Hello to the FFML,
Things seem to be in a more predicable routine this time, no hiccoughs
to tell of. It's also noticeable that the number of fics has dropped
off, obviously due to classes starting....
We three,
Paul Arezina <arezina@acad1.stvincent.edu
Helen Szeto <h_szeto@hotmail.com>
Shunsuke <shunsuke@mailcity.com>
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The FFML Reviews List
=====================
For the week of: August 29 - September 4, 1998
Synopses Submitted: 16
This list is sorted by series, and within each series, ordered
alphabetically, according to last names. The synopses here
represent whatever has been sent to us, from Saturday to Friday.
* * * * *
[Bubblegum Crisis]
- - - - -
Title: Drunkard's Walk II: Robot's Rules of Order, Prologue and Chapter 1
Series: Bubblegum Crisis
Genre: Crossover, maybe... I'm not sure how to characterize this.
Author: Robert M. Schroeck
Email: rms@cnj.digex.net
Homepage: http://www.cnj.digex.net/~rms
Date Sent to FFML: 4 September 1998
Size: 33K
Summary:
June 2036. Megatokyo sees two new residents: Lisa Vanette, who
has graduated from college and gotten her dream journalism job, and who is
now pressing Nene for information on the Knight Sabers' adventures; and a
mysterious visitor from elsewhere and elsewhen.
{Shunsuke}
Ahh...writing that begs to be read. I raced through this in only a
few minutes, the choice of words precise and well chosen. Even the
sci-fi crossover or new characters I knew nothing about were easy
to believe in and were as real as the Knight Sabers. I don't know
where the plot is heading, but I definitely want to find out.
"Surgically attached"...I like that. ^_^ Ye gods, why can't every
otaku write like this...?
* * * * *
[Original]
- - - - -
Title:Mech slayers
Series:original
Genre:original/dark
Author:Catbert25
Email: Catbert25@juno.com
Date Sent to FFML:08/31
Summary:
A double feature story. In one story a group of friends and a
teacher are transported to another dimention due to a sabotaged school
exsperiment. They discover that the trip gave them mysterious new powers.
In the other tale an outcast boy is pulled into the same world as
the other students. His destiny lies along a different path however, and
he travels the country side meeting various indaviduals with mixed
results.
Both stories have dark themes in them.
{Shunsuke}
The two storylines here are good ideas, though it might be an idea
to credit the creators of El Hazard, since part of the plot and
several of the characterizations are clearly borrowed from there.
The way ideas and events occur is neither rushed nor plodding, and
the villains have personality enough to make them interesting.
The stories would be better served, though by telling them
separately, though; the constant switching between them, especially
since there is no crossover, makes the plot lines difficult to
follow. Unless the two stories converge, this doesn't help the
flow.
Now onto other matters: I wish the author would be a little less
prolific and put more effort into fixing the stories before posting
them. There is absolutely no attempt by the author to spellcheck
or preread this or any other of his stories; this is abundantly
clear when in one sentence a word is spelt correctly and in the
*very next* sentence is spelt wrongly. This happened *several*
times. I have used kid gloves in the past to comment, but this
has become too much, so I ask the writer: *please* fix your
stories before you post them or ask for a review. I don't know
if I can continue to do so in the future. _Painful_ is not a word
I like to use in describing people's stories or reading them.
You've got good ideas, but they deserve better execution.
* * * * *
[Ranma 1/2]
- - - - -
Title: Waters Under Earth - Chapter 24
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Darkish, Continuation
Author: Alan Harnum
Email: harnums@hotmail.com
Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Bay/9758/
Date Sent to FFML: September 5th
Size: 84k
Summary:
On the road to Jusenkyou, Akane encounters a friend in need of
help, Happosai duels with a demon, and Ryoga and Shampoo have a
bit of a heart-to-heart. And so, with an unexpected addition to
the party in tow, they find themselves in the village of the
Joketsuzoku, where Shampoo must now face the Council about the
events that accounted for the disappearance of Cologne and Ranma.
