This is the first installment of my suggested corrections and alterations for
"A Chinese Ghost Story".  I hope it, and the ones which shall follow, 
will be of some use. 

[]    - Characters thoughts and / or maybe feelings, even to show part of
their dreams.
{}   - Added descriptions, events or scene locations as well as others.
< > - Sound effects for the event (s) / scene (s).
*** - Separation / Transfer to another scene.

{Hey!  You've taken all the brackets!  Ah well, I'll stick with this set, anyway.}

The raven�

Cold and black winged, flying against the bright image of a burning sky, a
tiny insignificant dot in the vast heaven. Alone, unmoving, cold and as
unforgiving as the winds that blew from the troubled winds. Which churned

{Sentence fragment.  "...winds, which churned and tossed the restless sea,
 making it foam and toss.  Pounding the shore..."

and tossed the restless sea below it. Making it foam and toss, pounding the
shore with an endless tide of white water. Enticing like a lover, beckoning
the other, that they clasp each other in an unending embrace.
 
The raven, untouched and unmoved, flies onward - pass the burning ball of

{"past" or "passing"}

fire that is the sun. It's warm light bouncing off the raven's array of
black feathers, like water shunning the touch of oil as it flew on.

{"as it flew on" should be moved to after "feathers" or just deleted.
  The oil is not "flying on".  Apart from that, "as it flew on" is an unwise
  tense shift.}

Sickened by the sea below it. For it yearned for the sight of land - The

{If you are writing in the present tense, "for it yearns".  Change the dash
to a period, or decapitalise "The".  The former is the preferred option. }

land of its destination that held a certain promise, a promise that lay
only in distant shores of China.

And with a shriek of joy called to the winds, the raven flies free and
farther than before. Its voice heard as it echoed in the vast shadows of
the forests, pass through the grasslands and the myriad of farm fields now

{"pass through"?  Your meaning is unclear.  

slowly settling below it. Whose fields of wheat, golden as the sun that
shone in the bright unending sky, mirroring the waves of the limitless blue
sea as the grass rustled and swayed to the passing of the breeze.

{I was unaware that wheat was much cultivated in China.  Apart from that,
 delete "Whose" and change "mirroring" to "which mirrors" or "which mirrored"
 depending on which tense you decide to write this descriptive passage in.}

While the mountains in the far horizon looked out like jagged teeth tearing
the sky open. Blanketed in clear white snow, returned the raven's wild and
restless call.

{Delete "While".  The blanket image detracts from the jagged teeth image, and
 the sky isn't blanketed in snow.  "The mountains on the far horizon looked/look
 like jagged teeth tearing open the sky as they returned/return the raven's 
 restless call."}

And still it flies on�

Till finally it sees a small hill with a pocket full of leafless and dry

{"pocket full" is wrong for trees on top of a hill.  "patch" or perhaps
 "handful" would work better.  Pockets are inside something, not sticking
 out of it.}

trees on the top and flanked on either side by tall, dry grass. The raven

{Hills have more than two sides.  "encircled by tall, dry grass"}

circles above it, scanning the far skies for something still unseen, till
it finally glided down and slowly perched on a low branch overlooking an
old and abandoned, dusty road.

{Tense confusion is particularly bad when it occurs in the course of the same
 sentence.  First the raven circles in the present tense, and then it lands
 in the past tense.  Generally speaking, at most, you should switch tenses with
 radical perspective changes.}

A road, which parted and crossed the sea of grass that freely, swayed with

{No comma after "freely"}

the passing of the wind. It's worn out path, brown and as dry as scorched

{"Its"  And yes, it's a stupid rule that you only write "it's" for "it is",
 never for "something belongs to it".  But that's the rule.}

soil under the heat of the blazing sun and slowly worn away by the harsh
wind and rain. Littered with an assortment of stones and pebbles, both

{delete "the"}

large and small as well as an assortment of dry dead leaves that tumbled
and danced in the breeze.

