Standard Takahashi disclaimers, and apologies to Gregg 
Sharp for messing with his "the Bet" series.

*****

At the top of the hill, Toltiir's eyes widened at the 
sight.  All he could see of the approaching deity was 
his legs, and the hands peeking out from the bottom of 
the rock.  The rock itself was large enough to hide 
anything that would have helped him to identify this 
newest contestant.  

"Uh..." the lord of Chaos called out, "are you aware of 
the rules of this bet?  I said the *smallest* rock 
making the *largest* ripples wins..."

"Wins what?" the deity behind the rock grunted, and set 
it down with a thud.  "I don't recall what the prize 
was; anyway, I'm just here to have fun with it..."  and 
he set his head in his hands, his elbows and the rock, 
and now Toltiir recognized...

"Loki...!"

Loki grinned.  "Hey, I'm entitled to mess with your 
rules.  You aren't the *only* god of Chaos up here, 
after all.  So I'm gonna toss the *largest* rock to get 
the *smallest* ripple.  Whaddya say?"

The black cat shrugged.  "You won't get my vote..."

"As if I care."

"...but you brought that thing this far, you might as 
well pitch it in."

Loki stood up, and bowed stiffly.  "*Thank* you," he 
said, in a voice that implied resentment over Toltiir's 
grudging admission.  He picked up the boulder with a 
loud grunt, and heaved it into the well.  There was a 
deep quiet as it fell, and Loki turned to his colleague.  
"Now... watch this."

*****

The little old man bounded merrily through the woods, 
followed by the panda and the red-haired girl, who were 
in considerably worse spirits.  "C'mon, c'mon!  You'll 
miss all the fun!"

"Look, Gramps," the girl called out, "It's almost 
evening, for crying out loud.  You sure about where that 
secret training ground is supposed t'be?"

Happosai suddenly stopped and wheeled around, a wounded 
look on his face.  "Ranma, m'boy... come here for a 
moment, would you?"

Now Ranma stopped, and began to back up.  "Nuh-uh... I'm 
not lettin' ya feel me up, you old freak."

Happosai's expression took on a measure of disgust.  
"Feh.  As if I'd bother with the likes of you when we're 
so close to our goal.  I said come here... I promise I 
won't touch you like that."

Rolling her eyes, Ranma stepped up to Happosai.  "Yeah, 
what is it?"

Faster than the eye could see, or Ranma could react, the 
old man had whipped his pipe out and clobbered the girl 
with it.  She was sprawled on the ground, spread-eagled, 
hands in the traditional warding-sign posture.  "Just 
shut up and follow me!"  And he bounded off again.

By this time, Genma-panda had caught up with his 
son-girl.  [Rule no. 1 of the School of Anything-Goes 
Martial Arts, boy... "Never Question The Master"]

"Aw... stick it in your ear, Pops."

Just then, they heard Happosai's cry.  "This is it!"  
Ranma scrambled to her feet, and she and the panda 
charged off in the direction of their Master's voice...

...and stopped, stock-still, in front of what looked 
like either a bar or brothel; it was hard to tell.

MEN'S TRAINING GROUND:
SEXY KUNOICHI TEA SHOP

Ranma nearly facefaulted before cracking Happosai on his 
bony noggin.  "What the fuck kind of training are we 
supposed be doing here?"

"Exactly!"  Happosai called over his shoulder as he 
bounced inside.  He tossed a small brochure over his 
shoulder, as well, which Ranma caught handily:

'Secret Play Spot Information:  According to legend, the 
kunoichi are a special type of girl ninjas.  They live 
by but three rules; to be adventurous, very sexy, and 
looking for action.  If you think you may be up to the 
challenge, come visit...'  Ranma slapped the pamphlet 
shut and followed the old man and *her* old man inside, 
looking for a handy trash can.

*****

"Kunoichis?  You're starting awfully late in the 
timeline, aren't you?"

"Well, of course I am.  Otherwise, even the smallest 
pebble could make huge ripples.  Start late, and the 
effect is minimized."  Loki smiled as Toltiir stared at 
him.  "Hey, all I'm doing is the opposite of what the 
others have been doing, isn't it?  What are you looking 
at me like that for?"

Toltiir shook his head, and returned his attention to 
the scrying pool.  "You're weird..."

"Coming from you, I'll take that as high praise..."

