Gomen all, 

I want to challenge Always Man publicly.

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From: 	Always Man[SMTP:always_man@hotmail.com]
Sent: 	Thursday, September 03, 1998 9:39 AM
To: 	ffml@fanfic.com
Subject: 	Re: [FFML] [Ranma][Fanfic] My Dying Wish, revised

MY DYING WISH
a Ranma 1/2 fanfiction by Ukyou Kuonji
all characters are the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan &c
No infringement is intended

Death fics can be powerful, but only if they're done well. Having sex 
with Ranma as her dying wish is...audacious, but it really doesn't tug

the heart strings.

For some it does, that is a personal bias on all of our parts.
Personally, I liked it and it was in character for this incarnation of
Ukyou. 

Nabiki, Kasumi and Kodachi got left out, and where the hell was
Ryouga? 
You can't scrimp with a fic like this or else it'll just be weak.

Exactly how would the inclusion of these characters have helped the fic?
It was mentioned in the fic that Nabiki was helping Ukyou keep her
resatraunt going after her death..  Kodachi and Shampoo both fought the
marriage, therefore any fic written from Ukyou's viewpoint wouldn't
really worry about them too much.  Ryouga's absence came from the focus
of the fic being Ukyou.  He is not a person that she has ever really
cared about other than as a means to pry Akane away from Ranma.

Ultimately, that is precisely what's wrong with the piece--it's weak. 
The premise is good, but there is so, so much more and better ways to 
handle it than how you did.

My challenge, AM, using prose, show us all how the inclusion of the
caracters that you missed from this fic would have helped it.  Create
your own scenes and flesh them out.  

I'm sure that Ukyou-sama won't mind constructive criticism that shows,
by example, how to help her fic.  If you cannot, fine.  However, if you
can't, please confine your critiques to more specific areas in the
future.  Eg, spelling errors, poor word choice and the like.  

I am not asking you to restrict all of your comments to such a level.
If you feel a fic can be helped by adding more characters or scenes, by
all means tell the author so, just wrap it in terms of opinion, rather
than fact.

Ultimately, one of the reasons that you have ecome so reviled on this ML
is not that, as you stated as GUB, you tell the truth no holds barred.
It is the fact that you seem to like attacking the author of a work in
the guise of a criticism.  A good example is the following sentence:

The premise is good, but there is so, so much more and better ways to 
handle it than how you did.

With a little thought and compassion, you could have stated the same
sentiment in such a way that the readers would have looked at it without
dismissing it.

For instance:  

The premise was very good and original.  However, I was left wanting
more because I felt that Ukyou's illness and how everyone handled it
could have been explored more fully.

Note:  I admitted that I had the problem, not the author.  

Okay, I've said my piece.  I lok forward to reading your additions,
Always Man.  I'm very curious to see the areas that you felt were
lacking expanded. 

Ja ne,

Mike Allen