Now, before anyone starts reading this looking for juicy Ranma/Ryoga 
sex...  There isn't any...  In fact, there isn't any sex in this at all, 
homosexual or otherwise.

"So why the yaoi tag, Jon?" Ranma asked, as he was paid well to do.

I'm very glad you asked that, Lanma-kun.  You see...

"Ranma.  Not Lanma.  You enunciate the R sound more then the L.  
Basically, you make the 'R' sound, with the tongue falling like in the 
'L' sound, rather then the tongue staying curled to the roof of the 
mouth as is the."  Ranma got cut off by an amazed and annoied author.

"What do you mean, amazed and annoied?  I have a brain too, you know."

None that we ever see...

"You want to say that to my face, punk?"

Oooh....  I'm scared of the fictional animated femboy martial artist.

"Grrrrrrrrrr......"

Anyway, why does this have a yaoi tag.  Simply put, yaoi is an acronym 
for four different words, and one of them, I'm not sure which one, means 
pointless, which is what this is.  Extremely pointless...

"Just wait till Author Season opens up, Jon.  Then we'll see who's 
scared of the fictional animated femboy martial artist."

"Yeah, and I'll get you too...  Just because people are going to see 
that tag, and think me and Ranma get it on!  I am, in way shape or form, 
attracted to Ranma, in any way whatsoever.  Except when he's female, 
topless, soaking wet, and... and... and..."  Promptly two things 
happened.  First, Ranma elbowed Ryoga in the stomach, rather hard and 
repeatedly.  Second, due to the extremely erotic imagery that was taking 
place inside Ryoga's head, his nose did a little dance, spurted a little 
blood, and he got down tonight.  It would be wise to note that Ryoga's 
last words were: Mmmmm.... Whipped cream, cherries, and 15 heads of 
lettuce.  Now, those kind of confuse me...  I mean, what's he going to 
do with the whipped cream and cherries?  I just don't get it.

Anyway, there was a point here... Oh.. no... that's what the yaoi tag 
was all about...  This has no point, no climax, and no meaning.

Anyway, on with the show.

"C'mon, P-chan.  Like it or not, we are getting paid."

Heh heh heh....

========================

One day, while sitting at his terminal, Shinji bolted upright.

"Shinji?  The hell do you mean Shinji?  Don't you mean Ranma?" Akane 
shouted at the author.

No, not really... When I say Shinji, I mean Shinji...  At least, I 
thought I was kinda clear on that...

"But you swore that you would never write an Eva fic until you 
understood everything about that series, didn't you?" Kasumi queried.

Ummm...  Well, yes, that's true.... but this isn't really a fic...  This 
is yaoi....  Pointless...  So...

"So it's okay to go back on your oaths so long as it's for something 
meaningless?" a random unnamed voice asked.  It sounded suspiciously 
like Jon's mother.

No... but... but....  Ranma wouldn't want to be in this fic... Trust 
me...

"Hey...  I want to be in every fic...  I want the only fics that are 
written to be Ranma fics...  That way, I can take over anime fandom, and 
then the world!!!!"  Ranma posed mightily as fireworks exploded around 
him, forming the kanji for Youth in thier luminesence.

Well, if you say so, Ranma...

One day, while sitting at his terminal, Shin.... errrr....  Ranma bolted 
to an upright sitting posistion.  "I've got it!" he exclaimed.

Reaching down, he opened his school bag and drew out the modified Desert 
Eagle 50-E, with a 10 inch barrel for greater firepower, and placed it 
against his temple.

His finger tensed on the trigger.

"Whoa...  What the hell?  I don't think I want to be in this fic 
anymore." Ranma said, his voice wavering nervously.

Tough.  You wanted it, you take it.

His finger tensed on the trigger.

"WAIT!!!!"  Asuka burst through the door into Shinji's room, startling 
Ranma.  As she raced towards him, she started to scream, "DON'T DO IT, 
SHIN....  hold up...  You aren't Shinji..." she finished.

"Yes...  I know this...  I took his place...  You have to get me out of 
here... I don't want to be in this fic anymore..." Ranma pleaded with 
Asuka.

"Anta-baka!  You should have read what this fic was about...  Jon?  
Should I go get Shinji, or does the Aqua stay?"

No.  Ranma stays in this.  He'll learn his lesson about egos and wanting 
the lime light all the time.  Continue as scripted.

"I hate you, Jon...  Watch out this Author Season."

Why?  I pulled Shinji out of this and gave it to you.  Shinji loves me 
now.

"So, he's a wuss.  I can take him blindfolded with my legs tied 
together, and my hands cuffed behind my back." Ranma boasted angrily.

"True, but do you really think you can take on Eva-01?" Shinji asked, 
sitting in a director's chair just off the set.  He took a sip of his 
Dr. Pepper and smiled in triumph as Ranma's shoulders slumped.

"..."

That's better Ranma.  Now, continue.

"DON'T DO IT RANMA!!!" Asuka yelled.

Ranma, startled by Asuka's interruption, stared at her blankly as she 
grabbed the gun away from him.

"Anta-baka.  You have to turn the safty off first."  And with a 
resounding bang, a state of emergency was called in Ranma's skull, and 
all grey matter had to be evacuated.  And like all evacuations, everone 
went somewhere different, execpt for Ranma's body, which just went down.

=======================

"Grrrr.....  Why?  What was the point of this fic?" Ranma asked.

I don't know...  As I stated before, this is yaoi.  Pointless.  Now go 
hit the showers.  You're leaking brain all over the place.

"Grrr....." Ranma growled as he stomped off.

"Oh well...  At least it wasn't me and Kaoru.... again." Shinji said.

"Yeah...  I mean, I like Shinji and all, but come on people... Set me up 
with someone else...  Like Misato....  Or Ritsuko.....  Or Miko Mido... 
Or..."

We get the point, Kaoru.

"REEEEAAACHEEEEE!!!!!"

No, Sachiel...  You aren't in this....

"GGGGGGGGRRRRREEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

You can complain to whomever you want to, I'm ending this fic now...

"..."

Bye everyone!

"Watch for more of us, coming soon!!!" Morrigan and Felicia said as the 
author hit the send button.
-- 
JD Farber
email: sabreb@erols.com
ICQ: 3378089
Officially Classed: Discoverer

You can't fight the tears that ain't coming,
Or the Moment of Truth in your lies.
When everything feels like the movies,
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive.