"KaraOhki" <karaohki@snet.net> wrote:
This was posted last night - but many of my
regular readers say they didn't get it. If this
is a duplicate for you, my apologies
Actually, for me it was a triplicate, but no matter....
Overall, it was a good addition to the BF series, and seemed to work
pretty well. It might benefit from a little more exploration of the
characters' feelings... I'd especially like to see what was going
through Konatsu's mind when he decided to cut his hair.
One suggestion on the writing: Try not to use so many sentences of the
form "Ukyo does this, Ukyo does that," particularly as the beginnings of
paragraphs. Try for more variety; 5 out of the first 10 paragraphs start
this way.
Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics