I thought this was relavent to the topic as it makes fun of fics
like that. I had just made some major corrections on it anyway and was
gonna repost it.

The lost self-insertists.

	All series are owned by their respective companies. 
	Bill and Dan are not real people, this is a parody you jerks. I
would never act like these morons. Well, Dan is based on a real person
but we won't mention who because he'll kill me if I do. Besides, he isn't
smart enough to figure it out if I don't tell him.

	It was the middle of the night in a small suburb just outside
Tokyo. The streets were silent and deserted, a light rain fell that could
only be seen by looking through the light created by the street lights
that dot the road. However, on this night the silence was disturbed. In
the center of the street a flash of light appeared and two figures
emerged out of a hole in the fabric of dimensions.
	One of them brushed off his red Chinese style silk shirt and ran
a hand through his short brown hair. He is about five-seven and obviously
American, he was also dressed like Ranma Saotome. He turned to the other
boy who emerged with him and frowned.
	"Christ, Dammit Dan, its raining!" he muttered to his companion
in a slowly changing voice as he shifted from male to female. He shrank a
little with his hair turning from it's dark brown hue into a much lighter
chestnut brown. His chest grew outward into two large firm breast. She
teetered on her toes for a moment before regaining his balance. "Shit!
These things are heavy!" she exclaimed as she examined the new mammories
closely by peering down his shirt.
	The other boy pulled out a bamboo umbrella and smiled at his
friend. He scratched idly at the black and red bandanna that sat across
his forehead holding back his medium length black hair. He was slightly
taller than the girl next to him was when she was male, he also was
dressed like Ryoga Hibiki with a red shirt instead of a yellow one. 
	"Cool, it worked! Anyway, it's not like I can control the weather
with this thing too." said the boy as he looked at a small gold chain
with an unusual locket attached to it. He walked into a puddle and jumped
up and down splashing in every direction. He smiled as he looked down to
discover that he was now female as well, still slightly taller with red
hair. "Kick ass." she said laughing as she fell face first onto the
ground from the weight of her chest.
	"Begin checklist." said the girl dressed like Ranma.
	Dan smiled and pulled out a sheet of paper. "All right Bill,
Super fast martial arts abilities?" she announced reading off the first
item.
	Bill did a series of kicks and punches as fast and as hard as she
could and smiled at the results. "Check." she replied.
	"Good, Super anime jumping abilities?" said Dan as she checked
off the first item, poking a hole through the wet paper in the process.
	Bill jumped straight up and rose twenty feet into the air
casually, she landed easily and her grin widened to almost unbelievable
proportions.
	"Check, How about 'Hammerspace' abilities?" said Dan without even
looking up.
	Bill pulled out a large mallet and slammed it down on Dan's head
as hard as she could. The poor girl was twitching on the ground holding
half a pencil, she also had a huge lump poking through her hair. 
	"Check." said Dan weakly as she placed another hole through the
paper with the pencil half. She recovered almost instantly and stood with
the list held out at arms length. �Super attractive in both male and
female forms?" 
	"Check!" they both said in unison. Dan was flexing her scrawny
muscles as she checked the list off with another tear.
	"Ki abilities and special attacks?" announced Dan loudly.
	Bill smiled and formed a ball of Ki in his hands easily. "Check."
he said as he sent it into a house and blew away the living room. Luckily
the families were sleeping and they were all in their bedrooms.
	Neither of the travelers seemed to care one way or the other. 
	"Impervious to damage?" said Dan as she checked the final item
off.
	Bill simply decked her friend and sent her sprawling across the
grass. 
	Dan got up shakily and smiled. "Check." she said after a moment
of rubbing her jaw.
	"Wussy." snorted Bill.
	"Shut up." muttered the girl as she returned the punch she had
received earlier. 
	Within moments the pair were locked in combat. A slowly growing
crowd appeared around them, the angry residents of the neighborhood had
emerged from their homes, some of them were armed.
	"Maybe we should start for the dojo." muttered Bill as she
stopped and noticed the crowd that was forming.
	"Good idea." replied the other girl. The both of them ran off
into the night followed by the mob.

