grumbling]: I just wish Samantha was here to blow up the screen
again...
Mark [smirking]: No, you just wish Samantha was here.
Bret [blushing]: SHUT UP!
Dinobot [Goes ballistic and assualts the theater with his sword, spinning
shield and Optic Blasts]: Happy now?
Bret: Actually, yes.
Kaiju [sweatdropping]: ....
by immediately darting his tongue in and out of her
luscious sheath.
Bisch: And the sword she was keeping in there cut it off, right?
Nash: Cool, La Blue Girl flashback!
Bret: Do you really need to invoke *that*?
Makoto and Minako were watching this and getting quite
turned on.
Wrestlers [save Bret, chanting]: GIRL-ON-GIRL! GIRL-ON-GIRL!
Space Godzilla & Ghidora [sweatdropping even bigger]: ......
[Gigan chuckles, as he's obviously enjoying this.]
Mamoru's mouth and dick had already been taken,
so they moved to a place where he could see them and started
giving him a little show of their own.
Bret: It was the Ed Sullivan show!
[The other wrestlers ignore him and erupt into jubilant cheers. Gigan is
hopping up and down in his seat as the other Kaiju and Dinobot shake their
heads in disgust.]
At first, they star-
ted with the basics,
Mark: Addition, subtraction, the multiplication tables...
kissing each other while Minako fondled
Makoto's well-endowed bosom with her hands, kneading the huge
mounds
Bisch <British>: She's got huge... tracts of land!
Mark: Quite the understatement, actually...
Bret: I don't know any of you people!
and rubbing them around in a circular motion, making
sure her palms paid special attention to Mako chan's rock-
hard nipples.
Nash <blissfully>: Can't forget those, can we?
Gigan <euphoric>: Nope nope. Can't forget 'em at all.
Makoto returned the favor by lowering her left hand to
the level of Minako's groin
Bisch: You won't accomplish anything by descending to their level... 'cept
in this case, of course.
and fingering the area around her
vagina, getting it just lubricated enough so that she could
stick her fingers in.
Mark: Let's pretend that Spider Man is like GT Castrol Syntech oil...
Dinobot: Why was the Punisher the harmful particle in the engine?
Mark: One of the great mysteries of the universe, my friend.
Space Godzilla: Have you ever tried reading issues of the Punisher?
Dinobot: Yes... I enjoyed when he fought the false MLF.
Ghidora: Or watching the Punisher movie?
Dinobot: They did?
With her right hand, she decided to
use that for the purposes of her own pleasure.
Bret <Minako>: I'll put on a puppet show!
Dinobot: And I bet Crow wishes he was the puppet.
Voice of Crow: YES!
Back on Mamoru,
Nash: NO! NO! I don't care about him! I want lesbians, dammit! LESBIANS!
Other Wrestlers [except Bret] & Gigan: HEAR HEAR!
Bret [To Space Godzilla as he buries his face in his hands]: Why us?
Space Godzilla [Sighs]: Because those of us with morals are the first to
suffer.
Rei was still sucking him and could
feel that he was about to come, so she ended her little blow-
job
Bisch: A *very* little blow-job, according to the Serpent.
and kept her hand on his dick in order to help him to
maintain his erection. She got on top of him, and was in
such a position as to be facing Ami. So she rode Mamoru's
dick with all the force she could muster
Mark: She's only got two regiments... she'll never be able to beat the
Indians!
Dinobot: Unless she hires Wolf's Dragoons.
and at the same time
keep her balance so she could kiss and fondle Ami. This
proved to be something of a challenge, but it worked out just
fine.
Bret: There was a big evil orgy, and it was just fine.
Nash: This is a little bit better, story, but I still think you're under-
utilizing your lesbian quotient.
Rei could barely feel Mamoru's dick inside her, as she
was still a bit stretched from having been with Jason just
Mark: Urge to kill... returning...
Gigan <Rei>: I TOLD him not to use the Power Sword AND The Golden
Power Staff but...
[Ghidora blasts him with a Gravity Bolt.]
the other night, but she could feel it twitch as he was about
to let loose a cataclysmic load.
Bisch: That's what makes women blow up in these demon hentai fics, right?
Bret: Do I *have* to think about that now?
Dinobot: Good thing I know the matrix is Primus's energy...or some of you
[glances at Gigan and Nash] would think it was sexual energy when Unicron
exploded.
She was beginning to feel
good too, from Ami's kisses and fondling of her tits.
Nash: Well, let the good times roll!
As for
Ami, Mamoru's tongue was a more than efficient instrument for
bringing her to an orgasm, too. Consequently, the room was
filled with earth-shattering yells as all three came together.
