On Thu, Sep 10, 1998 at 05:02:46PM -0600, RIG NET- Grayson Towler wrote:

Now this is just plain silly, if I may be so bold.  If you're trying to write
a fanfic in which you portray Shampoo's finer qualities, how can you 
justify amplifying her power to such an absurd extent?  You might as
well give her a Guyver armor or a Green Lantern ring.  Shampoo of the
Ranma 1/2 series is undeniably a high-level fighter, but there is nothing
to indicate that she could suddenly learn fighting techniques at such
an absurdly accelerated pace.

Anything to indicate that she couldn't?

Again, this is a whole new personality trait for Shampoo.  For someone
who's trying to enlighten readers about Shampoo's positive traits, you
do too much reinventing of the character.  The argument that Cologne
never pushed Shampoo is very weak, in light of how Shampoo got her
curse.  

Really?  Consider this:

Shampoo comes from a culture with a strong martial heritage.  She has a good
instructor in Cologne, and likely had a ready supply of opponents to practice
with.

On the other hand, Ukyou, at least as far as we know, had none of these 
advantages.  Also, it is quite likely that Shampoo is stronger, as well.

Now, Shampoo and Ukyou seem to be roughly on the same level in terms
of fighting skill.  Why might that be?  If their backgrounds were any
indication, Shampoo should be significantly better than Ukyou.

One possibility that springs immediately to mind is that Cologne never
pushed Shampoo in her training.

(I suppose another possibility is that Ukyou has much more innate talent
than Shampoo.  Still, I'd say that Adrian's position has basis in the
manga.)

"You Chinese Bitch!  How could you do this to me?!"  Ranma snapped.  "I was
your friend!  I had helped you in battle before-"

You are also reinventing Ranma.  He has lost all sorts of battles in
the past, but he has never reacted to the losses in this way.  

Well, maybe that's because he's never lost a battle in quite this
way before.  

It is well established that he's a sore loser.

"And I you, foul-mouthed boy." Shampoo cut him off evenly.  "If I recall
correctly, Ranma also try steal my potions (manga vol 8), try manipulate I
into loving Ranma when Ranma no even love me, just to satisfy stupid
Japanese male pride (manga vol 22)."

The footnotes in the text are bad form are very disruptive to the flow
of writing.  

Well, no arguments there. :)

The same Cologne here who has sought Ranma to increase the strength
of her clan's bloodline is now smiling approvingly at Shampoo's rejection?
That doesn't make sense.  Shampoo, perhaps, can claim to have been
blinded by emotion up to this point, but Cologne knew what she was doing
the entire time.  This dramatic shift of priorities for Cologne is unexplained
and unconvincing.

Mind you, by this point, Cologne will have seen some pretty unflattering
things about Ranma that weren't readily apparent at first.  (ie. the reversal
jewel fiasco in volume 22, and Ranma's fight with Mousse in volume 27.)
I think that, in light of this, it's not unbelievable that Cologne might
re-evaluate her position, and decide that Ranma might not be such a valuable
addition to the Amazons after all.

9) They read those EXTREMELY WELL WRITTEN fanfics by Richard Lawson, Mike
Loader, John Biles, Two-flowers, Blade . . . and prefer their realities
over the actual R1/2 one.

But you don't make a case that "your" reality is any closer to the
"actual" Ranma 1/2 one.  

I don't think that's what he's trying to do, however.  I think he's
trying to write a portrayal that's just as biased, only in the
opposite direction.

6) They hadn't seen how Ranma had manipulated her feelings at every turn,
even going so low as to steal her potions from the girl through use of
seduction, and how Shampoo has always SEVERLY OUTSMARTED him. (vol 8, 22)

Certainly, you're going to have a tough time convincing anybody that 
Shampoo is an innocent of some sort and that Ranma wantonly manipulates
her feelings simply for his own gratification, as you appear to be implying.

There are fics out there, however, that portray Ranma as an innocent, 
and that Shampoo wantonly manipulates him.  

If you look at the canon, it clearly is a two-way street.

4) They didn't realize how dominant Shampoo had been in her relationship
with Ranma

What?  

Yes...  I have to admit that I don't get what he's driving at here.

Takahashi-san included no obvious moral censure either way, from what
I could tell.  The interpretation you give here is extremely slanted, and 
deliberately ignores certain points (Ranma wasn't aware that the meal
was a prize - stupid of him, perhaps, but not mean-spirited; you assert
that Ranma "decided" to give up a formal education, when it's pretty
clear that this was his father's idea).

Ranma wasn't aware that the meal was a prize, true.  But look at it this
way:  Shampoo was, at every point of that situation, merely doing what was
right according to the views of her tribe.  You might go on to say that
Ranma was doing the same thing, and who are we to judge which way is better,
but even that isn't accurate, since the way Ranma handled the situation
would be dishonourable by Japanese standards.

Also, I don't see at all how it's clear that Ranma's father was the one
who convinced Ranma to give up on a formal education.  Ranma was going
to school during their trip -- that's how he met Ryouga, remember?
Then, look what happened when R&G arrived at the Tendou dojo -- it was
Genma who wanted Ranma to go to school, and Ranma who wasn't too keen
on the idea.

My suggestion, if you want to pursue this concept for a story, is to
go back and take some time with it.  Show us why Shampoo finally
changes her mind about Ranma, try to let us understand her feelings
and her motivation.  You can portray Ranma as thoughtlessly stepping
on other people's feelings without taking such liberties with his character.

I can't see any liberties taken with his character, to tell you the
truth.

Show us how it happens, make us believe in Shampoo's feelings.
I'd suggest cutting back on Shampoo's excessively meteoric rise in 
martial arts prowess - make her work for it, make her question herself
and find her strength.  Don't idolize her, take her off the pedestal, let
her be human.  I believe she'll be more rewarding for you to write
that way, and more compelling for us to read.

Now this is a problem -- I do find that Shampoo is too perfect in this
story, although not as much as you seem to think.  It undoubtedly
wouldn't hurt to tone her down a little, or go into more detail as
to how she acquired her skill.

But I don't see where you're coming from with your criticism of his 
handling of Ranma.  Unflattering and unsympathetic as this portrayal
may be, it is nonetheless well grounded in canon -- and I found
it to be a refreshing change to the overly perfect Ranma we are
much more likely to see in fanfiction.

(BTW, so was the latest chapter of Razorclaw's fic.)

-- 
  -Sean Connor (sec@softhome.net)

    The day Microsoft produces something that doesn't suck is
    the day they start making vacuum cleaners.