"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
    Mari saw Hiroshi slide by in his pajamas, one leg firmly on a Persian
rug, one waving with his arms as he disappeared to her left.  She stifled
a giggle as she heard a muffled crash, followed closely by the 'whirrr' of
a vacuum cleaner, a number of boxes falling, a few colorful metaphors, and
a choked scream.  A number of quick stomps preceded Hiroshi as he
appeared, stiffly walking to meet her.
    "Please enter!!  Welcome to my humble home!!  What brings you
here?!?"  Hiroshi's hair was sticking straight out on one side, and a
number of dust bunnies hung from the ends.  The pastel pink shirt he wore
was on backwards, and too small for him.  His pants, also pink, seemed a
few sizes too small; when Hiroshi tried to put his hand from his pocket to
seem relaxed, it got stuck, and he had to struggle for a few seconds to
yank it out.  

I really loved this part.  I think that your addition of more comic scenes
to the story is a very strong approach.  

	Hiroshi grinned.  "APOLOGY ACCEPTED!"  Two old women across the
street looked Hiroshi's way.

If he's going to announce it so boldly, perhaps he should hold up a 
fan, too (grin).

	Marie nodded.  "Good job.  I didn't know you had it in you."  She
gave Tanaka a little jab in the ribs when he stepped up to her.  She took
two steps as he stood rubbing his ribs.  "Now that you've apologized," she
giggled.  "I need a ride, okay?"

I think you got you mean "Mari" there.  

AUTHOR'S NOTES:
I decided, after writing episode one and half of this episode, that I
wasn't enjoying myself as much as I should be.  So, after watching BNM for
the umpteenth time to get my bearings in the Cute Zone, I started taking a
slightly warmer approach.  I'm not going completely UberWAF with the
story, but I am trying to stay closer to the original manic-but-happy
feel.  It's lots more fun to write!  ^_^

I think the change in tone is an improvement.  It feels to me like 
the writing is flowing more naturally.  I figure that the original 
Boku No Marie pioneers will probably want to keep closer to the
original flavor, then experiment more as they become more 
comfortable with the material.  Just a guess.

Technical aspects:  The anime gave next to no specific info on what Marie
had "under the hood."  As a result, I'm forced to speculate on nearly
everything.  If the tech-talk sounds impossible, e-mail me with a more
appropriate substitute and I'll take it under consideration, but on the
whole, you'll just have to live with it.  After all, it's only science
fiction.  ^_^

This is the only part I had some trouble with.  I don't mind the inclusion
of the technical stuff - I think it can enhance the story if done right.  
But I did think the hardware and software you described for Marie was
way too... conventional.  Marie is a damned fine approximate of human
consciousness.  The software for controlling her motor skills alone is
infinitely more sophisticated than anything we have today, and she
is clearly a full-fledged artificial intelligence, complete with emotions.

I think you'll have to assume a complete quantum advance in technology
for Marie if you want to get "under the hood."  A 9 gig hard drive, for instance,
would assuredly be filled up in mere seconds if Marie records information
(all five sense plus her emotional and cognitive impressions of a given 
moment) like a human being does, with the depth and richness of detail
which organic minds have.  She's so sophisticated that she actually has
a subconscious - hence her dreams.  

This is why I prefer to write cyborgs to androids, when I do write about
such things.

Anyway, I think you might want to throw in some bizarre pseudo-science
(a la Commander Data) to explain Marie's inner workings, rather than 
try to get too realistic with conventional terms.  The same plot elements
will work just fine, I think.  

Keep up the good work!

Grayson Towler
grayson@rigroup.net

http://www.rigroup.com/~grayson/relentless