Mark: But then they had to wait, like, forty minutes for a table.
Makoto and Minako had changed positions while this was
all going on, and were now involved in an intense sixty-nine.
Bisch: How's this, Nash?
Nash: Finally, something I can relate to! I love this story right now!
Ghidora: Enjoy while you can. Knowing Serpent, it won't last.
Makoto licked and licked circles around Minako's opening,
paying extra-special attention to her clit and making sure
to tease that special place every so oftenby licking circles
around it.
Bret: Amateur. Lick a square around it, then you've done somethin'.
Minako moaned in plasure in order to voice her ap-
proval,
Mark: As opposed to moaning in pleasure to make it stop?
Bisch: Actually, that happens quite a bit in rape-fics.
Mark: Ah. Well, I guess I'll need to expand my list of souls that need to
feel the fires of hell.
Dinobot: Or the fires of Inferno.
Space Godzilla: Or Gamera's Ultimate Plasma Fire.
while she was fingering Makoto's clit while darting
her tongue in and out of Makoto's inviting snatch.
Nash: I wonder if that invitation called for an RSVP? Well, not that I
*care*...
The sound
of their companions coming had brought them to an orgasm
shortly afterward, but their moment of triumph was cut short
by an "Oh shit!" coming out Rei's mouth.
Bret: Ew! What the hell could you do to cause *that*?
Everybody looked up to see what was wrong, and Rei told
them that his dick wasn't getting limp after he came. Ami
bent over to check his pulse, and that confirmed the worst.
Mamoru was dead.
Bisch: Y'know, I was ready to forgive the Serpent. I was almost ready.
And then he just *had* to throw this in...
Mark: Necrophilia, number one choice of disturbed authors everywhere.
Nash: Dammit, now we have to go back to the stupid story.
Dinobot: I heard sex is a little death, but this...
The four girls just stared at each other for a few
seconds, and then started cracking up in a maniacal fit of
laughter.
Bret <girlish voice>: Oh, we do have fun, don't we? It's the moments like
this that I live for, let's *never* change!
DInobot(Jason Sensation as Owen Hart): Enough is enough and it's time for a
change... except I couldn't grow my damn beard in.
"We should've beat his ass a long time ago and done it
to him then!" Rei said...
Bisch: Yeah, I could see how Usagi could believe this. It involves her
being the victim of a tragic accident that drove a crowbar through her
skull and destroyed her ability to use logic, sure, but I could still see
it.
The show stopped there as Usagi cried out enough tears
to flood the entire room. How dare they? Not only did her
beloved Mamoru leave her for all four of her best friends and
not only did her friends betray her by sleeping with him,
but they all beat him up just so they could have an orgy be-
fore they died!
Mark: It was all just *too* horrifically stupid!
"The nerve of those girls!" Usagi yelled
Dinobot: ... then thought about it and found it to damn stupid to be real.
out. "Doing that to me! I'm gonna kill'em!"
Gigan: The power of Porn strikes again! The proceeding was also brought to
you by the Porn Council. PC reminds you that, three's company and four
play.
All <Singing>: P-O-R-N... PORN!
Faust grinned and chuckled under his breath, then stopped
it as soon as Usagi looked up at him again.
Nash <Munihausen>: Ahh... Nothing! Nothing! No evil here!
"Do you know where
he is?"
Kaiju <singing>: Where in the world is... Mamoru Chiba?
"Yes. But he is too far away for you to save him
without my help."
"Take me to him! Please, I'm begging you."
Bret <Usagi>: Please, abuse my trust and make me part of your evil scheme!
Please!
------------------------------------------------------------
Space Godzilla: Now there's more lines in this fic than the ones that lead
to a movie theater's bathroom when a showing of Titanic has let out.
In the village, Mamoru was asleep in a bed, with the
other four senshi, long since changed back into their normal
identities,
Bisch: And just what the hell kind of good did that do? Your guess is as
good as mine!
Ghidora <Disgusted>: Simple. When the tentacle demons show up, the Senshi
will have to waste precious seconds reaching for the Transformation Sticks
and be raped before they can transform.
in the same room watching over him. Four of
Umino's people, all doctors who had also fled underground to
escape Caesar, had tended Mamoru's wounds and told the girls
that he'd be all right in about a week or so.
Bret: But what about that Silver Millennium healing factor thing?
Mark: You're forgetting, Mamoru's a wuss. Probably bruises if you poke him
too hard.
Dinobot: So his head pops off if you hit him with the butt of a rifle?
