Chapter One:  Enter The Okonomiyaki Chef

You know, you're prose isn't all that bad. You're problem is that you 
persist with these dry and pointless ideas. This fic isn't about Ranma, 
it's only *within* Ranma--the Next Generation premise is not a valid 
genre of Ranma fanfiction. 

       He carried his books across campus.  A trio of older, larger
boys trailed him, hurling taunts and insults.

Man, that's cliche. None of my works will use this sort of cheap device.

       "I want to surprise Maurice," the boy said, gripping his
spatula.  "I can't do that if he sees us pull up out front."

On a Self-Insertion scale of 1 to 4, this rates a 1.

       Well, that wasn't entirely true.  They'd met each other, 

several

times, but she'd barely noticed him.  He studied the picture on the
wall of his mother's office, wishing he could get to know her
better....

New characters, new love interests, new follies and new adventures--in 
other words, a work of original fiction set in the world of Ranma. 
Undeniably and utterly boring.

       Okay, here=92s some info and some questions.

Please, don't do this. Inserting gratuitous notes like this is very 
amateurish. You should post your fic with nothing but your ability as a 
writer. Lay yourself out wholly without compromise, apology, or 
explanation. Have the moral strength to stand the final test on the 
merit of your work.



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