	About a half hour later the pair emerged from some bushes in a
park looking beaten and tired. 
	"Did we lose them?" said Dan as she gasped for breath.
	"Yea." was the winded reply.
	"Boy I can't wait until we get there." said Dan as she plopped
down on the grass.
	"Yea, I wonder how long it'll take me to seduce Akane?" said Bill
with a stupid grin.
	"First rule, since we are co-authoring this self-insertion; No
lemon scenes while I'm in the room. I won't barge in on yours if you
don't barge in on mine." said Dan with a sagely look about her.
	"What? I hate to tell you this but...you're a babe right now. I'm
gettin a nosebleed just lookin at you." said Bill with a small amount of
drool coming out of her mouth.
	"Dude! Sick! I'm a guy, besides, I didn't come here to sleep with
-you- perv. Shampoo-chan awaits me!" said Dan as she shoved Bill away
with a disgusted look on her face. "I don't see what you see in that
violent psycho anyway."
	"What the hell do you two think your doing here?" said a new and
angry sounding female voice.
	Dan and Bill turned to see a tall girl dressed in a sailor fuku
glaring at them. "I-its Sailor Pluto!" cried Bill in shock.
	"What? Sailor who?" said Dan in confusion as she glared at the
girls legs obsessively.
	"What is it with you self-insertists authors anyway? Get out of
my dimension." said the Sailor senshi.
	"Your dimension? How can that be? Were supposed to be in..." said
Dan in looking completely lost.
	"Where did you get your magical item? A magic store? An ancient
cavern under your house? How about up your ass?" said Pluto sarcastically
as she grabbed Bill in a rough hold.
	"Actually we got it from a prize grabbing machine at Walmart."
said Dan looking at her blankly.
	"Y-yea, it had a Genie in it. It gave us three wishes, we used
one of them to make the locket magical. You know, so we could go to Ranma
1/2." stammered Bill as she tried to look down the angry senshi's blouse.
Her own breast kept getting in the way.	"Since this is a self
insertion...maybe I can turn it into a lem-" 
	"Don't even -THINK- it." growled Pluto before the girl finished
her thought.
	Bill froze and said nothing.
	"Good boy, now I'm only gonna say this once." said Pluto as she
tossed the hapless girl into a nearby tree.
	"You two are gonna take that locket and turn tail out of my
dimension got it? I'm sick and tired of cleaning up all the messes you
morons make just because you think you can solve everyone's problems in a
few pages, or you can't control your libido because you got some crush on
a magical girl. Your getting out of here and destroying that thing...Is
that clear? I don't care where you go just keep out of this dimension or
you'll regret it." said Pluto as she stood glaring at the pair who
cowered before her.
	"Look we're really sorry about your problems with other
authors...but we didn't want to be here in the first place. We were
supposed to go to Ranma 1/2, I don't know how we ended up in Sailor
Moon." said Dan as calmly as she could. "This -is- Sailor Moon isn't it?"

	Bill nodded vigorously as the look of fear never left her face.
	"Ranma? That's over two hundred dimensions over! How the hell did
you manage that?" said the Senshi in shock as the look of menace drained
away somewhat.
	"We're really sorry about this, could you give us directions
maybe?" asked Dan sheepishly.

	A few minutes later a bright gateway opens between the dimensions
in limbo. Screaming could be heard and two figures dove through followed
by what appears to be flames.
	"AAAAAAHHHHH! Dammit Bill! Why the hell did you feel her up if
you knew she could do that?!" screamed Dan in anger.
	"I'm sorry, I've always wanted to do that." was the reply.
	"You nearly got us killed!" roared Dan as she smacked the girl
across her head, she hit her breast in the process and froze as pain ran
down her spine. "Ow!!!"
	"Hey, I'm sick of being a girl." said Bill looking strained as
she tried to push her torso up with her arms and failed miserably.
	"Yea? Well we have to live with it until we find some hot water
remember?" said Dan as she rubbed her breast gingerly. She froze as she
realized just -how- soothing she found it and stopped. "Man, I could get
used to this." she muttered blushing. "I am starting to see why you watch
that show though." she said to her friend as she gazed at where the
porthole used to be and sighed.
	"Yea, huh huh." said Bill dumbly.
	