{Strictly speaking this is a form of sentence fragment as well since you
 don't say, in the sentence, what was littered with stones and pebbles.}

This road led to the mountains that lie far into the horizon and even
beyond it to a fertile valley of lush green forest trees and home. And
home�

All the while, the sky above it, stood empty except for a few patches of
slow moving and drifting clouds.

{Since the sky hasn't changed since the raven was flying in it, this 
 sentence may be superfluous.}

And the raven, calm and composed as it was, still perched on its wooden
throne, gave a sudden squawk of displeasure for the intrusion of a new
stranger to its domain�

{So it was calm and composed while it was squawking with displeasure?}

The stranger, like an apparition, slowly rose from the bottom of the hill
on slow sure purposeful strides. His image blurred by the heat of the sun,
making him appear like mirage to the beholder. And only then, when he got
close enough, was the raven able to see clearly this man, for this much it
knew from previous contact with its cold hard master.

{The meaning of this sentence is unclear.  What does the raven's ability to
 see the "intruder" have to do with it's previous contact with it's master?
 Do you mean that the raven always has trouble recognising him from a distance?}

And he gave out yet another sigh, not out of tiredness, but of a sudden
longing.  For his journey on the road, as he saw it, was now coming to an

{Sentence fragment.  Delete "For"}

end. Looking at the long and winding dirt road ahead of him, confirmed his
belief as much as knowing that it lead to the foot of the mountains in the

{Actually, looking at the road would mean nothing if he did not know where
 it led.}

horizon. He paused in silent thought of that long journey as the raven on
its high perch, cold as the night that was steadfast approaching, launched
itself into the air in a flurry of feathers. Cutting Ranma's reverie a bit
short as he gazed up longingly at the slowly disappearing form of the black
bird in the now slowly darkening sky as its feathers fell in a slow black
rain.

{Good god, what happened to the poor raven?  All of it's feathers fell off?
 Radiation sickness?  Apart from that, "Ranma's reverie was cut a bit short..."}


His attention quickly changes as he felt the first few bites of the cold
and restless wind as he turned around to look back at the clouds slowly
approaching from the north.

{Tense confusion.  _Never_ change tenses in the middle of a sentence}

"It's going to get dark soon." Ranma whispered to himself as he turned his
back from the slowly darkening clouds.
        
"A storm is coming�" he sighed.

And with that final thought locked in his mind, Ranma started to walk
towards the mountains, just as the first black feather lands on the ground
accompanied by the thunder of the coming storm.

...

Their peaks, like swords, slashing at the slowly darkening sky.

Guarding the fertile valley cradled in its womb, green and pure nestled in
its very heart. The forest grew from the struggles of the elements. The eye
of the storm has long since passed hours ago. And with it the fury of it's
awesome power. Yet a trickle of that power is still evident as the
lifeblood of the storm seeped out from its arms to drench the valley with
its life giving blood a mist like rain.  And the forest was thankful for
it�

{"...passed hours ago and with it, the fury of its awesome power.  Yet a
 trickle of that power was still evident as the lifeblood of the storm seeped
 out from its arms to drench the valley with its life giving blood..."  
 Incidentally, thunderstorms don't have eyes, but they do have hearts, 
 figuratively speaking.}

The cold wet ground, wet from the rain, is still soft. Growing colder by

{Redundancy.  "The cold ground, wet from the rain, was still soft and 
 growing colder by the minute..."}

the minute as the night grew on. While mist slowly rose from the ground,
playing by the suns dying light. Darting in between the trees and rocks

{Delete "While"}

sliding underneath moist branches as it slowly blanketed the ground in soft
white mist. Plants and grass swayed equally alike as the wind that gently

{Redundancy.  "swayed together as..."}

passed by. Lifting in its wake, a few dead leaves on the ground. Making

{Sentence fragment.  "passed by, lifting in its wake...  They tumbled and
 danced as the wind willed."

them tumble and dance as the wind willed them to go. While the sounds of
various animals and forest life, blended in with the soft whispers of the
winds gentle moan and light thumping of the rain.

