Notes, Dedications, and Nightbreak's Assorted Ramblings. These'll be brief, folks. Club Anipike grew out of a couple of silly lines I penned a few weeks ago. One never knows who'll drop by next or what's on tap at the bar for anime and fanfic characters. Thanks go to all the folks at Tenchi's Vault of Anime MSTings, of which I am a proud member. To Jamie Jeans who borrowed this little idea to use as his new MSTing format. All the best of luck to him. And to Greenbeans, the author of the "College Life" series, starring Haruka and Michiru of "Sailor Moon". I read fourteen parts in one night. Whew! It also started me on this little tack. Enjoy, anime lovers. Enjoy, fanboys. And enjoy, my friends. Oh, yeah. Every character mentioned herein belongs to their creator. Samantha Jones belongs to Jamie Jeans, Tuxedo Chris belongs to Chris Cadwell (hope I spelled that right), and Pat Lee belongs to. . . whoever. Any other self-insertion characters belong to their authors. "It's three in the morning, do you know where your writing characters are?" CLUB ANIPIKE - - - - Part 1 - - - - Makoto sighed and pulled the band from her ponytail as she stumbled in the doorway. Thankfully, the bar had yet to fill up. She collapsed into the nearest chair and tossed her headband onto the table. "If I have to go through _one more_ little "adventure" like the last one. . ." Then she blinked as a shadow passed before her. It resolved itself into the form of one of the waiters. He raised one eyebrow, pencil poised over his pad. Makoto sighed and reached up, removing her earrings. "Give me something with bite." "S'matter, Mako-chan?" the guy at the next table slurred, "Feeling like a little nibble later on with . . . " She casually reached over and grabbed the City Hunter by his lapels. *WHIZZZ! *. . . . *CRASH! * "You may be one of the fastest guns and the best shot in the Anime world," she told him, dusting her hands off on her long skirt, "But you're still a pervert." "At least he's an easily-thrashed pervert." another voice said. "Unlike a lot of those fanboy otakus out there." Haruka leaned over to pick up Ryo's abandoned bottle and cup, then sat down at Makoto's table. "Mind if Michiru and I join you?" "Not at all." She looked up to see Michiru, "Sailor Neptune", standing beside her seat. Then she noticed that the two of them were still in their Senshi outfits. "Something the matter?" Makoto asked, beginning to get up. Michiru's hands landed on her shoulders and gently, but firmly, pressed her back down into her seat. "No, nothing's the matter." she said softly, "We just got off work and haven't had time to change back yet." Haruka leaned forward and regarded Makoto thoughtfully. "You know, it's none of my business, but you're looking more than a little worn. Are they overbooking you in the fanfics again?" Makoto sipped the drink the waiter had brought her and nodded slowly. "Not just me, but all five of us. I haven't been this tired since Godzilla and I shared that fanfic a couple of years ago. And I won that battle." The blond Outer Senshi grinned almost wickedly. "Poor you. Maybe you should join Michiru and I for a little while. We've managed a really _sweet_ arrangement." Makoto looked over her shoulder at Michiru, who still hadn't lifted her hands. "Really? How _sweet_?" The teal-haired girl smiled as well, but hers was much warmer. "Let us just say that we are . . . comfortable with it." Slumping back, she heaved a sigh. "Must be nice. I think that the North American fans are going to be the death of me. Their fanfics suck out more energy than the Negaverse ever did." Then she closed her eyes as Michiru began lightly massaging her shoulders. All the anger and frustrations at unworthy otakus and cheap fanfic writers began to melt away. "You should consider taking some time off." whispered Neptune. She vaguely heard Haruka chuckle. "Poor Mako. All the double billing in North America and Japan. Fame getting to you?" Makoto tensed up again. Her eyes flew open and she was about to snap at Haruka when Michiru squeezed her neck muscles tightly, stifling her reply. "That's unfair, Haruka," she chided, "Our turn will come eventually, you know." "Yeah, I know. And I'm not looking forward to meeting the other me. Sorry, Mako." "Anyways," Michiru continued, "As Haruka was saying, we have been taking part in a fanfic about college life. So far, it's fourteen parts with another ten expected. Our author is very nice, too. She's only used the Senshi twice, which gives us more time to be ourselves." Makoto winced at the pain from Michiru's kneading. "Wait a. . . I heard about that series from Ami. "Greenbeans" or someone is your author?" "That's her." Haruka confirmed. "She told me about her cameo. I'd _love_ to do something like that." Haruka shrugged and poured herself another drink. "If you want, Mako, I can ask her for you. But, I have to say: Don't get your hopes up. She may say no." "" Makoto murmured, her shoulders now