	
	Ataru Moroboshi staggered through the halls of Tombuki High
school. "Stupid Lum." he muttered as he walked towards the clinic. He
realized that he would be turned away on sight, but it would still be fun
to see Sakura again. He brightened up considerably when he thought of the
'big breasted goddess' that was Nurse Sakura. "Ah, Ataru-chan! How I've
always longed for you! I was just afraid of that horrible Lum! Come to me
now!" she would say to him. Well, he wanted her to say that anyway. Deep
in his thoughts he failed to notice the two very well built women appear
out of nowhere in front of him. He walked face first into the chest of
one of them.
	
	"Hey Dan, I think you have a pervert stuck in your chest." said
Bill with a smile.
	Dan was busy looking surprised as Ataru Moroboshi looked up at
her dumbly. He was still fantasizing about the nurse and had a dumb zoned
out look about him, he was also drooling a bit. "Ewwww." muttered Dan
reflexively as she staggered back out of the boy's reach.
	
	Ataru was a little surprised to say the least when he discovered
he had just planted his face in the chest of the most beautiful red
headed, gray eyed babe he had ever seen. The second shock came when he
didn't care.
	"Hi! How�s it goin'?" he chimed cheerfully. His mind raced
desperately for an explanation, "What's wrong, why didn't I ask for her
number? Her friends cute too, what the hell is wrong with me?" 
	"Hey I know you! Your that Moro...Moro...Moro-something kid!"
said Dan nervously. She was feeling very self conscious at the moment. 
	"Moroboshi, Moroboshi Ataru." said the boy looking annoyed.
	Bill and Dan smiled broadly. "Hey, at least we got the right
author this time!" said Bill.
	"Uh hi, I'm Dan and this is Bill." said Dan holding her hand out.
	Ataru looked at the hand in confusion and did nothing. "Cross
dressers! No wonder I didn't care." he said in relief.
	"Uh, not exactly Ataru." said Bill.

	"So your some of those 'Fanfic writers'?" said Ataru to the now
male travelers. They had made a stop in the restroom and nearly been
killed when they changed back to men inside the ladies room, the fact
that Ataru was with them didn't help matters.
	"Yea, we kind of got a defective dimensional transporter or
something." said Dan sheepishly.
	"I think your just acting like your dressed." snorted Bill as he
brushed Dan's red 'Ryoga' clothes.
	"Shut up!" said Dan.
	"Yea, we get guys like you around here sometimes. No one really
cares though cause they usually just fit right in here, that and the fact
that we don't get that many." said Ataru calmly.
	"You wouldn't happen to know the way to Ranma 1/2 would you?"
said Bill hopefully.
	"I'm afraid not, Cherry might be able to help, but I doubt it.
He's more likely to pretend he knows and screw you guys even more." said
Ataru looking thoughtful.
	"Cherry?! He couldn't find his ass with both hands and a
flashlight! We'd end up in 'La blue girl' before we ended up in 'Ranma
1/2'!" said Dan looking angry.
	"Like your doing any better." muttered Bill.
	Ataru perked up immediately. "Take me with you." he said
suddenly.
	"What?" said the pair dumbly.
	"Take me with you! I can help you find Ranma." said Ataru with
glazed over eyes as he thought about his favorite anime sex goddesses. 
	"I don't see why not." said Dan with a shrug.
	"Because he's the biggest letcher in the world that's why. If we
take him it'll cause all kinds of trouble." said Bill looking annoyed.
"Let's bring him." he said after a moment with a wicked smile.
	

	Priss watched the doorway close finally. She sneered at where the
boy had once been as she placed her panties back on. "That's the tenth
one today dammit. I've never been this sore in my life." she muttered
bitterly. She lit a cigarette and fell back onto the bed to hopefully
fall asleep. Her eyes went wide as another doorway opened. She sat bolt
upright as three people stepped through the gateway into her room.
"That's it! I can't take this anymore!" she screamed as she reached
beside her bed.