None of the travellers have any real comprehension of the power
that has followed behind them, his hatred so deep, so ancient,
that it may very well consume all of them...
{Paul}
Oh dear. Well, what with demons left and right, Ashura would have to
get mixed up somewhere in it. Of course, it's not REALLY Ashura, but
that doesn't stop her. Interesting how a statue could have so much
charisma...one suspects there are Darker Forces At Work. Very nice
development of the characters, in particular Happy. He and Cologne
have take hard rights from their portrayal in the canon. Not that
that's a bad thing, mind you. And the whole reunion scene was very
well done... one of the better "Shampoo returns" ones I've seen
written. All in all, another 18 and up out of 20. (What's with that,
you ask? Simple. That's my own little expression for near-perfect,
and this story certainly fits it.)
- - - - -
Title: Hand of Glory
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Supernatural
Author: Alan Harnum
Email: harnums@hotmail.com
Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Bay/9758/fics.html
Date Sent to FFML: September 1st
Size: 15k
Summary:
In the hours following Ranma and Akane's failed wedding, Ryoga is
given a most tempting offer, but at a price that he may not be
willing to pay.
{Paul}
Seriously, though, this is an excellent Ryoga shortfic. A nice
encapsulation of the lost boy's thoughts and a bit of redeeming
grace for everyone's favorite Rival For Akane. No wonder this little
thing came in right after Kleppe-sempai's prelude to Hearts and
Minds in the CoR competition. <ShamelessPlug> Followed closely by a
little something I wrote... </ShamelessPlug> Full of Harnum-sempai's
characteristic cinematic descriptions and little observations that
drill to the core of character personality... but, much as I hate
to, I'm with Gubby on one point. Sorta. I know the Nabs clone he
meets wherever he goes is supposed to be evil, but she doesn't
strike me as such. I mean, she DOES, but not the 100% distilled
pure evil that one usually attributes to such tempters/temptresses.
The work doesn't suffer much from the ambiguity, and I realize it
must not seem abundantly clear to Ryoga what she is, but... I don't
know. Something just seems wrong. 17 or 18 out of 20.
{Shunsuke}
From the man who gave us "Thy Fate Shall Overtake"...oooh, I feel a
chill coming on. ^_^ To paraphrase Kodachi Kunou: "Spooky-ooky,
and dark." I like it. What is it with this guy and horror/dark
fics?
- - - - -
Title: The Rose and the Worm, Pt. 3
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Alternate Universe
Author: David Homerick
Email: dhomeric@jps.net
Date Sent to FFML: Mon, Aug. 31
Size: 9kb
Summary:
Kodachi, just released from a mental institution, is now
attending Furinkan High and is in the same class as Akane. Immediately
after her arrival, another student shows up -- Ranma Saotome by name.
This time: Kodachi solves an important puzzle.
{Paul}
If I haven't said it before, you're pulling off a first-person
narrative with fairly good skill... I only caught a few places
where Kodachi knew things she probably wouldn't, normally. The poor
dear is still smitten with Ranma, though... hmm, this could take a
few nice divergences in the near future, if you know what I mean.
But it's a very nice look into Kodachi's head (where mortals fear
to go) and it's shaping up to be an alternaverse I'll keep coming
back to. 17 or 18 out of 20... just watch what Dachi knows and
you'll be fine.
{Shunsuke}
Soooo, you bring in the series title at make it fit, with a touch
of perversion (in the sense of mental health, not hentai). The
worm turns, so to speak.
If this is how Kodachi is to behave from now on, I'd be curious to
know if Kodachi will apologize or approach Nabiki to make things
right...or maybe things will get worse. O_o
But...longer chapters! Give us longer chapters! ^_^
- - - - -
Title: Ranma-ototo: Please Save My Family - Part 3
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Alternate History
Author: Jim Lazar
Email: jimlazar@earthlink.net
Homepage: http://home.earthlink.net/~jimlazar/anime
Date Sent to FFML: 8/31/98
Size: 37k
Summary:
The Tendo family deals with the aftermath of Hanaki's death (Mother
Tendo). Akane and Ranma's playful fighting turns more serious as they try
to cope with the loss of their mother. Throw in Happosai (who wants to
take Ranma away for training) and a spatula weilding chef. In this last
part of PSMF find out why Soun and Genma decided to swap Ranma Tendo and
Akane Saotome.
