At 03:16 AM 8/31/98 -0500, Richard D. Lawson wrote:

Howdy.

You've been around me too much, Richard.  (BTW, for those of you
unfamiliar, 'Howdy' is more than a greeting at my alma mater - it's a
tradition).

This is the second (and hopefully final) draft of this fanfic.

(Nick readies his Cuisinart)

Major changes:  Added a Rei/Usagi scene.  Also reduced the lemon contents to
hopefully no more than lime.

Awww.... that takes all the fun out of it!

Minor changes:  Reduced the dialogue in the Usagi/Ami/Mamoru scene so that
Usagi doesn't suffer too much from what Sebastian Weinberg has dubbed
"LLWS".  (Lawson Long-Winded Syndrome)

Too much Shakespeare will do that to you.

Comments and criticisms (of any kind whatsoever) are welcome, as always.

-Richard
http://members.xoom.com/sterman



     She found herself shaking as she looked into his eyes.
     She didn't know why.  She didn't know *anything* except
     how beautiful his eyes were.

Waitasec: This is Ami, right?  

What happened?  Did that demon in Ami-chan no Hatsukoi succeed in this one?
 ^_^

     Her heart was pounding in her chest, absolutely pounding.
     Something was happening here, happening *now*.  For no
     good reason she could think of.  Except that he was kind
     and gentle and so full of empathy and oh God his eyes were
     *gorgeous*... 

You forgot his tush, Ami.  ^_^

     She could feel his breath on her lips, they were that close
     to his.  

Don't like the 'they were that close to his' in there.  Perhaps just 'they
were that close' or perhaps just eliminating that phrase altogether.  

	And there was no conscious effort on her part;

     like hands on a ouija board, their heads were drifting
     closer together with no apparent volition.  At the last
     second he appeared to try and move his head away, but she
     lunged forward ever so slightly and their lips met.

You go, girl!

     Immediately she closed her eyes and enjoyed the electric
     tingle that raced along her nerves.  They sat there for a
     few precious seconds, lips touching and nothing more, and
     the world stood still, watching and waiting.

Nice description for a single kiss.

     William Shakespeare
     Sonnet LXIV

Figures there'd be a Shakespeare sonnet quoted in here.

That Time Will Come

A "Circles of Time" fanfic

Oh, dear... you mean there's a sequel coming?

Not until "Life so Dear" is done, I hope?

By Richard Lawson

Still, it was an indication that time was running out.  Six months until the
exams themselves.  Very soon high school would be done and a whole new phase
of existence would begin.  Frightening and exciting all at the same time.

Fragment, one that doesn't seem to fit very well in there.

The sensei's frown was much more pronounced.  "Tsukino, explain yourself."

"Well, I was born on 12/17/83.  I was breast-fed longer than most
children..."  ^_^

Sorry for borrowing the quote, Richard.

The sensei stared after her for a few seconds, then resumed her lecture.
Ami ignored it, wondering at Usagi's behavior.  Being late wasn't unusual;
Usagi had turned that into an art form, to the point where Ami and the
others usually didn't expect her to show up until at least fifteen minutes
after any stated meeting time.

I'm just waiting for the betting pool to get started.

Deeply ingrained discipline forced Ami to return her attention to the
sensei.  But somewhere deep inside, her mind was still thinking about Usagi,
and wondering what had gone wrong.

Sleeping with Mamoru, maybe?  ^_^

     she thought she could feel heat emanating from him.  Or from
     her.  It certainly was hot.  Her breathing was coming in
     short, violent bursts through her nose as she waited for
     something to happen.

Ewwww.... Get a Kleenex or something.

"Oh, for heaven's sake, silly, nothing's wrong!"  She bounced over to him,
putting her arm through his and tugging on it.  "C'mon and buy me some ice
cream, I'm *starving*!"

That sounded a little more like the Usagi he knew.  Still, as he walked with
her towards the mall, he couldn't shake the feeling that trouble was heading
his way.  And soon.

I dunno.  If it were a sullen carefree attitude, then maybe he would be
concerned.  But here, like this... it almost seems like too much of a
reaction.


	Then

     his shirt hung loose, and she moved her hands across his
     pecs, not sure if she liked this sensation or not but just
     wanting to caress his flesh the way he was caressing hers.

Not sure if SHE liked this sensation or not?  It's Mamoru's chest that's
being rubbed there.

