-----Original Message-----
From: Saotendo@aol.com <Saotendo@aol.com>
To: FFml@fanfic.com <FFml@fanfic.com>; carlychan@yahoo.com
<carlychan@yahoo.com>; nausicaa@sprynet.com <nausicaa@sprynet.com>
Date: Friday, September 04, 1998 9:49 PM
Subject: [fanfic][Ranma][Just A Friend][Chapter 2]

This is chapter 2.  In Chapter 1, Genma was killed in the Amazon Village by
mistake.  The Amazons assign Shampoo to ensure Ranma safely gets to friends

or

family.  She makes Ranma take a fast trip to Japan by scareing her every

time

she shows signs of slowing down.  Oh, did I mention that Ranma doesn't know
about the effect hot water has on him.  C&C are welcomed, I'll try to

respond

to all.  Heck I need all the C&C I can get.  Well, enjoy.

Just A Friend
Chapter 2

The red headed girl trudged wearily through the streets of Nerima.  Even
though she couldn't see anyone following her, the sense of being watched
refused to leave her.
She had been feeling irritable ever since she had awakened and now that
feeling was threatening to blossom into paranoia.  Unseen by her, but not
unfelt, a shadow flitted across the rooftops.

At the same time the red head was walking through the streets of Nerima,

Soun

Tendo was gathering his three daughters together and informing them of the
impending arrival of a fianc� for one of them.

You could cut this to "At the same time, Soun Tendo..."  The rest is
information you gave us only two paragraphs ago... you don't need to repeat
it.

Otherwise, this is a great way to retell the opening scene of Ranma 1/2
without photocopying it, so to speak.  Nearly all of us have the dialogue
from that opening chapter burned into our brains already; retyping all of
that again (as many authors have done, even me) gets old fast.  This works.
^_^

Shampoo was careful to keep out of the sight of the young girl.  She was so
close to completing her mission.  She didn't want to spook the girl now.

All

that was left was for the girl to go to her friends.  As long as Shampoo

could

report to her great grandmother that the girl seemed happy, then she was

free

to head back to the Amazon village and her friends.  All she had to do now

was

wait and see.

The Tendo household was in an uproar.  It seemed none of the girls had any
enthusiasm for the engagement.   Each daughter had protested in her own

way.

Then came a ringing of the bell at the front gate.  And into the lives of

the

Tendo family came the person named Ranma Saotome.

Everyone was gathered in the family room waiting for Soun Tendo to awaken.
Upon learning that the young girl that had showed up on his doorstep that

day

was the Ranma Saotome that he was expecting, Soun had promptly fainted.
During the wait the girls had gotten better aquainted.  Once Soun had

revived,

Nabiki had started again attacking her father and his choice of a proper
fiance.

These paragraphs are a little more clumsy... normally I don't like imparting
information like this, but in this case it's better than doing a "live"
rendition of a scene we all know.  Probably the best way to deal with this,
normally, would be to simply skip to the interesting part or important part
and start writing there... but you've started earlier because otherwise you
can't explain Shampoo's involvement.  Well, anyway, we get through it in two
paragraphs and it's done.  ^_^

 Akane noticed how Ranma was reacting to the words and actions Nabiki was
using and felt sorry for her.  In order to spare the girl any more

discomfort

and to put her at ease Akane asked, " Hi, I'm Akane.  Do you want to spar?"

Ranma looked up with relief in her eyes.  She had been feeling cross and
slightly angry all day yet she felt unable to do anything about it.  She

was

ready to hit something, anything.  Much more of this poking, prodding and
other nonsense and she'd explode.

Be aware that you're writing from multiple points of view here.  Not a
practice I reccomend, but if you do it on purpose, then very well... what I
mean is, if you start a scene from multiple points of view, you really
should continue to write it that way.

Upon entering the Dojo Ranma faced the shrine in the corner and bowed.

Then

she faced her opponent and bowed again.  Then she waited.

Ranma went on the defensive at first and discovered quickly that Akane

stood

no chance of hitting her as long as she concentrated on dodging her

strikes.

Once she determined this she began to go on the offensive.  Soon she

received

a nasty surprise as Akane connected with a punch that finished with Ranma
knocked back against the wall.  Akane was strong!  It wasn't very long

before

Akane connected with another.  Then Ranma realized that Akane was a

counter-

puncher.  When attacked, she was most effective.  While Ranma was able to
inflict more hits, Akane was able to get some of her own in.  Akane used

the

attacker's offense against the attacker.  Soon as Ranma came to this
conclusion she stepped back, held up her hands and said.  "I've had enough,
how about you?  You're pretty good, just need to tune up on some spots."