working in rythym with Michiru's fingers. She felt a slight disappointment when the girl finally moved away. "Any time, kid." Picking up her cup, Haruka raised it in toast and got to her feet. "Listen, we're going to go and mingle a while. When you're finished with that drink, order yourself something good and put it on my tab, huh?" "Haruka-san, I couldn't do that. . ." Makoto started to protest, but was stilled by a slight shake of Michiru's head. The elder Senshi grinned again, much more kindly. "It's okay. This series pays really well. It's on me." With that, she took Michiru's arm and the two vanished into the crowd. Voices floated back to Makoto: "That was a nice thing you did for her, Michiru." "I saw the look in your eye. If I hadn't given her one, you certainly would have." "What's that supposed to mean?" "Just that." "What are you . . ." Makoto grinned and tipped her chair back against the wall, in order to survey the rest of the Club Off The Anime Turnpike, or Club Anipike, as it was known. Over in one corner, she could see her North American counterpart, Lita, arm wrestling with Lina Inverse. As she watched, Lita forced the sorceress' hand close to the wood, but stalled. Lina Inverse would be holding firm for a while. She didn't give up easily. Not when there was a meal at stake. Elsewhere, Kunou Tatewaki was holding court over by a group of tables. His topic tonight was "On the Necessity of Bringing the Natural Elements into Public Oration" or "Making Your Speeches Cool with Thunder and Lightning." Fan-created characters were gathered around, taking careful notes. Also from the cast of Ranma �, Azusa and Mikado were skating effortlessly through the crowd. As they whizzed by her table, Makoto could hear the ringing of the ball bearings in their skate blades. She grinned again. As long as they didn't mark up the floor, they could skate to their hearts' content. Three of the biggest and baddest from the Dominion Tank Police (minus their sidearms) were engaged in a four-way chess match with A-ko. A small crowd was gathered around to watch in silent awe as she seemed to be winning. Then Makoto spotted an old friend and waved to catch her attention. "How's it going, Mihoshi?" she asked, "Still going for your Masters in Psychology?" "I should hope so." replied the tall blond, pushing her glasses up onto her forehead. "I'd hate for all this valuable data to go to waste. Oh! I guess you haven't heard. I finally got engaged!" Makoto's heartrate increased and she knew a goofy grin was coming over her face. She loved hearing about others' love lives, since she really didn't pay much attention to her own. "So, do I have to guess who it is?" Mihoshi smiled and shook her head. "Nope. I'll get them. Ryo-ohki!" "Meow?" *CRASH!* "Mako, are you all right?" Stunned Makoto groped for a handhold to get back into her chair. "I'd better take up Haruka-san's offer." she mumbled. She hadn't facefaulted for so long, but it still hurt. Mihoshi helped her back up, then turned to the cabbit. "Ryo-ohki, would you please go and bring my fianc� here?" "Meow!" The small animal bounded off. Makoto felt shaken as she tossed her cup to the waiter and signalled for food. She had almost thought that the fianc� _was_ Ryo-ohki. _I've been hanging around writers too long_ she thought, _Michiru's right. I need a vacation._ Then she saw another blond person striding through the room, Ryo-ohki perched on his shoulder. Looking into a set of perfect blue eyes, Makoto had to grin. "Nakago-sama. It's an honor to see you again." she said formally, standing and giving him a bow. He raised his hand. "Not necessary, Sailor Jupiter. We're on equal footing in here. Just two anime characters whose series have ended." He paused. "Well, mine has. Yours still lives on in other countries." "True." she admitted. "But I wouldn't complain too much if it ended soon. Are you enjoying your retirement from "Fushigi Yuugi"?" "Very much so, Makoto. Thankfully we do get the occasional fanfic to allow everyone to have a reunion. But now I may need to bring my soon-to-be wife to the planning meetings. Her insights into our characters could be invaluable." Mihoshi blushed. "You damn me with faint praises." she giggled, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek. "Congratulations, both of you." Makoto said, "Can I pour you a drink at all?" "Unfortunately, I can't stay." Mihoshi told her, removing her glasses. "I have to get ready for part 3 of "The Mihoshi Incident." It's a rather silly, but fun crossover with the Star Trek universe." Opening up a box, she brought out a pair of shimmering contact lenses and put them in. Adjusting her bangs, she then struck a cringing pose, hands clasped in front of her. "Please. . . I want to go home!" she sniffed, her now large eyes beginning to water. Then she stopped and grinned, wiping her cheeks. "So, how is it? Do I still have it?" "You still trip over everything on the stage?" Makoto asked. "Every chance