	"Now where are we?" asked Dan looking incredibly 'IC'. Bill
looked confused and Ataru was looking across the room with a big stupid
grin. Dan turned to see a half naked woman sitting on the bed staring at
them in shock. She screamed something and reached down beside her bed to
grab a very -big- gun. 
	"Eat this you perverted fanboy psychos!" screamed Priss as she
opened fire on the boys. Two of them dove for cover behind her dresser.
The third jumped straight for her. She blasted him out of the air and
grinned as the bullets kept him suspended for a moment in the air. He
fell to the ground with a thud. She felt arms wrap around her waist from
beside her and she growled angrily.

	Dan and Bill looked at each other in fear as a log wearing
Ataru's coat fell to the floor riddled with bullets. "Oh shit! Ataru are
you trying to get us killed?!" screamed Dan as he looked over the side of
the dresser carefully to see Ataru locked in an embrace with the angry
Priss. She was trying to pry him off with the butt of the gun.
	"Let go you pervert I'll kill you all!" screamed the woman a
little unstably.
	"Priss are you all right?" said the short dark haired woman as
she stormed into the room with a worried look on her face. She stopped
when she saw Ataru and the two boy's cowering behind the dresser. "Not
again." she muttered.
	"All right you three come on, Priss put the gun down." she
announced finally.

	"Look Sylia, I'm sorry about this but...we aren't even supposed
to be here." said Dan as they all sat around a table drinking coffee.
	"Works been slow since slow since the series ended. We get allot
of you self-insertists here, unfortunately, Priss is a popular target for
what you call 'Lemons'. Poor Mackie and I are pretty popular too, but we
can handle it, Priss is...different." They all looked over at the woman
and she just glared at them and ground her teeth together. Everyone,
including Ataru, backed away from her. "Occasionally she snaps like you
saw earlier." said Sylia calmly as she sipped her drink. "Usually we can
stop her if we get there in time. Sometimes not."

	The three boys gulped in unison while looking at the angry Priss
nervously. She growled and her coffee cup cracked.
	"Look I'm sorry about the commotion, but were trying to get to
Ranma 1/2. Do you know how to get there or someone who might?" asked Dan
with a sigh.
	"Ranma? No I'm afraid not. Last we knew about him he blew himself
up with some super computer in an alternate universe." said Priss looking
visibly calmer, but still angry.
	"Great, Thanks for the coffee." said Bill as he stood with Dan
and Ataru. The three of them walked into the porthole and vanished
leaving the two women alone with their drinks.


	Yohko Mano stood against the wall of the gym during boy's
basketball practice and drooled obsessively. 
	"Yohko, look at that." said Chi from her place next to Yohko. She
wasn't really boy watching but she still could make a profit from selling
photos of the cute guys to her fellow students, namely Yohko. She was
referring to the three boys who had appeared out of nowhere. 
	Yohko turned and looked at them dumbly. She, of course, fell
instantly in love. "Wow, what a babe." she stammered as she looked at the
tall American boys. Dan in particular.
	"Where on earths are we now?" said Dan as he got into the roll of
lost boy. "This is fun, Who cares if we find Ranma." he thought to
himself.
	Ataru's 'Babe-dar'. [Patent pending] kicked in immediately.
"Chicks!" he cried and ran off.
	Bill was about to give chase when a scream was heard from around
the corner he disappeared around. The pair ran over to see that Ataru had
tackled a familiar looking girl and her friend. Bill recognized her
immediately. "Yohko!" he gasped.
	"Lets run away together baby!" said Ataru as he nuzzled Yohko in
the chest. She beat on his head and shrieked. Dan pulled him off her
gently and set him on the ground. "Behave yourself for a minute will ya?"
he said to him.
	"Screw you guys I'm going babe hunting." said the boy as he ran
off.
	"We'll find him later. Let's talk with Miss Yohko for a minute."
said Dan oblivious to the stares she was giving him.
	Bill just looked at her and frowned. "I think she's sick." he
said.
	"You got that right, love sick." said Chigako as she looked at
the new comers appraisingly.
	"Great." muttered Dan as he realized that he was the object of
her affections. "We'd better collect Ataru and haul out of here." he said
to Bill.
	"Yea, we know what happens to -her- boyfriends." muttered Bill as
he started to walk off.
	"Hold it right there." said Chi with a sour glare at them.
	