{Paul}
Hmm. I got the feeling I was missing out on about half this story,
for some odd reason. What it asks you to assume is none too
plausible, but once assumed, the story flows very nicely.
Unfortunately, I had a bit of trouble making said assumptions, but
what the hey. This story is another nice alternate universe, but it
swerves away from the realm of what, to me, is probable - Akane not
finding out about her family for ten years, or willfully forgetting
her father and mother, is one of the more improbable concepts - a
bit too often. I liked the bit of background about "Mr." Kuonji,
though. And is this Nodoka we are to see waking up at the end? 13
or 14 out of 20.
- - - - -
Title: The Party's Over - part 1
Series: Ranma 1/2
Author: P-R-P-Chan
Email: prpchan@colba.net
Homepage: http://www.crosswinds.net/japan/~prpchan/little/index.htm
Date Sent to FFML: 9/1/98
Size: 11k
Summary:
It's Ryouga's birthday and not everything is copacetic
{Paul}
Hmm... copacetic, copacetic... ah, here we are. "Excellent; first-
rate." Someone's been using their thesaurus, I see. Pity the
spellchecker wasn't active when the fic was written. Okay, that's a
bit harsh, but I stumbled over a few dozen misspelled words in the
first few paragraphs. Or at least it felt like that. What HAPPENS
is certainly original, but the writing feels a bit... awkward.
Rough. I have to strain to make out what's going on... for a while,
at least. It improves a bit toward the end, but the fic as a whole
could use a nice job of polishing. 8 or 9 out of 20.
{Shunsuke}
Hmm...there's really not much here, this is more the start of a fic,
not really a complete story. The writing got better as the story
progressed, but it never got anywhere beyond the cliched fight/baka
stuff. A rewrite with a good plot and choice of what direction the
story should go could make this work.
- - - - -
Title: Wheel of Fire #8: Doco in Hawaii, part 1
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Continuation
Author: Razorclaw X
Email: spiceoflife@hotmail.com
Homepage: http://www.crosswinds.net/anaheim/~slythe/ranma/ranff.html
Date Sent to FFML: 9/2/98
Size: 71k
Summary:
The gang's first night in Hawaii leads into an unexpected turn. Enemies
believed to have been gone have returned....
{Paul}
Ah, here we are. Hmm. Is it just me, or does the bulk of this
episode seem more like Sailor Moon and less like Ranma? Though not
so shot through with cliches as part six, I caught a few... about
love, this time, rather than combat. *piku* Must... resist...
analogy.... *shudder* Anyway... another story with technically
solid writing, very nicely scripted fight scenes, and a premise
that I don't think anyone else has matched for originality. It's
not quite so segmented as the first few chapters of the series,
which is a good thing... a story which flows of its own accord is
as pleasant to read as one which doesn't need to be interrupted
with "What does THIS mean?" every few paragraphs. What happens
seems rather natural, even if a few things are explained as they
happen... all in all, very solid writing, with a touch of spectacle
here and there. 15 or 16 out of 20.
- - - - -
Title: The Bet-Cat Scratch Fever
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Alterniverse
Author: Gregg Sharp
Email: Metroanime@aol.com
Homepage: http://members.aol.com/metroanime/main.html
Date Sent to FFML: 8/30/98
Size: 20kb
Summary:
A tiny change, the ripples spread. Ranma gets
psychiatric help after the Nekoken training, resulting in a
rather more feline Ranma who doesn't fear cats.