I get." "Then you've still got it." Nakago shook his head. "She's had the entire anime-watching world fooled for years, thinking that she's one of the most clueless people in the entire galaxy." Mihoshi smiled. "Well, I had a lot of help from Kiyone. Without her competent counterpoint to my ditz, we wouldn't have half the otaku watching." "Doesn't matter, Mihoshi." Makoto told her, "You still have a hard role to play." "Well, thank you. Shall we go, my dear?" Offering her arm to Nakago, the two humans and a cabbit strolled off. - - - - Part 2 - - - - Outside the club, another car roared off the Anime Turnpike. It swirled into the parking lot in a cloud of dust and screeched into a vacant space between Tora's topless Volkswagen Beetle and Akazukin ChaCha's moped. The driver stuck her head out the window and checked the spacing. Then she whipped off her sunglasses with her free hand. "Lllllike a glove!" she announced to the air. A couple of the anime characters standing nearby applauded, since none of them owned the cars. As she got out, Samantha Jones saw the members of "Assemble Insert" giving her the thumbs up. Nodding back at them, she strode towards the entrance. She had an appointment to keep. As her eyes adjusted to the difference in lighting inside, Samantha couldn't help but twitch an eyebrow at the sights that lay before her. Mamoru and Harumi, the android nurse from "Irresponsible Captain Tailor", were engaged in a darts contest at one end of the bar. Only Mamoru was using his roses rather than the conventional darts. And half of Harumi's shots were throwing splinters from the board as they sank in up to the finger grips. At the other end, there was an armwrestling competition going on. It was the North American dub of Sailor Jupiter, Lita, that was the present champion. On the chalkboard behind her, names such as Pris, Kusanagi, Rei, Lina Inverse, and C-ko had fallen to her strength. Facing her now was Dio from "JoJo's Bizarre Adventure". Each challenger's stake was a dollar against the previous winner's total. From the looks of it, Lita was sitting on a hefty stake. "Excuse me." came a quiet voice from behind Samantha. Startled, she stepped aside and saw Chibi-Usa standing in the doorway, a motorcycle helmet under one arm. "Gyyyah!" "Pardon?" the small lady asked, "Are you all right?" "Fine." Samantha replied, breathing a little more heavily. "I just never realized that. . ." She gestured. "You know." Chibi-Usa looked down at her helmet. Then she laughed and tossed it up into the air, catching and spinning it on one finger. "Looks can be deceiving, no? I am not, as many otaku believe, only six or seven years old. In fact. . ." She reached up with her free hand and tugged at her pink hair. The entire ensemble, odangoes and all, parted company with her head. Straight brown hair cascaded down past her shoulder blades. ". . . My driver's licence looks nothing like the Chibi-Usa they all think they know." Grinning broadly, she folded the pink wig up and dumped it into her helmet. "Come on, let me buy you something to drink." As tempted as she was, Samantha shook her head. "No, thank you. I'm supposed to meet the Ranma cast here. I'm doing an article on their favorite fanfics for our "OOCC" monthly newsletter." " OOCC'?" "Obsessed Otaku-Created Characters." Samantha elaborated. "Ah. Well then, that must be the reason they're all gathered up by the stage. You don't normally see them together like that. Even around here." Chibi-Usa winked at her. "You folks must be some newsletter to bring them out. See you later." Samantha glanced over at the stage area. Sure enough, three or four tables had been pushed together and she could see at least ten members of the Ranmaverse. Squaring her shoulders, she turned on her tape recorder and marched over there. All the regular cast was there, minus Shampoo, Mousse, and Kunou. The latter was still giving a speech to other author-created characters, the former was on vacation, and the middle one had followed Shampoo, no matter where she went. But the remainder, once they learned what Samantha wanted to discuss, were more than happy to oblige. As ecstatic as she was at her coup, Sam found herself almost as fascinated by the difference in attitude that the characters had from their screen personalities. "Ranma, you and Akane are the two people that fanfic writers seem to focus on the most." she said, "In your opinion, who out there has managed to do justice to your characters the most?" There was a long silence as Akane and Ranma both leaned forward to rest their arms on the tabletop. They glanced at each other. Then Akane nodded. "Go ahead." "Thanks. Sam, you've asked a hard question. There are fanfic writers out there that I like. A lot. There are also fanfic writers I don't like. That's the easy part. But asking who's done the best job . . . I don't know. Richard Lawson is one of the best out there. That's evident in his "Thy Inward Love" series. Joseph