	Ataru strolled through the halls whistling a tune to himself as
he walked. Occasionally he would pass another student or a janitor or
something but the halls were pretty much deserted at the moment because
of class.
	"Hey! Why aren't you in class!" cried a voice from behind him. He
turned to see a teacher sticking her head out of her room and glaring at
him angrily. "Do you have a hall pass?"
	His first thought was, "Busted." the second was of course. "That
teacher is a babe." He never noticed the smoke coming from the room or
the fact that all the female students appeared to be sleeping.

	It was almost half an hour when Dan and Bill finally were able to
leave the gym area. They were followed by Yohko and Chi who watched them
carefully. 
	Chi thought it would be a good idea to follow them because they
might be demons. Yohko was just following Dan.
	"Look at the bright side, at least Yohko likes you." said Bill.
	"Bill, this is Yohko were talking about here. She'd fall in love
with a tree if it had a penis." said Dan quietly.
	"She's as bad as Usagi." muttered Bill in agreement.
	"You know I don't watch that so I don't have any idea that Sailor
Moon falls in love again almost every episode. I'll kill that child
molesting Tuxedo Kamen! The bastard HOW DARE HE STEAL YOUNG USAGI"S
PURITY THAT WAY!"
	"Yea! I only watch it because my little sister watches it and I
can't change the channel, even though I own three TV's!" said Bill in,
sort of, agreement.
	"Your sister is eight months old." said Dan looking annoyed.
	"Well, we have to raise our children right don't we?" said Bill
sagely.
	"Quite right." agreed Dan.
	
	That was when the scream came. It was an inhuman voice that sent
pure terror down the spines of all that heard it.
	"Yaaaahhh! Get it away!" cried the huge demon as it tore down the
hall. It was wearing a skirt that was hiked up around its waist and a
blouse that was hanging from the back of the dress. A pair of panties sat
around it's ankle and a bra was hanging from it's wrist. It looked like
it had been interrupted while undressing, but the clothes clearly
wouldn't fit it.
	Ataru was giving chase with his arms wide spread. He skipped
after the thing leaving a drool trail after him. "Wait! You can change
back into the babe right?" he cried. "Strip tease me again baby!"
	
	Dan and his group got a glimpse of the class room and saw that
the male students appeared drained and the female students just appeared
knocked out. Bill managed to grab Ataru by his feet and was dragged
several hundred feet before the both of them fell down a pair of stairs
after the screaming demon. 
	"T-titties." stuttered Ataru with wide eyes as he lay dazed on
the ground.
	"A succubus." muttered Dan as he finally caught up with them with
Yohko and Chi following close behind him.
	"What?" said Chi.
	"A demon that feeds off sexual energy. It takes the form of a
woman and arouses men to drain them, often by having intercourse. They
are confused with vampires allot. I did a report on them in the eighth
grade. Got a 'B'." said Dan proudly.
	"And when a sexual demon meets the worlds most lecherous boy, it
isn't pretty." said Bill from the ground as he began to recover.
	"Well, it was nice meeting you but we have to go now. Before I
get possessed or killed. From the way she's looking at me it wouldn't
take long." said Dan as he opened the porthole again. Ataru struggled for
a moment in Bills arms before allowing himself to be drug into the
porthole.
	"These guys are better than Lum! I'm meeting more babes than she
ever introduced me to and -they- don't mind when I chase them! This is
great!" he thought as the porthole closed and he got his last fleeting
glimpse of the two girls. 
	

	This is the end of the first Part. There should be another part
already posted if your reading this. I almost called it "Those who hunt
Ataru", like "Those who hunt Elves".  But I didn't, I don't know why.
	Sailor Moon, Bubble gum crisis, Devil hunter Yohko, Urusai
Yatsura and Ranma 1/2 are all property of their respective owners...boy
that sounds redundant.

		

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