Akane flushed with the complement.  "Yes, but you were better.  Still I got

in

a few good shots."  She looked around and sighed.  "Why don't you go back

in

the house, I'm sure Kasumi has a room for you now, I'll be in when I finish
cleaning the Dojo."

"Yeah, I think I'll be feeling them in the morning."   Ranma replied.  She

Feeling the room and the dojo?

If only for the sake of the readers, you might have Ranma say, "Yeah, I
think I'll be feeling those punches in the morning."  Or else, move this
line up to before Akane's last two lines.  As it is, it sounds a little
strange to me... Ranma's responding to something she said a couple of
thoughts ago.  People do this, of course, but fiction is more about what
makes sense to the reader than what real life is like.

didn't feel comfortable in the house yet, and as Akane was the only person

who

had even acted friendly towards her she wanted to stay near her as long as

she

could.  Thinking hard Ranma asked Akane.  "How about I help clean up the

Dojo,

then we can go back together?"

After cleaning the Dojo, Akane and Ranma returned to the house.  Once they

had

entered, Kasumi caught up with them in the hallway.

"My, you two look like you've had a good session." Kasumi told them.

"Yes, Kasumi, Ranma's very good at martial arts," Akane replied with a

smile.

"Well, with a little more training you'd be about as good.  You need to
remember I've been in training since I was 6.  That gives me the edge over

you

for now."  Ranma told them.

"Well, that's nice but now you two need to go and clean up.  Akane you go

now

and I'll send Ranma after I get her settled into her room."  Kasumi said

with

a stern glance.

Ranma trudged up the stairs following Kasumi.  While Kasumi chattered on

about

how nice it was to have some friends, how nice it was to share interests

and

etc, Ranma was busy thinking.

She had never had a room before, her and Pops had always been on the road

to


too much

much.  Usually they had a tent set up and that was it.  Looking around she
noticed how big the room was.  *Me and Pops could, no don't think about

that.

It's almost as bad as thinking about being a girl for the rest of your� NO!
don't think that also.  First lets put our stuff away and just think about
that!*

Turning to Kasumi she caught the last few words Kasumi was saying. "I'm

sorry

the room's so little but it is �"

Ranma interrupted her, "Little?  Kasumi this room is enormous.  I think you
could fit four or five people in here.  It'll do just fine.  Uh, where can

I

put my things?"

As an aside, the floor plans I've seen for the dojo clearly show that Ranma
and Genma's room is much larger than what the Tendo sisters have.  (Floor
plans I've seen appear in the back of the photo albumn from the
Natsumi/Karumi "Akane And Her Sisters" OAV.)

<snit mode engaged>
And, completely off topic, but I've been wanting to say something for a
while now, I've read a number of fics that place the bathroom on the second
floor.  There's a small room with a toilet and a sink upstairs, but the bath
itself (which is never in the same room as the toilet in a traditional
Japanese house) is downstairs, which only makes sense to me anyway.
<end snit mode>

Kasumi was surprised.  *Ranma hadn't been in a house in such a long time

that

she wasn't familiar with the layout of a room?  What else would she need
teaching in?  Oh my, what about school?  She'll need to go of course.*

With

this in mind Kasumi rapidly showed Ranma where to store her things and

hurried

downstairs to talk to her father.

It had been a long day for Ranma.  She was tired, sore, and she had missed

her

lunch.  She knew that a long soak in the furo would be good for her.  It

would

take away the ache in her muscles and a good meal would fix the cramps she

was

feeling.  Then a good nights sleep and she'd be back to what had passed for
normal, well normal for her lately.

Picking up a towel that Kasumi had left her, she started off for the

bathroom.

As Ranma entered the bathroom she noticed some clothes off to the side.

Not

wanting to intrude she called out, "Hello, is anyone in here?"

Akane answered her.  "Come on in, I'm in the middle of my soak."

"Uh, that's alright, I'll wait till later."  Ranma said.

"What's the matter Ranma?  After all we're both girls.  Are you shy?"

Akane

replied.

Ranma thought for a moment.  "Uh, kind of.  I like to bathe by myself."

"Well, I'm just about finished.  Why don't you go ahead and scrub up and I
should be done by then and you can have the furo all to yourself.  All

right?"

Akane asked.

Nervous, Ranma replied.  "I guess."

Ranma turned her back to Akane and stripped.  Picking up the bucket which

held

her bath articles she turned and sat down on a small stool facing the wall.