Everybody was
worried about Usagi, but Mamoru was the only one who had any
information about her whereabouts, and since they knew better
than to try getting information out of an unconscious person,
Ghidora: The way their eyes keep rolling back into their heads makes it
really tough to get their attention.
they reluctantly decided to wait for the morning, when the
doctors predicted he would gain consciousness.
Nash: Of course, the doctors also predicted that the true alien creators of
the human race were coming soon to gather their children and whisk them
away to the stars.
Everybody was on the verge of falling asleep, but Rei's
evil sense told her that falling asleep was the worst thing
they could do.
Bisch <Rei>: Evil sense... tingling!
Bret: Great, this has 'lesbian orgy' written all over it...
Mark: And that's bad how?
Dinobot: It's written by a person that is a crappy writer.
The other four girls (Ami, Makoto, Minako, and Chibi-Usa)
All: Well, DUH!
were talking to each other about how they all wanted to
turn in for the night.
"I don't think that's a good idea," Rei protested.
Bisch <Rei>: We can't do the Serpent's big orgy scene if we're asleep.
"I've got this weird feeling that that guy's gonna come for
Mamoru tonight, and I think we'd better be ready for him."
Nash <Rei>: I'll get the garter belts, and you guys get the handcuffs!
"What about Chibi-Usa?" Minako asked. "She doesn't
have to stay up with us, does she?"
Bret: NO, SHE DOESN'T!!
Gigan: PLEASE! Even *I* don't wanna see one with Chibi-Usa!
Rei answered, "Of course not, Minako, just us four.
Damn. You're getting as bad as that airhead Usagi!"
Space Godzilla: Rei insulting Usagi without her around? Davies is not
amused.
"Well excuuuuuse me!"
Mark: I'm just a wild and crazy guy!
The four of them put Chibi-Usa to bed in a room next
to the one in which they had Mamoru. "So what do you think
we should do to keep ouselves awake?" Makoto asked.
Wrestlers [save Bret]: SEX!
Minako came in. "I bet I can think of something."
Ghidora <sarcastic>: The moment we've been *waiting* for.
Nash & Gigan <Grinning>: You can say THAT again!
With that she started taking her shirt off and motioning to
the others, "Ever wanted to know what it felt like with a
girl?"
Mark: Why, I'm sure Eric wonders about that all the time.
Bisch: *HEY*!
Ami was repulsed by the idea. "You're sick, Minako.
Bret: A voice of reason! Everything I said about you, Ami, I take back!
Dinobot: I see...
Besides, this is no time to play sex games when that man
can come for Mamoru at any minute! You all heard what Rei
said."
"Oh, c'mon, Ami," Makoto defended her friend, "don't
you geniuses ever have any fun?"
Space Godzilla <Ami>: I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine.
"Yeah!" Minako was kind of turned off by Ami's re-
sponse.
Nash <Minako>: Fine! Don't have sex with me then! I'll just go over
here... alone... [weeps]
"We'll all fall asleep if we don't do something to
keep us awake. And if you don't wanna get involved, you
can put yourself on guard duty."
Mark <Ami>: Well, the guards are rather attractive...
Ghidora <Growling>: Don't make us force you to relive the '98 Royal Rumble.
Dinobot: Or Summerslam...
Ami reluctantly exited the room to stand guard over
the girls' room and Chibi-Usa's while the girls decided to
have some fun.
Ghidora: They broke out the Monopoly and Parchisi boards.
Dinobot: I rather have them break out the battletech equipment.
Minako was already working on taking off her clothes,
and had already taken off her light blue dress. She moved
over to Rei and put her breasts in her face.
Space Godzilla: Boooooing!
Bisch <Minako>: Aren't they neat? Watch, they've even got a kung-fu action
punch! Just push the button on the side.
Dinobot: That would explain that button on the side Black Archina's...
Space Godzilla & Bisch: DON'T!
Minako's bra opened from the front, so Rei understood
the cue. With her teeth, she opened the front clasp and
Gigan: Unfortunately, David Letterman gave it the honor of being the first
Stupid Human Trick to be rejected.
began kissing Minako's lovely mounds of flesh.
Space Godzilla <Rei>: Minako's getting thick around the middle.
Bret: And I'm sure she'll go after Minako's *hot piece of meat* next.
Makoto came up from behind Minako and pulled down her
panties, also with her teeth.
Nash: Impressive! I never could get stuff like that work right, myself.
As soon as the panties were
out of the way, she started kissing Minako's butt-cheeks,
and licking her asshole. She took her left hand started
Dinobot: To get out a gun to end this nightmare.
pleasuring herself, massaging her clit and her labia until
she started lubricating,
Mark: Then she bottled it up and passed it off as Valvoline to make a quick
buck.
