On Tue, 1 Sep 1998, Always Man wrote:

    He stepped out of the gate and into the street beyond,
hearing from far away the sound of children laughing, little more
than a barest whisper.  The midday streets of Nerima were crowded
with people walking, their faces fixed in expressions joyful or
melancholy.  Ryoga had seen a lot of faces in his time, and to 
his experience, he had found that the great majority of people
looked sad, for the most part.

Clumsy. The last sentence, for example, would have been much more 
powerful if it were written like this: "Ryouga had seen a lot of 
faces--and most of them were sad." It would also be good place to insert 
one of his famous philosophical commentary.

I don't believe that the short version you present would be any better. I
found that Alan's original paragraph presented a good image of that
feeling of being lost and within those moments, one see's the elements of
one's self projected upon those around him. The general malaise, the
mosaic of sights, sounds, and motions. And while it does feel somewhat
drawn out, from my perspective, it is like a tiny glimpse, like Ryouga
realising that he notices the sadness that people seem to feel for a good
part of their lives. Much like himself. 

Kinda like talking to your girlfriend and after a long relationship,
there's the big fight and subsequently, the breakup, and that feeling of
being disconnected. At moments like that, one has a tendency to see
fragments of themselves, their own lives, reflected in the images that
they see around them. ^_^;; Of course... I could just be reading too much
into it and maybe people do prefer "Ryouga had seen alot of faces -- and
most of them were sad." That doesn't do it for me.. it doesn't give me
that sensation of a grander scheme... something more than just what two
eyes can see, but a whole world of memories. 

It would work, as a premise, but what you've outlined has nothing to do 
with this fic. There was nothing Ryouga was trying achieve in this fic, 
no desire he wanted to fulfil, no lust he wanted to indulge in.

*ahems* A story is a story. However, in this case, if you couldn't see
desire or lust begging to be indulged in, then perhaps you could do well
to get a cat scan. Oh, might want to check to make sure they don't put the
setting too high. ;)

I mean.. a devil pops up and offers you the basest desires and to fulfill
your every wish.. just for a little thing like a soul... and you don't see
that?  *sigh*

"Hey, Ryouga! Feeling down?"
"Hmph."
"I got just the thing to pick you up! How 'bout some finger-licking-good 
crack cocaine?"
"..."
"It'll make you forget your troubles."
"Really?"
"Yeah! Just try some!"
"...I can't."
"Oh, c'mon!"
"I'm sorry, but I just can't. Ja."
There's an abbreviated re-write of this fic.

Ya know.. I remember this one "say no to drugs" episode of... what was
it..? oh.. that's right. "The facts of life". It was like a month before
term papers where due in and people were starting on their reports. One
girl started taking drugs of some kind... in anycase, her writing turned
out very similar to your's, AM. She had a 30 page paper overnight... with
one word per page. ;)  Your "abbreviated re-write" reminded me strongly of
that episode. Needless to say, her paper didn't make the grade and I don't
think your's does either.

Btw, by using 'crack cocaine' in your er.. interpretation, I believe you
miss the boat since crack cocaine gives nothing in return for what it
takes. At the very least, Nabiki(tm of Ramna 1/2)/Demonic Attorney(tm of
Magic the Gathering), grants desires in one form or another.

Oh well, just my two cents. ^_^;; 

Wing. {er... yeah.. still working on my own fic.. ^_^;;}