You know, as much as I hate to admit it, the Always Smiling Troll Critic 
actually does serve a purpose:  His inane commentary always seems to 
prompt me to say something, just so his isn't the only feedback on the 
list.

  First off, UK, this was extremely touching.

  The only part I might question (and you can blame Gary for this) is 
the point where Ranma uses the "best friend" label--it really is out of 
sync with his treatment of her in the series.  He would be more likely 
to tell her that she's "a real pal", or something similar, and most of 
his compliments (in yours, "You're my best friend, you're a great cook, 
you're always there to listen to me when I needja...") are usually 
backhanded jabs at Akane:  "You're a real pal, you're a great cook, and 
unlike _some_ uncute people, you actually listen ta me before you hit 
me."

  The other part I was unhappy with was the treatment of her father.  
Not that I don't think he deserved all of her anger, but you gave the 
impression that she did want to mend that bridge, after all.  So why 
didn't she?  Hell, she could have just asked Tsubasa to track him down 
again.

  On the plus side, I found the whole thing very touching, if slightly 
unsettling.  Not that that's a problem, you understand--I think most 
people would be unsettling if we got into their heads as far as you have 
here.
 
  Now, for the ASTC:
 

From: "Always Man" <always_man@hotmail.com>
Subject: Re: [FFML] [Ranma][Fanfic] My Dying Wish, revised

MY DYING WISH
a Ranma 1/2 fanfiction by Ukyou Kuonji
all characters are the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan &c
No infringement is intended

Death fics can be powerful, but only if they're done well. Having sex 
with Ranma as her dying wish is...audacious, but it really doesn't tug 
the heart strings.

There's a long tradition linking sex and death in literature.  If you 
don't understand the connection, I'm not good enough of an instructor to 
explain it to you.

Nabiki, Kasumi and Kodachi got left out, and where the hell was Ryouga? 
You can't scrimp with a fic like this or else it'll just be weak.

   Okay, try to think this through.  This fic is told from Ukyou's 
perspective, and focuses only on those scenes and events which pertain 
to her coming to grips with her impending death.  Kodachi has little to 
do with Ukyou outside the usual group melees, so would be unlikely to 
visit her at her deathbed (unlike Tatewaki, who is at least a 
schoolmate).

   Nabiki is, in fact, mentioned, as being crucial to assuring Ukyou 
that 'Ucchan's' will survive after she is gone.  Beyond that, they have 
little to relate with one another.

   Kasumi's absence is a little odd, as she is usually portrayed in fics 
as the 'surrogate mother figure' for most of the cast.  However, she is 
very likely spending her time keeping Akane from going crazy with 
jealousy.  

   As for Ryouga, there's no need for him in this piece, although he 
could have been included easily enough.  While the anime at least hints 
that they have some kind of mutual attraction, it's never really acted 
upon.  I suppose a scene where Ukyou extracts a promise from him not to 
try and wedge his way in with Akane during her marriage to Ranma 
wouldn't have hurt, though.

Ultimately, that is precisely what's wrong with the piece--it's weak. 
The premise is good, but there is so, so much more and better ways to 
handle it than how you did.

Tell you what, ASTC, if you can point to a better sex/death fic, I'll 
accept this statement, partially.  However, right now you've done 
nothing to support your argument that the fic could be better.  And even 
if it could be improved, that doesn't establish that the current form is 
'bad'.

Sure, a third-person version would have given us a broader view of the 
impact Ukyou's death and short-term marriage had on the rest of the 
cast, and would probably make an interesting fic, as well.  But it would 
have come at the cost of our insight into Ukyou's mindset, and that's 
what the story was meant to be about.

--Freemage

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