Akane watched the red head as she kept her back to Akane and started to

wash

off.  Akane smirked.  *Ranma's really shy about her body.  She acts like

she

never been undressed in front of anyone before.  But if she's been alone
training with her dad for the last ten years, I guess she hasn't.*

Her thoughts were disrupted by a quickly rising moan coming from Ranma.

"OH NO, WHAT'S WRONG?  WHAT HAVE I DONE TO ME?  AAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"  Ranma
screamed at the end.

Akane got out of the tub and ran over to Ranma.  Ranma was scrubbing at her
pelvic region with an intense single mindedness.  Akane grabbed Ranma

around

her shoulders to hold her still so that the red head wouldn't hurt herself

and

tried to get a look at what was wrong.  Just then Kasumi and Nabiki entered
the room as Ranma began to sob in desperation.

Akane quickly filled her sisters in on what had happened and they

concentrated

on getting Ranma calmed down and finding out what was wrong.  After a short
time they discovered that Ranma was bleeding.

Nabiki blurted out, "Ranma for goodness sakes, it's just your period.

Heck,

the way your acting anyone would think you'd never had�" Nabiki's eyes got
big.  "That's it.  You've never had this happen before have you?"

Ranma shook her head no.  "This will happen again?  When does it stop?  Why
does this happen?"

"Uh, your mother never�  No, you've not seen your mother in ten years have
you?  And your father wouldn't have said anything or did he?"  Akane asked

"No, I don't even know if my mother is alive or anything.  And as for my

dad

telling me about this"  Ranma said as she gestured at the room in general.
"He never needed to tell me about it."

"Well, Kasumi is the best one to talk to about this."  And with that Akane

and

Nabiki turned and quickly left the room.

Kasumi took a little time to tell Ranma about what her body was doing.  She
quiet night air was often interrupted by shrieks from Ranma as Kasumi would

_The_ quiet night air

explain about her problem.  After Kasumi finished, she left to go to the
kitchen to make some tea.  She felt it would do Ranma some good for aafter

after

Ranma finished her cleanup.

A pale faced, mind numbed Ranma finished her cleanup using the bucket she

had

brought.  She didn't, couldn't contaminate the water in the furo so she

just

rinsed off using the cold water in her bucket.  Rising, she took the napkin

She took the napkin  (You don't need to tell us she rinsed twice)  ^_^

And, while we're on this rather delicate subject, what's she going to attach
this napkin to?  Her boxer shorts?  That won't work.  I think that Kasumi
might have noticed at this point that the strange new girl was wearing boy's
underwear, which, in this particular situation, is totally inappropriate.
^_^

Kasumi had told her about and got dressed.  Wanting to be alone she went to
her new room.  However she didn't comfortable there, she started thinking

she didn't _feel_ comfortable there,

thoughts about what this evenings event meant to her.  Baby.  Mother.  She
didn't want to think these thoughts so she got up and went back outside to

the

Dojo.  Deciding that a kata would take her mind off her problems, she

started

doing a moderately difficult one.

Her concentration failed as she thought what she had just learned.  The

idea


as she thought _of_ what she had just learned.

of going through this every month frightened her.  Heck, even thinking

about

the last few months frightened her.  Then she started thinking about being

a

girl for the rest of her life.  This led to thinking about her father's

death

and what she had recently gone through.  The images started to flash

through

her mind.  One after the other in a continuous loop.  Faster and fast they
went.  Soon it seemed almost a blur to her.   Finally she couldn't take it
anymore.  She fell to the floor of the Dojo.  Tears started streaking down

her


This is a matter of taste only... I would use "She fell to the Dojo floor."
because it's more direct and to the point, and that's what's called for
(IMO)

cheeks as she buried her face in her hands.  Immense body shaking sobs

began


immense, body-shaking sobs

to burst from between her lips as she slid to the floor.  Once there she
curled up into a fetal position and cried.

Shampoo was overhead in the rafters.  She watched as the girl collapsed.

She

didn't think this was a good sign.  It looked like she wasn't going back to
her village as quick as she thought.  In fact if things were as bad as they
looked, great-grandmother might have to come here.  Shampoo started

composing

a message to her great-grandmother in her mind.

Very cool so far!!!  ^_^  I'll have it up on the web page in a few minutes!


Miko!

"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said, in a rather a scornful tone, "it
means just what I choose it to mean -- neither more nor less."
"The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many
different things."
"The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master -- that's
all."

(Lewis Carroll, Through The Looking-Glass)

Nausicaa@sprynet.com   Belldandy@angelic.com
Anime rpg at http://come.to/akane/
Fan Fiction at http://listen.to/bell/