Notes, Dedications, and Nightbreak's Assorted Ramblings. [2]
These'll be brief, folks. Club Anipike grew out of a couple of silly lines I
penned a few weeks ago. One never knows who'll drop by next or what's on tap at
the bar for anime and fanfic characters.
Thanks go to all the folks at Tenchi's Vault of Anime MSTings, of which I am a
proud member. To Jamie Jeans who borrowed this little idea to use as his new
MSTing format. All the best of luck to him. And to Greenbeans, the author of the
"College Life" series, starring Haruka and Michiru of "Sailor Moon". Part fifteen
came from this. And I return the favour once again.
Enjoy, anime lovers. Enjoy, fanboys. And enjoy, my friends.
Oh, yeah. Every character mentioned herein belongs to their creator.
Samantha Jones belongs to Jamie Jeans, Tuxedo Chris belongs to Chris Cadwell
(hope I spelled that right), and Pat Lee belongs to. . . whoever. Any other
self-insertion characters belong to their authors. "It's three in the morning, do you
know where your writing characters are?"
The name Anipike belongs to the owners of the Anime Turnpike. I use it
without their permission, but I figure it's common domain.
CLUB ANIPIKE
- - - -
Part 3:
- - - -
"LEKKA. . . SHIEEN!"
Flames shot out the windows of Club Anipike as a black-haired girl in a red
sailor fuku tumbled out the front door.
She slid to a halt, her red pumps somehow withstanding the pressure of
skidding on the gravel and dirt.
"Oh, is that all you've got?" she growled, "Well, eat this! FIRE. . . STORM!!"
A blast of fire shot from her fingers back into the converted warehouse.
A figure stepped into the doorway. His long, blue coat blew back in a sudden
breeze, as did his orange hair.
"Is that all _you've_ got?" he smirked. With a flick of his wrist, he spread an
iron fan. "I'll show you who's got the better fire!"
"Hey, Tasuki!" came a yell from inside, "Don't let the girl put out your pilot
light!"
"Shaddap, Monster-chan!"
Back inside, Nuriko leaned back in his chair and let Minako pour him another
drink. "Tamahome, aren't you going to give Tasuki a hand?"
"Me? Nah. Ol' Hammer can handle himself." the other Seishi said, running a
hand through his own shock of blue hair. "Besides, I helped him last time he
picked on a North American dub."
"Um, that's not the North American Raye." pointed out Minako, "That's _our_
Rei."
Tamahome sat stock-still for a second, then his "ogre" character blazed on his
forehead as he shot out of his seat. "Tasuki, hold it! She's one of ours!" he called,
running outside.
"LEKKA. . . ."
"Oh _no_!"
"SHIIIIIEEEN!"
*WHOOSH!*
"AIEE! You baka, you fried me!"
"Oh sorry, Tama. Were you standing there?"
"Oh, you. . . come here."
Nuriko grinned and looked at the girls gathered around him as the sounds of
violence outside grew louder. "They're silly, but I think they really do like each
other. Now, who wants to go out with me on Monday evening, hmm?"
In another corner, Tora, who was a demon that looked like an overgrown tiger,
was busy scoffing down a pile of hamburgers. People had yet to write any fanfics
about him, but his series of "Ushio & Tora" had yet to finish. All the work made
him hungry, though.
Reaching down to unwrap another burger, Tora vaguely heard something
squawk. Lifting his paw up, he saw that Chibi-chibi was hanging onto one toe.
"Now, what are you doing here, Chibi?" he asked.
"Chibi-chibi."
Tora eyed the reddish-haired annoyance for a second, then quickly glanced
around the room. Seeing that no one was watching, he opened his jaws, flicked his
paw, and swallowed.
Elsewhere in the club, one of the self-insertion characters created by countless
fanfic authors seated himself at the bar. "Barkeep, give me drink." he announced.
From an opening in the floor behind the bar, Jotarou Joestar of "JoJo's Bizarre
Adventure" poked his head up. "Hey, godboy. It's one thing to be wise and
all-knowing in your fanfics, but don't rip off good lines from Spider Robinson
stories. That's just low." He heaved himself up and closed the trap door, picking
up his cap from the bartop and cramming it over his head. The heavy chain
dangling from his collar clinked loudly. "Now, having said that, what can I get
you?"
Stunned, the fanboy blinked a couple of times."Ummm, whatever you
recommend will be fine."
"Excellent decision." Without either of them moving a muscle, a stone beer
bottle and glass appeared in between them, complete with a cocktail napkin and a
dish of peanuts.
Just over Jotarou's head, his Star Platinum stand ghosted back into invisibility
after doing its task.
"ACK! What was. . .?"
Jotarou leaned his forearm on the bar, causing the wood to creak in protest.
"What's the matter? Wrong brand?"
"NO!" he nearly shouted, wide-eyed. "Uh, nothing's wrong, thanks! I. . . I. . .
thanks for the beer!" Tossing some change on the bar, he picked up his drink and
scurried off into the crowd again.