Palmer, too, for color stories like "Black" and "Orange." But you can read that on any fanfic awards list. "_Myself_, I like the fun stuff. "Floating Soul", whoever wrote that crossover with Monty Python and the Holy Grail, all those really strange shortfics and spam ideas that spring up that make us howl with laughter." He grinned. "My mother may say it's not dignified, but it's also nice to know that the writers out there don't always take our cast so seriously. Akane?" Wrapping a strand of hair around her ring finger, his co-star closed her eyes for a second. "Ranma's right. Comedy is important, but I also like the fanfics where I don't have to act like a violent, superstrong. . ." "TOMBOY?" everyone chorused. She grinned. "Yeah. That'd be the word. Amazing how much of a cliche it is. "Black" is one of my favorites. It's a lot of people's favorites. But there was one. . . A Christmas one. Ukkyou, what was the name of it?" " "A Time For Giving", by WebDragon." the girl supplied, "One of my favorites, too." "That fanfic allowed my character to gain a bit of insight into Ranma's struggle. Now, I'm not saying that the others don't, but that one just happened to stick in my mind. And I also share a favorite with Ryouga." Ryouga looked up, the disbelief plain on his face. "You have got to be kidding me. I spend most of my fanfics either fighting with Ranma, torn between two lovers, or being threatened as a neutered P-Chan. None of which really appeal to me." Akane grinned and reached past Kodachi to lightly punch the Lost Boy on the arm. "I _was_ thinking of the series by SMUsagi and RyougaLost. You know, with your fan-created friend "Neko"?" At that, Ryouga chuckled. "Okay, you're right. I did love working with Neko. We all did. But I can't believe they made me. . ." His voice died away. "Never mind. That would be giving away the story." Taking off his bandannas, he ruefully rubbed his forehead. "And to whichever author wrote that shortfic about my bandannas both causing and hiding my receding hairline, I _owe_ you." "Anything else, Ryouga?" Samantha asked. Absently, he twirled a straw between his fingers. "Mmmmmm. . . no. I'd like to participate in the Neko series again, but things have been slow. No end of spam, though. I remember, twice in one day, the FFML had a story about P-Chan being eaten for dinner. It caused hours of comment and conspiracy theory." "I see." muttered Sam. Then she looked between Akane and Ryouga. "Kodachi? How about you?" The raven-haired gymnast finished her can of Jolt Cola before replying. " Oh, excuse me." She blushed. "Being the Kodachi of the Ranmaverse requires some degree of hyperactivity. It's terrible getting me calmed down after a taping. But, you wanted to hear about. . . ?" "Your favorite fanfics." "Oh, right." Kodachi took a deep breath and made a visible effort to calm herself. " "Iron Roses", for one. One of the few times that I had a decent bed scene." "With whom?" "Ah. That would be telling, dear. You'll just have to read it for yourself. Also, Richard Lawson's "Roses" series and his "Inward Love", even though that second one was extremely painful to act in. He just did so well on it." She shrugged. "What else? "Black Roses" by Shazorn was extremely well done. Twisted, but well done. A marvellous role to play." She paused. "Guess that's about it. Oh, and a thank you to those who built my church on the Internet. I'll drop in sometime and give you my version of the Ten Commandments, just for fun." She giggled again. "Ukkyo? You seem to bear the brunt of fanfic writers' anger. You don't seem to end up with Ranma that often. Could you . . . ?" "Sure thing, Samantha." The girl (she wore a dress when she was not playing her role in the show) polished her trademark giant spatula. "That's why I found myself enjoying the start of the "Kyoto Chronicles". I don't get Ranma, but I get to go with him. Really nice interaction." She stared past everyone, looking out into space. "I wonder what those authors are doing about it right now?" Cologne tapped her staff on the spatula. "Ukkyo? Snap out of it." She blinked. "What? Oh, sorry. I tend to daydream a lot. Sure, I don't end up with Ranma, or Ryouga, or anyone else too often. But, at the same time, it makes things less awkward as co-stars. You know, keep the work on a professional level." "Surprisingly, you're used in quite a few lemons. . ." Samantha began. "Let's not get into that." Ukkyo interrupted. "Please." "Oh. Okay. Should I just say, "no comment" ?" Ukkyo's only answer was a roll of her eyes. "Genma Saotome and Soun Tendo. It's rare to see one of you without the other. How about your favorites?" The bespectacled man looked over at his long-haired friend. "Well, Soun? Do we even have any favorites?" Soun shrugged. "Beats me. My eyes are so dehydrated most of the time from all my crying that I can barely read anything anymore." Genma turned back to Samantha. "It's difficult for us, as it's rare that we