At 01:36 AM 9/17/98 GMT, Gary Kleppe wrote:

Looks like an interesting and well-thought out storyline so far. This
part seemed mostly like a setup for things to come, which is OK, but it
might make for a more gripping storyline if there was more conflict
right from the beginning.

I was thinking along the lines of showing, at least initially, at least
superficially, that this curse isn't, not really. So far this curse
has been pretty good to Ranma, and his life looks to be rather better
than in the original. Appearances are not always what they seem, mind
you, and there are surprises in store. 
	A general lack of conflict, instead focusing on the good, not
only seduces one into a sense of safety and security, but also offers
greater contrast when events start to heat up. When things get hairy
later on (no offense to Genma intended), they will (hopefully) seem
worse because everything seems to be going pretty good for Ranma right
now.
	More than that, it also just seemed to me to be a logical
interpretation of events, had Ranma fallen into this spring instead. I'm
not saying that this is the only way to do it, even if one assumes the
Twin spring works this way (when I first started to speculate on the
Twin spring, which gave way to the genesis of this idea, I came up with
4 different and rather distinct possibilities of its effects upon an
individual-- more possibilities exist without changing the nature of
Jusenkyo, given the general lack of evidence from the source material).
	Still, there are hints, some groundwork, of things to look forward
to, if one looks for them and if one thinks about them, in here....

>From a technical point of view, it was good, except that the tenses
aren't consistent; it slipped into present tense several times. Also,

Dang, and just when I thought I had curbed myself of that habit....
Ah well, that's what drafts and revisions are for!

sometimes in the dialog you use things that look good on paper, but I'm
not sure how to pronounce, like "me/you". Is he saying "me slash you" or
just "me you"?

Have to change that. It's something I tend to use while speaking, the 
non-verbal slash. Most likely I'll change it to "meyou," or possibly 
"me-you" (probably the former). I put in the slash when I write it,
because I think the slash when I say it.

	Thanks G!

Matthew "Maybeso" Lewis is:
That guy with "Maybe" and/or "Definitely" in his name on IRC
See him on FFIRC! [bachman.newberry.edu fanfic]
Sojiro_Seta on Kawaiimuck
	maybeso@ican.net
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"The world, however, is not for Fun," Khattam-Shud replied. "The
world is for Controlling."
	"Which world?" Haroun made himself ask.
	"Your world, my world, all worlds," came the reply. "They
are meant to be Ruled. And inside every single story, inside 
every Stream of the Ocean, there lies a world, a storyworld, that
I cannot Rule at all. And that is the reason why."
		--from Haroun and the Sea of Stories by Salman
		  Rushdie (p.161)
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