This is C&C on Jurai Knight work and Always Man's statements
Jurai's come first Always Man's come second.

Jurai,

Here are my comments on Q.D.

I haven't been posting anything because I am trying to write my own stuff.
I have enjoyed the originality in your concept and like how you've been
working it out.

I had only two concerns with this episode.  The first is that I don't think
Nabiki would be quite so brazen as to pick a lock on a door when she knows
there is someone inside the room.  The second being that I felt Ranma was to
quick to accede to Nabiki's demand.  Hey, he had Genma there to back him up.
He could have easily made her leave.

Oh well, you know where you're going with this.  I'm enjoying the reading of
it.  Keep up the great work!.

Always Man, I'm still waiting to see your additional sections for
Ukyou-sama's fic.  I am very much interested in seeing how much adding those
character in would have added to it.


-----Original Message-----
From: Always Man <always_man@hotmail.com>
To: ffml@fanfic.com <ffml@fanfic.com>
Date: Friday, September 04, 1998 6:16 PM
Subject: Re: [FFML][Fic][R1/2] Quantum Destinies - chapter 6


Here are my comments on Always Man's statements.

No one is posting C&C because the last few chapters aren't interesting.

A.M. as a troll, you are batting 100 percent with this sentence.  However,
if you meant this as CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, you should definitely rephrased
it.  Her is a suggestion:

I found the last few chapters were not living up to the potential that I
felt the story has.  I was hesitant to point this out to you.  However, I
have a few suggestions that I will email to you and you can do with them
what you like.

You were off to a strong start--an interesting environment and spin on
the characters, and you stayed focused on what made it interesting.

You slipped up and accidentally let an unadorned compliment slip in here.  I
would be ashamed if I were you. :-)

You've moved away with what makes your fic interesting, and I warned you
about falling into this trap from the very beginning.

There are several problems with this sentence.  If the author didn't find
the subject interesting he wouldn't have written it.  Therefore, your first
phrase is meaningless verbage.  The second half of the sentence delivers
nothing more than a self-serving 'I told you so' type of comment.  Neither
is constructive nor helpful.  This sentence should not have been written.

Get things back on track immediately, or else this fic will continue to
meander until you get bored and stop working on it.

The comma is misplaced here.

But let's go further shall we?

Get things back on track immediately...

Very cliched and useless.

It would have been better to just write:

This fic will continue to meander until you get bored and stop working on
it.

See?  This makes your ?point? much better.  I think we can make it even
better, don't you?

Let's see.  Let's change it from a "you" message to an "I" message.  In
other words, make sure that everyone knows that it is your ideas and
opinions and not an attack on someone else.

I fear this fic's meandering will cause you to tire and never finish it.

See, much better.  There are no more cliched statements and no direct
attacks on the author.

I was toying with the idea of using a variation of your world for
writing a fic of my own, but I have yet to come up with a premise that
excites me.

Muhahahaha.  Oh dear me.  You meant this as a statement and not a joke,
right?

Ahem.

Let's look at this sentence critically then.  This is really two separate
sentences strung together.  I would have written it as:

I was toying with the idea of using a variation of your world for writing a
fic of my own.   Unfortunately, I have yet to come up with a premise that
excites me.