{Paul}
Wow. You certainly know how to make changes. Gah. This seems the
most likely to be taken up... in all seriousness, though, almost
EVERY one of these should be continued. But writing an entire
SERIES where Ranma IS neko-Ranma, or at least partially like him,
most definitely has potential. But is it just me, or does he end
up falling for Kasumi an inordinate amount of times? ...ah well.
P'raps it's the cat thinking. Wonder what Shamps will end up being
like in this reality, if he and Genma even passed through the
Amazon village... another 9 and up out of 10 on the short scale.
- - - - -
Title: Three Souls, One Heart Chapter 2
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Continuation, sort of
Author: David A. Tatum
Email: desaix@sysnet.net
Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Acropolis/7872/fanfics.htm
Date Sent to FFML: 9/3/98
Summary:
The Oni attacks Akane. Everyone returns to Japan...
{Paul}
Well. Ranma and Akane growing a little closer, someone named Desaix
in the plot... all this needs is for Happy to bite the big one and
it'll be a true Tatum fanfic. *grin* All joking aside, though, this
is quite an interesting chapter. One wonders exactly what the voice
is going to turn out to be... and how the Oni is going to manage to
wreak havoc if said voice is going to be fighting it every step of
the way. Some very nice insights into characters... one wonders if
and how things have changed between certain OTHER members of the
cast, given everything that happened on the island. That will come
in time, I expect. So far, though, it's been little more than
build-up. I can't wait for it all to hit the fan. 14 or 15 out of 20.
- - - - -
Title: Just A Friend Chapter 2
Series: Just A Friend
Genre: Ranma 1/2
Author: Saotendo
Email: Saotendo@aol.com
Homepage: Wep page courtesy of Nausicaa@sprynet.com
http://members.xoom.com/bellchan/saotendo.html
Date Sent to FFML: Aug 4, 1998
Size: Around 70 k
Summary:
Ranma meets the Tendos
{Paul}
Interesting premise. I could see how this might develop exactly
oppositely to the original manga, Ranma's female form being the
first one to enter the public eye... and a very interesting
depiction of a Ranma who believes he's locked as a girl. Though the
bit where he finds out about one of his new body's... ahem...
quirks... seems to me a bit... blunt. Fabricated. I find it
difficult to believe Ranma would react quite so strongly, quite so
abruptly. Wonder what happens when he takes a bath the NEXT night...
heh. Have to wait and see, I suppose. I call it about 13 or 14
out of 20.
{Shunsuke}
An interesting continuation from the first, this isn't like other
fics that have been done where Ranma is permanently female, or in
this case *thinks* he is. Ranma's not jumping in the tub makes
sense, but I kind of doubt a person wouldn't take the time to pour
hot water for a rinse...other than this minor quibble, this isn't
bad.
* * * * *
[Ranma / Reboot]
- - - - -
Title: Wild Boot v 1.6.1
Series: Ranma / ReBoot
Genre: Fusion
Author: David Farr
Email: djfarr@ihug.co.nz
Homepage: http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~djfarr/
Date Sent to FFML: 30 August 1998
Size: 27k
Summary:
When Kasumi, Command.com of Mainframe, decides to test Ukyo, RyoGA and
Shampoo by sending them into a game, Ranma goes along to make sure nothing
goes wrong. However when the random virus Kodachi gets involoved, nothing
can go right.
Features a guest appearance by Ash from the Evil Dead movies.
{Paul}
Seems more and more like the original every episode. Very nice
descriptions, humor that doesn't seem all too forced, and a hero
who acts a lot like Earthworm Jim. o/~ Earthworm Jim... o/~ ACK!
Down! Funny cartoon, but it's got no place here. The love quadr...
umm, penta... okay, let's just say the love n-gon, where n
approaches infinity, is shaping up very nicely. Can't wait for the
next part. 16 or 17 out of 20.