{Delete "While".}

***
        

>From a roadway at the base of the mountains' border, one could see the

{delete "border"}

whole valley stretched out from left to right. The trees, strong and
sturdy, covered the vast undergrowth in a vale of green tender leaves. And
even then this canopy housed various birds and animals that considered it
home as other creatures of the forests fed on the tender grass in the
surrounding fields. In this field of mammoth trees, the inn at the base of
the mountain valley, situated in a small clearing of its own by the road
side, stood out against the backdrop of trees.

{Delete "In this field of mammoth trees".  Add "mammoth" to "trees" at the 
end.}

>From here it is easy enough to discern certain features, for the inn itself

{Tense confusion.  Geographic confusion.  "From there it was..."

wasn't far away from where one could see it from the mountain road. With
its hanging windows that remained attached by a single hinge, to the wide

{Delete "with" and "that"

open doors that let some of the rainwater in. Its hard wood panelled walls
painted in deep shades brown as well as green where moss has found itself a
home. It is almost quite surprising that someone actually lived there for

{"It was almost surprising that someone actually lived there, for it was
 quite run down, yet the smoke from the chimney and the aroma of food 
 confirmed it."

it was quite run down for the smoke coming out of the chimney said as much
as the aroma of food cooking did. There was also a small pen for livestock
at the back of the inn as well as a broken down wagon cart with its huge
wheels lay down beside it, covered by weeds, dust and dirt.


***
        

>From a distance, one could see a running form emerging from the forest

{But nobody is there.  "A running form emerged from the forest edge."}

edge. Her clothes; wet and dishevelled, clung tightly on her small slight
body as the sounds of splattering water echoed in the cold wind. The mild
rumbles of thunder swallowed up most of the sounds of her footfalls as they
splashed on the water, which was followed then by the rain's continuous
drumming a moment later.

Running to escape the rain, Ranko clung hard to her cloth cap as it danced
in the rushing breeze. The wind unrelenting pierced her body with its cold
icy touch, as she awkwardly held on to her long wooden staff as she ran

{"cold" and "icy" are redundant together}

towards the nearby inn.


***


The inn, like so many of it's patrons was dirty and in dire need of repair.
Its creaking wooden floors mimicked the sounds of mice that freely roamed
the inns dusty interior. While the stench of aged old liquor and rotting
meat mixed in with the sweat of its various patrons wafted freely outside
through the myriad of holes in the inns' walls as dirt and grime settled
over the many tables and benches that lined it.

A small counter lay in a corner of the inn beside the main doors on the
left-hand side. The wall behind it held an assortment of plates, cups and
saucers. Some of which were even chipped and cracked from too much use. An

{...and saucers, some obviously chipped and cracked.}

old greying man stood behind this counter, worn and as bald as the inn he
owned. Wearing only a dull blue Chinese robe over his grey pants and a

{They're in China.  Wearing Chinese clothing would only be notable in Japan
 or someplace.}

piece of black cloth tied around his waist, which served as a belt. White
socks and a pair of black shoes completed his attire as well as his
remarkably long snow white beard that hung over his chest.

After adjusting his black Chinese cap over his head, he surveyed the inns'
fairly lighted interior. Giving only a hint of a nod to what he was
thinking as his hand slowly rubbed his chin.  Calling a waiter to his side,
a young man of twelve to fourteen years or so. He asked the lad to light a
few more candles on the tables to illuminate the place a bit, for it was
getting dark outside and it seemed that the storm has not yet passed.

{"inn's" "had not passed"  "fairly lighted" is obscure in its meaning.  
 Do you mean "well lit", "poorly lit"?"

And as the boy left to do his work, only then did he truly see the boy.
Sporting a close crop of black hair and brown eyes with a medium sized
built. 