From behind Jotarou came a small laugh. "It's bad for business when you do
that, JoJo. Fanboys have money and it's hard to get them to spend it on anything
else besides anime tapes and Internet connection fees. You know that, though."
He didn't turn around. "I'm not sorry, Misato-san. Self-insertion characters
somehow seem more annoying in person than in their fanfics. Well, most of them."
"Oh, have you found one that you can actually stand? Guy or girl?"
Jotarou tugged on the brim of his cap again. "Sorry. Akane and C-ko need my
help in the kitchen." With a swirl of his coat, he brushed by her and pushed
through the double doors.
Misato grinned and poured herself a drink of her own. In between the "Neon
Genesis Evangelion" movie and a few fanfics, she had managed to raise the
anime-only club into a profitable business. It gave the characters somewhere to
spend their money from fanfic work and a chance to mingle with those of their
own profession.
Speaking of fanfics. . . . Misato realized that it was Friday night. Soon she
would have to get out the projector and begin that week's showing. Hopefully,
someone had either recently finished or found a new target for the crowd.
Every week, some of the characters would bring in some of the torture that
fanfic authors had submitted them to. The Sailor Moon bunches in particular, both
from Japan and North America, seemed to have a never-ending supply of bad
fanfics they had been forced to appear in. But the crowd would all sit in front of
the theatre stage and offer their "opinions" on the work. Most of it was outright
heckling, which Misato encouraged. What she didn't encourage was ki blasts,
fighting, or humour that was a tad too perverted. People who flouted these rules
were jumped by whoever was nearby. Usually everyone played fair and a good
time was had by all, despite the pain of bad fanfiction.
Spying Sailor Mars coming back in, she wandered over.
"Rei, are you girls providing the fanfic for tonight?" she asked quietly.
Mars looked blank for a second, then nodded. "They're short, so we brought
two. I think the North American dubs brought one as well."
"Wonderful. Triple feature tonight, then. That should please some people."
"Mostly fanboys, I'll bet."
Misato grinned. "True. Would you mind?"
"Of course. And I'll tell Tasuki and Tamahome to come in, as well."
Going back to her bar, Misato jumped up onto the top, giving Tuxedo Chris a
scare and knocking him back off his bar stool. "All right, everyone! It's time! Get
your seats ready!"
"What's showing tonight?" called a voice which sounded like Captain Justi
Taylor's.
"Two or three Sailor Moon fanfics! Short ones, so the pain only comes in small
doses." A small cheer went up. "Lights off in five minutes!"
As everyone jockeyed for position in front of the big screen being lowered from
the stage, Usagi's voice was heard. "Hey, has anyone seen Chibi-chibi?"
Over in the corner, Tora pounded his chest and coughed a couple of times. An
orange hairball, part of which looked suspiciously like a red/orange wig, bounced
among the used hamburger wrappers.
- - - -
Part 4:
- - - -
The place was busy. Akane and C-ko had to draft Miaka's help in the kitchen
just to handle the demand for meals. The Seiryuu Seishi had brought their
instruments with them and Club Anipike was rocking on its foundations to the
sound of the "Seiryuu Counterattack." Many people were on the dance floor and
Jotarou and "Evangelion"'s Rei danced as they served behind the bar.
Rei spun gracefully and tossed a pitcher down to Kusanagi of "BlueSeed" at the
other end of the bar. Her short blue hair was damp as she had recently gotten off
fanfic duty, surviving yet another pounding at the hands of author-directed Angels.
The smell of burnt wiring and liquid oxygen of the Evas still hung around her, but
it was fading.
Over by the group of beanbag chairs, Haruka, Michiru, and Makoto were
sharing a basket of fried chicken as they relaxed from the most recent chapter of
"College Life."
Haruka rubbed her hands briskly over the heater that she had borrowed from
Misato. "Will I ever get this cold out of my bones?" she asked, teeth still
chattering.
Makoto laughed, something she hadn't done in a while. "Haruka-san, it's April
out there! It's _warm_ today!"
"That's very well for you to say." Haruka grumbled, "_You_ got to spend the
whole story indoors over a warm stove. Some of us were expected to frolic in the
snow. You know, build *snow*men, have *snow*ball fights, kick *snow* out of
trees."
Michiru smiled mischievously. "Some of us also remembered to wear gloves
and warmer coats half the time." she reminded her partner.
Both she and Makoto laughed at Haruka's irritated look.
"I really have to thank you two for talking Greenbeans into adding me for that
episode." Makoto said, pulling a french fry out of the basket. "That was so much
fun working with those people! It's too bad they can't join us in here."
Just then, Misato happened by and overheard her. "Oh, your friend is welcome
here. She's a self-insertion character, right? I let people like Pat Lee and
Samantha Jones in, so someone like this Beans person is more than welcome."
Michiru smiled again. "She and the author started out as one, but they have
gone their own ways. Beans the characters is independent of Greenbeans the
author."