Space Godzilla: YUCK! Mark... no.
then she stopped licking Minako's
asshole for just long enough to put her own finger in her
mouth and taste the juices. Minako noticed her doing this,
and asked, "So how's it taste, Mako-chan?"
Bisch <Makoto>: Well, it's not *bad*, but we need some more spices. I'm
thinking a little oregano, some paprika, and maybe some haught.
"Mmmm-Mmmm! Yummy!" She said as she went back to
All <singing>: I've got love in my tummy.
work, this time eating out her friend while pleasuring
herself at the same time.
Bret: All together now, guys...
All: TASTES LIKE CHICKEN!
Rei had stopped kissing on Minako's tits and was now
kneading them with her hands while the two girls shared a
massive French kiss.
Bisch: Ooh! I've had one of those before! They're great! You've got your
ice cream and the croissant...
Nash: You poor little man.
After about four-and-a-half straight
minutes of kissing, Minako ended it and whispered in Rei's
ear,
Space Godzilla <Minako>: I... need... AIR!
"Lay down. I wanna know how you taste."
[At this, widespread laughter breaks out]
Mark: Why, I'm sure she'll have a nice 'papaya and mango' flavor.
Minako took off Rei's brown shorts and red lace panties,
Ghidora: It's amazing how they're all *coincidently* dressed in fancy under
wear, isn't it?
and Rei lay down on her back. Minako pursued Rei's descent
to the floor, and Makoto followed so as to finish what she was
doing.
Bret: It's like a big game of naked Twister.
Nash: Oh, those are the best! Always end up ruining the mat, though...
Dinobot [rubs his head]: Nash you are sick and it's starting to drive me
nuts. Even more so than Crow.
Nash: Thanks!
Dinobot [Picks up Nash by the throat]: Drive me nuts and you're the first
one I kill. Got it?
Nash [choking]: Uh huh.
[Dinobot lets him go.]
Rei grabbed her right tit inside her right hand, and
with her left hand she reached down to masturbete a little
before Minako reached her cunt.
Bisch <Minako>: I'll be there in a few *seconds*... geez, can't you wait?
She lubricated her pussy
Gigan <Artemis>: How'd I get involved in this crap?!
enough to get her index finger in, and then she, like Makoto,
pulled it out so she can taste the juices.
Mark <Rei>: No, no, the turkey's not done yet.
As she sensuously
licked the juice off her finger, making a spectacle out of it
for Minako's pleasure, a smile crossed her lips.
Bret <Rei>: This is so damn *stupid*, it's funny!
Minako took
this as the signal to go down on her, diving in not to tease
her clit or massage her labia or any dumb shit like that,
Nash: YEAH! None of that dumb foreplay shit! SNOW-BALL! SNOW-BALL!
[Space Godzilla lifts him into the air again with his Gravity Tornado and
drops him on his head.]
Nash [righting himself]: ...what?!
but
to just ram that tongue straight up in her pussy for the sole
purpose of basting it her Rei's love juices.
Space Godzilla: Then putting it back in the oven at 450 for another hour.
Rei let out a
slight moan as Minako's tongue went in deeper than she had
expected.
Bisch: Err... this really doesn't sound like a 'slight moan' kind of
situation...
Mark: Oh, like you'd know.
Makoto continued eating Minako,
Bret: Sadly, Minako was incredibly fatty and Makoto gained thirty pounds.
who would've let out
some audible acknowledgement the Makoto was doing her job
well, but she was just too well-mannered to talk with her
mouth full.
Nash: Y'know, manners don't really apply to a situation like this. C'mon,
just a little bit of screaming, please?
But Makoto's tongue was now well inside Minako,
darting in and out at full throttle. Minako had urinated
recently, so there was a nasty taste to her genitalia, but
Bisch: Oh, only the Serpent could ruin a scene like this!
Ghidora [Stiffens]: GACK!
Space Godzilla: He just HAD to get that last shot in, didn't he.
Makoto was somehow able to ignore that and kept on licking.
Mark: Well, I can't really blame her...
Their fun was interrupted when Mamoru, hours ahead of
schedule, regained consciousness, jumped up to a sitting
position,
Nash: And now, watch me collapse to a standing position!
Dinobot <Mamoru>: What they hell are you doing... it's better than what
stuff that one guy showed me.
and cried out as a man who had just seen his lover
kidnapped, tortured, raped, or otherwise hurt, "Usakooo!"
Bret: Yeah, it's a bitch when you have to stop unrealistically having sex
with each other and learn that the friend you'd die for is in trouble.
* * * T O B E C O N T I N U E D * * *
Bisch: Oh, man... this is not good. I have a feeling Serpent won't stick
to the lesbian orgies, guys.
Mark: If I have to sit through *more* Yaoi...
Ghidora <whimpering>: We don't know if we can survive it...
Space Godzilla: Hang in there buddy. We'll make it... I hope.
Nash: I dunno... another scene like the one with 'Zeke and Bill'... ugh, I
need a drink now.
Gigan <Moaning>: We can't do it man... WE'RE DOOMED!
Bret: Oh c'mon now, it's not that bad... oh, who the hell am I kidding?
This story sucks, and I'm going to end up banging my head on the floor
again! ARGH!
Bisch: Come on, let's go...
%%%%%
A deep, dark, depressing funk had overtaken the crew of the
Satellite of Nitro. All of them were silent, with only the occasional
sigh. Finally, Bret looked around and asked, "Vince is going to slaughter
us when he sends us part three, isn't he?"
Everyone else nodded in agreement.
"You shall all be my subjects!"
Everyone blinked in surprise at the unexpected voice and Gigan
asked, his voice filled with hope, "Is that who I think it is?"
Space Godzilla also looked hopeful as he said, "I think so!"
"By the Inferno!" Dinobot snarled, "Who is THAT?!"
"It's..." Ghidora exclaimed, "ZIGRA!"
At that cue, a grey skinned shark being, with a yellow bird beak
and red-and-black cat's eyes, entered as he ranted, "You shall all fall
victim to my powers!"
Everyone began laughing.
"I will rule your planet, after I kill those two children of
course, and I shall add your kind to my legion of slaves!"
The laughter gained in intensity.
"All shall fall before the invincible might of... Zigra!"
Bret, Mark and Bisch were rolling on the ground, clutching their
sides with mirth. Nash and Gigan were leaning against each other, gales of
laughter making them cry tears of joy. Ghidora's heads were thrown back as
he howled with amusement. Space Godzilla's breath came in short gasps as
he tried to quell the worst of his laughter. Even Dinobot chuckled at the
ridiculous creature in front of them.
"Oh man..." Gigan said as his laughter began to subside, "Zigra, my
man. It's GREAT to see you."
Zigra blinked in surprise as he said, "It is no use groveling, for
I shall rule over you all!"
That brought another wave of laughter from the SoN's crew. Zigra
blinked again and said, "Resistance is futile! Your puny attempts to
defeat me are hopeless and I will soon rule over you all!"
Yet another storm of laughter erupted, and Ghidora, catching his
breath, said, "It is truly a joy that you decided to drop in."
Zigra shuffled uncomfortably as he said, "I must admit, this was
not the welcome I was expecting."
"Oh come on, Zigra," Space Godzilla said, "You know that we've
always liked you."
Zigra looked hopeful as he asked, "Do you really mean that?!"
"Of course," Space Godzilla replied, and the others nodded in
agreement, "Look at you. You're in great shape for someone who's been
burned to a crisp in two movies in a row."
The space shark blushed as he said, "I try."
Bisch looked him up and down and said, "You know... WCW could use
someone like you."
He was immediately slapped on the back of the head by Bret and Nash.
"Say something about how you're going to dominate us again!" Gigan
suggested.
Zigra reared up to his full height and bellowed, "Know that the
ruler of the universe is Zigra! And woe to you, if you try to oppose me!"
Once again, laughter filled the satellite, and this time Zigra
joined in. When it subsided, Zigra said, "Well, I must be going."
"Awwww..." Dinobot said in a rare moment of emotion, "Do you have
to?"
"Yeah," Zigra replied with a sigh, "You know how it is. The
universe isn't going to conquer itself."
"Hey," Bret said, "I just want you to know. If you ever feel like
the troubles of galaxy-ravaging are becoming too much for you, you'll
always be welcome here."
An uncomfortable moment of silence passed between them all. Then,
one by one, the crew of the SoN gave Zigra back slapping, "manly" hugs. As
the space shark exited, he made one last threat of, "You will learn that
any resistance against me is hopeless!"
This earned Zigra one final round of laughter and, as soon as he
was gone, Mark said, "Ah, Zigra... whatta guy."
"Yeah," Bret said, "So, I guess this means we haven't hit rock
bottom yet, after all."
"Not yet," Space Godzilla replied, "Although we will have to
survive chapter three. What do you guys say?"
As one, everyone cried, "LET'S KICK MUNIHOUSEN'S ASS!"
"Oops," Bisch said, spoiling the moment, "we've got commercial
sign."
TO BE CONCLUDED...