*****

The little old man had leapt onto the counter, and was 
banging on the bell like fury.  "Service!  SERVICE!!"

A curtain leading to a back room parted, and a wrinkled 
little prune of a woman stepped out.  The three martial 
artists involuntarily took a step backward.

The old prune arched an eyebrow at the reaction.  She 
was used to this.  "Mama-san..."  and the three guests 
sighed in relief, "Kotet-chaaaan."  She clapped her 
hands three times.  "Girls!"

>From behind the curtain stepped two of the most gorgeous 
creatures it had been nature's privilege to produce.  
Ranma-chan was agape at the visions before them.  
Genma-panda was sweating so hard that the warm water 
restored him to human form.  Even Happosai was drooling.

The long-legged one curtsied, an anachronistic gesture 
when wearing a micro-mini like she was... and, for that 
matter, almost obscene.  She was clearly wearing nothing 
underneath that skirt, and with the hem inching up as 
she bent her legs, she came dangerously close to 
displaying *all* of her charms.  Her name trickled from 
her lips flirtatiously:  "Ko-e-da-chaaaan"

The other girl, slightly plumper than her sister, bowed 
in the traditional manner, which was appropriate in her 
kimono.  What was inappropriate was that the folds of 
the kimono were much too loose, and it was all she could 
do to prevent her ample breasts from pushing the folds 
apart entirely.  As it was, the three martial artists 
were treated to a sight of cleavage that would make the 
mountain ranges envious.  "Koeme-chaaaaan."

*****

Toltiir's jaw dropped at the sight of Kotet's two 
daughters, and a slight trickle of blood ran from his 
nose.  Loki touched the cat's lower jaw, raising it to 
meet his upper.  "Take it easy, kittie.  You're starting 
to act like Oscar's Artemis..."  Loki's grin widened 
considerably.  Even if no one else was, at least *he* 
was having fun.

"How the hell did you manage that, Loki?"

The other god of Chaos waved modestly.  "Oh, I had some 
help from Fregya and Aphrodite, actually.  But I had to 
use black hair over their templates, obviously... it 
would have looked kinda out of place here in Japan, ne?"

Toltiir tore his eye from the lovelies in the scrying 
pool.  "Now hold on, Loki.  These girls are knockouts, 
I'll grant you that.  But what makes this such a big 
change, anyway?"

"Did I ever SAY it was a big change?"

"B-but... you said it was the biggest rock..."

"Well, sure I did."  Again, a twisted grin crinkled its 
way across Loki's face.  "You don't understand what that 
rock represents, do you?"

"No, but I gather you're going to tell me..."

"Yup.  That rock..." Loki gestured into the well, 
"represents all the fat I had to carve offa Koeme to 
render her even *presentable*."

Toltiir facefaulted.

*****

Happosai practically flew to Koeme, embedding himself in
her chest.  She gave a pained smile; after all, this was 
her job, to accomodate eager men.  But even for her it 
was tempting to smash him into orbit like virtually 
every other female on the planet.

Koeda strode over to a still-sweating Genma.  Her nose 
wrinkled ever so slightly.  "C'mon there... let's get 
you into a nice bath, ne?"

Ranma-chan stood back in the corner trying to render 
herself invisible.  It didn't work - of course, she was 
up against a clan of ninjas.  "Koeda..." Kotet called 
out, "could you get Konatsu to see to this one?"  
Mama-san practically spat this new name out.

*****

"Well, this rules out the Happodaikaren, you realize.  
I don't see how you're going to get this thing back to 
what passes for normal here... assuming that's your 
goal."

"Don't worry.  Just because ol' Happi doesn't destroy 
the place doesn't mean it won't fall.  Trust me."

"You're a god of Chaos, Loki.  I'd be a fool to trust 
you."

Loki stuck out his tongue at his colleague/rival.  
"Takes one to know one, eh?"

*****

Konatau sighed while doing the laundry in a nearby pond.  
"Step-sisters... by now, they're probably having fun 
with some men."  The kunoichi held up a towel, 
inspecting it for any remaining stains.  "I'd better 
hurry.  If I don't get these towels back to them soon," 
and there was another sigh; the pile that remained 
looked enormous, "they'll yell at me."

"KONATSUUUU!!"  Too late.  Koeda was calling.  Konatsu 
snapped to attention as the older girl approached.  
Grabbing a wrist, Koeda half-dragged Konatsu back to the 
teahouse.  "Come on, you..."