actually star in our own fanfics. Mostly we play shogi, dispense advice to our kids, and fill in the time with humourous situations and a great deal of crying. Not much else. Except when my "wife" shows up and I get to play panda. It's not bad, though. We do get paid well for our roles." "I see. Cologne, you play a larger role sometimes. How has that affected your view of fanfics?" "I prefer the darker ones myself. As a self-professed "old ghoul" I enjoy seeing what the writers can come up with when they feel depressed. Of course, I firmly believe that Richard Lawson's "Inward Love" saga overdid me a little bit. Didn't matter, though. I relished every single minute of that acting storm. Other than that, I enjoy seeing Mousse and Shampoo get put together. They do too, judging by the emotion they put into those little love scenes. Ah, it's good for them." "Any other examples?" Samantha asked. "Just one." Leaping onto her staff, Cologne hopped onto the table and began jumping around on it, singing in a slightly cracking voice, "Hop on your pogo stick, your pogo stick, your pogo stick. . ." Around her, the rest of the table cheered and applauded, causing many of the bar's patrons to glance up. A crunching thud came from the other side, showing that one of the armwrestlers had broken his concentration, not to mention his hand. Cologne's wrinkled face smiled. "_That_ should prove that the old ghoul still has a sense of humour, too." Samantha had to stop her tape and finish laughing. Finally, she was able to get herself under control and continue. "That just leaves you and Kasumi, Nabiki. Anything you'd like to share?" Nabiki shrugged. "I'm cold, calculating, money-grabbing, and self centred. What else could an aspiring star want in an antagonist role?" "Fewer self-insertion writers making you fall in love with them?" Kasumi pointed out. Her sister grimaced. "Good one. I _had_ almost forgotten about "Misadventures of a Foreign Exchange Student." Thanks, Kasumi." "Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to bring that up again." "Right." Nabiki leaned in. "No matter what anyone tells you, Kasumi is one of the most diabolical sisters one can have. Trust her only as far as you can throw her." "Hey! Just because "Kasumi The Axe Murderer" is one of my favorites. . ." Kasumi turned to face Samantha. "I like anything where my lines are more than "Oh my!" and inviting people in for dinner. I can't let myself get stuck in a rut, you know." Sam nodded. "I understand. Maybe you should take up MSTing. Get the sarcasm flowing a little bit. And speaking of which, what about _bad_ fics? Anyone?" Silence, then Genma spoke up. "A quarter, if not more of the stuff currently out there on the Net." he stated, crossing his arms. "Anything that's been MSTed." said Ryouga. "Our good stuff doesn't generate those kinds of comments." There were muttered agreements from around the table. "Lemons?" asked Samantha. "That's one thing." Nabiki allowed. "Lemons are lemons, good or bad. But it's really frustrating doing a lemon where all you have to go on are the instructions, "In. . . Out. . . Repeat if Necessary." "No, it's the one or two sentence scenes that I don't like." Akane said. "If you're going to write a lemon, plot or no plot, _do_ take the time to write the important scenes. We aren't mind readers or contortionists." "Agreed." said Ranma, pointing his finger at her. "Final thoughts, then?" Ranma sat back. "Fans say there are too many Ranma fics out there. They may be right. The list has gotten rather long. And with the series over, we're all being called in daily to work in several fics. Some, we don't mind, if the plot is good and we can explore new or funny ideas and traits. But basic plotlines, self-insertion, plot holes, I do question. If you want to be a powerful god, create your own universe. Please, don't drag us into it. It's too painful for everyone involved. That about sums it up." Samantha took a deep breath. "Well, thank you all, then." Reaching out, she clicked the recorder off. Then she smiled. "Great, everyone." People started to get up. Ryouga hefted his backpack. "Hey, who needs a ride home? I'll drive." Kodachi and Ukkyo both raised their hands. "Okay, then. Kodachi, you'll have to get in the back, since Ukkyo lives closer. . . " Ryouga's voice faded into the crowd noise as they walked away. Cologne thumped over and shook Samantha's hand. "Good job, girl. Send me a copy of your article when you're done. I'll sign it for you." She looked back. "Okay, guys. Movie Night tonight at my place! We're showing Blazing Transfer Student! Bring your best heckling clothes!" Cologne turned to her. "Would you like to come, too? I hear you have a quick tongue of your own, from your days in the Tenchiverse fanfics by Jamie Jeans." Samantha grinned. "Why not? Sure. I can take people in my car." "Excellent." Ranma! You and Kasumi can go with Samantha here. Let's move, folks! I've got herbal tea waiting!" - - -