* * * * *
[Sailor Moon / A World Without A Future]
- - - - -
Title: The Way Things Are
Series: Sailor Moon, A World Without A Future
Genre: Drama
Author: Adam Christopher Leigh
Email: Omicron@sprynet.com
Homepage: http://dogbert.simplenet.com
Date Sent to FFML: September 2, 1998
Size: 3k
Summary:
In post apocalyptic horror world established in A World
Without A Future, two lovers must learn to survive the harsh world
outside, and the harsh emotions inside.
{Helen}
Brief and vivid. Two very simple descriptors that captures the
emotions that this vignette draws upon. You don't have to be
familiar with the 'A World Without a Future' background to be able
to grasp the feelings that run the gamut from fear and desperation
to acceptance. A beautiful look at one of the few relationships
within Sailormoon that has everybody up in arms..
* * * * *
[Shoujo Kakumei Utena]
- - - - -
Title: Ma Vie et Roses, Chapter Two
Series: Shoujo Kakumei Utena
Genre: Otakufic
Author: Scott K. Jamison (SKJAM!) & Scott Johnson
Email: majks@cyberx.com and zagyg@io.com
Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Flats/5990
Date Sent to FFML: 090198
Size: 75k
Summary:
What if an anime fan was transported into the action of a
series...but it wasn't one he's seen? Find out with us as Skyler Sands
attempts to figure out who's who and what's what...before it's too late.
This chapter, Juri confronts Skyler about his bizarre behavior in
English class, Skyler has deja-vu during a softball game, and he finally
meets the star of the show! But who's that skulking in the
all-concealing shadows?
{Shunsuke}
This had a very mundane feel to it, and by that I mean the people
seemed normal, nothing unusual to them (except for the pink hair).
There seemed to be a lot of work trying to make the characters feel
real, even the SI/new person...except that when I hear the name
"Skyler", I keep thinking of the newspaper comic "Shoe". ^_^ The
pacing is a little slow and takes a while for anything to happen,
but the descriptions of scenes is well done without being bloated.
And hey, nice glossary! Now if only everybody else could do it
like this.
* * * * *
[Tenchi Muyo! TV]
- - - - -
Title: The Zero Project
Series: Tenchi Muyo TV
Author: TenchiKen and Ryan Anderson
Email: tenchiken@narf.com
Date Sent to FFML: Sept 2nd
Summary:
Tenchi leaves for earth. We find out what _really_ happened
to ryouko between episodes 25-26. Also, why Washu was
kicked out of the science acadamy the second time. Ever
wonder who Tenchi's grandmom is?
{Shunsuke}
The writers have some great ideas and knows when and how much to
give away. As a fill-in-the-blanks tale, this works quite well
from the standpoint of plot and continuity. Having said that,
could the authors *PLEASE* take the time to check over the story
and fix it? The numerous spelling and formatting problems bordered
on being called *painful*; this reads like a draft. There's much
potential here, it would be a shame to waste it on an incomplete
effort.
* * * * *
[Tenchi Muyo! TV / Invasion America]
- - - - -
Title: Princes of the Universe
Series: Tenchi Muyou TV / Invasion America
Genre: Crossover
Author: Ken Arromdee
Email: arromdee@inetnow.net
Homepage: http://www.inetnow.net/~arromdee/fanfic.html
Date Sent to FFML: 8/30/98
Size: 84K
Summary:
An exchange student comes from America to live with Tenchi and
company. His name is David Carter, and instead of being a self-insertion
character he's the lost prince of yet another empire, struggling against
his uncle.
{Shunsuke}
I have no idea what "Invasion America" is about, but the writer did
well enough to make that unnecessary. The non-Tenchi characters are
believable and not overdone, though a little more fleshing out of
Dragit and Simon would help; Kagato is a great bad guy in both OAV
and TV because he's got a maliciousness and depth that's almost
likeable (think Hans Gruber of _Die Hard_).
The story and events move and never stagnate, but sometimes don't
flow; there's points where the narration reads more like an outline,
and could use a little more description to make them work. Overall,
this is fast paced with an interesting plot.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
End of the Reviews List for the week of: August 29 - September 4, 1998
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