Misato paused to mull that over. "Really? So, how about we have an Authors'
Night?_Good_ authors, mind you. I don't want Oscar setting foot over my
threshold. Artemis required months of counselling. As for Luna and Felicia. . . ."
She shuddered.
"He's dead, Misa-san." Makoto pointed out. "For all intents and purposes,
Oscar is dead. I have the date circled on my calendar."
"Oh, right. Well, Haruka. . . Michiru, feel free to bring your friend Beans in
any time." Misato continued her rounds, making sure her customers were happy.
Makoto snuggled deeper into her beanbag and sighed in contentment. "Ah, a
good cameo with a pleasant author and good friends. And pretty decent pay, too.
What more could someone want?"
Then Haruka nudged Michiru. "Hey, you know what would be fun? I
remember Beans bringing it up earlier in the fic today. She mentioned playing it as
a kind of joke. And I told her. . ." She leaned over and whispered something into
her partner's ear.
Michiru stifled a giggle. "How did they react?"
Haruka grinned wickedly. "How do you think? I got *the look*. So, I know
Misato's got one here somewhere. Shall we see about borrowing it?"
"Of course. I'll go and change into something more suitable. Mako-chan, if
you will excuse us. . . ?"
Makoto smiled. Beans had filled her in on the joke earlier. She'd give a lot to
be a fly on the wall when the two Outer Senshi started playing Twister. Maybe
they'd let some of the others join in later.
At the same time out in the parking lot, Kunou Tatewaki was changing the tire
on Washu's pickup truck. His drinking buddy, Sasuke, was holding the jack steady
while Kunou rapped on the rusty bolts with his bokken.
The pink haired genius grinned. "Thanks for the help, guys. I'm not really a
scientist, you know. I just play one in my anime."
"It's no problem, Washu." Kunou grunted, "Off, you fiend of iron and oxides,
off!!"
"Yep," she continued, "That's the last time I race Kasumi off-road. I still don't
think the steering is working right, either."
"Well, if it continues, you should take it down to Malachite's Auto Shop." said
Kunou, knocking the last nut off and tossing his bokken down. "He did some
rather nice work on my car recently."
With Sasuke's help, (and some grease borrowed from one of the Dominion
Tank Police tanks), Kunou quickly wrestled the spare on and fastened it tightly.
Standing up, he brushed his hands off on his sweater. Then he grinned, picked up
his bokken, and struck a pose.
"As good as new, thanks to the Blue Thunder of. . ." *CRUNCH!*
Kunou Tatewaki vanished beneath the foot of a large red Evangelion
mechanoid.
Washu winced. "Misato should really have made a separate parking lot for
mechs." she murmured. Then she reached behind her driver's seat and produced a
megaphone. "HEY, AZUKA!" she bellowed, "You're standing on Kunou again!"
The Eva looked down, then its controller seemed to understand and it lifted a
foot to reveal a pancaked Blue Thunder of Anime Fanfiction.
Unsheathing a dagger from its leg holster, Azuka's Eva slipped the flat of the
blade beneath its foot and peeled Kunou off, depositing him carefully on the
ground.
Lying on the gravel, Kunou groggily lifted his head. "That. . . didn't. . . hurt."
*THUD!*
From high above, a red-haired girl in a skin-tight bodysuit leapt out of the Eva
and slid down the side to the ground. "Kunou-chan! Are you all right?"
"Am I all right? Hah! My dear Azuka, you know it will take more than that to
damage me, the Blue. . . " *CRUNCH!*
Another Eva, this one purple, had stepped over the Anime Turnpike and joined
its comrade.
"Oh dear." Azuka sighed. "I forgot about Shinji. SHINJI!! Get off my
Kunou-chan!"
From beneath the Eva came a deep sigh. "Azuka-chan, if you could yell
perhaps a little quieter? I believe both my eardrums are still functioning, though
the rest of me is flattened."
Ignoring him, Azuka reared back and kicked the Eva's ankle. "Shinji! Move
that scrap heap you call an Eva!"
Slowly, the mech moved off to park beside Rei's Eva. Thus Kunou Tatewaki
was revealed at the center of a rather large footprint, looked more than a little
dazed.
"Kunou-chan! Speak to me!" Azuka cried, lifting him up by the shoulders and
hugging him.
Kunou's eyes uncrossed briefly. "I've been stomped on, peeled off, stepped on
again. . . and she wants me to chitchat?"
Shinji appeared beside them, still in his piloting outfit. "Is he all right?"
"I'm fine, thank you, little pig-tailed girl." the Blue Thunder answered, staring
off into space.
The two Eva pilots looked at each other. "We'd better take him inside."
Picking him up, they each put an arm over their shoulders and helped Kunou
into the bar.
Washu looked over at Sasuke, who shrugged, then she reached into the cab of
her pickup and took out a stack of paper. "We should go in, too. Misato wanted
me to find her the fanfic for tonight. Of course, since I am the greatest fanfic
reviewer in the universe. . . " She laughed and tucked the stack beneath one arm,
then walked in the doorway. "Afternoon, everybody!"
"WASHU!"
- - -
