Wow... the first real reply in sooooooooo long. I just replied to Skeezy's
because he found most of the stuff I did, and I'll help him with some
expanding and suggestions.

    His heart pounded with each step as they drew closer and closer to
the priest. He had never been a coward( excluding his fear of cats since
that wasn't his fault) and had faced many challenges before that would
make ordinary men quiver, but this...The fear and nervousness that was
growing in him now was even greater than his fear of cats.

1st sentence - Replace the paren's with dashes.  Paranthasees are 
	used to denote information that is not important, but this 
	reads closer to a 3rd person omniscient looking into Ranma's 
	mind, and the thought interjection would be better illustrated 
	with dashes, IMO.

Commas will work as well. The commas will indicate something not important
to the sentance itself, but not
be a side comment as the parenthesis suggest within a novel/fic, etc., and
all things considered, commas would be gramatically correct in that sentance.

2nd sentence - "...would make ordinary..."  I think it should be
	"would have made"

It might just be me, but try using "would have made any ordinary man..." I
may be crazy, but it seemed to
sound a lot better that way.

3rd sentence - "fear and nervousness that WERE"  As a note, NOTHING 
	scares Ranma more than cats.  He would truly be a sorry sight 
	if there was something...  You should probably say that "it 
	seemed" or "he almost felt".

Or even "Somehow, the fear and nervousness that were now growing upon him
seemed to be far 
greather than his fear of cats." or something like that. no need for a
comma or semicolon between him
and seemed since the verb is connected to the same subject <fear and
nervousness in this case>

 They stopped, a mere two feet away from the priest. He tried not to
fidget but he could almost feel the tuxedo he was wearing start to
shrink on him, trapping him as effectively as a prison cell and it was
all he could do to keep from running; even as his eyes scanned the
nearby area for any quick escape routes.

1st Sentence - I've been heckled for using American sayings, so I'm
	going to heckle you on this.  Ranma doesn't know what two
	feet are.  He thinks in metric. Also, what religion/style is the

ceremony?  I can't think of

	too many where the bride and groom approach the priest together.

I would tend to agree in this case. Although 2 feet is not quite a meter
(roughly 2/3 of 1) use "about a meter"
since it is what Japan would use for their measurements. The U.S. is one of
the only countries that does not use the metric system. We're just
backwards, stubborn people ^_^

As for what religion or style, I have seen some weddings of my relatives
where the bride and groom met at
the bottom of the stairs and walked up the stairs to the alter together. We
Americans are strange people.

2nd sentence - Comma before the "but" and the "and"  I don't know if
	your use of the semi-colon is correct (I don't use them,
	personally), but it seems wrong.  I seem to recall that the
	part after the semi-colon should be a complete sentance on
	its own.  Also, that's a three part compound sentance with
	a semi-colon tagged on.  Unless you aspire to write like
	Faulkner (not that there's anything wrong with that), I 
	advise you to break up the sentances.

Oh good he did mention the long sentance. Yes, the second sentance is a run
on sentance, and even if it
were not, you would still only have 2 sentances in the paragraph. The semi
colon is properly used by joining
two clauses without the use of a conjunction. You do need to break up the
sentances, though.
Suggestions:
	"... he tried not to fidget, but it was impossible."
	" He could feel the tuxedo... keep from running."
	"Even as the priest spoke, the groom's eyes... for quick escape routes"

 The priest was babbling now. The words were gibberish to him and he
tuned them out even as he thought about the situation he was in. He
could feel his fear growing with every second and he wondered how people
could actually withstand it. He wanted to scream, to rant, to rave. He
wanted to rip off his tuxedo while screaming, "I'm not ready for this!"
before making a quick get-away before the bride caught up to him.

2nd sentence - Though we all know who you're referring to with the 
	pronouns, strictly speaking, its incorrect because the first
	him would refer to its antecedant, thus point to the priest.
	I don't know any way around this, since you seem to want to
	avoid using Ranma's name, though...  
	Also, comma before the "and".

This is true, and a good way to fix that without using Ranma's name, try
"the groom," "the boy,"
or other similar phrases. The reader can determine that the he/him pronouns
in the beginning refer to
the groom, so this will at least have confirmation, and give you proper
grammar.