{The subject of a sentence should be contained in the sentence. Don't
 repeat "the boy", use "him" or something more descriptive the second time.   
 The description of the character is awkwardly written and a sentence 
 fragment.}

The old man thought that the boy really looked out of place in the
inn with its gruff old waiters that seldom smiled. The boy would be a poor
substitute indeed, for a guard if ever a fight broke out, which it often

{No comma after "indeed"}

did when a few men got a little too much to drink. He thought then that he
should talk to this boy about his job here, yet he shoves it aside as he

{Tense confusion}

greets a customer leaving the inn. There would be enough time for that
later he thought.

Waiters clothed in dull white shirts and grey pants freely circulated among
its' many customers, taking their orders and giving them their respective

{"its"}

meals. Always busy serving a variety of farmers that worked and toiled the
fields all day to a group of town drunkards' bent on drowning their
problems in ale. And even on occasion, a merchant or two would join in from

{Delete "And"}

a hard day's worth of trading in the market. While travellers in their dirt
covered robes would sometimes chat and speak of their grand tales to the
folks inside the inn. And through it all, the waiters kept to them selves

{"theirselves"}

looking quietly at their customers with dull lifeless eyes. The laughter
and the noise of the many patrons washing pass them, even though their talk
was clearly audible from outside. So they were quite surprised when a
sudden hush settles over the inns large interior. As all eyes were suddenly
glued and focused on the new arrival standing by the doorway.

Her figure, carved and outlined by the flash of lightning as she stood at
the doorway of the inn, the image all but loss as the light passed only to

{"lost"}

be revealed again with the next. Yet the picture of her standing there
still remained vividly in their thoughts, strengthened even more when the
lightning flashed again. Which left them yearning for even more for her
soft sensual curves that her clothes poorly hid because of its wetness from
the rain that made them cling to her skin. The allure of this vixen left

{...curves, poorly concealed by the wet clothing clinging to her skin.}

the men in the room with their mouths agape as they continued to stare in
silent worship. The heat of their desire, plain and rising while they
devoured the scene from which this girl walked out of some fantasy.


***
Ranko walks in. Oblivious of the hush and stares of the inns numerous

{"walked in"}

patrons as she casually seated herself on a nearby wooden bench by the
doors light. The lighted candle on top of the table, danced shadows and
hi-lights on her with its flickering luminous glow. Collecting in her eyes,
making them shine even more in the darkness.

{comma after "glow"}


Laying down her bamboo pack and staff gently beside her bench. She pulls
out a piece of white cloth from her bag and gently applies it on her cold

{comma after "bench"}

wet body before applying it on her face, her neck, down to her arms and
hands then leaving it on top of the bamboo pack. Her robe, damp and heavy
with rainwater has one side of it dangling under her shoulder. Exposing

{"Her robe, heavy with rainwater, hung low below her shoulders, exposing
 a generous view of ample cleavage as candlelight freely danced on her 
 smooth white skin."}

pale white flesh. Which gave its viewer, a generous view of her ample
cleavage as candlelight freely danced on her smooth white skin. As a few
audible groans escaped from the lips of a few of the men�

Finding some solace from the heat of the candle, Ranko relaxes for a
moment. Sighing with contentment as the heat of the candle washed away the
coldness of the rain. Its' gentle warmth, brought with it a slight smile to

{Redundancy and tense confusion.  "Ranko relaxed for a moment, sighing with
 contentment as the heat of the candle washed the cold.  The gentle warmth
 brought a slight smile to her face as she lifted her arms to undo her 
 pigtail.}

her face. As she lifted up her arms to undo her pigtail. Letting loose in
the process, a cascade of long red hair, that fell to the length of her
back which she gently gathered in her arms. Taking again the piece of white
cloth, she gently applies it on her fiery hair, drying it with slow soft

{"applied it to"}

strokes as though caressing a kitten in her hand. The men surrounding her
couldn't believe their eyes as they kept thinking of the luck that brought
them such a goddess in there midst.

{"their"}

Piercing blue eyes that cut through the darkness and gloom of the inns'
interior looked out from a perfectly oval face framed by fire, while pale
virgin lips slowly ignited the fires of lust inside the room. Her clothes
clinging to her body even more with every slight movement of her breathing.
Each breath brought with it a few more appreciative eyes.

Recollecting herself, she quickly adjusts her garments, pulling it closer
to her. This action brought with it, a slight chill running up her spine,
which came from the cold water it still retained. The feeling passes
quickly though as her eyes settled upon the presence of a young waiter
standing before her.

{delete "the presence of"

" Mistress. " a young man tentatively called her, fidgeting slightly at her
gaze as he tried to avoid looking at her. Afraid that she might see the
blush he hid. As he slowly looked at her, her face surprisingly soft and
reassuring as he continued on.

" Mistress� I've brought you some hot soup. It must be terribly cold
outside. With the rain and all� Here please take it�. It's on the house� I
promise�. " This he all said in a soft rush as he gently lowered the bowl
he held onto the table before her before returning his gaze at the ground
somewhat embarrassed.

Ranko smiles at the simple offering the young man offered her as he stole a
glance to look at her. He smiled in return, glad that he did as she
deepened the smile. And taking that as acknowledgement enough, the boy left
her to her own business to attend to his own chores around the inn.
Blushing every now and then as he left as well as stealing a few brief
glances here and there. Ranko saw him go; though he looked no older than
she did. She thought that it must be terribly hard for the boy to work in
such a dirty place. As she felt a slight touch of pity for the young man as
she thought about his innocence still not yet tinged by life in the real
world. This she knew much when she first saw what it was really like�

{This last sentence does not make sense}

Ranko smiles again at the thought, bringing into mind past events of her
life since her accidental dip in the Jusenkyo pool. The thought however
brought a slight frown to her face that quickly passed with the memory.
She smiles again at the thought though.

" You're real pretty! " a gruff voice said before her as she looked up to
see a rough bearded man standing before. His eyes glistened in the
lamplight, held lust clearly in them as she tried to avoid looking at him
from her seated position. Ignoring his comment.

{Delete "Ignoring his comment."}

The stench and sight of him however cut through Ranko's reverie a bit
short, just as much as he rudely seated himself on the bench opposite from

{This sentence is not coherent.  "The sight of him and his stench made him
impossible to ignore as he rudely seated himself opposite her."

hers. Taking with him, her hand to caress as he continued to stare at her
with his toothless grin. Cold black eyes peeked out from behind his unruly

{"He reached out to caress her hand as he continued to smile at her 
 toothlessly."

long hair. Held only back by a thin piece of red cloth that covered most of

{comma after "hair"}

his forehead. His expression showed utter delight for the smoothness of her
skin. While his friends, a group of four or five men watched the

{"at her skin's smoothness.}

confrontation from a secluded corner of the inn. All wore an assortment of
smirks and grins. Their manner as well as looks matched the man seated
before her. One of the men in the corner she saw wore an open grin, his
scar crossing the length of his face on his left cheek. He wore a tattered
dull green jade-breastplate over brown and torn robes as he absently toyed
with the knife in his hand. Showing no concern at all what so ever with
what he was doing. The others wore the same, though some brandished swords
while another had an axe strapped behind his back. Yet all had the same
filthy minds in their heads.

{"...behind his back, yet all had the same leering gaze."}

" Please leave me alone. " Ranko said pulling her hand free only to be
taken forcefully back again. Her along with it as she faced the man

{"...only to have it pulled back, her along with it.  Only inches apart
 from his face, Ranko's piercing blue eyes were filled with disgust as
 she looked at him.  She tried to keep calm and think of a way to escape."}

directly before her. Their faces, only inches apart. Ranko's piercing blue
eyes filled with contempt and hatred was focused on the object of her
disdain. Trying to keep calm as she thought of a way to get out of here.

{Want...wooomaaan!}