"But the laundry..."

"Later!  We've got customers, and Mama-san needs you, 
too..."

Konatsu's eyes lit up.  Customers!  This was the calling 
of the kunoichi!  'Looking for action...' and now here 
it was!  "Honto ne?"

"Yes, yes..." Koeda's reply was impatient as she dragged 
her step-sibling into the shop and thrust Konatsu at 
Ranma-chan.  "There ya go.  Sorry about this, miss," 
Koeda shrugged apologetically at Ranma-chan, "but it's 
the best we can do.  We're a small operation, after all.  
Now, if you'll excuse me..." and she hustled Genma off 
to the bath.  It wasn't that she was so eager to service 
Genma; Koeda had absolutely zero taste for women.  
Besides, it made for a good joke on her step-sibling, 
having to service a lesbian.

*****

"What's this about a lesbian?  Ranma's no lesbian... 
he's a guy."

"You know that, I know that, and he knows that..." Loki 
smirked, "but do the kunoichi know that?  And what's 
*she* doing in a place like this unless she was into 
girls, right?"

Something still nagged at the feline deity.  Then, it 
struck him.  "Waitaminnit, Ranma's supposed to be a guy 
here, isn't he?  You're cheating!  You made more 
changes!"

Loki shrugged off the accusation.  "So what?  You know 
how the rain can be in Japan... especially around the 
Saotomes.  Besides, I think it's funnier this way."

"Oh... I can accept that, I guess..."

"Anyway, there's more demand for lez scenes than 
yaoi..."

"Mm..."  Toltiir nodded, then sat up abruptly.  "Hold 
it... d'ju say 'lez scenes'?  You're not gonna..."  
Loki's face was unchangingly mirthful.  "You wouldn't!  
You didn't put a lemon tag on that rock!"

"Oh dear... I *knew* I forgot something..."  Loki's tone 
was mockingly calm.  "Don't get your tail caught in a 
rocking chair, kittie.  Nothing's gonna happen... trust 
me."

"That makes twice you've said that... now I *know* 
there's gonna be trouble..."

*****

Konatsu had no idea where to go with Ranma-chan.  It 
took Kotet to drag the two of them to a well-appointed 
bedroom and toss the two stunned teenagers in.  "You 
know what to do, Konatsu..."  Slam!  Konatsu stared at 
the other child.  She didn't even look like she wanted 
to be here.  How to make things easier for her...?

There was probably nothing Konatsu could have done to 
make it easier.  Ranma-chan was uncomfortable enough as 
this girl approached her, taking her by the shoulders, 
and setting her on the bed.  Even the kneading the 
kunoichi was doing on her shoulders wasn't doing her 
much good.  She just sat there, numb.  <What the hell 
am I doing here?> was all that could run through her 
brain, and, until she could come up with a suitable 
answer, her mind was stuck on that one, heedless of the 
fact that Konatsu was now unbuttoning her blouse, 
slowly, button by button, anticipating a resistance 
that never came.

Konatsu loosened the drawstring of Ranma-chan's 
trousers, and carefully slid them to the floor.  
The kunoichi wondered whether he should try to 
stimulate her in some way, however that might be.  
The glazed look in the girl's eyes, combined with her 
unresponsiveness thus far, led to a belief that it 
wouldn't have much effect.  <Maybe on the sweet spot...> 
Konatsu mused, sliding Ranma-chan's boxer shorts <boxer 
shorts?> to the ground, and parting the girl's legs ever 
so slightly.

*****

"Uh..."  Loki tapped Toltiir's shoulder.

"Yes?"

"You might want to plug your ears about now..."

"What?!"

*****

The kunoichi knelt down, head barely inches from 
Ranma-chan's crotch.  Konatsu's eyes were on the girl's 
face as he approached her, hoping for some sort of 
reaction.

When his tongue finally touched her... there... he got 
one.

"EEEEEYAAAAAAA...!!!"

*****

"I SAID, YOU MIGHT WANT TO COVER YOUR EARS, KITTIE!"

"WHAT?!!"  Toltiir's paws were already covering his 
entire head, in a vain attempt to drown out Ranma-chan's 
ongoing scream.

"I... OH, NEVER MIND..."

"WHAT?!"

