Looks like an interesting and well-thought out storyline so far. This
part seemed mostly like a setup for things to come, which is OK, but it
might make for a more gripping storyline if there was more conflict
right from the beginning.

>From a technical point of view, it was good, except that the tenses
aren't consistent; it slipped into present tense several times. Also,
sometimes in the dialog you use things that look good on paper, but I'm
not sure how to pronounce, like "me/you". Is he saying "me slash you" or
just "me you"?


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics