"He barely touched his food Oneechan."  Kasumi looked up from the 

dishes

she was washing and stared into her little sister's worried face, oh 

she

may deny it every time she could but the truth was that she did care 

for

her inaazuke.

Two tired, canned fanfiction openings combined into one. Boring. 

Kasumi looked up from the dishes she was washing, and stared into her 
little sister's worried face. <Oh, she may deny it, but the truth is 
obvious whenever they're together--just hurry, Akane-chan. I've always 
liked younger men>.

That's interesting.

Ranma was in the middle of the dojo doing a slow moving beginner's 

kata,

his every move spoke of grace and latent strength, his movement 

flawlessl=

y
shifting from one form  to the next. His eyes closed as if in an inner
meditation.

Feel the nature around you, and let the peace flow through your mind, 
Grasshopper. Hummmmmmmmmmm...

Sorry, we're not talking about Ranma.

Ranma was interrupted by a laughing Akane, he frowned and asked what 

she

thought was funny. Akane replied "You should listen to yourself, I 

didn't

know your thoughts run that deep, but if it's any consolation, I think 

yo=

u
have matured Ranma, you've improved in your skill, you have gained a 

high

sense of honor, seeing as who your father is, that comes as a surprise.

That makes the two of us, and probably 90% of fans. It's called OOC.

OOC doesn't mean that a character does something he normally 
wouldn't--it's when a character is no longer recognizable as canon. 

This fic has no point. The premise is valid, but it leaves me cold, and 
you don't explore it. You're dialogue is top-heavy.



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