A really fine piece of writing.  The premise was 
solid, the execution was very compelling.  There
are all sorts of stories within the story that tease
the imagination - how the relationship between 
Ranma and Akane changes after Ranma's marriage,
how Konatsu comes to terms with it all, what Ranma
decides after Ukyou's death - but this story was from
Ukyou's perspective, and I liked the way it was 
presented.  Yes, she's a little saintly... but the 
spectre of impending death does change people.
I could believe it.

The only part I had a little trouble with was the way
her mentor asserted that she had found a perfect
inner balance in her life, even though there was still
bad blood between her and her father.  I don't know
if she'd be able to hit that balance until she got that
issue behind her.  Maybe if you rearranged the scenes
so her encounter with her father came first (and perhaps
some more satisfying resolution - even something as 
simple as Ukyou writing a letter of forgiveness might
do the trick), it would work a bit better.

Ukyou's "dying wish" was very believable, and very
touching.  It is not uncommon for people who are
dying or facing death in some way to want to embrace
life in this way.  In fact (unrelated trivia time), this isn't
even unique to human beings.  Elephants, who have
demonstrated an acute awareness of mortality that 
we have yet to understand, will do the same thing.
Evidently, we're not the only ones who believe in 
spitting in the Reaper's bony face.

I never read your first posting, but I think your 
rewrite packs a sizable punch.  Keep up the great
work.

Grayson Towler
grayson@rigroup.net

http://www.rigroup.com/~grayson/relentless