With apologies to Rumiko Takahashi and Howard Cossel.
Don't read this if you are easily offended. 

Ultimate Anime Fighting Championship!

The camera opens to a panel where there are 
three people sitting behind it. From left to right
they are: RYOUCILO, the re-animated corpse of 
HOWARD COSSEL and LARRY NABISCO. HOWARD's
makeup and his face are melting and RYOUCILO
and Larry  are trying to slap the remains
of HOWARD's face back on. All of them look at
the camera and RYOUCILO and LARRY jump back in
their seats with parts of HOWARD still on their 
hands.
RYOUCILO: This is Ryoucilo with Ultimate Fighting 
Championship live on the FFML! Tonight I have 
with me Howard Cossel and Larry Nabisco. 
LARRY: We've got a great match tonight. It's Ryouga
Hibiki fighting Akane Tendo. 
RYOUCILO:Now, what got these two to hate each other
so much, Larry?
LARRY:Well, in a  fanfic it was revealed that Ryouga
was in fact the son of Satan and Akane was an angel. And ever
since then they have tried to kill each other.
RYOUCILO:You've gotta be kidding me? That's the stupidest
idea for a fanfic I've ever heard of.
HOWARD:You should know. You're the one who wrote it.
RYOUCILO: Oh... So, Larry what do you think the outcome will
be?
LARRY: It's always hard to tell Ryoucilo, but when you have two
gladiators coming at each other I can guarantee you that a colossal
game of mental chess will take place.
RYOUCILO: Larry, one question. What the hell do you mean when
you say mental chess? I mean since when was chess ever a physical
game? 
LARRY stands up and walks towards RYOUCILO. When he is right
behind RYOUCILO LARRY lifts him into the air and body slams him
onto the table. LARRY sits back in his seat acting like nothing happened.
RYOUCILO: Ow... Good rebuttle... Ow.
HOWARD: Well, it seems that the fight is about to begin.

Ryouga looked down the length of the path to the ring. He walked slowly
, but surely with a huge red aura clinging to his very being. His black
Armani
suit and sunglasses gave him a very dangerous and mysterious look while 
his sharp canines just gave a dangerous look. He would probably have 
intimidated everyone in the stadium if it weren't for one thing.
%I love you, you love me%
%We're a happy family.%
 Ryouga grumbled to himself,"I'm going to have to get some better theme
music."
 As he jumped to the ring he noted with some interest that Akane was nowhere
in
sight. He grinned and said,"She must have figured I would beat her so she
didn't
show."
 Right then a pair of feet crushed his skull into the ground. 
 "I wouldn't count on that," Akane said as she stepped off of Ryouga's head
which
was still stuck in the mat of the ring. He pulled his head free from the
ground and
stood up. His sunglasses had been knocked loose and he smiled at her
brightly.
 "Akane! You're wearing the outfit from our first date!" 
 She looked at Ryouga increduously and said,"Date?! I was trying to kill you
you
moron!"
 Ryouga looked thoughtful for a second and said,"Hmmm... That's true. You
did
try to kill me on our first date."
 Akane facefaulted and got back up. She said," Okay, no more talk! Let's
fight!"
 Ryouga smiled at Akane and they both took up fighting stances. They both
edged
towards each other. Akane with a determined look in her eyes and Ryouga with
a 
look of manic glee crossing his face.
 Ryouga jumped at Akane and jammed his index finger deeply into Akane's
right eye. She
screamed in pure agony as he ripped her eye from her socket. Ryouga took the
small 
object jutting on his finger and threw it into his mouth.
 He swallowed and slurped the blood from his finger. He smiled at Akane who
clutched at
the gaping wound and he said,"Mmm... Finger licking good."
 Akane growled out,"Why the hell did you do that you bastard?"
 "If a man's eye offends the pluck it out," Ryouga stated matter of factly.
 "You idiot! It's 'if YOUR eye offends the pluck it out'!" She shouted.
  Ryouga said,"Oh, my bad."
 Akane pulled her hands away from her face and charged Ryouga. She knocked
him to 
the ground and pinned his neck to the ground with one arm. She raised her
other hand 
and stabbed Ryouga in his right eye. He screamed as she scooped it out and
threw it onto
the mat.
 "Don't you know an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind," Ryouga
whimpered before
he bit a hunge hunk out of the arm she had pinned him down to the mat with.
Akane pulled her
arm away from Ryouga giving him the time need to shove her away.
 Both combatants stood wobbily, Akane holding her blood soaked arm and
Ryouga covering his
right eye socket with his right hand. Once again Akane charged Ryouga who
once again didn't 
manage to dodge her as she crushed his left arm in a vice like grip. Ryouga
made an inhuman 
noise as Akane pulled his arm from his socket splattering the entire front
row audience with 
blood. Someone in the back row said," I knew I should have gotten a front
row seat."
  Akane didn't stop there and grabbed Ryouga's right arm and ripped it free
from his torso as
well. Ryouga stepped back weaving to and fro finding that he no longer had
the energy to scream.
Akane tossed both arms out far out into the audience where hundreds of fans
fought over it. 
 "Guess you could call that a farewell to arms," Akane said as she took a
step closer to Ryouga.
 The aforementioned lost demon stepped back and smiled. He coughed up some
blood and said,"Here's
something I saw that worked in a comic book."
 Ryouga concentrated and chrank to the size of a walnut. He jumped into the
surprised Akane's
mouth who swallowed him. All was quiet after that and you could have heard a
pin dropping at
that moment.  Akane stood there for a few seconds waiting for something to
happen. It did 
and it wasn't pretty.
  Akane groaned and grabbed her chest in obvious pain. A scant few seconds
later her chest started
to grow. Akane had always wanted to have a bigger ust than her fiancee, but
this was ridiculous. The
bulge in her chest burst open and fully grown Ryouga came through. A guiser
like stream of blood 
flew from Akane's chest bathiing the entire audience. Ryouga slipped down
onto the floor covered
in blood while Akane fell to the ground dead as a door nail.
 Ryouga laughed, but winced. He looked down at his torso and saw that his
chest and stomach had
been stabbed by Akane's ribs. 
 "Ugghhh... This... didn't happen... in the comic book... Guess I
shouldn't.... believe... everything
I read." His eyes rolled up into his head and he fell face first into a pool
of blood.

The camera cuts back to the panel where LARRY is barfing into a paper
bag, HOWARD has a shocked look on his face while RYOUCILO is busy
eating a bag of popcorn and drinking some coke.
RYOUCILO: That's a tie right?
HOWARD looks at RYOUCILO in disbelief.
RYOUCILO: What?!

Until I find better things to write about. Ja ne.