Mamoru looked over at her.  "How is your grandfather?" he asked gently.

She looked into his eyes, and he could see a bit of pain seeping through.
"He's... he has his good days and his bad days."

A very nice side-touch here.  

Mamoru felt his jaw tightening.  "If you have no care for the billions that
are going to die, how can you care at all about me?"

And Mamoru tilts at windmills...

Usagi finally spoke slowly and carefully, with a fair amount of anger.
"Don't you dare, Mamoru.  Don't you dare treat me like this.  I'm going to
be Queen one day, don't forget.  You-"

Mamoru surged to his feet.  "Well, forgive me, Your Highness.  The Royal
Concubine has to leave before he takes Her Majesty's milkshake and pours it
over Her Royal Dumplings."

heeheehee... 

     They reached for each other, hugging, kissing, flesh
     pressing against flesh.  She found another small moan
     escaping her, beyond her control, it was all beyond her
     control at this point, and somehow they rolled onto the
     bed, and he was above her and his weight was flattening
     her breasts and it was *good*.

Just a suggestion (a serious one): emphasize the 'good' a little more.
Adding a simple 'so' before it would do wonders for it, making it feel like
it was purred out of Ami.

Ami smiled gently at him.  "Actually, that's what I wanted to ask you.  You
look like you could use a friend."

A 'friend'.  Go ahead.  Keep using that euphemism, Ami.

Mamoru's anger cooled.  "I'm sorry.  It's just... well, everyone talks about
the great future Queen, and I'm... I'm an afterthought, nothing more than
Chibi-Usa's father."

Considering how this ends... 

"You are *not* nothing."  Mamoru seemed a little surprised by Ami's
vehemence, which was just as well, because she was just as surprised.  "You
saved our lives several times.  Hers, too.  There wouldn't be a Neo-Queen
Serenity or a Crystal Tokyo if it hadn't been for you.  And I'm certain that
if you'll continue to prove to be the capable, compassionate man that you
are, and that'll you'll play a vital role in finding and maintaining our
future Utopia."

He looked at her for a long time.  She met his gave evenly, trying to put
every bit of her faith in him into it.  Finally, he smiled.  "Thank you,
Ami.  That means a lot to me.  Especially coming from you."

I dunno.  Considering that he's kinda sick of the destiny stuff and Ami's
little speech sorta encourages him to keep up with that destiny... I don't
think it would have that positive an effect on him.  Perhaps replacing the
last sentence with something more personal might work.  Try...

"... There wouldn't be a Neo-Queen Serenity or a Crystal Tokyo if it hadn't
been for you."  She relaxed for a moment, apparently tempering her
conviction with her natural gentleness.  "Listen.  Although she may not
realize it, Usagi still needs you.  And... I need you too.  We all do."  

And then his head moved forward an inch and stopped.

Heh.

     His lips trailed down her jaw, nibbling at the line of
     her jaw and down her outstretched throat. 

Too many 'jaw's there for comfort.  Problem is, I don't really know an
effective way to fix it and have it sound right.

     And somewhere, she realized that he was paying copious
     attention to her and she was doing little else but
     kissing him in return.  Somehow, it seemed time to return
     the favor.

And, from the next apartment, a loud cheesy bass guitar riff begins to play...

     The next time he came up to kiss her mouth, she moved her
     hands down to his waist.  She moved them to the front,
     and he arched his back a little so that she could reach
     the button.  She almost smiled through this kiss; this was
     evidently something he wanted her to do.  She unbuttoned
     and unzipped his pants, then reached through them.  There
     was something definitely there; she'd felt it pressing
     against her before but now she was able to bring some
     definition to it. 

She stopped for a moment to look in her dictionary, then resumed her
explorations of the man.

     She'd never studied on this subject before, and was now
     regretting her lack of diligence.

(snort)  She's a fast learner.  

---

Ami found this feeling rather strange.  She was walking down the street
towards school.  Normally she'd be thinking about the lessons of the day and
how best to prepare for them.  

Didn't she have enough lessons last night?

 And in the meantime, she could do

nothing about the smile that covered her face.

If she starts singing 'Climb Every Mountain', I'm leaving.

Ami walked with her, wondering what to do.  "Why don't you go and talk to
him?" she found herself asking.

Usagi scowled.  "Hah!  As if.  Let him come to me when he's good and ready
to beg my forgiveness.  He's acting like such an idiot, I-"

*slap*

Usagi blinked and rubbed her cheek in surprise.  Ami just stared at her palm.

Usagi said nothing more as she walked off to her shoe locker, still looking
angry.  Ami sighed and moved to her own.  She opened it, looked inside, and
stood absolutely still.  Slowly, with a slightly trembling hand, she reached
in and pulled out a red rose.  She sniffed it, certain that her face was
doing a good job of matching the rose's color.  She looked inside the locker
again, then reached in to pull out an envelope.  With hands that were
trembling with greater force, she opened it and read.

  My love,

  Last night was a revelation, a beginning.
  It will not end there, this I vow.
  Meet me tonight, six o'clock, at the gardens behind your apartment.
  Together we will change the future.

There was no signature, other than the rose Ami still held.

She was crying, she was embarrassed to notice.  She quickly wiped her eyes,
and found that the smile had reappeared.  She put the note and the rose in
her bag, changed her shoes, and quickly made her way to class.

For the first time in her life she couldn't wait for school to end.

Doesn't she normally break out in hives due to love letters?  ^_^

     She tried again with her hands, and what they discovered
     surprised her.  But, despite what she'd thought when she'd
     first read about it, attending to it was not unpleasant.
     From the sounds he was making he obviously enjoyed it, and
     that made her feel very good.

Where'd she read about it?  ^_^

---

Hino Rei was angry.  Again.

So what else is new?

"Well..."  Usagi tilted her head back and looked up at the sky.  "I haven't
seen Mamoru in a few days now.  I was wondering if, you know, you could do
your fire divination thing and tell me what he's been doing."

(giggle)... (snort)... Bwahahahahahaaa!

Boy, does this gives me some mental pictures!

Relief flooded Rei.  She offered Usagi a smile, which was returned.
Together, they returned silently to the task of clearing away the disorder.

Whoa.

Beautiful scene, Richard.

Now, however, they were just spending time together, simply reveling in each
other's company.  They spoke seldom, but they constantly communicated to
each other with eyes and body posture that made it clear how much they were
enjoying these moments.

Heh.  Reminds me of something that happened between a friend of mine and a
former friend.  Former friend (friend's fiancee) was sleeping around.
Another friend could tell she was, just by her demeanor with the other man.

She held another breath before continuing.  "I... I... I was so tired.  It's
all been so much.  I... I've been hurt so much and... and there's still more
to come, something bad's going to happen, something that will kill lots of
people.  So... so I wore the knowledge of the future like a coat of armor.

Such artistic similies don't sound like Usagi.  Howabout just stating
outright, "So... so I used that knowledge to protect me."

I was going to live... and more important, Ami and the others-" her eyes
flicked over to Ami and back to Mamoru, "-were going to live and that... and
that most important of all, *you* were going to live, that we were going to
be together and love each other and Chibiusa would be born and it would all
be so *right* if I'd only stop... feeling."
Mamoru watched her form retreat into the distance.  He continued to hug
Usagi tightly, but at the same time an almost overwhelming regret and
sadness was washing over him.  He'd loved Ami, for ten days he'd loved her.
Together, they'd tried to fight the future.

They had lost.

Again, an excellent scene.

Ami stopped in one aisle and examined the contents of one shelf.  A curious
side effect of being a Senshi: the transformation did strange things to her
biochemistry.  The magic was wonderful at quickly healing wounds or burns
she'd suffered, but it also seemed to reset her metabolism back to a
pristine state.  Which meant that she had sometimes gone months and months
between periods.  She smiled, remembering Usagi's first panicked reactions,
despite Ami's reassurances that virgin births didn't happen in the twentieth
century.

Sorry.  I do not want Chibi-usa as the Messiah.  Good buildup to buying the
kit, BTW.

He'd also been tremendously good at other activities, ones she'd found a new
delight in.  Her face turned red and she quickly took a sip of her
milkshake, hoping no one would notice.

What... no lime scenes of those lessons?  ^_^

"That did.  Congratulations.  It's a girl."

"That did" sounds a bit awkward to me.  I think "That did it." might be
better.

---

"Setsuna."

"Rosebud."  ^_^

Seriously...

People, take notes.  This is how you surprise people.  When I first read
this, I didn't have a bloody clue about Setsuna until the very end.  I
think it might have been a little better if there were a description of the
child (maybe a couple of strands of hair), but... oh, well.

Overall, great story. 

-- Nick