Loki fought the urge to bop Toltiir on the back of his 
head for that last "what."  Even fellow gods of Chaos 
couldn't always tell when their colleagues were being 
serious, and when they were cracking wise.

*****

"...AAAAAAAAAUUUUGGH!!!"  A brilliant white light began 
to emanate from the screaming girl, and Konatsu, who had 
already scrambled to his feet when the scream started, 
darted out of the room completely.  In no time at all, 
the room was bathed in Ranma-chan's aura.

*****

"What in the name of..."  Toltiir waved his paw 
wordlessly, suddenly realizing how stupid it sounded 
to take a god's name in vain when he himself was one.

"Ki, of course.  Not as controlled as his standard Mouko 
Takabisha confidence blast, or Ryoga's Shishi Houkoudan, 
but effective enough for the purpose at hand..."

*****

Ranma-chan continued screaming as her aura began to push 
at the walls of the bedroom.  They bowed outward, then 
broke with a thunderous crash.  At the center of the 
explosion, Ranma-chan was spared simply because of the 
force of the ki blast - everything was moving away from 
her.  Even the ceiling defied gravity, and folded up 
before collapsing in a circle around her.

Suddenly, the aura vanished, Ranma-chan's shock spent.  
She stood, untouched, amidst the rubble.  <Oh, shit... 
there's gonna be hell to pay for this.>  She ran off 
naked, her clothes having been destroyed in the blast.  
She'd grab some leaves out here in the woods and try to 
make the best of it while she found her way back home...

*****

Loki smiled.  "Fun, wasn't it?"

Toltiir face was screwed into a dubious expression.  
"You call this back to normal?"

"Well, more or less.  Happi and Genma will take the 
opportunity to run off without paying for the 
kunoichi's, erm... services.  Konatsu gets sent to 
avenge the teahouse, and things just go from there.  
Whaddya think?"

"Hm.  I'd like to see how Ranma copes with being naked 
for a while."

The Norseman raised an eyebrow as he turned to the cat.  
"Weren't you just calling *me* a pervert for threatening 
to put a lesbian scene in here?  *Now* who's the 
pervert?"

The cat waved his paws in front of his face.  "Hey, it 
was just a thought."

Loki shrugged, then clapped Toltiir on the back.  
"Anyway, whaddya say we go get ourselves a few meads, 
huh?  Hauling that thing up here was thirsty work, 
after all..."

"Sure... why not?"  The cat jumped down from the edge 
of the scrying pool, and headed down the hill, Loki 
following close behind.

"By the way, kittie..."

"Toltiir."

"Yeah, whatever.  Why'dja put the damn thing all the way 
up this hill, anyway?"

*****
*****

Whew!  That was a cute little diversion... pity I had to 
write it in so many fits and starts; business has actually 
been a little TOO good at the Ucchan.

Would you believe this started from reading Megane-sensei's
MSTs?  'Natsu-chan and I just discovered 'em in the 
archives a couple months ago, and when we've gone on the 
road weekends, we've been reading them to each other (and 
will continue to do so en route to AnimeIowa - more on that 
later), and laughing uproariously.  I got it in my head to 
do an MST of my own; even when so far as to ask Megane-
sensei for advice (the Ucchan doesn't get cable, so our 
familiarity w/the real show is limited to Meg's stuff)

Then there was that flak with Chris Davies' "Usagi is 
Dead..." and his severely negative reaction to getting the 
MST treatment.  Nightman weighed in with his two yen, and 
suddenly it occurred to me -- MSTs aren't always welcome, 
and if I tried, I might merit the sort of vitriol that 
Davies dumped on Slash.

This fic presented itself as a means to allow myself to MST 
my own work in progress; this way, nobody gets hurt.  Of 
course, it's kinda weak, if ya ask me... if anyone knows of 
a particularly rotten 'fic (and if nobody minds), send it 
to me, and I'll take a whack at it.

Anyway, this is gonna be my last post for a few (I don't 
think I'll get rolling on that Armitage III 'fic I dreamed 
up the other night); even my alter ego will be signing off 
from the ML over the weekend and 'Natsu-chan, Dan-chan 
and I head out to AnimeIowa.  Look for us (I just *know* 
I'm courting disaster by saying that): we'll be wearing 
"Ucchan's" shirts and/or caps, and 'Natsu-chan will still 
be on crutches, so presumably, you can't miss us.

Until next time, then... ja!

Itsu mo,
Ucchan   ^_^