3rd sentence - Comma before the "and" again.  Try to describe better
	how the fear feels to him as it grows.  Though I'm not a huge
	advocate of flowery prose, you should always "show, not tell".

This is true, also the "to" before every word in the series is not needed.
If you say "to scream, rant, or/and rave." the "to" will be implied
throughout. Also, you've started 3 of the 4 sentances in that paragraph
with He. It gets a little repetitive and distracting after a while. Try
putting some introductory clauses there instead, it will also help you with
Skeezy's commentary to "show, not tell"

4th sentence - before-before.  Gets reptitive.  Try to vary word usage.

Agreed. Try using the introductory clauses, that might help you out.

 That was when he was aware the priest was speaking to him. He blinked
twice, focusing his mind back to reality. "Huh?" he said intelligiently,
not sure what the priest had said.

3rd sentence - "he said intelligently" In so far as the story is being
	told from his point of view, I doubt that he'd make a sarcastic
	remark pertaining to his intelligence.

Actually, it is being told in 3rd person. It can have the sarcasm, but it
really shouldn't be there. If it were truly from Ranma's point fo view, the
he/him would be replaced with I/me.

 "I said, do you, Ranma Saotome, take Akane Tendo to be your lawfully
wedded wife? To love and to cherish, in sickness and health till death
do you part?"

Again, I don't know what religion/style the ceremony is, but 
"death do us apart" is a western thing.  I'm not sure if its
changed to that nowadays, but in the past, marriage was something
that went beyond death, something eternal.  Remarriage wasn't
something women thought about, to my knowledge, and for men
it wasn't an issue (since having multiple wives was okay for
a man of status).

Most Japanese, so I'm told, like western style weddings. If I'm not
mistaken, the "death do us part" is interpreted as when both members of the
marrige die. The Japanese, if I remember correctly, do not believe in
afterlife. I could be wrong, I will not claim to be an expert on Japan or
the Japanese people so if I'm wrong, I'm wrong and ignore this part.

 He looked at her then, turning his head to the side so that he could
see her. And as he did, his breath caught in his throat as he saw her
with new eyes. *...Kawaii,* he thought and suddenly all his darkest
fears seem to part like clouds for the sun. He looked into her eyes
then, only to see a reflection of his own uncertainty...and yet, there
was a stubborn determination that outshone the uncertainty and suddenly
he felt the same way too. He took her hands in his with gentle
affection, reassuring her, a warm smile on his face.

2nd sentence - Either make it a compound with the first or lose the
	"And".  

Lose the "And." 

3rd sentence - "fears SEEMED to part"  Instead of saying that the fears
	seemed to part, you may just incorporate it and say that the
	"the dark clouds of fear which had plauged him parted before the 
	brilliant sun in front of him" - its more compact (presents an
	idea instead of comparing one to another), uses the imagery  you 
	want, and incorporates the implication that Akane is that Sun 
	much tighter.

Um... sure what he said ^_^

4th sentence - you can omit the "then".  Then is used to show immediate
	sequentiallity between actions, usually.  You can use it for
	thoughts, but unless you really want to show a sense of immediacy
	between the thought and the event, its not necessary.
	"outshone" - For some reason, this grates on my nerves.  Can't 
	place my finger on why.
	Comma before the second "and".  Again, the sentence is slightly
	unweildy, as you use elipses and then another compound sentence.
	This is perfectly acceptable, as you are illustrating thoughts,
	but it makes for a harder reading 
	Again, try to illustrate his feeling more.  

Ok. Its not bad, but there are some things that need to be smoothed out.
I'm not really going to say much here, because you'll get too much of this
to do you any good. Anyway, you chose a 3rd person, omnicent author point
of view here (we can read Ranma's thoughts) If that's the case, you really
should include Akane's fears, and thoughts toward this as well, and switch
off between the two. Otherwise, I would suggest going completely into 1st
person with Ranma telling the story. I'd be happy to read and comment on
the second draft when it is posted.

SoulDrake
http://members.xoom.com/Souldrake/ranmadrag.htm